just curious how many #merhayes fans are there?? i m like a hardcore merhayes fan and still routing for them to be endgame so was just wondering if there’s anyone else hoping this too?
Hi there! I hope this prompt finds you well💕: Hayes missing Meredith and calling Her every night while he was away for a weeklong conference.
I'm finally back to writing! This is a nearly 5k fic and I really hope you guys enjoy
These Days Are So Long When I Call You My Home - Merhayes
Day One
Meredith sighed, slopping back into the chair in her office and checked her phone for the 30th time that day. Cormac was leaving for a week-long conference in New York. It was the longest they would have been apart since they’d gotten together, and Meredith hadn’t realised how much she was going to end up missing him. He’d popped down to her house yesterday night to say goodbye but that already felt like weeks ago. Meredith had grown used to having a cup of coffee in the mornings with him, whether that was at the hospital or one of their homes, she was used to him trying to sneak a kiss in whenever he saw her in the corridor. His presence in her life had become a constant that she had looked forward to each morning she woke up.
With some determination, Meredith placed her phone down on her desk, face down. She hadn’t felt like this in a long time. That feeling of longing, of wanting to be around someone, the feeling of safety where you were in their proximity.
Realising that there was no point in fighting against the feeling that continued to well inside of her, Meredith picked up her phone, found Cormac’s number and hit call. She only had to wait for two rings before a smooth, Irish lilt filled the line causing every bit of tension Meredith was holding in her muscles to release.
“Meredith, is everything alright?” Cormac’s concerned tone immediately made Meredith feel guilty and stupid for calling him.
“Hey, no no, everything is good, sorry.”
“It’s okay, I just got a bit worried when I saw your name on the screen. I thought you’d be at work.”
Meredith bit her lip; she was at work and there wasn’t a problem so was she really going to admit to Cormac why she had called? “I am. I finished up in surgery, so I came back to my office and… I miss you.”
There. She had said it. It was out in the open now. There wasn’t any point hiding things from Cormac, he had the knack of knowing exactly what was going on in her head without her even having to say anything.
“You know that I’m still at the airport, right? In Seattle?” From the mirth in his voice, Meredith knew that he was grinning right now. She wasn’t going to hear the end of this from him but right now, she didn’t care.
Sighing, Meredith kicked off her trainers and walked over to the sofa, tucking her feet under her as she took a seat on it. “I know, I know… It just felt weird. Not having you there when I woke up or seeing you at work this morning. I didn’t think I would miss you this much but it’s like losing my right arm or something… It’s stupid.” She mumbled the last part.
“It isn’t stupid, Meredith because I’ve been feeling the same. But it’s seven days and when I get back, you, me and the kids will all go out and do something together. I’m pretty sure Austin was on about a circus that’s coming into town, we can make a proper day of it, the seven of us.”
If anyone had told Meredith Grey that she would be part of a family of seven back in her intern year she probably would have laughed in their face. Now, the thought of the seven of them all bundled together around a dinner table, spending days out together, was enough to make her smile. Finding a way to blend their two families together hadn’t always been easy, but over the course of the past few months, the kids had begun to share a relationship and bond that only siblings could have and they’d more than warmed up to their parent’s other half.
“I like the sound of that.”
“It’s a done deal then.”
In the background of the call, Meredith could hear a cracking female voice as Cormac paused for a moment. “That’s the call to my gate. Sorry, Mer, I’m going to have to go.”
“Have a safe flight and please text when you land.” Flying was something that Meredith was never going to feel comfortable with and there was just as much anxiety coursing through her when someone she loves was boarding a plane. She knew that she wasn’t going to feel completely at ease until Cormac’s plane had landed in JFK and she’d had a text from his as confirmation.
