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Care | Kazuhira Miller x Reader

Summary: Placed in MGSV.

She get’s hurt, and he knows it’s his fault, and it’s eating at him // Here comes baby Kaz and his self loathing and all that shit that just makes you want to hold him.

Word count : 9630

Character Backstory: So You know those stories where the main character kind of just ends up in another world? Yeah, I’m pulling that little bs. The reader kind of just ended up in that world, without memory or a past. Eventually, she’s saved by V, and brought to mother base. The majority of TTP stories I’ll do are centered around that concept. If your interested in it [ This ] is the character design I’ve done. Of course, it’s not really the set image, but an idea of mine. You imagine what you will. I own nothing but the story itself. The characters mentioned and used are not property of mine.

I’ve finally finished something else on metal gear! (۶ꈨຶꎁꈨຶ )۶ʸᵉᵃʰᵎ

Care

He could feel his right hand clench, fingers curling so tightly together towards his palm that they trembled with the force.

Nails pierced through the skin, puncturing through the rough surface to form small bloodied crescents.

He could feel the stinging, the hot burning as he drew blood through the curved indents formed by his puncturing nails. He could also feel all of his muscles stiffen tightly and grow rigid, the burning sensation over every inch of his person, down to the tips of his toes.

The straining in his limbs was all too present, and he could swear upon it with certainty. It was all there, and yet, as he looked down towards it, towards the trembling, fisted hand, there wasn’t anything to stare at. There wasn’t a hand to look down upon, and hidden beneath the olive-colored pants he wore, there wasn’t a leg either.

It should have been common knowledge, something he should have drilled inside by then, yet somehow, it always managed to slip past him. He failed to process their absence, because, in truth, it felt as though they were still part of him.

His murky coated eyes, once a charming soft blue, slowly trailed to his shoulder where the sleeve of his beige overcoat moved and danced with the strong winds, courtesy of the moving chopper.

’It’s not there, ’ he reminded himself yet again because no matter how many times he repeated it, he found it hard to truly believe.

It wasn’t there, along with their old base…

Along with all their old comrades…

Along with everything they had built...

None of it existed any longer, because it had all been stolen from them, ripped right from their grips, and taken without mercy. “Everything taken from us… and now…” he trailed off, looking down at their invaded mother base, unable to finish the sentence.

“It’s my damn fault…” he muttered lividly, because he was to blame, and no one else could take the credit for his mistake.

“…And I can’t even go down there myself,” He continued with a snarl. “I can’t do anything here… Not with these phantom limbs,” he lamented, feeling utterly helpless.

It scathed him, burned him from within to know he was useless.

What good was it to feel them there?

What good were they if they were nothing but delusions, meager ghosts of his past?

He was missing so much in his present time, and he had thought there couldn’t exist another pain similar, that somehow there wasn’t anything else he could lose.

What more could be taken from his single, empty hand?

- And he had even asked himself such a thing, ‘What more can I lose?’

He so often swam in the thought, never once looking far deeper than the surface, never once taking into consideration the one precious piece in his life that had somehow found its way to him, and that he so foolishly spurned.

He had pushed it away, wholeheartedly convincing himself that there was only one thing to gain, only one thing to strive for:

Revenge.

He was so blinded by the single goal of vengeance and the satisfaction of someday grasping it, that he mindlessly overlooked how much there was to gamble…

How much was on the line.

...............................

The blonde pulled up a faint smile, one that was filled with astonishment more than anything else. To his relief, they had gained control of their base back, all without a casualty from either side,

“Leave it to the boss to pull it off,“ he said with a sigh of relief.

‘Still, I don’t know what I was so worried about...’ He thought to himself because he should have known things would work out in the end.

However, even after their successful win, a naggy, little feeling was still there inside of him, jabbing him with thin pins of anxiousness.

‘Why...Why can’t I shake this off?’ he questioned himself.

He felt a strange sense of urgency, a deep discomfort wedged right in his chest. With tightly furrowed brows the man clawed his hand over his chest as though it might have been a stupid itch irking him, but of course, that wasn’t the case.

- It all seemed well enough, an easy wrap so to speak.

Whatever mercenaries against them had given in as their leader was brought down, each and every one of the trespassers laying down their arms, submitting for a show of mercy.

He himself had voiced to them the offer of leniency if they so cherished their lives.

They’d be spared if only they’d surrender, and that’s exactly what they'd done.

It was supposed to be a victory…

His eyes strained to see the small figures, one of the handfuls seeming very familiar to him.

It wasn’t too difficult to pick out the woman from the crowd around her when she was dressed so differently from the other men and women on base, so his eyes naturally drew to her.

