#meltdowm

[mermeoww-blog]

When you are busy as bee and do not have time to even eat and your family bores you. I really want to take care of everyone with all my energy and it is not enough. I really don't know what to do.

[leftbrainvoid-blog-blog]

Social on steroids.

[yourockmyworldbtr]

I just had a minor BTR-related meltdown in the car. Not wanting to let my parents to see me freaking out and hyperventilating, I decided to bury my face in my book. My dad turned to me and said, “What are you doing?” I pulled my face away from the book, all beet red, and defensivly retorted, “What, can’t a girl smell her book?”

[-emmydarling]

PACKING MY CAR IS LIKE GIANT TETRIS! THIS IS SO STRESSFUL!

[rumblerob-blog]

My Cataclysmic Meltdown

What's the point?

I'm tired of the mind games of the universe, God, and everybody else. Why am I forced to go to a school I despise with people I hate to learn things I already know? The same, boring, monotonous routines drive me insane day after day after day after day.

Who is God? What is God? Is God even relevant anymore? Religion has taken over God. It's hardly even about GOD and more about "I'm right, you're wrong." Which is understandable since our only source from God has been translated, edited, changed, corrupted over the centuries.

What is the meaning of life? I'm tired of waiting. How should I seize the day when I don't know how? What is the purpose of learning, or worshipping God, or having materialistic fun, when we are destined to spend eternity at the mercy of a God who has been lost to time?

Another thing that makes me mad about religion: God is consistently personified (as male, on a feminist note). God is not a person. God is a god. God is beyond human understanding. We will never know what God is because we humans are not capable of knowing what God is. But, it is our human nature to explain everything, even that which is not meant to be explained.

I hate it when people tell me I'm agnostic. If that's the case, then every person is too. I don't care what church you belong to, who you are, anything, I can guarantee your God is different than my God. We all have different beliefs and will never have the same opinion of what exactly God is. We are probably all wrong.

So if I need a label, it's SBNR. I reject religion - the "people" part of God, because your picture of God is different from my picture of God. However, I keep the spirituality - the "God" part of God. My relationship with God doesn't and shouldn't involve others, and the path to righteousness is one I must make alone.

But I'm asking for a sign, God? Am I right to believe this? I listen to you in my heart, but others scream so loud, it is hard to hear.

Death. When is death coming? We should all have time clocks, saying when we are going to die. My hero, Albert Einstein, said that time is relative, so you have as much time as you need. But we didn't come with a guide. How should I live today to the fullest if I don't know what my capacity is?

I'm looking for some answers. Don't reply, it's beyond people. The worst thing people do is shove their opinions down others' throats. I'm just putting this out here. If you feel the same way, know that you're not alone. But, in a way, you are. We all have to take this journey alone, but it's comforting to know that others are making the same journey too.

Rainer Maria Rilke usually helps when I get to feeling like this. Off to read some Letters