#menotes

[tofascinate]

just looked in the mirror and realized I have eyeballs with irises and now I can’t unsee it

[tofascinate]

epiphany of the shovel

I am playing in the sandbox of all my hurt, wondering what treasures reside in this mystery, what castles I can build from tear-soaked crumbled earth, where the seashells are, and how did I end up here?

You see, I do not have to be playing in the sandbox of all my hurt. But I am so curious a child -- I want to know -- what do we make of all this watered sand?

[tofascinate]

honestly what a paradox: if I had the time, I wouldn't do it; yet when I'm doing it, I wish for the peace of having more time

[tofascinate]

10-10-2025

working 1 year on a thesis miraculous finding: that upon re-reading the papers I originally read to learn about my topic I now understand them so much more than I could have imagined!

how cool that I was quested with a unique topic of interest and I learned!

[tofascinate]

slow and steady and focused and calm

I'd rather be slow and steady than fast and chaotic/unfocused/stressed.

I'd rather be slow and steady.

Determined to meet the finish, fully cognizant, steady, calm.

[tofascinate]

according to my spending spreadsheet of the past 4 years, I've spent 56.67 euros on 8 items explained with the phrase "oops" hahahaha.

the contributors:

"bakery w/ oops"

"Train ticket #2 oops"

"Netto (oopsy count towards next week all my treats)"

"Royal Donuts filled vegan oops tiny"

"Farmers market - cookies oops"

"bakery eh oops"

"oopsies bakery again on the way home"

"uni cafe smoothie oops + latte"

"oopsies nighttime social beverages x2"

[tofascinate]

I promise the new year was a coincidence

twenty twenty-four for solid me feeling whole,

for love being a question that accepts me and an answer that invites more,

for steady rhythms and knowing who I am can ever change,

for dancing with the dear ones who will see me on the way.

for loving what I do and giving this to life,

for the courage to pause a knowing moment

until it feels only right.

[tofascinate]

so they say!

that those ones, whom we admire in the ways we aspire to be, that they do not wallow in self-loathing, but rather do something, make something more of themselves and their circumstances