And as he caught what he was sure was the sight of her, he could feel his chest grow heavier, the sense of urgency spiking as he focused on the small figure.

‘Something's wrong,’

“What’s going on?” he asked himself with a short mutter, and as the last word rolled out from his tongue, a familiar sound erupted, splitting through the calmed air with its echoing roar.

A traveling bullet erupted by an opposing rifle, finding its destination within a heaved chest, the hot slug piercing through the center with a quickness that took only seconds.

And it was only at that moment, that very instant the unmistakable sound of gunfire erupted, that he came to the realization of just what was on the verge of loss.

He had realized what had been weighing down his heart.

The sinking feeling had been a sense of foreboding. The sixth sense he’d been granted had been warning him to go to her, to find her before anything happened to her.

But yet again, he had fallen short.

He watched her body fall, landing on her side first before she turned over, her bleeding torso pointed up to the same direction her pretty face was.

'Why her?’ He asked himself.

It wasn’t thought he would have found any pleasure in it being anyone else rather than her, because in his perfect world none of his men would ever see an end.

They’d have nothing but victories.

However, he couldn't help but ask himself such a question, finding it mind-boggling.

Why had it been her?

Of the crowd of many, of the entire army of mercenaries, it had been the one person he was certain had never even touched a weapon, much less been stained by another's blood.

She was someone that hadn’t really had anything of her own, aside from a name, one to which she clung to desperately. She held onto the only thing she could call her own and define her, holding it precious because it was what linked her to her obscured past.

And although it seemed unlikely to find her way back to the life she had before, she still had hope for it.

She had her name, as well as the still existing faith, and nothing more.

Some would claim she truly didn’t have anything, and that all in all, she was unfortunate, and, perhaps, to a certain degree, plainly stupid.

Those who did believe her and her story felt she was being foolish to be so naive in a longing desire far too improbable.

A certain few found it admirable, but overall simply felt sympathy, a sentiment far too close to pity because they knew she wouldn't ever find the answers she searched for.

And then, of course, there were those who still had their doubts about her, being utterly distrustful of the strange woman. Without holding back, they made it known that not everyone welcomed her.

But even then, through the hostility and the doubt, she was someone who was still grateful for life.

And he could see it.

Kaz could see it in her smile, in the careless little grin she sprouted every so often, either alone or with company.

It wasn’t feigned nor some mask she wore to hide her true self.

No...

She was joyous with just that single possession, and with what small joys that fell into her hands. Meanwhile, others would lament their fate.

Others who had more, yet felt spiteful, just like he did.

The ugly feeling festered as he began to feel robbed yet again, played by the same merciless deity that had toyed with him before.

He just knew that wherever it was, it watched him crumble, measuring how deep he could fall, and how far he could sink before he couldn't take enough,

‘Why her of all people? Why someone so...innocent?

What faults did she have?’

His vehicle came closer, and as he caught better sight of her, he instantly felt cold, feeling an icy chill running over every centimeter of his body, almost as though he’d fallen through the cracked ground of the arctic and left to sink down the endless, icy waters.

Chilled to the bone, he stood stiffly, clutching his chest with his only hand.

His breath came out staggered as though he’d been running for hours on end, his heart ongoing in a furious pace with anxiousness as silence fell upon them.

The quiet was ongoing, lasting to what seemed like an eternity as he watched one of the men with her fall to his knees while at her side.

He made haste in tearing off her sticky, stained blouse, the plain white button-up infected with scarlet, turning completely red as he pressed it to her wound with hopes of stopping the bloodflow, desperately doing the best he could.

However, he was clearly no medic, the man being nothing but a simple grunt knowing only combat.

Luckily, the combat medics soon came flooding in, falling to her aid, making the determined man move aside as they worked on her.

Kaz watched with deaf ears as they hastily bandaged her, enough so to move her without letting her bleed out.

The unconscious, (h/c) haired woman was then placed into a chopper, surrounded by medics, each doing a job of their own, doing their best to make her hold on until they reached the medical platform where they could do their best work.

The last Kazuhira saw of her was just as they carried her into the vehicle, leaving behind only two other medics, both tending to three other soldiers, none of which seemed to want the attention, the men being fine with what they considered small scrapes.

As he landed, he walked up to the men, all of which saluted him, regardless of their positions and health, such as loyal dogs would do, which left him astounded at how dedicated they were to their organization, much more to their vision.

“Are you men alright?” He asked them, dismissing them to move freely with a small wave of his hand.

‘ To hell with all the protocol,’

He wanted to see the damage himself. All in all, he wanted to know just how much weight he would have to carry on his shoulders.

“Nothing much here sir,” One of the medics replied to him, giving him a brief nod before taking off his bloodied, latex gloves.

