From left to right, seven of the most important members of The Jagged Ruby: Andreya, Elizabeth, J.C. Sanlaurento (with Marcius the cat, both courtesy of @sunrisenfool), Saoirse, the current Pirate Queen Meredith, Theodore, and Tariq.
Though The Jagged Ruby has over 75 crew members total, these seven are the ones mentioned most in fics and talked about the most when referencing Meredith’s crew in general.
I was so so happy to get to work with my dear @miel-1411 again, this time on Meredith’s crew!!! Every step was such a joy and I am completely in love with how they all came out, they all look so beautiful! 💖 Thank you so much!!! 🥰🥰🥰
(I included the close ups of the couples because they are all making me so soft, plus an extra close up of Tariq under the cut because Tumblr wouldn’t let me arrange the images how I wanted to)
I have been sitting on writing this for so long and Meredith finally let me get this out in one session! 😭 Thank you so much Coco for requesting this and letting me be very soft over them.
For @asras3rdeye!
Winter Themed OC Ship Prompts
Prompts Used: 8. Sharing traditions/stories about winters past
Title: Winter Song by Sara Bareilles, Ingrid Michaelson
1.9k words
Wrapped in her father’s worn fur cloak, Meredith sat by the fire, stoking it through the night to keep her room on Ethari warm. She rocked slowly from side to side unconsciously, unused to the stillness of land after so many years spent on the water—so many years without a break in between. And even now, even on Ethari, she still wasn’t taking a break, not really, with the meeting coming up. She was never more acutely aware of the weight on her shoulders from her title as Queen than she was before a meeting.
Her crew respected her, listened to her, and trusted her word. The captains and quartermasters she would meet with, who were also under the Code, most of them barely knew her. She often felt that if it wasn’t for Saoirse’s presence by her side in that room—surrounded by cold stone walls, sitting at the head of a massive oak table—none of the people there would take her seriously.
It infuriated her. She wondered if Aria had ever felt that way. If she had, Meredith hadn’t been able to tell, and she hadn’t known enough to ask before the previous Queen had retired. She supposed she could ask Saoirse, but sometimes she felt like they just saw her as the latest child to take care of, regardless of if that was true or not.
Grumbling, Meredith narrowed her eyes as she stared at the fire, feeling them water and burn at the corners. She was tired, so tired, but she couldn’t sleep. At this point, it would almost be better off if she just didn’t sleep through the night instead of tossing fitfully in the sheets—
“Meredith?”
Theodore’s voice from behind her pulled her from her thoughts. She stopped rocking, but her eyes never left the flames in front of her as he walked softly across the floor, leaving the warmth of the bed.
“You should be asleep,” she said, but made no effort to push him away as he sat next to her, wrapped in his own cloak.
“So should you.” He shook his head, holding his hands out in front of him to warm them up. “You need it more than I do. Have you slept at all?”
She just hummed in response, still not looking at him. He sighed, and she jumped as she felt his hand brush against the side of her face, tucking hair behind her ear. Finally, she turned her head just enough to glance at him out of the corner of her eyes. “What?”
“You need to sleep,” Theodore repeated, a bit more forcefully. His warm eyes searched her face over, as if looking for some wound he could treat. “I know tomorrow is an important day for you, but it won’t do anyone any good if you’re exhausted the entire time.”
Another time she would have argued. Instead, she just sighed quietly, her eyes falling back to the fire. “I know.”
Theo’s hand found hers under her cloak, stroking his thumb across her skin. “Is there something bothering you?”
She didn’t respond, not even sure how she could.
After a minute of silence, he squeezed her hand. “Have I ever told you about what the winters were like back home?”
The sudden change in topic made her blink, startled, and she faced him. “What are you talking about?” She asked, confused.
He just shrugged. “Well, have I?”
“I don’t…” Meredith thought hard for a moment as he shifted closer to her, their arms pressing together. “Maybe I’ve overheard you talking to the rest of the crew about somethings, but there’s not much I remember.”
“Good,” he said, a small smile on his face. “I get an excuse to tell them all over again, then.”
She rolled her eyes but squeezed his hand back. “Go on.”
His grin widened, and he touched his forehead to hers for a moment before leaning back enough to speak again. “Well, it certainly wasn’t quite this brutally cold, but once the seasons changed, I would wake up to frost on my windows for days, weeks in a row, and that was the sign of a good day for me. Because my father, uh, King Asad, wouldn’t be as busy, and that meant he could teach me himself.
