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y'all this niall skincare video has me so!!!!!!!!! kjsdnbkdbnkds???!!!!! like i'm supposed to be PAST THIS. this unhinging is in my PAST. HALT THIS NEIL, don't be funny and genuine and good and taking care of your skin and casually slapping down fragile masculinity!! like so what if i loved you and now all those feelings are burbling in my chest like a re-opened game of jumanji !!!! relax!!!!!
zouis in fucking 2022??&?&??? bruh i have other hyperfixations now, shut the frick uPPpPPpp
can't believe how many of y'all still follow me over here 😂 it's so cute. how are y'all doing? what are y'all into these days? 💌
a song that was on night city grows (i wanna feel like fireworks in the night and twice the heart) verse’s playlist came on just now and i had a massive, full body lurch into the feeling of writing ncg: warm in the stomach, fluttery in the heart, intense focus, coiled in the dusk hours of my university coffee shop with my muse feverishly guiding my fingers across a clacking keyboard.
it’s truly... wild..how powerful sensory recall is.
look not to be 2014 about it, but i really wanna hear zayn and niall's voices on a track together again 😢
just popping on here to say harold winning best pop performance is SOOOOOO moldly like wow ok r we just ignoring every woman in the woman founded and dominated field of pop that goes 210% for every one of their outrageous, incredible, athletic performances??&?&? yikes
at least leem hasn't badly doodled over the chevrons sacred space yet !!
I still have so many (too many) feelings about the end of 1d and who they are now. Specifically abt zayn. it’s honestly upsetting to hear him talk about how he was never friends with any of them. Like is he lying or was my perception of this great love between them completely wrong? was this friendship and brotherhood fake?? just sooo many feelings help
hey honey, i’ve been sitting on this for a few days, ruminating.
and the thing is, i think a lot of zayn’s discussion about his time in 1d is a.) highly edited and re-contextualized by the people presenting his words to fit their own story and b.) always gonna be messy and clouded by the fact that he was in love with something and that something (even if not the someone’s involved in that something) hurt him.
we’d never begrudge that to anyone else in another situation! we’d never say “hey, the way you talk about a complicated past relationship you had when you were a 17 year old now that you’re out of it is really not straight forward and simple.” it just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me, dove. esp given that zayn endures the most critical lens of his words and self as a soft, vocal artist of color.
i do think that feeling a strangeness in terms of your own relationship to ot5 is very very understandable. i know i blogged about it at the time of. but i struggled so much in a scary way with the idea that i had a mistaken view of reality, that i had manufactured something in my head about the five of them, and led to the hurt or dehumanization of them.
what i came to is this:
your feelings are real. what you felt for them and with them and through them is as real as it gets. your feelings and memories are inside of you and you cannot help how you interpreted events given your perspective or knowledge at the given time events occurred. you can’t second guess or berate yourself too much on it. you tried your best.
what the lads felt as kids, as people growing into themselves, was real too. they expressed it as they could, and we saw it as we could, through the filtered lens that ot5 had available to them and that they felt comfortable with. we will never know the details of what went on intimately between them as friends and co-wokers. that’s theirs to keep, and honestly. i want them to have it. 1d has been chewed up and spit out and chewed up again so many times by the media, by friends, by their own fans - i want them to have something for themselves.
what’s the question you have to ask is this: is the part of your fan experience that you created, with the things, the love that they did give you, more important than what they didn’t?
because i think at the end of the day, that’s what i come back to. they’re flawed, human, celebrity artists, and they make me mad and confused as hell, yeah, but the one thing i know is that they loved me. and i know i made something beautiful by sharing that love with other people.
and that’s all me. that’s all you. (that’s all of us.)
