Hahaha I did the Ranboo thing here y’all go have some food hope you enjoy it I stayed up again. And I made art!! (It’s in the middle, where it’s actually relevant. Don’t go looking for it, let it come to you.) :D enjoy!!
(Edit: I LEARNED HOW TO DO THE KEEP READING YESSSS)
Phil does not know very much about Ranboo.
What he does know he can count on two hands.
1. Ranboo is half Enderman, half something else. (Phil doesn’t know what the other half is, but he’s not going to ask.)
2. Ranboo exhibits many Enderman-y traits, which can be expected in hybrids.
3. Ranboo has memory problems.
4. Ranboo likes being with people
5. Ranboo could probably use therapy. (as could most people on the SMP)
6. Ranboo is loyal to his friends, regardless of side.
7. Ranboo likes animals.
8. Ranboo easily succumbs to peer pressure.
9. Ranboo hates Dream.
10. Ranboo lives with Phil and Technoblade.
It’s sad, really, how little most people knew about the tall boy. Philza knew that the only people who knew more than him were Dream, maybe Tommy, and (if he wanted to push it) maybe Niki.
But, regardless, Phil knows that Ranboo likes animals! (He doesn’t think about all the pets that died in the creation of L’Crater, or the time he found Ranboo in the doghouse, surrounded by the Hound Army, crying.) So, what could be cooler than taking Ranboo to see the turtle farm!
Ranboo had loved the green aquatic animals. He had rushed over, in all his Enderman glory, to awe at the turtles. Phil watched Ranboo’s ears perk up, listening to the movement, and his long tail waved behind him. One of the turtles, a female, Phil vaguely think, walks- slides?- over to Ranboo, before looking up at him and perching herself on the fence so Ranboo would pet her head in a very un-turtle like manner. Ranboo, frankly, doesn’t think too hard about it clearly, since he’s to overjoyed at the turtles and petting her head to think about the ‘how’s’ and ‘why’s.’
The sight in front of Phil, the happy Ender-hybrid with the Antarctic Empire cloak that Techno loaned him, with the golden crown and white shirt and beaming face, makes Phil suddenly think ‘Snow Prince.’
He doesn’t know why.
But what he doesn’t know is that something in him has changed, given him the want to pull out the metaphorical-not so metaphorical- adoption papers for the fourth time.
— — —
It’s a few days later when he has the thought again. He and Techno are discussing their newest roommate and the living conditions they are in.
“So,” Techno says. “This house is gettin’ kind of small, and none of us want to put effort into expandin’. I obviously get my room, since it’s my house. You already have yourself situated ‘n the room across, but currently Ranboo is occupyin’ that one and you’re forced on the couch.”
“Do we really have to kick him out though? He’s just a kids, Tech.” Phil jokes halfheartedly. They’re planning on building a new building, maybe a new house. The problem is who’s going to live in it. Techno won’t, since this is already his house, and Ranboo shouldn’t be living alone, but Techno needs Phil to help with the voices, since they only ever change from needing blood to needing “Dadza” (Phil heard him mutter it once and he smiled) when he’s around.
So, it all comes full circle. Who’s going to live in the new house?
“Listen Tech. What if we, hear me out, we just extended the house a bit so no one has to leave.”
“But that’s work, Phil! It took me a while to finish buildin’ this house, and I’m not ready for renovatin’!”
He can see the amusement on the Piglin hybrid’s face, as they banter back and forth about the choice.
Then, with a sudden movement, Technoblade is standing up and walking over to the doorway. He pulls out a black and white figure- when did Ranboo wake up?- and sits him down at the table.
“Ranboo!” Phil says, pleasantly surprised and mildly confused. Why does Ranboo look angry and close to tears? “How long we’re you listening?”
“Longer than you’d like, I’ll bet.” Ranboo’s answer is short and snippy, and whoa, Phil can almost taste the resentment and tension in the air. Phil almost asks him what’s wrong, but Ranboo beats him to the punch.
“So, you guys are tossing me out? I’ll go pack my things then, again.” And every question Phil had is suddenly tossed out the window and replaced with a new one.
“Wha- Ranboo, what are you talkin’ about?” Techno asks in surprised shock, while Ranboo looks both like a kicked puppy and an angry cat at the same time. “We’re not gonna kick you out.”
“Oh really? Then what was all that about? ‘Do we have to to kick him out?’ Not wanting to expand the house ‘cause it takes work?” Ranboo’s tail lashes angrily around the chair.
“What? Mate, we weren’t talking about actually kicking you out! Techno and I are planning on building a smaller, one person house over where we’re moving the kennel, and we were talking about who’s going to live in it because I don’t know if you noticed, but this house is a little small.”
Phil watched as Ranboo digests what he’s said, thinks about it, pieces it all together, and suddenly, Ranboo’s much calmer. “Oh.”
Ranboo looks out of the window behind him, surveying the land that Phil had pointed out the day before. “I wouldn’t mind watching over the dogs, I think.”
Phil and Techno give each other a look. “We figured, but I didn’t want you living out there alone. I mean, you’re just a kid, mate,” Phil says, silently glad that Ranboo no longer thinks that what- they’re kicking him out? Why would they do that? Ranboo’s a great kid!
He hears Ranboo mutter about how it “wouldn’t be the first time anyway,” and suddenly he’s hit with the urge to both immediately adopt this kid and also burn whoever did that to Ranboo until they’re nothing but a small pile of ashes and then dance on them.
Philza knows a lot more about Ranboo by the time Ranboo moves into the small home by the dogs.
1. Ranboo suffers from voices like Phil’s eldest. (Is it just a hostile hybrid thing?)
2. Ranboo has abandonment and trust issues.
3. Ranboo must, at all times, be kept away from Dream.
4. Ranboo loves turtles.
5. Ranboo is now Philza’s new son. (In his heart, at least.)