“I would wake up to be dressed in my thickest furs, and when I went down to the dining hall, he would be sitting there, dressed as plainly as he could get away with, and we would leave the castle to ride to the forest and the lake, to practice magic.”
Meredith raised an eyebrow at him, and he chuckled. “It was nothing quite as spectacular or impressive as Sanlaurento’s display of magic, but it felt like it when I was younger.
“Anyway, we would stay out there for hours practicing spells, tracing them in the puffs of our breaths, in the fresh snow beneath our boots. He taught me how to make my first healing salves from fresh snow and juniper berries, how to keep my body temperature regulated so I wouldn’t feel the cold as quickly, and most importantly—” Theodore tried to make a serious face, but it broke almost instantly. “He taught me to ice skate.”
A smile tugged at Meredith’s lips. “Ice skate.”
“Mhm!” He dragged his finger across the back of her hand in a figure eight, dancing and spinning in circles. “I was never any good at it, though.” His smile changed into something more wistful. “He always said I got that from my other father—Matthias. I called him ‘Father’ while the king was ‘Baba.’ But, um, he would say that I was much more graceful on the ballroom floor than the ice, which was the same for Father.
“Not that Baba complained about it, no, he always liked that Father could sweep him across a dance floor without hesitation. While Baba had to watch his footing even for simple waltzes.”
Theodore laughed to himself, going quiet for a moment, and Meredith watched him. He never spoke much about his fathers, aside from his disagreements with them that led to his leaving in the first place, but she felt same the dull ache in her chest of missing people who loved her, who weren’t around anymore.
“My people never danced,” she heard herself saying, and his head picked up instantly to look at her. She pretended not to notice the way his eyes watered in the flickering firelight. “Not… not in the way I know you’re talking about. But my Da liked to dance with my Mum.
“The night before a big hunt, or a fight, or anything important, he would braid her hair for her. It was long, and she often had trouble with it, so he helped her. But once it was done, he would stand up with her, and…” Meredith paused, letting her father’s cloak slide off her shoulders as she stood up, pulling Theodore with her. He watched her, eyes wide in surprise, but followed as she put her hands on his waist, as she gently spun him around in front of the fire, dipping him until his head almost touched the floor. He yelped, but it turned into a chuckle as he held onto her shoulders, realizing she wasn’t going to let him go.
Once she stood him up and did let go, they both sat back down, closer than before, heads resting together.
“Da said it was to test the durability of the braid, that if it didn’t come loose then, it would be fine the next day.” Meredith laughed through her nose, the way she remembered her mother doing. “Mum would say he smelled of muskbear shit. But she never stopped him.”
The memories Meredith had of her parents together were muddled, few and far between, and some of them she thought she had even made up. But she knew this one was true. Something in her heart told her that it was.
They both fell into silence, only listening to the crackle of the wood in the fire, and the low cold wind whistling outside the walls. Meredith thought Theodore might have fallen asleep again until he spoke, his voice quiet.
“We should go ice skating sometime.”
Meredith snorted. “I would leave you in the dust and snow before you’d even laced your boots.”
He gasped indignantly, sitting up to look at her. “No, you wouldn’t!” When she just raised an eyebrow at him, he pouted. “You wouldn’t leave me behind, would you?”
She shook her head, but she still leaned in to press her forehead to his. “I can’t make any promises.”
“You’re awful,” he said, but his words didn’t carry any weight to them when he was looking at her through his eyelashes. She snaked her arms around his waist, pressing her palms flat against his back, feeling his warmth through the layers he wore to bed. He sighed, his hands holding her face, fingertips cold against her skin.
“And you’re spoiled,” she murmured, closing the inch of space between them before he could reply, pressing her lips to his in a soft kiss.
When she pulled back, he was still looking at her, tears gone, his eyes just full of warmth. “Would you let me spoil you?” He asked in a whisper. “Just once.”
“How so?”
His finger played with a loose strand of hair. “Let me braid your hair before you go to sleep.” Feeling her stiffen, he blushed, eyes roaming her face nervously. “S-so, you have one less thing to do in the morning. That’s all.”
