Prince Mellificus on tumblr.hell

Mellmo.31. He/Him. Wannabe Internet Jester. Trying to get back into art, dabbling in photography. 18+ only please

[princemellificus]

Those clouds I was experimenting with ended up becoming a whole entire drawing!

[princemellificus]

Experimenting with drawing clouds with colored pencils

[princemellificus]

Inspired by a friend's folk pride art, I wanted to try my hand at making versions of some Calabrian embroidery in my pride colors 🌈🌈! The pattern I referenced was from this ozaturu.

[princemellificus]

Drawing my Feelings: Overtaken

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Drawing my Feelings: I JUST WANT SOMETHING to C H A N G E

[princemellificus]

There is a pit in me that feels like it can never be filled

[princemellificus]

Drawing my Feelings: All I do is Waste Time (Executive Dysfunction)

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Drawing my Feelings: will i ever be Happy?

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Drawing my Feelings: I JUST WANT SOMETHING to C H A N G E

[princemellificus]

Drawing my Feelings: THIS IS NOT LIVING

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Drawing my Feelings: Everything Turns Ugly in my Touch

[princemellificus]

I realized that my stuff isn't completely organized, so I'm trying to reorganize my tags.

Art work should now be under #my art

Photos should now be under #my photos

[princemellificus]

How do I fall in love with making art again? How do I even fall in love with making art in the first place? I feel like I never really learned how.

I want to make art. I feel like maybe I do enjoy it, somewhere deep down. It's also just that, creating art was and is still a form of communication for me. I am autistic, I know I am someone who is not easy to like. Learning to make art was a way for me to bridge a connection with people in ways I typically wasn't able to.

I know it's a bad mentality to have. That I must create for my own sake. Though, how do you do anything for yourself when you were shown growing up how little the people around you valued you? How do I speak when I feel like nothing I think or believe is worth saying, and that everyone else knows this too? How do I value my own thoughts? How do I value my own work? How do I make things for my own sake when I was not really shown that I was worth the effort?

[princemellificus]

I know the answer is to just do it anyway. To push through the doubt and self loathing. To fake it 'til you make it. To do things, even if no one notices. God knows I've had times that I've tried.

But when is it enough? When will the faking it ever be making it for me? When will I be worth seeing?

Again, how am I supposed to value myself and my art when no one else seems to value me?

[princemellificus]

How do I fall in love with making art again? How do I even fall in love with making art in the first place? I feel like I never really learned how.

I want to make art. I feel like maybe I do enjoy it, somewhere deep down. It's also just that, creating art was and is still a form of communication for me. I am autistic, I know I am someone who is not easy to like. Learning to make art was a way for me to bridge a connection with people in ways I typically wasn't able to.

I know it's a bad mentality to have. That I must create for my own sake. Though, how do you do anything for yourself when you were shown growing up how little the people around you valued you? How do I speak when I feel like nothing I think or believe is worth saying, and that everyone else knows this too? How do I value my own thoughts? How do I value my own work? How do I make things for my own sake when I was not really shown that I was worth the effort?

[dismalspectre]

i'm like if a hedonist didn't derive pleasure out of anything

[princemellificus]

"I'm not really afraid of needles" - me, caught lying to myself roughly a year ago

[princemellificus]

Redwood sorrel, the ground cover for an old forest