#mellmo yapping

[princemellificus]

My fiancee is finally home. She asked for the day off today so we're just hanging out together and taking it easy.

My brain is just a screenshot of the wife guy posts on r/ambien rn

[princemellificus]

I deleted all of my vent art from this account. I feel like I'm just bringing everything down more than I already have by just making text posts about my feelings. I'm sorry that I'm just so consistently miserable

[princemellificus]

My fiancee has been out of state since Tuesday and won't be home until Sunday or Monday. It's the first time since the 10 years we've been together that she's been gone for more than a day. It's been pretty hard trying to get through it. 🫠🫠🫠

[princemellificus]

I realized that my stuff isn't completely organized, so I'm trying to reorganize my tags.

Art work should now be under #my art

Photos should now be under #my photos

[princemellificus]

How do I fall in love with making art again? How do I even fall in love with making art in the first place? I feel like I never really learned how.

I want to make art. I feel like maybe I do enjoy it, somewhere deep down. It's also just that, creating art was and is still a form of communication for me. I am autistic, I know I am someone who is not easy to like. Learning to make art was a way for me to bridge a connection with people in ways I typically wasn't able to.

I know it's a bad mentality to have. That I must create for my own sake. Though, how do you do anything for yourself when you were shown growing up how little the people around you valued you? How do I speak when I feel like nothing I think or believe is worth saying, and that everyone else knows this too? How do I value my own thoughts? How do I value my own work? How do I make things for my own sake when I was not really shown that I was worth the effort?

[princemellificus]

"I'm not really afraid of needles" - me, caught lying to myself roughly a year ago

[princemellificus]

Every time a ship or tumblr sex icon poll pops up on my dash, especially when it involves characters and ships I like, I feel like I need to crawl under my table and hide until the shit flinging subsides. This is especially the case when the polls are pitting two characters or ships I like

[princemellificus]

"I really need to clear out my likes and queue things for my inspo blog"

- me to myself as I keep adding more posts to my likes