[tmq excerpt] a letter
Ellis,
I know that it would be easy to interpret my leaving as my being guilty. I know that the council probably has—and I wouldn’t blame you if that’s what you thought too. In a way, none of your are wrong. I caused this, even if I didn’t kill him with my own hands.
The night I came back… you told me that the Slaeyr had come looking for me. Made some assumptions, put some pieces together—pieces you put together long before you told me about them, I know. The grandmaster made them leave, and I believe that they killed him, or arranged for him to be killed. I don’t know if they knew I would be blamed for the murder or not. What I do know, is that they will come back, and once more, they will ask for me. I don’t know if Xandria will protect me as her predecessor did—and I don’t know what will happen if they’re denied again.
I have to leave. I’m sure you understand. But I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye, first.
I know that emotional exchanges aren’t your favorite thing in the world. They aren’t mine either. But… I have a feeling this is going to be the last time I’m ever going to get to talk to you. While I am not necessarily dying, Jezebel Eramyn is. Wherever I end up… that won’t be the name I use anymore. And the person I’m becoming… I don’t think you’ll ever cross paths with her again. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t thank you for all that you did for me.
When we met, I was a brat. I had a chip on my shoulder, a grudge against the world. I hated everything and I lashed out at everyone. I refused to accept anyone’s help. I was—driven and determined, but also full of anger. And grief, too. But you took me in anyway. I don’t know if it was as a favor to your old friend or whether because you saw something in me—but either way, you did it. You took me in and you didn’t take any of my shit. You knocked me around when I needed it, helped me up when I fell.
You were there for me, from the very beginning. When I needed someone the most, you were there. And maybe your help wasn’t the most conventional—but you picked me up off the ground and you turned me into something. Someone. You taught me how to survive. You showed me how to carve a place in the Swans—and I did. A pretty damn good one, but one I never would have gotten without your help.
Without you believing in me.
So…
Thank you. For that. The things you taught me, I will carry around for the rest of my life.
There’s not really much else to say, other than that. I don’t have enough time to compose letters for everyone, so give them my farewells—and make sure Kato doesn’t charge off looking for me, alright? Where I’m going, he can’t—shouldn’t—follow.
Thanks for everything… and good luck in all of your endeavors.
Farewell, Jezebel Eramyn
Reaching the end of chapter three in my revisions now. Had to cut the actual exchange with Alinora & Ellis, but we got a far more heartfelt letter instead so... win? maybe? Anyway. Not quite sure how I feel about this but--it’s been a while since I’ve shared anything, so have an excerpt!