#merders

[blearyfog]

had this in the drafts for a whilleeeeeee. Feel free to interpret this as romantic, platonic, tragic, whatever you want, I just want more people talking about these two

[the-cryptographer]

merders!

merders!!! one of the best ships ever!!! whole cornucopia for me of parallels between the guys who are having a bad time in DA2 act 3 and martyring themselves for their causes. they are truly the self harm hypocrites ship to me. and it's upsetting and interesting how much these two share so many qualities, but those qualities manifest really really differently because of their upbringings and they get treated really really differently because sexism and other identifying features that are frankly not super within their control. i really like giving merrill this relationship as a way for her to go a little bit apeshit and be a bit mean with someone who uncompromisingly and a bit paternalistically cares about her wellbeing, and i really like giving anders this ship as a way for someone to uncompromisingly and a bit paternalistically care about his wellbeing even though she's a bit apeshit and mean about it sometimes. (also you know the sex has to be friggin weird.)

this is also maybe a bit weird and self absorbed, but i like that i get to feel a little bit possessive of this ship? like fenders is this whole big thing with thousands of fics on ao3 and so with that i feel like i'm always a bit one voice shouting at a giant wave of fanon and fandom perception. but with merders i get to be like- the merders person(tm) even though I'm not the only merders person. idk, it feels special

[dick-hardboiled]

Man but I want merrill and anders to have to work together on something. Or multiple somethings. I think there's so much opportunity for getting to kno each other in ways that literally no one else in the crew can there.

My preference is for helping to heal karl/cure tranquility, but I also quite enjoy the idea of merrill needing help as a side effect of smth that happens w the eluvian. A long term magical project with NO fighting where they just have to work together to try and find a solution

[blearyfog]

a lap nap wouldn't have saved them, but it wouldn't have hurt them either

This is the part where I add an unrelated rant to propagandize my ships. I hate when ppl genuinely believe that Anders hated Merrill. He hated her blood magic. Anders himself cared for Merrill and genuinely wanted the best for her, but he went about it terribly by tormenting her for her choices. He saw the worst of himself in Merrill and projected onto her, trying to fix what he could not in himself. He had merged physically with justice, so it was too far for him, but maybe he could at least save Merrill. When he evidently couldn't, those feelings culminated as frustration which ppl confuse for dislike, and that just isn't the full picture. I think Merrill saw her worst parts in Anders as well; Someone who would give everything, even themselves, to their cause. Merrill, who only realized how far she'd gone and lost when Marethari had died, watched as Anders spiraled down a very similar path and could do nothing about it. They understand eachother to a complicated degree, which is why Anders comes off as hating Merrill and why Merrill is his biggest defender. Boiling down their relationship to 'Anders hates her because she's a blood mage' is a shame because their actual relationship is so much more tragic and fascinating.

[blearyfog]

I think all Anders ships are actually chaotic and evil but within that spectrum i made this. Aveline x Anders would’ve gone in the neutral evil slot but I think Carver (specifically templar) deserves it more tbh.

Handers’ spot could really be anywhere on this chart, but i put it in lawful neutral because it’s the only one that can be made canon

[the-cryptographer]

okay i guess the major theme there was something like... in a worldstate where hawke passes over both anders and merrill, they both have a lot of anxiety about how undesirable and unfuckable they are but from wildly different angles.

for contrast's sake, isabela knows people want her bc she's getting sex all the time. and fenris has people like isabela come onto him and he knows he's desirable, he's just extremely anxious about how he can indulge what he likes about feeling that way without putting himself in a position to be used and exploited and objectified.

but anders is feeling like ever since he stopped being so flippant about the mage rights thing - started being serious and uncompromising and demanding people pay attention to his cause and demanding the kind of importance he wants in a relationship and control over the form that relationship takes - nobody actually wants to fuck with him anymore. and why would they when he's like... a sewer mage without prospects who's always busy with his clinic and his crimes against the church and state and ready to burst into either an angry tirade or tears at any moment. and obviously he gets really jealous and weird about this in canon when hawke gets with either fenris or merrill, you know how it be.

and merrill kinda feels like nothing ever goes her way and she's sort of socially inept with things like flirting. she's never really gotten the opportunity for much love or sex with her clan being what they are. and everyone treats her like a kid, especially humans who keep thinking she's extra small and baby face with her being an elf. and even when she's openly flirting with isabela, isabela's kindly pushing her away and then going off to say things about fenris's pretty, pretty eyes. so obviously she must just be entirely unattractive. and that's fine because actually who would she even fuck here in kirkwall except humans, and she's very obviously not supposed to want that or do that when it's her responsibility to go back to the Dalish someday and have a bunch of Dalish mage babies (but she doesn't want to do that either). and like Anders, she really, really wants to have more control over the way the world works and shape how other people are interacting so it suits her better, but she's kind of a financial and emotional mess, so how can she be confident about asserting that desire on others.

so yeah, i think you could get them to pity fuck about it and then get all possessive and schmoopy and weird 'in too deep' style about how much they end up liking one another. but also i'm not really sure how to give them the same language in order to bring their anxieties about it to a recognisable head.

[the-cryptographer]

Anders and Merrill I commissioned from @kesterite. Because nothing says uwu like refining chemical samples of saltpetre.

[the-cryptographer]

I'm trying to think of a merders tragedy take and tbh it's weird how i seem to keep rejecting the idea since they are like... definitely characters i started shipping at least in part because of all the tragedy parallels. And I do have all these verses where bad shit (canon and otherwise) happens! Where Anders fails to stop the annulment at the Gallows (and arguably kickstarts it), where they die (or more like 'die') during TLS, where Audacity possesses Merrill, where Merrill kills part of her clan, where they both have to deal with the long difficult misery of loss and slowly becoming people they never imagined and never particularly wanted to be. And they're the self harm hypocrites ship! In a thousand million ways they hurt themselves and keep hurting themselves and judge one another for it and cry over and yell at one another about it and staunchly refuse to stop.

Like, idk, they're extremely tragic characters and i don't think i've ever particularly shied away from the rawness and ugliness of that. But also... I feel like what I end up wanting to say about it is really that tragedy is super super banal. Like i enjoy seeing other people's romanticised takes on their tragedy (and anders and merrill themselves definitely romanticise their own suffering). But I think when it comes to what I personally feel compelled to say, it usually falls on the end of the fact that tragedy is super dull and boring and miserable and it is nothing compared to the joy these guys get by being absolutely silly OTT dramatic freaks at one another about it. The world they live in is trying to kill them just for being who they are - dalish, elf, mage - and in the end as much as they flop around and try to stab themselves/get themselves stabbed over it, they keep living, they keep struggling for meaning and connection, they keep being prideful and ambitious and vengeful and audacious, they keep getting off on weird shit like knifing each other and stepping on one another. They're great. I love them.