Miller watched on as he threw them aside, the blood staining them not matching any of the injured men as they were clean of the hellish color, save for the one man who had desperately tried to aid the woman.

They oozed with the same gore left behind on the grounds of their base, and it was plainly easy to see that it was all hers.

The man’s hands, as well as the medic’s gloves and even their home, were all stained by her fleeting life.

“- Nothing but a few flesh wounds,” The medic specified, placing a hand to one of the injured men’s shoulders, the said man nodding somberly, a single motion carried out as he averted his green colored eyes down to the still painted floors, all with a hardened glare.

His dirty hands were both placed over his knees, fisted at the joints, his head beginning to hang low as he processed the entire ordeal, coming to terms with what had just happened.

…………………………

Mutely, Kaz stared at the blackened sky, quietly observing it.

Everything after the event felt like a blur. Hours progressed and the lovely blue sky darkened into A starless indigo, and during then he was stuck, simply glancing up at the somber moon, staring at the small, thin crescent, like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

He was stuck on the scenery, seeming to be entranced by it when in reality, his mind had blanked.

He had gone through the rest of the day without doing much but stare over at the atmosphere, ignoring everything else around him, finding it all trivial.

Warm colors eventually found their way to the empty space above, waking him from his daze. Far gone the nightly hours, the sun would begin to rise and paint the sky a different shade, and the mashup of quiet darkness clashing with the infecting warmth brought him back to a moment he hadn’t thought of before,

‘On a night like this, you came to us,’ he remembered, recalling that the quiet night from before was near identical to the one he gazed at.

‘ well, almost the same,’ He corrected himself, his train of thought stopped by a loud voice,

“Commander Miller!” He heard one of the mother base soldiers address him, the sound of rushed steps stopping as the man stopped with a perfect salute, his posture rigid straight, chest out and chin raised slightly as he waited for the superior to address him back.

“…What is it?” he asked the dirty blonde-haired male, not bothering to take his gaze off of the large, lovely canvas that was the sky, witnessing as the amber colors began to invade with a slow, but sure win.

“I’ve come to inform you that I’ve just gotten word from one of our medical personnel.

She mentioned to me that miss (f/n) has gone through the procedure successfully. She seemed to have pulled through the operation after all! ” He informed the commander, and at the news, Kaz’s eyes drew down from the starless sky, all of his focus going towards his messenger.

“- It actually seems like luck was on our side after all,” The medic added with a slight smile, his impassive face having shifted lightly with a show of good nature, though he clearly hadn’t intended to do such a thing.

“Is that so? “ Miller replied, his eyes closing, a breath of sweet air inhaled through his nostrils.

He then felt a feather-light tickle brush the innermost part of his heart.

‘She actually made it…’ he thought to himself. ‘She actually managed to pull through,’ He thought while his shoulder’s muscles relaxed, melting. He then realized he wasn’t the only one to show personal affection towards the woman, and that he hadn’t been the only one relieved,

“A personal question, of course, something you are free to answer as you wish...but what do you think of her?” he then asked the other male.

He knew it was strange to ask, but even so, he questioned the other person, peaked with intrigue.“ Again, you may speak your mind... At ease,” he added with a placid expression, not showing any type of hostility, but neither overjoyed, nor persuasive, coaxing an answer from the other man easily.

Surprised at the sudden question, the other blonde stayed stunned for a moment, but sighed softly afterward, the soft blow of air coming out with a slight tinge of amusement,

“Well, I’ve come across her only once.” He admitted. “ And I didn’t think much of her at first, given the circumstances she arrived here with…” he muttered with admittance. “ You could already imagine sir, I didn’t trust her all too much,” he elaborated.

And with a single, slow nod, Kaz accepted the answer, not needing more explanation in regards to the other man’s previous doubts. He didn’t need to question further in that regard when he’d been on the same boat before, something that he regrets to have ever entertained.

“I am to understand you’ve changed your perspective then?” Miller asked the soldier, a slight quirk of his brow. Shaking his head, the other man smiled, “ I can’t believe how wrong I was,” he responded. “There’s no doubt…she’s a real diamond,” he added with certainty, his words having strong meaning, that or perhaps Kaz was thinking far too much about it.

Nonetheless, at the response, Kazuhira pulled up a faint smile, “ I couldn’t agree more,” he replied back, “You’re dismissed,” he told the mercenary, and before he knew it he was on his way, moving to make his way to the closest LZ.

It hadn't been his immediate thought to take the small trip, but once he registered just where his body was leading him towards, he didn’t try to fight it.

He didn’t have the will to make way anywhere else anyways.

He needed to take a trip to the medical platform; It was a necessity.

Once he arrived, he steadily made his way down the chopper, his sight landing on a pair of nurses, both women occupied in their conversation.