She bit the inside of her cheek. He didn’t know what suggesting that meant, how heavy a request that was, to her. Or, maybe he did, and he gave it anyway. Meredith hadn’t let anyone touch her hair since she was very, very small—aside from Aria ruffling it in jest, or Saoirse helping her wash it when she was very sick once. But the act of having her hair braided—no one had done that since her father was alive.
Before Theo could get anxious over his request, already feeling him squirm beneath her hands, Meredith nodded. “Okay,” she murmured, not sure she could raise her voice even if she wanted to. “Okay.”
Meredith fell asleep as Theodore’s fingers wove through her hair, waking only when he finished to kiss him again, thank him, and make her way to the bed to sleep with their arms and legs tangled together under the layers of furs that covered them. In the morning when she left, he was still fast asleep, the braid still perfectly put together, and she felt a strange sense of warmth and peace in her chest as she dressed, leaving behind a small note for Theo to read when he woke up.
Saoirse noticed the way Meredith’s hair was braided out of her face when they met at dawn to take the ferry across to Suaimhneas, but they didn’t comment on it, for the moment. Meredith was glad, if only to not have to worry about another distraction before preparing herself for the meeting, but she found herself playing absentmindedly with the tail of the braid as they stood on the ferry, glancing more than once over her shoulder back towards the main city, feeling like she had left something behind in the warm room with Theodore.
Meredith takes Theodore out to spoil him, and he is only too eager to give her anything she wants in return.
CW: Minor pet play (collar wearing), Oral sex, Anal sex
Title: Devotion by The Staves
2.2k words
When Meredith took Theodore with her to what he could only describe as a black market of some kind, the last thing he expected was for her to turn to him and tell him to pick whatever he wanted from the stalls. He almost wasn’t sure he had heard her correctly at first, but when she repeated it, her cheeks pink, he kissed her with a wide grin on his face, taking her hand to drag her along with him as he looked through all of the different stalls and shops.
They were filled with clothing, jewelry, toys of sexual nature that made him feel warm the longer he looked at them. He wasn’t sure how Meredith would have found a place like this, but he wasn’t going to question it, not when he was having so much fun trying on different things with her supervision.
For the most part, she didn’t comment on the things he picked up, just watching him as he held earrings up to the light, or clothes up to his body in a mirror, but every once in a while, she would pick something out herself, or compliment the items he had chosen.
“Hm, I’m not sure about this one…” He murmured, mostly to himself as he held a piece of lingerie in front of him. It was red, which wasn’t usually his color, and it was made of something soft, of what he wasn’t quite sure.
Meredith pushed off of the wall she had been leaning against, coming up to stand behind him in the mirror, and his breath caught in his throat as her hands came to wrap in front of him, holding the lingerie to him. After a moment, she nodded, pulling it from his hands and adding it to the small pile he had already started of things he wanted.
Before he could object, or even think to ask her what she was doing, she looked at him in the mirror. “We’re getting it.”
“O-oh. Okay.” He blushed, almost as red as the lingerie, and she laughed through her nose, leaning back against the wall and gesturing for him to continue.
One of the last stalls they stopped at was selling jewelry, and though Theo had picked up a few pieces already, something in the back of the stall caught his eye.
It was a collar, but pretty enough that it looked almost nothing like one. It was gold, with a single green gem pressed into it, delicate floral patterns woven throughout. He stared at it for a long time, until Meredith’s hands reaching out to pick it up shocked him out of his thoughts.
“Oh, you don’t—”
She was already putting it around his neck, eyebrows furrowed slightly as she fastened it behind him, her face close enough to his that he could almost kiss her if he just tilted his head. Instead, he just held his breath until she shifted back, taking him in with the collar on. A gasp escaped him when her finger slid under the collar, tugging him slightly forward, the movement sending a spark through his body.
“Do you like this?” She asked, the smallest curve in her lips telling him that she knew he did.
He still nodded, unable to tear his gaze from her face, biting on the corner of his bottom lip. “I like it a-a lot, actually.”
“Good,” she said, her voice dropping to a whisper as she moved even closer, their lips brushing together. “I like you in it.”
A week or so later, he found himself in her quarters at night, when all of the rest of the crew were in their own quarters, completely naked except for that collar around his neck. His legs were tucked under him, his hands folded patiently in his lap, and he watched her move about, waiting for her to approach him.
