#mesi no

[miayuu]

check it out now they’re both pink

[doncosciotte]

Talmente fuori fase nel post esame. che ho lasciato la bottiglia d’acqua sul banco. Fanculo.

[miayuu]

can someone like please EXPLAIN what the FUCK happened this last episode , my neurons just stopped working altogether

[doncosciotte]

Dobbiamo parlare, ma non ho voglia di vederti. Sto evitando i miei sentimenti e te, non funziona un cazzo e potrà solo andare peggio.

Mi ferirai indipendentemente da come andrà e a questo scenario non ero preparata. Forse ti ho scelta proprio perché guardandoti pensai “ecco, questa è innocua”.

E invece.

[miayuu]

vaya. creo que este tipo estaba esperando hasta tarde para enviarme un mensaje y luego yo mando esa mierda de excusa. bueno. me pasa por tremenda imbécil. coño que estoy tan enojada que podría llorar. soy tan pinche sensible y no aguanto ni la menor cosa. ahora mañana a despertar como si ni una mierda hubiera ocurrido y seguir con mis estúpidas clases en línea y seguir procrastinando y seguir con la pinche rutina de la putamadre que me pario. asi estuve a inicios de 2019 y parece que regresé a este estado de ponerme en situaciones de mierda yo solita por mi falta de comunicación y timidez. ya no quiero tener que estar lidiando con esto. creo que nisiquiera es que mi novio sea un idiota o que no tenga amigos o que mi familia este separada o que mi ansiedad esto o mi paranoia lo otro simplemente soy yo. soy yo soy yo soy yo soy yo soy yo soy yo.

[miayuu]

en verdad lo que más me dolería si termináramos sería que en poco tiempo consiga pareja y que oficialize su noviazgo públicamente/publique estados para ella/publique fotos con ella. acaso no soy lo suficientemente buena para recibir eso? nunca oficializó conmigo en fb como con su anterior pareja y nunca publica fotos conmigo, y si publica, pone de comentario algo ambiguo que con las justas se entiende y hace parecer como si fuéramos amigos, no novios. 

[miayuu]

ok so since my fucking TWITTER. is already followed by some of my friends. and i can’t vent properly there since my vents tend to include the people IM CLOSEST TO. apparently i’ve been obligated to come here to this shithole of a social website and talk about what’s bothering me without any risk of nosy people that will snitch on me. 

today i found that i am still a pretty jealous person. can’t say i thought i wasn’t anymore but it’s been quite a long since i’ve felt like this so yeah. he sent me a new stupid little cute sticky sweet sticker and since we always rp as if we were super clingy and i was feeling like a smart ass i asked him jokingly where he got that sticker, that he’s probably cheating on me with n different girls, yada yada as per joke standard. he proceeds to tell me that an actual female friend of his sent him the sticker, so i thought about that for a second. didn’t want to think much of it, it’s just a dumbass little gif, it’s no big deal, you’re more mature than that. but now it’s been around 5 hours and neither i nor him have talked to eachother again. the fact that he hasn’t talked is kind of a bad sign overall, the conversation was cut off abruptly and it’s weird for him to not. well. send another message or two in those circumstances. so he definitely knows what’s up. which is also kind of a bad sign? if he thought that the fact that his friend sent him that gif was an innocent thing and wouldn’t be a reason to get irked about, he would just message again. but i haven’t talked either, i guess. so it’s a crappy situation. 

i feel shitty with myself honestly. i don’t want to make a seemingly big deal out of stupid things like that. it’s so cringy and childish to act like this. i just want to have better self esteem man. this shit sucks and not being able to just trust my partner (although these situations don’t happen very often) is fucked and just. idiotic as hell.

theres kind of a reason to be distrusting of him though. it’s some shit that neither him nor me have EVER talked about since the beggining of our relationship and let me tell you it is AWFUL. and hell, i’m not going to blame myself for not breaking the ice on that topic between us because it was HIS whole ordeal, that VERY CLEARLY affected our relationship! i don’t have to be the one awkwardly sending a message ‘hey babe, we should talk about....’ it is HIS fault and HE is the one responsible for letting is happen. god, it just makes me so angry that he lets it just boil between our feet, and he probably thinks it just a thing of the past and that we already talked it out NO, WE NEVER HAVE. YOU NEVER TALK ABOUT HER. WHEN I MENTION HER NAME YOU JUST CUT THE CONVERSATION SHORT. STOP BEING A COWARD. 

i got a little mad, sorry. i don’t talk a lot about this. actually i never talk about these things, i don’t have close friends. it’s kind of freeing to be able to let off steam via social media. i guess i’ll just have to keep on making entries. 

[miayuu]

fuuuck yeaaaaaaaa i fixed my shitty blog theme now it actually makes SENSE and i can go through my blog’s PAGES