One was a dark-skinned woman with short, red hair cut in a boyish manner, the ends of her short, naturally red hair curving. She also had large, nearly black eyes which were in actuality the color of dark chocolate if one were to really look at her.

Her face was slightly rounded, giving the illusion of being much younger, her under eyes being the only thing that gave away both her stress and years.

The other was a pale-skinned woman, being so fair-skinned she had a nearly blue undertone to her. Unlike the other nurse, she seemed well into her 40’s, but at the very least, her thin face and high cheekbones along with her tall, slim frame gave her grace.

Her dark hair was tied into a tight, low bun, having all of her inky tresses tied up securely, save for troublesome strands at her sides. To top it off she had slanted gunmetal blue orbs, accented by her naturally dark, lashes.

As he came closer he could hear a hint of European accent come from her soft shell-colored lips.

“Commander Miller,” one of the nurses said with surprise, being the first to engage the approaching man, having caught sight of him from the corner of her eye before her friend had.

Her dark, espresso-colored eyes looked on at him with interest as she turned to him fully, waiting for whatever question he had. She was wholeheartedly surprised, because as far as she was aware of, he had no checkup scheduled, giving him no real reason to visit the platform.

At her side the other nurse stared on as well, her striking blue eyes also sparked with interest because she was just as jarred.

“I’m here to see someone…,” Kazuhira started, uncertain on just how to say it.

It shouldn't have been hard, but he fought hard not to stumble on his words, knowing he was so close.

“(f/n)… Right,” the first woman responded with a short nod, stepping closer to the man. As far as she knew the only person to come in that day was the young woman.

“Yes… Miss (f/n),” the redheaded woman repeated in a way that wasn't actually meant for the man, more of a confirmation to herself as she was still filled with surprise.

Nonetheless, she lifted up the chart she had tucked under her arm.

She had actually just been handed the report a few minutes ago, not having paid mind to it until then.

Shaking off the majority of her initial stun, she answered him, “Of course, she came in today,” she murmured, looking over the first three pages, her dark eyes skimming over the written notes, nibbling on her thick, rosewood tinted lower lip as her eyes dashed through the scribbled notes.

“ Fortunately, she’s out of danger now, and from what I can see she shouldn't have any issues with a good recovery,” she informed the Blonde man with a mellow smile, giving him a sure nod.

"You have nothing to worry about, " she added, but that wasn't enough for him.

“Is…Is she allowed any visitations?” he asked, continuing to speak to the naturally tanned redhead.

At the question the other nurse fixed a strand of her black hair behind her ear, shaking her head with a soft smile, meanwhile stepping forward to join into the conversation, “ visitations..?” She started with a soft blow of air in lukewarm amusement, “Well sir…She hasn’t even woken up yet,” she explained, breaking in the news for him, her friend next to her giving out a small hum of agreement.

"She’s been asleep this entire time, but we can assure you, you have nothing to worry about, " she continued on, hoping that would give him comfort, “It’s actually very common after a big surgery.”

At the news, Kaz’s mouth opened up to speak, but instead took in a small breath, “I see,” he said back, his lips pressing together tightly, soon looking like a deflated balloon,

“Thank you very much,” he said softly, beginning to retreat with dejection and notable disappointment.

It was just his luck…

He had already begun to walk away when the first nurse’s eyebrows shot straight up, her face seeming to brighten with a new idea as a lightbulb went off over her head.

“ Commander Miller!” she said excitedly with a very short jog, easily catching up to the handicapped man, “ Commander Miller, do you really want to go see her?” She pipped, having noticed his obvious gloom, not being able to simply leave things at that.

She tightly pressed the clipboard over her chest as she spoke to him, “ Because you can! You can pass by and at least check up on her, it’s no problem at all,” She offered. “If anything, I think a nice visit would make her recovery fasten!” she blubbered on, animatedly speaking as she pulled the man along enthusiastically.

At the suggestion, his expression had grown brighter, the corners of his lips rising up slightly as he nodded with appreciation, “If it’s no trouble,” he answered back, giving her a dry chuckle, seeming to be embarrassed, enough so to have a soft glow residing over his face.

Quickly having caught on to the other nurse’s intentions, the brunette female pulled up a smile, finding the situation to be rather adorable, watching as her redheaded colleague eagerly led the man to where their newest patient stayed.

He was led inside by the nurse, left on his own as he entered the lonesome room.

Once within the white room, Kaz stood before (f/n), his sight set on only her.

He watched her steadily breathe during her resting state, her chest slowly rising and falling. The only other noise there besides their breaths was the rhythmic sound of the heart monitor as it rang within the quiet room, telling him that she was alright, and at the very least, still alive.