“I promise I will. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Day Two
As she untangled her braids that had been carefully formed on the top of her head, Meredith made herself comfy on an unabandoned gurney pushed against the wall of a deserted corridor. She knew that the surgery would be risky, the patient had gone in knowing exactly what the statistics were but that never really lessened the blow of losing someone on the table. Crossing her legs on the gurney, Meredith let her head fall back against the wall and closed her eyes. All she wanted to do right now was go home and squeeze her kids tight, but she still had another four hours left of her shift.
The feeling of her phone vibrating against her thigh nearly made her groan. She just needed five minutes of being on her own before she had to step back into the shoes of a surgeon again. This job didn't work like that though and Meredith was well aware. Slipping her phone out of her pocket relief immediately washed over her when she realised that it wasn't a page and instead was her boyfriend texting to ask if she was free to call. In a split second, she had hit the facetime button, needing to see his face.
And there he was, soft smile, sleepy eyes, wearing a white shirt.
"Hey, bub," the stupid nickname that had started as a joke to wind Meredith up had now stuck. Whilst she used to yell at him to stop, the endearment now brought a smile to her face.
"Hey, how are you doing?"
"Exhausted and missing you." Meredith couldn't help but laugh at Cormac's small pout.
“Only five more days.”
“Aye but the days are dragging, can’t say that this conference is the most interesting thing in the world.”
“I thought you were looking forward to this one.” Cormac had been ongoing on about the International Conference for Paediatric Brain Injury for weeks in the run-up to this trip.
“I still am but the past two days haven’t given me any new information. Tomorrow should be better though.”
Meredith nodded along as he spoke, trying and failing to stile a yawn. “How’s your day been? Did the surgery go alright?” Concern laced his voice. Meredith had texted him that morning about the surgery and he knew that it was a tricky one/
“It… He didn’t make it…” Meredith squeezed her eyes shut, her voice a whisper.
Cormac winced, he could hear the pain, see the exhaustion in her body. He wished for nothing more than to be able to hold her right now, but a video call was going to have to be what he settled for.
“I’m sorry, Mer, can I do anything?”
Meredith shook her head a tired smile on her lips. “I’ll be fine. My shift is over in a few hours and I’m just gonna head straight home and watch a movie with the kids.”
“Well, there are two new tubs of strawberry ice cream in your freezer for you lot to enjoy.”
“I thought I ran out the other day.”
“You did and you complained to me about it the entire way home from work so I made sure you were stocked up before I left.”
It was things like that, the small day-to-day things that could easily be brushed off that made Meredith fall harder for him.
After another five minutes, their call was interrupted by an emergency page.
“I’m gonna have to go, they need me at the Pit.” Meredith was feeling a little more rejuvenated after being able to see Cormac. Her chest no longer feeling so heavy
“Go and take care. I love you, bub.”
Meredith had slipped off the gurney and had begun to make her way to the Pit, “I love you too, I’ll text after work!”
Day Three
Cormac finally shut the lid of his laptop, laying back against the pillow. The conference had definitely ramped up compared to the past two days and he’d found the day go by much quicker. He’d made note of all the papers he wanted to read into after going to some poster presentations and listening to a few talks. He’d started the on the list after he’d had dinner.
It was 9 PM now and he knew that back in Seattle, Meredith should be done with work and back home. He hadn’t expected to miss her as much as he had over the past three days. He had grown accustomed to getting through life with just himself and his boys and as they had gotten older, he’d grown used to having to do more things by himself. With Meredith entering his life though, Cormac had found that there were now fewer and fewer things that he had to get through by himself. He now had someone that he was able to lean on and he wasn’t sure he could go back to the way things were.
Pulling his phone off charge, Cormac rang Meredith straight away. The disappointment began to well in him as the phone continued to ring.
“Hey!” The sound of Meredith’s voice immediately perked Cormac up.
“Mer, hey. I hope you’re not busy?” He was slightly worried that he’d caught her in the middle of some time with her kids, although he was pretty sure they all had some kind of extra-curricular activity going on tonight. He pretty much knew their schedules off by heart at this point.
“No no, I think the boys are good for a minute.”
“The boys?” Cormac asked slightly confused.