He didn’t have to wait long before she walked over to him after locking the door and shrugging off her coat, her eyes raking over him. She knelt down in front of him, hooking her finger under the collar. Theodore shivered when he felt her tug, pulling him closer to her to capture his lips in a soft kiss. Her other hand ran gently down his spine, over his ass, stopping at the plug nestled inside of him.
“You kept this in all day?”
He nodded, arching back into her touch. “Yes, sir.”
“Good boy,” she said, and his cheeks warmed. Then she stood, her touch leaving his skin, and he pouted slightly. She laughed, reaching down to cup his face in her hand. “I have some things to do before I can lie down. Do you want to sit with me, or wait on the bed?”
Pressing a light kiss to the inside of her wrist, he thought over his options. While lying naked on her—their bed as he watched her work sounded nice, he hadn’t been able to see her much during the day and wanted to be as close as possible. “I want to sit with you.”
Her lips turned up into a small smile. “I thought you would say that.”
He followed her as she sat at her desk, sitting on the floor by her side. She began to work away, going over letters she had been sent, scratching at maps and other papers that had been left for her review. Every once in a while, she threaded her fingers through his hair, petting him gently, and he felt warm every time, watching her every move, hopelessly lovestruck. Though it wasn’t long before he desired more, and eventually he moved from next to her to under the desk instead. Resting his head between her legs, he looked up at her through his eyelashes, and she raised an eyebrow.
“Are you trying to distract me?”
“Not at all,” he said, though he started to nuzzle against her, slowly pushing her legs further apart.
She huffed but didn’t fight him. “I think you are.” As he continued to inch further up her thighs, she stopped him, tugging at his collar again. “Tell me what you want.”
His hands on her knees, he held her gaze, letting his bottom lip puff in a pout. “I just want to make you feel good.”
“Brat.” She shook her head at him, but she was smiling. “What do you want to do?”
“I want to taste you, Meredith.” His hands crept forward, teasing with her belt, but he never stopped looking at her. “I want to make you come.” When she didn’t reply save for tilting her head down towards him, he started to beg. “Please, my love, I thought about having you on my tongue all day. I want nothing else.”
Pulling on his collar, she brought his face up to hers and kissed him. He let his eyes slide shut, moaning into her mouth as her tongue slipped past his lips. He could still feel the plug inside his ass, where it had been since she put it in him during the day, and he wanted to grind back against it, but he resisted, knowing she would chastise him for it. His dick was still hard, and he thought that just getting to taste her would be enough to make him come.
When she stopped kissing him, she let go of his collar and helped guide his hands to undo her belt, shifting forward in her chair as they pulled her pants down to rest around her ankles. His breath caught in his chest as he looked down at her exposed sex, wanting nothing more than to bury his face into the red hair that curled there, but he waited.
She kissed him one more time, a quick peck to his lips, before she turned back to her desk. “Go on,” she said, and he knelt back down under the desk, fitting his head between her thighs.
As he nestled his tongue between her folds, dragging it up to her clit, her hand rested in his hair again, holding onto him gently, but firmly. Not that he would dream of removing his mouth from her before she came, he’d sooner suffocate. He sucked where he knew she liked it most and was rewarded by the sound of her pen scratching coming to a halt, joined by a low moan from her lips.
He ate her out slowly, savoring the taste of her on his tongue, until she started to grind her hips forward against him, urging him to go faster. And he did, only wanting to please her, feeling his dick leak precum as he moaned against her skin. Her grip in his hair tightened, and her legs tightened around his face. Still, he went on, his tongue diving inside of her, licking up all of her wetness down his throat.
When she came, low, strained whines of his name on her lips, he came as well, his cum splattering over his lap. He could barely breathe, pulling back to look up at her, feeling ruined without her even touching him once.
Catching her breath, she looked down at him, and wiped spit and cum off his chin with her thumb. “Good boy,” she said, again, and he closed his eyes, just for a moment, voice coming out in a whimper. She pushed away from the desk, kicking her pants the rest of the way off, and saw the mess he had made of himself. Reaching down to hook her finger under his collar, she pulled him up to his feet.
“You really wanted that so badly that you came without me touching you?”
He nodded, feeling a little embarrassed, but the look in her eyes washed that away. She kissed him, slow and deep, and he felt his dick twitch, starting to build up to another orgasm. Step by step, she led him back to their bed as they kissed, until he fell into his back in the sheets, with her propped over him. One of her hands disappeared between his legs, tugging lightly at the plug in his ass.