“You know…I thought we lost you, “ he admitted, forcing a small smile over his face as he swallowed down hard, “But I guess you’re more of a fighter… stubborn to fall as well,” he added with a small chuckle.

“Actually, the more I think about it, you fit in quite perfectly.” he mused. “…Because It’s not every day one gets to pull through from something like that little stunt you pulled,” he voiced out.

“ Hell, I thought that… let’s just say I thought the worst,” he breathed, receiving no response.

And though she was still quiet, he wanted to speak to her in order to get things off his chest, and perhaps relieve some of the heartaches he’d held. There had been a scathing burn he felt boiling him alive, destroying him inside out, and he needed to save himself from its pain.

“I …I came to see if you were alright,” he said softly, using his gloved hand to caress the side of her face, the back of his fingers barely touching her, pulling away some of the strands of (h/c) hair that had fallen over her face.

“You know, the sky isn’t as beautiful as it usually is.

In fact, it seemed rather empty last night, save for the moon of course. I’ll admit that even I wanted to hide away,” He informed her with dry humor.

“ I’m almost certain it’s not a coincidence,” he added, speaking more to himself, feeling that somehow her absence was what had made the night sky grow solitary and melancholic. Heck, even the sunrise hadn’t felt as lively as it normally would be.

- It all felt like something was missing.

Giving a short, forced cough, he spoke again, “ Anyways as I said, I came here just to make sure you were alright, and you seem to be doing well,” he said quietly, looking down at the woman who seemed to just be sleeping. Still, he knew better. He could see the small tubes forced down onto her wrist, pumping in clear liquid.

He could see her worn face, drained of life, and paled as though she’d bled out her natural (s/c) color. He could clearly see the mask covering a good portion of her face, placed there to help the young woman breathe.

He was aware that in all the time that had passed she hadn’t opened up a blink.

‘She's not well…’

“ I know I should be going on my way now,” he told her, “But…But I’m afraid to leave, “ he confessed, struggling to admit that to her, having to tear his eyes off of her to voice the concern. Instead, he stared at the monitor as it showed the visual leaps of her heart, the mellow pace being comforting to him.

“That and I have so much eating at me right now,” he said with an airy sigh, feeling frustrated.” But it’s not like I can just stand here forever,” he contemplated while shaking his head.

He stared at the steady beating for a few minutes more before hesitantly moving, but only going as far as to stand before the closed door.

‘ What’s haunting me the most?’ He asked himself, knowing his hesitancy lay in that question, the question that would unroll everything.

‘ What’s holding me back here… making it impossible to leave you...’

Why was it so hard to say? She wasn’t even aware that he was there, so it should have been nothing to him.

Leaning close to the doorway, his head fell back and he looked up at the ceiling, “ It just wasn’t your fault, You know?” he muttered, “ If anything it was mine…and yet, what good does it do to know that? In the end, you’re the one paying for it,” he said while tightening his grip on his crutch’s holder.

“I don’t see how that’s fair… and I still can’t wrap my head around it,” he added.

He stood motionless for a handful of minutes, at least a good five, still immersed into his thoughts, having so much more to say, but not knowing just where to really begin.

‘I should be happy you’re alright,’ he thought to himself, glaring over at her, watching her chest rise and fall ever so slowly, nothing changing from when he first entered the somber room. He felt pain right at his breast, and for a second time, he forced his gaze from her, knowing what pain it caused him.

Instead, he trailed his eyes up to look at the ceiling, living through the silence with her. Closing his eyes briefly, his forehead wrinkled with visible glabella lines as he frowned.

“That bullet was meant for me,” The short, auburn hair man said with a deep sigh, “ It set off right before me, ” he said softly. “ He took his shot, and I fall…. But only because that woman thought she needed to save me. “ He revealed.

“ She had rammed her shoulder onto mine and knocked me over,” he explained. “ And she didn’t even make a noise…She was as quiet as a mouse, actually,” He mused with a shake to his head.

“Hell, I've heard bigger men curse, but not her.”

“ And you know what the worst part is? “ He said, trailing his evergreen eyes up at his silent friend who only listened to him as he continued to speak, “ I was badmouthing her earlier,” he confessed. “I called her a traitor… Said I didn’t trust her right in her face...And then she goes on and proves me wrong,” he said with a dry, short laugh. “...’ Goes and makes me look like a complete bag of shit.”

“- Now I owe her my life, “ he continued on, and at his side, his dark-haired colleague nodded in agreeance, “ She did what she did because she wanted to,” the other man explained, finally inputting his own opinion.