“Austin and Liam came around earlier, they needed some help with homework so we’ve been sat at the dining room table for a little while now, but I think we all need a break. I forgot how much I hate AP World History.”
Cormac chuckled, “Yeah, I’m glad I got out of that one. I hope you don’t mind the boys coming down?” He’d rang them this morning before they’d gone to school and had texted them frequently throughout the day to check up on them, not that he got replies very often.
“No, I told them they could come down while you were away if they needed anything. I just hadn’t expected them to take me up on the offer.” Meredith was still worried that the Hayes’ boys didn’t like her and were just putting up with her for their father’s sake.
Cormac chuckled, “You know, I think there are days where they like you more than me. They definitely think you’re cooler than me.”
Scoffing, Meredith shook her head, “I mean… it’s not like that a high bar to reach…”
“Ooft, you do wonders for my ego, Grey.” He gently teased. “Seriously though, they love hearing about your surgeries and your awards. They think you like some kind of surgical Rockstar.”
Musical laughter filled Cormac's ear as Meredith remembered a time when Christina had said something similar during their residency. Surgical rockstars, surgical royalty, isn’t that what they had all aspired to at the start of their careers? They wanted those accolades from award governing bodies and medical journals but somehow, knowing that two teenage boys thought that of her meant so much more to Meredith.
“Meredith, could you help me with this trig question?”
Cormac could hear the voice of his youngest. He was pretty sure he had taught them not to yell when people were on the phone. He was glad that. His boys had become so comfortable around Meredith though, evident by the fact that they’d gone to her house without him even being there.
“Yeah, be there in a second. Do you guys want to talk to your dad?” Her voice sounded more distant as she pulled the phone away from her ear.
There was a little mumbling before Meredith spoke again, “The boys want to talk so I’m gonna give the phone to them for a bit.”
“Sounds good, I’ll text you after if they don’t give the phone back?” Knowing his kids, they’d be in such a rush to get off the phone that they would end the call before even asking if he wanted to talk to Meredith again.
“Yeah, sounds like a plan to me.”
“I love you, Mer.”
“I love you too.”
Day Four
Cormac made a swift from the ballroom of the hotel. They’d rearranged the furniture, laying out white clothed tables for a dinner organised by the convention. Another networking opportunity and the chance to get a fancy meal that the attendees didn’t have to pay for. It definitely wasn’t something to complain about. Usually, Cormac didn’t mind the dinners. Most of the time, the nights would be filled with mindless chatter and whatever whiskey they had at the bar. Tonight though, he was out of his seat the minute dessert was finished.
The night hadn’t started off badly, just like most of the other conference dinners. But then he saw Felix Cavanaugh in the crowd before coming to sit opposite him. Seeing him had made Cormac’s body go numb, his breath catching in his throat. It was a face he hadn’t seen in a while; one he hadn’t thought he would see anytime soon. Cormac and Felix had been in the same residency class and had grown to be good friends. Whilst Cormac had pursued paediatric surgery, Felix had moved towards neuro. Eventually, their specialities had them moving to opposite coasts after finishing their residency. At first, the two of them had kept in touch but after Abigail’s diagnosis, Cormac had cut off contact with most people, his sole focus on keeping his family afloat and his wife alive.
Both men had been in shock to see each other but whilst Felix had been excited, Cormac had a sense of dread filling him. News about Abi hadn’t exactly been widespread, and Felix had come in asking a whole manner of questions about work and the kids and Abigail. When Cormac had told him what had happened, he saw the look of pity on Felix’s face, and it was too much to handle. The feeling of grief began to overwhelm him, the room suddenly felt too small. For three courses, Cormac had managed to keep a plastic smile on his face, the chats with Felix had basically drawn to a close and Cormac dashed to his room the minute that he was able to.