“I’m going to take this out and fuck you, Theo.”
“Please—” He begged, even before she had said his name. “Please, please fuck me.”
She laughed lowly, leaning back to pull her shirt over her head, tossing it to the side. “What an impatient, spoiled, little prince you are.”
“Only because it feels so good when you do. I—No one else has never fucked me like you do.”
“Oh, so it’s my fault you’re impatient, then.”
“Yes,” he said, breathless, and she smiled, leaning over him to get her strap and harness. As her chest passed over him, he leaned up to press kisses to her skin, sucking on her breasts. He felt her shiver, and when she sat back, adjusting the harness over her hips, she was looking at him like she wanted to ruin him.
Holding his legs open, hands locked under his knees, he held her gaze, eyes half-closed in pleasure. When she pulled the plug out of him, his eyes shut for a moment as he moaned, only to shoot back open when she thrust forward into him.
He cried out her name with every roll of her hips, keeping himself spread for her so she could fuck him just how he liked, how he needed to be fucked, her dick grazing his prostate in just the right way. It didn’t take long for him to near another orgasm, but he tried to hold himself back, if only so he could feel her inside him for a little longer.
Hearing a laugh escape her lips brought his eyes back to hers, her hair almost covering her face from his sight, and she leaned closer to him, pressing his legs back further as her thrusts became rougher.
“Why are you holding back?”
Struggling to piece a response together between moans and whimpers, he touched his forehead to hers. “I—mm—I don’t want this to end after I’ve, ah, come.” Panting against her, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders to hold them closer together. “I want to keep feeling you, I want you, for the rest of my life—”
He threw his head back into the bed as her hips snapped forward, his voice cutting off into a sob.
Her breath was hot on his ear as she whispered, “spoiled.” But she didn’t stop, her lips kissing and biting down the length of his neck. It wasn’t until she kissed him, both of their mouths open, that he saw the warmth in her green eyes, the softness that he knew by know was only reserved for him, shining back at him.
Pressing their foreheads together again, she closed her eyes. “You have me,” she murmured, and his heart swelled in his chest.
At that, he came, his nails digging into her back, tears falling from his eyes as his cum covered both of their stomachs. She didn’t stop her thrusts, not until he begged her to, when the overstimulation finally became too much for him to handle.
But then, after she cleaned him up, even taking off his collar to set aside, he finally got to lay with her in their bed, kissing each other to sleep. His face rested against her chest, her cheek on the top of his head, their arms wrapped around the other and legs locked together. The last thought he had before slipping into a deep sleep was that he had never felt more safe, more loved, in his entire life.
I wrote this basically on autopilot because when I said I was deep in my feelings for these two I meant it.
Takes place some time after How To Rest and Rose-Colored Boy, where this time it’s Theodore who gets injured, and Meredith is forced to confront some of her own emotions.
CW: death mention, blood mention
Title: Follow You by Bring Me The Horizon
2.1k words
Meredith was used to getting hurt in fights. She was used to hurting others, to seeing others get hurt. It all came with the life of being the Pirate Queen, and she thought nothing of it. That was, until she watched Theodore get hurt in front of her.
It had almost happened in slow motion. One moment he was across the ship, fighting with Tariq as they fended off the rival pirate crew, some petty captain who had made it their goal to torment Meredith, and the next moment Theodore was in front of Meredith, blocking the rival captain’s sword as it swung for her, hitting his side instead.
She might have cried out for him, she wasn’t sure, all she knew was that he had fallen to the deck at her feet, and she cut down the other captain in the same breath. As the rest of the rival crew fled, Meredith knelt down and picked up Theodore, letting her swords fall to the deck, and ran into the infirmary, Tariq close behind.
The next few hours were a blur, Meredith keeping herself busy on the deck, ordering the crew around and helping clean up as Tariq worked to stop Theodore’s bleeding and patch him up. She felt a little pit of dread settle in her stomach as she walked past the patch of blood and trail that Theo had left behind. As soon as Tariq was done, he called Meredith back into the infirmary, and she sat on a stool by the bed until Theodore woke.
While she waited, she stewed. She was angry, so angry—but was it at Theo? At the captain? At herself? She wasn’t sure, but that feeling of discomfort in her stomach wasn’t going away. Studying his face as he slept, looking a little paler than normal, she swore under her breath. Why had he done that—why had he jumped in front of her? She wouldn’t have gotten hit, the swing was too shallow, and she was about to step back anyway, so why did Theo react like that?