“ That’s all on her, but if anything you do owe her some appreciation, and an apology at the very least,” he told his buddy, putting a heavy hand to his shoulder,

“ Be a man and suck it up,” he advised with a snicker. “Unless you're too much of a coward,”

Kaz had Idly stood by, going unnoticed as he continued to listen on to speaking men. It had been advice not directed to him, but fitting nonetheless. At the very least he did owe her an apology, and he had sworn to give her one, even if it was the last thing he’d do.

Even if it was with his final breath, he knew it had to be done.

“I’m such an idiot,” he grumbled to himself, trying to steady his breathing, the irking pain not wanting to let itself be forgotten.

‘ Would an apology even begin to heal things, or even make up for anything? ‘ he wondered. ‘Would she even accept it?’

And as he continued to question himself, he failed to notice the twitch in the (h/c) woman’s fingers. Her (e/c) eyes drew towards him as she shifted her head, looking to where he stood.

Only after a harsh swallow did she speak, alerting the man.

“ Commander miller…?” She said with a small, muffled voice, making his hidden eyes snap straight before him, back to where the woman lay while her face directed at him.

Through the ending moments of her sleep, she had heard a far distant voice, deep and low speaking. It was saying words too muddied out that she couldn’t understand them, but she knew that she was being addressed.

She knew that someone was there in wait of her response and in a way, it coaxed her out of sleep.

She felt a strong need to speak back and let it be known that she was listening. Through it all, she felt as though she was being dragged out of a sinking state, pulled from calm, warm waters by a desperate hand.

She slowly lifted up her upper body, a deep exhale drawn out as she forced herself up, her eyes squinted hard. She struggled to adjust to the new light, squinting hard before sluggishly rubbing two balled fists over her hazy eyes.

Quickly blinking away both the strange, splotchy colors that came with the harsh press to her oculars and the tiredness alike, she directed her attention back to the figure.

She managed to focus on the blurry shape in her room, and though she slowly grew to see him perfectly, she still couldn’t grasp that he, of all people, was there.

"It is you, ” She said with perplexity, still sounding muffled by the mask.

He was leaned against the wall closest to the doorway, only five steps from the exit actually, his gaze set up high, but that changed once he heard her voice, instead, drawing all of his focus onto her with a caught breath.

Everything seemed intact from where she was, just as she had last seen him.

He had the same crisply worn clothes that seemed perfectly cared and pressed with the color beige draped over two different shades of olive, and of course, just a splash of crimson, courtesy of his finely fixed tie.

He had the same pulled back, golden blonde hair, flaring out from its ends and held there by the neatly placed beret, and of course on the beret was a small patch symbol of the diamond Dogs insignia sewn onto it.

Lastly, what most defined him were his signature, dark-tinted aviators covering his eyes, ones that she noticed he wore around all the time.

‘Miller?’ she wondered. ‘But why?’

“ Does the light hurt your eyes?” He asked with a tone of simplicity, sounding almost robotic, something that seemed greatly ill-suited for him.

She was accustomed to the strength always present in his voice, the passionate sound of his words be it full of order, or befitting anger.

He had always seemed like wildfire to her, even with the limitations he had due to his handicap. Before, just as she remembered him, he had seemed so filled with drive, his purpose always present in his eyes, even though the dark tinted lenses shielded them.

Though now he didn’t sound like the man she had come to recognize him as.

He sounded empty… weak.

‘Why?’ She asked herself the same question again.

Nodding silently, she dropped her gaze down to her overlapped hands, caressing them with each other, not knowing what else to do.

She gave a slight grimace, feeling her palms moisten with subtle perspiration, small evidence of her unease. Finding use of them, she forced the medical piece providing her air down over her chin, the green elastic of it running down to hang around her neck as she freed her lower face.

“Ah, no, I just needed to adjust.” She responded airily, staring down at the thin sheets, trying to collect her thoughts.

‘Why am I here…?’ she asked herself, truly at a loss.

She could feel discomfort close to a burning ache at the center of her chest, and curiously, her hand skimmed over the area, grazing her fingers over the thin, surgical green gown covering the flesh.

‘What happened?’ she continued to wonder.

He watched her move, observing as she gingerly pressed over a large patch of skin, feeling it sting like a nasty bruise.

He then wondered if she even recalled the event, because she seemed so utterly confused, not yet processing why she was there.

He licked his dry lips, deciding to give her the answers he knew she was begging to ask, “You’re here on the medical platform,” he began, “ There had been an infiltration early on yesterday,” he added, trailing off, giving her time to reflect.

Seeing her slowly begin to recall the event with notable understanding in her (e/c) eyes he continued, “You...You took a bullet right to the chest,” he told her, “It almost went right through you,“ he informed her, watching as she continued to gently press her fingertips over her chest, wincing as she felt tenderness.