He tugged the tie off his neck, unbuttoning the top two buttons of his shirt, hoping that he would find it easier to breathe. Sitting on the edge of his bed, Cormac rubbed his hands across his face. His eyes were burning, jaw clenched. The feeling of grief never completely left but it had been a long time it had hit Cormac this hard, like a sucker punch. He reached for his phone in his trouser pocket, calling Meredith without a second thought.
“Hello?” A groggy and confused voice answered the call making Cormac feel guilty.
“Mer, sorry, I didn’t mean to… Did I wake you up?”
“Huh,” Meredith blinked a few times, pushing herself up and leaning on the pillows against the arm of the sofa. “Hey, sorry, I kind of took a nap after work.”
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. You go back to sleep; we can talk later.” The apologies feel in quick succession out of Cormac’s mouth.
“No, it’s okay, honestly. I’m awake, if I sleep anymore, there’s no way I’m getting to sleep tonight. Is everything okay?” Fully awake, Meredith was able to register the distress in her boyfriend’s voice.
“I-I don’t know,” hearing the crack in his voice was enough to make Meredith’s heartbreak and panic set in.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Cormac rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palm. He didn’t want to cry, not right now. He wasn’t sure he was going to be able to start if he carried on. “There was this guy at dinner, I did my residency with him…” Once Cormac had finished telling Meredith everything he felt as though he had exhausted every energy pool within him. His throat felt dry and scratchy and at some point, tears had begun to stream down his face, and he didn’t even bother wiping them away.
“Cormac…”
“I’m sorry. I feel awful coming to talk to you about this but… I didn’t know how else to go to.”
“Please don’t say sorry. I’m glad you came to me; you should be able to come to me about things like this.” They’d spoken to each other a lot about Abigail and Derek in the early days of getting to know each other and whilst they weren’t brought up in conversation as often these days, the two of them still shared the same kind of loss. “There are still people that come into the hospital asking for Derek and every time it happens it feels like someone had taken all the oxygen out of the room. I know that it can feel like reliving the worst parts of your life.”
“I hate it, Meredith. I hate this feeling and I wish it could stop.” Meredith had never heard his voice sound so small, so childlike and she wished she could do something to protect him from those feelings.
“I know, I know. You know I’d do anything to take this away from you… Can I do anything?”
There were a few moments of silence down the line which made Meredith even more worried.
“I’m just exhausted, Mer. I want to sleep but I can’t… when it’s quiet, everything just plays around in my head. I get it to calm down and it feels like something is crushing my chest.”
The feeling of helplessness was not one that Meredith was akin to. It wasn’t very often that she faced a situation where she had nothing in her arsenal to help with. In the end, there was only one thing that Meredith was able to come up with.
“How about I stay on the phone with you. I can read you a medical journal so it’s not quiet and you can try and get some sleep. And if not, then you know that I’m right there for you.”
“I can’t ask you to do that… the kids…”
“You aren’t asking me to do anything, I’m offering, and the kids are with Maggie and Winston for ice cream.”
“Are you sure?” Cormac had already begun to kick off his shoes and crawl under the covers. He didn’t even have the will to change into pyjamas.
“I’m sure, you comfy?” Meredith reached for a journal on top of the coffee table and flipped to the last dog-eared page. “Because this is a good one.”
“I’m comfy, and Mer?”
“Hm?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Day Five
A day off on the weekend was like gold dust. 24 hours where Meredith was able to spend time with her kids without having to worry about pages or school drop-offs. The four of them alongside Austin and Liam were sprawled out across Meredith’s living room floor watching Jurassic Park.
It hadn’t taken long for Cormac to eventually fall asleep last night but even then, Meredith stayed on a little while longer to make sure that he wasn’t going to wake up. She’d kept her phone within reach and on loud all night. They’d text since she had woken up and Cormac seemed to be feeling a little better, but Meredith knew that it would take a few days for the sinking feeling of grief to dampen down to a more manageable level again. Not being able to be with his kids probably wasn’t helping either.