Unfortunately, her anger had not subsided by the time he woke up, and the first thing out of her mouth—after giving him something to drink—was: “What were you thinking?”
Theodore blinked, setting down his cup of water. “I didn’t want you to get hurt.”
Meredith shook her head. “I can take care of myself, or if nothing else, that’s what Saoirse is there for, to keep me from getting hurt!”
“I know that, but—”
“But nothing! That was incredibly reckless and dangerous and you’re lucky this is all that happened. You’re lucky you’re not dead—gods, if—” She cut herself off, glancing away from him as she rubbed her forehead. “Theodore… Why did you do that?”
He sighed, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Because I love you, Meredith. I love you, and the thought of seeing you hurt makes me reckless, I guess. I just knew that I would have done anything to keep you from getting hurt.”
Would have done anything… When Meredith looked back at him, suddenly she saw her father instead, bleeding out in the snow, telling her to run. Her throat closed up, and she panicked, pushing away from the bed, and away from Theodore. Ignoring the way he called after her, Meredith left the infirmary, running past the rest of the crew, Tariq, Saoirse, until she reached her quarters, slamming the door shut behind her.
She made her way to her desk, sitting down roughly, and was preparing to pull out some papers to look over when she saw water dripping onto the desk. For a moment, she wondered if there was a leak in the floorboards above her, and then she realized she was crying.
Shit. Fuck. Wiping at her eyes, she groaned, sinking back in her chair. She didn’t understand why she was crying, why was she crying, she wasn’t that upset. Was she? She didn’t get it, but she didn’t stop crying for an alarming amount of time.
She had just managed to stop her tears when a knock came at her door.
“Meredith?”
It was Tariq. She didn’t answer him, but he came inside anyway, cautiously closing the door before walking over to her desk.
“Meredith, are you alright?”
“I’m…” She waved him away. “I’m fine. How…”
“Theodore’s alright. I told him to get some more rest.” She felt her cheeks warm at the fact that he knew what she wanted to ask but kept looking pointedly down at her papers. Tariq was quiet for a moment, but then he crouched down, suddenly in her line of sight. “What happened? He was afraid he upset you. And you certainly look upset.”
“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I don’t know what happened.”
Tariq hummed, walking over to her side of the desk and sat on it. Normally she would have glared at him as he disturbed the papers, but she couldn’t manage it. “You’re scared,” he said, with a shrug.
“What? No, I’m—what could I be afraid of? Theodore?”
“Not of him, exactly.”
She sighed, rubbing at her temples. “I don’t think I’m following.”
“You’re afraid of losing him. I’ve seen this happen dozens of times—you don’t realize just how much you care for him until suddenly you were faced with the thought of losing him.” A wistful smile crossed his face. “My aunt was the same way.”
“That… no, I know that I care about him. I know that already. I just—”
“Just didn’t realize how much.” Tariq didn’t sound like he was judging her, but she still instinctively bristled when he reached out to touch her shoulder. “What did you feel when you noticed he was hurt?”
“I…” Panic, anger, horror— “I felt like I did when my Da died.”
“When he sacrificed himself for you.”
Meredith exhaled slowly, nodding once. “Yeah.”
“Okay.” Tariq tapped her shoulder, and she looked up at him. “Mere, I know this is hard for you. You’ve gotten better at it, but you still have a problem with talking about things that bother you, I mean, really bother you. You’re upset because Theodore tried to sacrifice himself for you, like your father did, and he’s not going to understand that unless you tell him yourself.”
“But, why… why does it bother me so much?” she asked, her voice quiet.
When Tariq laughed through his nose, giving her a soft smile, Meredith felt like she was looking at Aria again. “I know you already know that answer.”
She sighed, letting her eyes slide shut for a moment. “I didn’t realize anyone made you the ship’s therapist.”
This time he laughed for real. “I’m your friend, Mere. I want to help you because you’re my friend. But also, my rate is very expensive, though I’m sure a bottle of your secret stash of rum would suffice as payment—” She gave him a half-hearted glare, and then rolled her eyes.
“Get out,” she said, with no real animosity.
He stood, patting her shoulder once. “You should talk to him.”
“I will, I will. Don’t start ordering me around.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it, sir.”
