A personal, rambling, Veilguard/Taash positive post.
I shouldn't have to disclaimer this, but this post is not bashing anyone's religion, I'm just talking about my personal experience with it.
2nd Disclaimer: This post contains mentions of feeling gender dysphoria, implied or stated religious trauma, and personal life experiences that add to the feelings of positivity towards the game and the characters within it.
Anyone who has seen my posts as of late will know I went on a bit of a downward spiral for a bit, but to turn it back around in light of some recent events and a post I saw(not sure when) I want to acknowledge something about The Veilguard.
You can say what you want about the game because having your own opinion is your right, but I for one am glad I gave it a chance despite the naysayers and haters because it gave me something I desperately needed as I battled with depression and constant ongoing fear and isolation based on my own gender identity.
I've never made it a secret that I don't really have any friends(I have 1 and I would kill for her), my parents kept me isolated like a lot of dangerously dogmatic Christians do(got nothing against the religion just the people who use it for evil). I didn't even meet anyone and engage with the world outside my immediate family until I was 17 and went to college(much t my parents chagrin).
Which for anyone who grew up that way, knows how the world will chew you up and spit you out in a broken heap because you were always taught the world is evil and only your family is safe and can be trusted because religion blah blah. And on top of that you have no life skills. I never went to school, I was homeschooled. And I failed abysmally.
But I digress, so let's get back on track.
I didn't realize I was Trans/Nonbinary until I was in my late 20's because my parents keep everything very strict, anything alphabet mafia is THE DEVIL!!! and should be ignored/vilified and etc.
Of course I knew something was up when I was 11 because that was when I started having massive bouts of gender dysphoria. I knew I wasn't what I was born as but obviously never had the words for it.
It wasn't until my friend came out as Trans to me a little while before Veilguard came out that I started to understand what I was feeling was everything that can be ascribed to someone born into the wrong body.
But with how I'm stuck with living, I am forced to hide all this about myself because it is not safe to be out and proud, so I'm in the closet and only out and proud on discord and tumblr. Each day I am forced into something I know in my heart I'm not.
So, for a moment, put yourself in my shoes and imagine what it was like to have a game that not only let me choose my pronouns/identity and used them in the conversations but also presented me with a character that I could relate to so deeply, Taash.
This game made me cry for a few reasons but what always stuck with me was Taash and their journey. That I could be the person I wish I had during the whole "figuring myself out" phase, for them.
It healed a part of myself that raged and despaired at my circumstances, and it solidified in my heart and mind that I am nonbinary as well as Trans.
Do I understand it all yet? No, and I don't really have a lot of resources outside of google to help with that either. But just having a form of engagement that let me be myself even in fantasy, and be the rock and beacon for someone else during their time of confusion and frustration, means so damn much to me, to a level you will never understand. Unless you've also lived it.
And in another vein, Veilguard brought back my creativity. I talked about this in another post but I had my spark killed by other fandoms, and that's part of why I pulled back from this one because i can't deal with the people who can crush my soul, again. I have precious few things in this life, and my enjoyment of certain mediums is one of them.
I have fics with hundreds of thousands of words that will never see the light of day because of the fandoms they were written for and the horrible people in them who ruined and murdered all my joy and love for the thing the fandom was about. I also recently purged my Ao3 for when I hopefully have something to upload to it.
Thanks to the DA fandom I've also had my writers block(that I've had for months) fought off in a valiant battle(lol) and all it took was some honesty and a second opinion. Well, and the admittedly anxiety-inducing decision I made to reach out to mutuals/followers for their advice.
I've said that this fandom is a lot of things and I'll always be DA fandom critical, but I'm also DA fandom positive because there are a lot of good people here too, they are just oft drowned out in the weeds and thorns of the less savory kind; if my block list is any indication.
No game series has ever made me want to be as creative as I have been with my crochet either. I'm slowly working my way through the Veilguard companions. And though Assan is really trying my patience and I want to throw him across the room because I can't get his limbs right, I wouldn't change that desire to create and perfect a plushie, for anything in the world. Especially right now.
Its given me a focus and a drive, and in my life that's something I can never take for granted.
So, in conclusion, maybe The Veilguard isn't a lot of things that people wanted, but I think we need to acknowledge that it was exactly what a lot of people needed too.
There are so many good takes on the game that I have read. About how the game deals with grief and its underlying message of it, about how important the inclusion of certain marginalized groups(LGBT) in it, is(especially in light of current events). I was wonderfully represented in this game and I'll always love The Veilguard for that.
No one will ever make me hate you. You're my flawed diamond in the rough.
Hi all like three people that will read this. I see you and I love you. Also thank you for taking your time to read this if you do (though I understand if you don’t), it means a lot to me that I have people that want to know more about me.
So. A lot has happened since I last did anything on here. This is a post that will talk about neurodivergence, but I won’t be putting any negatives in it. Note that I’ve been doing pretty consistent research for two years (learning at least one new thing a week), and intend to seek out official diagnosis as soon as I can. HOWEVER, a diagnosis is a privilege, and self-diagnosing is usually the best place to start with those anyway. With research under your belt, of course. A few similarities doesn’t necessarily mean you have it. But having things you can tell that make you think you have it makes things MUCH easier on everyone involved.
First; I more than likely have OCD. I can tell by the research I’ve done and the little “habits” I’ve had my entire life.
Second; I more than likely have Autism. I can tell by the research I’ve done and, despite the amount of symptoms that overlap with ADHD, I have quite a few that are (as far as I can tell through my research) Autism-specific.
Third; I have OSDD-1b. There’s not really a “most likely” to be had here. I have alters. I originally had it labeled as OSDD, but then a bit more research (I had been doing DID research since waaaaaaay before I first switched out) on the types led me to 1b.
Fourth; I have ADHD. Again, there’s not really a “most likely” here. One of my alters has ADHD, and it’s not possible for an alter to have something that the host does not. So I also have taste, touch, and hearing sensory overload (like him).
Fifth; let me name my alters! Ironically, they’re all characters I had created before I knew I had OSDD. So I won’t introduce them with personality since anyone who follows me even somewhat closely probably already knows what they’re like and I don’t want to bore you. Alrik was the first to switch out. At that point I knew Albert was there too, because you can’t have one without the other. I suspected for about a month before the first switch I probably had Alrik, Albert, and Wayland as alters, and I was correct. I also suspected but wasn’t super certain about Coral and Wisp being alters, but they are as well. Though Wisp hasn’t switched out yet, just sniffed at the idea. Which is probably a good thing, considering what he’s like. Imagine a semi-feral fae switching out in public; NOT ideal.
So yeah! Lots of information about me there! Things are hard with all of that (and already diagnosed anxiety and depression), but I make do. Most days. Wayland is (probably) my caretaker (thank you person I’m dating), so he switches out when I need a break. Alrik is (probably; thanks person again) my sexual protector, though he’s out most often because he’s a hyper bean. Albert is (probably; again thanks) my emotional protector, so he often switches out when I’m dealing with too much emotionally. Coral and Wisp we haven’t quite figured out yet, but I have my suspicions. I think Wisp might be my childhood or childhood innocence protector. I think Coral is my expression protector. Style, creativity, gender, anything that can be expressed. I think they protect those things.
Fun fact; none of us have the same sexuality! I’m asexual, Alrik is omnisexual, Albert is homosexual (demiromantic), Wayland is bisexual, Wisp is demisexual, and Coral is a (nonbinary) lesbian. Coral is also the only non-man.