With the kids entranced with the film and Liam keeping Bailey entertained with dinosaur facts, Meredith felt the muscles in her body finally relax. Domestic comfort wasn’t something that she had thought would be in her life back when she was young, but she was now lucky enough to experience that kind of love and comfort every day when she got home. A serene smile was placed on her lips as she looked at the five kids under her care.
The ringtone from her phone pulled Meredith out of her thoughts though. Zola swivelled around to give her mum a quick glare. “You said no phones during films!”
“Sorry, Zo-Zo, it’s just Cormac.”
“Da?” Liam looked up from his conversation with Bailey.
“He’s facetiming if you all want to come over here.”
Suddenly a gaggle of kids was upon her. Ellis had clambered onto her lap, Liam and Austin had sat behind her on the sofa and Bailey and Zola were sat on the floor on either side of her. Once they were all in place, Meredith accepted the call.
“He- Oh wow!” Cormac eyes widened and a large grin spread across his face when he saw all of the kids.
“Hey, guys!”
There was a blur of hi’s, hello’s and how are you’s as all of them began to talk at the same time making Meredith and Cormac laugh. In the end, Meredith decided to let each of the kids take the phone to talk to him, passing it to Liam and Austin first. Ellis was the last one, who was happily chatting to Cormac about the new dress her mum had bought her for a talent show.
“Do ya mind if I talk to your mum for a bit, sweetheart?”
Ellis gave it some thought before finally nodding her head. “Okay, bye-bye, Mac!”
“Bye, Ellis!”
Ellis passed back the phone to Meredith and crawled off her lap to join the other kids. All of them were again engrossed in the movie. Meredith got up out of her seat and wandered into the kitchen.
“Hey, how are you feeling today?”
Cormac gave a half-hearted shrug. “Eh, okay, better than last night.” He sighed, “Thank you for everything.”
“You don’t need to say thank you, it’s what I’m here for.”
“Mom, come on! You’re missing the best part!” Bailey’s voice was loud enough to be heard throughout the entire house.
“You’ve been summoned?” Cormac chuckled.
“I should go before he starts a riot.” Meredith had learned to expect the unexpected when it came to her kids and Bailey was sometimes in an entirely different ballpark.
“I’ll leave you to that, I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Day Six
“I just can’t believe how well the kids get on.”
After coming back home after a late-night finish, Meredith had text Cormac just to let him know that she got home safely. She hadn’t expected a text back asking if she was up for a phone call. He had stayed up, waiting for her to come home since they hadn’t had a chance to talk that day.
“Would you rather them be at each other’s throat?” Cormac asked.
“Could you imagine? No, thanks.” Meredith rolled onto her stomach on her bed. “I guess I just wasn’t expecting them to slot into everything the way they have. I mean, I know that they have their small arguments but…”
“Feel like it just came too easily?”
Meredith murmured in agreement. Nothing in her life had ever come easily and it had felt strange that something as big as this had been so straightforward. She gnawed on her lip as she thought about all the ways this could go wrong.
“Hey, I can hear your gears turning from here. Please don’t give into to the thought.”
“The thoughts?” Meredith raised a browed, temporarily forgetting all the catastrophic situations that had been playing in her mind.
“The dark, twisty thoughts.” He had taken the phrase that Meredith had used to describe the early days in residency. “Don’t give into them. Let’s just be thankful that for the first time in a long time, something has been easy.”
Processing his words, Meredith slowly agreed with him. “I guess so.”
“Isn’t life a little nicer when you aren’t trying to guess what’s going wrong?”
“I’m sorry but since when did you become a beacon of positivity and sunshine?” Cormac wasn’t exactly known for his positive demeanour in the hospital.
He chuckled lowly, “I guess that’s what love does to you.”
“Oh gosh,” Meredith rolled her eyes. “Please, I don’t think I’m going to cope if you become all lovestruck and mushy.”
“I thought you’d like lovestruck and mushy.”
“Brooding and moody seems more my type these days,” she teased.
“Moody?” Cormac feigned offence.
“Uh, do you not remember the way you were when you first started?”