She continued to touch the spot, closing her eyes with a shutter, for a few seconds reliving the moment when the searing hot slug dug into her flesh.

The memory had come to her slowly at first, being guided by his words from the start. It came through at a slow pace, but returned all at once with full force as she made that last press over the wounded area.

A slow, shallow breath left her as she remembered it all with vivid detail.

The searing, hot pain she felt was remembered as well as the sticky red fluid and the quickness in which her blood had been coursing through her veins just minutes before then.

She recalled that there had been an indescribable ringing in her ear during the time, and it was a tune that echoed after the deafening sound of the gunshot had been released.

Presently, it was rolling in her ears once more in remembrance of the event, making her shiver with unease,

“Right here…right?” She murmured, taking a steady breath through her nostrils, carefully drawing in air. “It’s right here,” she added knowing that it had gone through her chest, because that’s where the pain was felt.

“Yeah, ” He confirmed. “It’s actually amazing you survived. Nothing short of a miracle.” He said while staring down at his gloved hand, looking away from her, unable to stand the sight of her any longer.

She looked so tired, even after so much sleep, having had more than just a handful of hours of rest.

He just couldn’t stand to look at her being so fragile, and he felt even more burdened with the idea that perhaps he had been the one to wake her up, depriving her of the needed slumber.

“…It almost went right through your heart.” He added in a somewhat small tone, specifying what part of her had been cut through.

For a second she stopped, lifting her eyes to him with downright surprise, (e/c) growing wide as her lower jaw dropped a centimeter to give a soundless attempt at speaking.

‘ through the heart…?’ She thought with alarm. ‘ Had it actually pierced a portion of my Heart?’ she wondered. ‘ Then...How am I even alive?’ she asked herself. And then it dawned to her that perhaps she wasn’t the only one to have been in such danger.

- She hadn’t been alone when it happened.

“ What about everyone else? Is everyone else fine? “ She asked, hoping that if anything, she had been the one to receive the worst.

“… Aside from you, there were two others injured, but it’s nothing they can’t recover from though. So, there’s no need to worry.” He informed her.

“Just a cut and a bruise,” he added.

Nodding, she responded, “ That’s good.” She said with relief, a soft sigh emitted.

“I’m glad they’re fine, “ she said with a small voice, her eyes squeezing together, nearly closing as she smiled.

He gave her a short chuckle, shaking his head at her response. "To think that’s what concerns you most,” he muttered. “You do know that you’ll have to stay here for a while…A good, long while actually.” He informed her. “The injury is very serious, you can’t just go and walk out like nothing happened,” he told her.

“ Of course, “ She agreed, her smile dying down a portion, “ But I don’t mind, I already spend a lot of my time here on the medical platform anyways,” she admitted, not at all bothered.

She managed to make it through against very strong odds, and she wasn't going to complain about that.

‘ I guess I have to make the best out of it,’ she thought tiredly.

A moment of silence then fell between them before she cut through it, asking the question truly plaguing her:

“Say, commander Miller..?” she asked him, and with a shake to his head, he responded to her, stopping her before she went further. “It’s just Kaz, You can just call me Kaz,” he told her, and at his invite to a far less formal address, she felt warmth begin to creep over her face.

It had to be some wild dream of hers, she was growing convinced of it.

Was she even allowed to do so so openly?

‘ He can’t really be serious,’ She told herself. ‘ Maybe I didn't make it through Afterall,’ She thought with mildly dark humor.

“ Um...Kaz?” She said softly, smiling at him daintily, just barely lifting up the corners of her mouth up shakily.

And when he caught sight of her, and that small twitch of the lips, it weighed him down, leaving him stupefied.

The sound of his name coming from her felt so strangely wonderful, and accompanied by adorable dust of color washing over her face, he found it priceless.

“Can I really call you that?” she asked, unsure, knowing she was stepping over new grounds, much more with a man like him.

“O-Of course, of course, go ahead… What is it?” he responded, leaning in closer to know just what she wanted. She could ask him anything she wanted, and he’d be more than happy to give it to her.

“I just wanted to say, Thank you for worrying.” She said with gratitude, deciding it better to leave her question behind.

He had his reason for seeing her, and while she’d kill to know just what brought him to her, perhaps it was better to simply go along.

It could be saved for later.

“ And thank you for coming to see me,” she added, taking a slow, steady breath before slowly falling back into the small bed, making sure to move in a way that wasn’t so brash. Her head hit the pillow first as she eased herself, and after that her eyes fluttered closed, smiling all throughout because within her stomach were small fluttering creatures, tickling her insides with their light and soft, paper-thin wings.

“It means so much to me that you came,” she added airily, wishing she had the strength to keep upright, but her body felt so darn heavy almost as though while she had been asleep the world changed force in gravity, forgetting to give her the memo.