Then he was gone, and Meredith was alone. Yes, she knew why it bothered her that Theodore had tried to sacrifice himself for her. Knowing didn’t make it any easier, and it didn’t make her feel any better about trying to explain it to Theodore. But before she could explain anything she wanted to apologize.
She waited a few hours until the ship had settled down for the evening before making her way back to the infirmary. She passed Tariq as he was leaving, and he gave her a wink. “He’s up.”
Nodding, she walked inside, and stopped when she saw Theo sitting up, already looking towards her.
“Meredith!”
He sounded so happy, so relieved to see her, even after she had yelled at him earlier, it made her chest ache. She tried to give him a small smile in greeting, but she wasn’t sure it came through. He gestured to the stool next to the bed, and she sat.
“Are you feeling any better?”
He nodded, then winced. “Mm, a bit. The nap helped, and whatever Marjorie put in that soup definitely helped. I had Tariq put some of my salves over the wound, and it should be almost healed in a few days. Still hurts to move, at least for now.”
Meredith was already reaching out to look at his bandages as he spoke, tracing her finger lightly over the edges. She didn’t have to look at him to know he was blushing, as his skin warmed under her touch. Taking a deep breath, she pulled back. “I’m sorry.”
He looked at her, confused. “What… what for?”
“For yelling at you earlier. I… I didn’t mean to do that.”
“Oh! That’s alright. I guess we’re even, considering the time I yelled at you,” he said, laughing, but Meredith didn’t feel any better.
“No, I needed to hear that, then. I just… got upset at you, and it wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry.”
“I mean, it kind of was my fault.” Theo kept smiling, and it was starting to drive Meredith crazy. She wanted him to be angry with her. “I did something stupid. I made you upset.”
“That’s not it!” She swore at herself, pulling even further from him. “That’s… not…”
“Meredith?”
“I can’t…” She paused, angrily blinking back tears. Theo waited, reaching out for her hand, stroking the back of it with his thumb. “I already lost one person who… who loved me, who would have done anything for me, and I can’t—I just can’t lose another.” Her voice was shaking, but she couldn’t stop it. If she didn’t say what she wanted to now, she never would. “I was terrified that I was… that I was going to lose you. And I got angry with you when I should have just said that.” As she kept looking at him, her voice broke. “Please don’t make me lose you too.”
Theodore was quiet for a moment, looking stunned. Right when Meredith started to squirm, he leaned forward, almost falling out of the bed as he pulled her back to him in a hug.
She startled, trying to keep herself from lying on top of him completely as he held her close. “Theo—your wound—”
“I don’t care,” he murmured, voice muffled in her neck. “It’s going to be okay. I’m going to be okay.”
“I know,” she said, trying to be gentle as she hugged him back with one arm, the other keeping herself propped up. “I know you are.”
He shook his head, and she felt tears land against her skin. “Meredith, I—” He moved back, holding her face in his hands, his eyes big and wet. “I promise I’m not going anywhere. I won’t make you lose me. I mean, unless you get tired of me one day, and—”
“Theo.”
“I can’t say I’m never going to do that again, because I honestly wasn’t even thinking when I did it this time, but I’m not going to make you lose me. I would rather live and die of old age with you, together, than die doing something stupid to save you.”
Meredith laughed, but it came out as more of a choke, and she leaned down, pressing her forehead to his. “Good.”
They lay there in silence for a moment, breathing together, until Theo tried to move, and winced. “Ah, maybe I shouldn’t have done that.”
Shaking her head, Meredith sat back onto the stool. “You think?”
He laughed sheepishly but reached out to hold her face in his hand again. She watched him as she turned her head enough to brush her lips against his wrist, enjoying the flush on his cheeks. Still, he didn’t look away, watching as she took his hand in hers, kissing the back of his hand gently.
“I love you so much,” he whispered, and she nodded, leaning back down to kiss his lips once.
“I know.”
One kiss turned into more, as greedy as he was, but she didn’t stop giving into him, only pulling away when he had to stop for air. He looked at her like she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and she still didn’t understand it, but she was learning to accept it.
“Get some more rest.”
He nodded, but before she could get up to leave, he took her hand. “Meredith, you… would you—”
“I can stay,” she said. “If… if that’s what you want.”
The smile he gave her made her feel warm, made her want to kiss him again. “I do.”