“Well, there was a certain doctor there than insisted on pushing all of my buttons.”
It was something that they constantly teased each other about. Whilst it had surprised them both when feelings had begun to develop, everyone around them had been waiting with bated breath for them to get together.
“I stopped think about the future after Abigail passed,” Cormac voice had dipped. “Stopped hoping and living. I was just in survival mode. Trying to get through one day at a time and just making sure that the boys were okay. You put everything I knew on its head. Made me feel like it was okay to be happy again. My world stopped crumbing when you entered my life, Meredith Grey, and between the two of us and the kids, we’re rebuilding it again.”
The silence down the end of the phone call had made Cormac think that Meredith had gone to sleep but then he heard quiet sniffling. “Mer?”
“You’re an idiot who makes me cry.”
“An idiot that you love though?”
“Yeah, for some unknown reason…”
Day Seven
Meredith had been praying the entire day that an emergency wouldn’t come into the pit. Usually, she would love the adrenaline rush that came with a full Pit and back-to-back surgeries but not today. Cormac was meant to be landing this evening and she was rallying the kids down to his house so that they could all have dinner together. The day was passing by unbearably slowly though. Even surgeries that flew by seemed to be agonisingly long.
Two surgeries in and lunch done, Meredith had walked back to her office. Her afternoon rounds didn’t start for another twenty minutes so she had some time to collect the files that she needed and update a few charts. Checking the time on her watch, Meredith realised that Cormac should be at the airport by now since his flight would be taking off in an hour.
Entering her office, Meredith slipped out her phone from her lab coat and rang Cormac. Turns out she couldn’t wait until he got back home to talk to him.
“Hey, Mer.” Meredith still couldn’t understand the effect that Cormac’s voice had on her. The way it made her feel calm and safe.
“Hey. Sorry, I know you’re going to be boarding your flight soon, but I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“Missing me?” He teased her, a cockiness in his voice.
Meredith huffed out a breath, “You know, I could just put this phone down?”
“Aw, come on now. You don’t want to do that; I promise I’ll be on my best behaviour.”
Scoffing, Meredith walked over to the window, her free hand in her coat pocket. “Fat chance of that happening.”
“I’ll have you know that I can behave when I want to, you just bring out the worst in me. Always have and always will.”
“So, this is my fault?”
“Oh, completely and utterly.” He chuckled before softening his tone, “What are you up then?”
“Still at work, this day doesn’t want to end.”
“Anything exciting happened?’
“Well, the cafeteria changed the dressing on the salad… not sure if I like it or not though.”
“I’m surprised you even went for the salad.”
Crinkling her nose, Meredith grimaced. “It wasn’t out of choice; it was one of the only things left.”
Laughing, Cormac shook his head. “Of course, don’t know why I expected anything else. What are you up to now then?”
“Hiding away in my office. Rounds don’t start for a little while yet and I just wanted to call you.”
“It won’t be long until I’m back.”
Sighing, Meredith rand a hand through her hair, “It’s long enough and knowing my luck, I’ll be pulled into surgery just before it’s time to go home.”
“Could be sooner than you think.”
Meredith jumped as she felt a kiss placed on her cheek, almost dropping her phone out of her hand. She spun around; a grin painted on her face the minute she saw her boyfriend stood in front of her.
“What are you-? I thought- How are you here?”
Cormac brushed a stay hair out of Meredith’s face, “I got an early flight out. There weren’t any other talks I needed to stay around for, so I didn’t see the point of spending any more time away from my family.”
Meredith would never admit how her heart skipped a beat when he called her and her kids’ part of his family. The momentary shock now gone, Meredith wrapped her arms around Cormac’s neck, inhaling the woodsy scent of his cologne.
“I’ve missed you so much,” she mumbled into his shoulder.
“I’ve missed you too, bub. You have no idea how much I love you.” He squeezed her, holding her close.
Maggie Pierce and Winston Ndugu got married in a private ceremony on the shores of Alki Beach in Seattle in July of 2020. While everyone was dancing in the makeshift reception hall on the beach, Meredith Grey headed off to the tides to watch the waves, experiencing extreme deja-vu. A few minutes after noticing her leave, Cormac Hayes followed to make sure she was alright.
“Beautiful ceremony, wasn’t it?” Cormac said as he approached Meredith, who stood alone near the shores, lost in thought. Meredith only nodded, not needing to look up to know it was Cormac who’d spoken, keeping her eyes focused on the waves in front of her. She was happy for her sister, and new brother-in-law, but being on the beach for their ceremony brought back vivid memories of her dream beach where she spent so much time during her battle with covid.
“You, uh, you okay?” He asked, wanting to know what she was thinking about. “Oh, yeah. Just... thinking.” She replied, her eyes meeting his. His heart felt like it could’ve skipped a beat. He’d taken notice of how beautiful she looked standing up beside her sister at the altar, and he stared at her from the audience more than he probably should have, but there was something especially beautiful about the way her hair and eyes looked in the sunset as they stood side by side on the beach. “Want to talk about it?” He didn’t want to push her to talk if it was something too personal.
“Maybe in a little bit, I just want to enjoy this moment right now.” She smiled slightly at him, and his smile matched hers. She was grateful for his company and friendship, but she couldn’t help but feel like someone was yelling in the back of her mind to not waste any time.
Cormac had been wrestling with his feelings for Meredith for months, and almost losing her only reaffirmed the way she made him feel. He wanted to tell her how he felt right then and there, and he could hear Abby in the back of his mind reminding him that he deserved to be happy, and that she wanted him to love again. Meredith made him happy, happier than he’d been in almost 2 years - and he couldn’t waste any more minutes not telling her.
“You look great today, Grey.” He finally spoke up, and he didn’t miss the way she smiled at his words. “Thank you, you look pretty great yourself.” Meredith could see where this was going, but she didn’t let it on, she knew he had to get there himself. “No, no. I mean, you look beautiful. I couldn’t keep my eyes off you during the ceremony.” She only smirked at his words.
“I noticed. I could see you from the front.” Hayes laughed bashfully, embarrassed that she’d noticed his eyes on her. “I was flattered.” She finally turned her body away from the waves and towards him, so there was only a little bit of space between them. He knew it was now or never.
“Grey… I like you." He blurted out. No turning back now. "In a way I didn’t think I was going to be capable of liking someone after Abby died. And I know you just got over covid, but I can’t waste another minute not letting you know that I have feelings for you. It feels like I’m lying to you every time we have a conversation. And I totally understand if you’re not ready for another relationship, if-” And in a split second decision, Meredith closed the gap between her and Cormac, kissing him quickly and passionately.
As they pulled away, his eyes were wide and Meredith looked close to remorseful. “Hayes… I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think to ask if you were ready for that, just admitting your feelings was a big step and I shouldn’t have-” Meredith began to apologize, but Cormac simply smiled, cut her off and pulled her in to kiss her again, deeper and more romantic. Her hands instinctively wrapped around his neck as one of his hands ran through her hair, and the other wrapped around her back to pull her closer to him.
Both of them were breathless and smiling as they pulled away again, and the chaos in Meredith’s life seemed to come to a halt as she looked deep into the eyes of her equal. “We should probably get back to the reception before someone comes to look for us.” Meredith said, intertwining her fingers with his. “That’s probably a good idea.” He responded, closing their fingers together. “Would you spare me a dance when we get back?”
I loved seeing Meredith and Derek talk about their kids and Amelia on the beach and I loved their beach wedding. But the thing I loved most about the beach scenes was when Meredith asked him if he had been watching over her and had seen her the last one to two years and cringed when she said it. Then Derek grimaced back and said it was hard watching her be lonely. I feel like there are a lot of ways to interpret that scene so here’s my take. I really loved that exchange because at this point Derek has been dead about five years so averaging about one year per season the last one to two years would encompass seasons 15 and 16. During that time Meredith was single, went on blind dates that her friends and CeCe the matchmaker set her up on, and dated DeLuca on and off for several months.
I loved Derek’s line because Meredith was cringing when she said that because she knew she’d made mistakes and that would have been hard for Derek to watch. I love that he told her it was hard watching her be lonely because you can be lonely if you are alone but you can also be lonely if you are in a relationship that's not right for you that makes you feel alone. Meredith talks about this very thing in one of the earlier seasons. The romantic storylines they’ve given Meredith over the last couple of seasons have not been well received on the whole so I’m glad they addressed that. I was wondering if they would and I know other fans were too and I was definitely one of those people that liked the potential of Meredith starting to date again but didn’t like where that storyline ended up. I felt like Derek and Meredith (and by extension Patrick and Ellen) were echoing what a lot of fans have been feeling the last few years in that scene. I love that they addressed that in a subtle way that made sense.
Derek doesn’t want Meredith to be lonely and he told her often in life that he didn’t want her to be alone which is why he pushed her to open up to the idea of having kids and having sisters in her life. If something ever happened to him, like what happened to his Dad, he didn’t want her to be alone. He wanted her to be surrounded by love. If you take those comments in conjunction with what Derek says earlier on the beach when he tells Meredith she should hear Hayes out it really felt to me like he was giving her his blessing to be happy with someone who could really love her and be a part of the family. Who could love her and the kids the way they deserve to be loved because he can’t be with them anymore. I think Hayes could be that person and Derek and Cristina clearly think so. As do Amelia, Maggie, and Jo which warms my heart. Meredith deserves someone amazing who loves her for her and who is impressed by her but not intimidated.
Who really loves kids and can be a parent to hers. Who can be her partner and stand beside her not in competition with her. Who can be a part of the friend group and a part of her family. Hayes is well liked by her friends and family and is well respected at work for being a good doctor and an excellent surgeon who cares about his patients and who people trust. I can’t wait to see the scene between Meredith and Hayes when he finds out she’s awake and doing better. More than anything I want to see them have that drink and get together. I want to see Meredith get to know his boys the way he’s gotten to know her kids while she’s been sick. I want to see him spend time with Link and Winston and become friends with them. I’ve been waiting ever since the elevator scene when we found out he was a gift from Cristina for this and I think we’re about to get there.
I love Nick’s character and its great to have him back after YEARS of begging, but I’m still a Mermac fan and I am rooting for Hayes and Meredith. Still though it’s great to see Nick again. It’s been Way too long.
(sorry to my followers who don’t care about Grey’s Anatomy)
I’m re-watching Season 4 because pandemic and Meredith says something to the effect of “The thing that’s different about Derek is not the sex but the safe feeling afterwards.”
Hayes is the first post-Derek guy that you see her get that feeling of safety and belonging with. (This is based on my admittedly sporadic viewing of the last few seasons.) And, I’d argue, she’s got the potential to be even more vulnerable with Hayes than she was with Derek. Derek was great and all but he was pretty arrogant and had a sarcastic streak that came up when he was hurting. Hayes is willing to be vulnerable and talk about his pain and he’s humble enough to apologize and admit he’s made mistakes.
I mean, I’m sure season 17 will have its share of flirting and drama and crap, but what I would love to see if the McWidows got together is all of the potential fluff. Cuddling and talking about their kids, moving in together and realizing Mer’s house is too small, and, imagine this for a second, loading the five children up in a suburban or (and this is almost too surreal) a minivan for a blended family road trip. Meredith would be the “Don’t make me turn this car around parent,” and I haven’t seen enough of Hayes to know what he would do. Probably tell Bailey a potty joke that makes him laugh hard enough that he stops poking his sisters. Imagine Hayes’ boys learning to be big brothers and Zola being absolutely thrilled.
With McWidow, you don’t just see the hot relationship, you see the life together, and I for one, think Christina knew what she was doing.