He took a small breath right through his parted lips, holding on tightly to the holder of his crutch, both her words and the sound of his name echoing without a stop in his head, making his heart grow heavier before it went still for a sudden halt.

Hearing her sound so wholeheartedly grateful to him was too much to bear, becoming too much for him to handle.

Her gratitude stirred within him the pot of all his dumped emotions, and it was always the bitter ones that came through the hardest.

He hated how much stronger they struck him than the better, more pleasant ones.

Unfortunately, he’d always been that way, unable to just let things go.

He wanted to focus on her being alright, and moreso be satisfied by knowing she felt enough openness towards him to call him by just his name.

Hell, just the way she beamed at him should be enough, but he just couldn’t stay happy with that.

‘ Why?’

Why should she even owe him a single word of acknowledgment?

Was it because he was the one she woke to?

Was that her reason for gratitude? because despite his failure to protect her, and not just her, but everyone else, he had enough guilt to go and see her?

‘Thanking me because I screwed up again,’ he thought sourly.

“It’s my fault...They slipped through right under my nose,” he started, sounding gruff and low voiced, murmuring once more the song of a scratched record, catching her attention.

Her ears perked at his voice, and she decided to once again sit upright, using her elbows for support, then moving to use the palms of her hands.

”Are you alright Kaz?” she asked him, wincing slightly, her pained face reminding him of the deadly wound she now carried around.

She felt like she had an anchor weighing her down, but she began to worry about him and his sudden change in demeanor.

Something was brewing within him, and she could tell from the stiffness in his body as they locked eyes.

’Am I alright?

You ask me if I’m fine… You worry if I’m alright when you’re the one with a hole in her chest.

- When you shouldn’t even be alive to give me that pitiful look…’

“You’re here because of me,” he said angrily, snapping at her, glaring at her darkly, surprising her, and making her jump slightly. He showed her his frustration, his outrage at her lack of animosity towards him because she should be just as angry as he was.

No…even moreso.

She should resent him for putting her there, rather than even spare him a single kind look. She should despise him for having doubted her, and what was much worse, for having been the first to have been opposed to her when she was in need of a home.

All in all, she should hate him...

He continued to look at her with reproach, all the while maintaining his antagonistic glare, for a moment reminding her of the man she had first met, the one who couldn’t stand being in the same space as her.

Yet, while he looked at her with disdain, she had quickly come to understand that the reasoning behind the burning fire within him now wasn’t hers to blame.

Truthfully, there was no one he was angriest with other than himself. In fact, that was the only person he was truly spiteful towards, so much so that he couldn’t even catch sight of his own reflection without feeling disgusted.

“I might as well have pulled the damn trigger myself,” he added with self-reproach.

He then realized that that was the reason why he couldn’t leave before, why he couldn’t just apologize and leave it at that.

- It was because of the heavy guilt gnawing at him.

It wasn’t just that he wanted to know she was alright. It wasn’t simply that he had been needy to feel her close.

The truth was he wanted to let her know he was at fault, but that despite his mistakes, there wasn’t any part of him now that wanted her to suffer.

There wasn’t any bit of him that felt she deserved any of it.

She made a small noise of amusement, a simple blow of air coming from her nostrils that made him snap his eyes towards her quickly, that alone catching all of his attention.

She sat on the small bed, gazing up at him with a look he couldn’t quite describe. He had no time to question her before she spoke, just barely above a whisper, and with attentiveness, he listened on not wanting to miss a single utter from her mouth.

“Would you have done so Kazuhira?” She asked in a breathy tone, “ Can I ask if…well… would have decided my fate that way?” she continued. “If it would have been out of your own desire, would I still be breathing now?” She said faintly, not knowing what answer to expect. All she was certain of was that she needed to know.

If he was ready to spill it all out, she might as well gather the strength to do the same.

There was more than one fool in the room, both sharing the spot to the title.

She was curious as to why one day he saw her as vermin, and then the next he stood before her, a man who seemed more wounded than she was, like she had somehow shared her pain with him.

Alongside that, she was still confused, by not just his own actions, but by her own sentiment towards him, and she wondered if there was a connection there.

She wondered if there was a part of him that felt it too.

Maybe, through it all, there was a little string that kept them tied together.

“What are you talking about?” he asked her, feigning to be a fool, but fully aware of where she was leaning towards.

“Would you have gotten rid of me? ” she asked, clarifying her question. “You can tell me the truth, “ she coaxed him, “I just want to know, “ she explained looking towards him with her pretty (e/c) eyes.

He staggered towards her, wishing he could kneel before her, but instead just stood before her, ready to spill it out,

“I despised you,“ he told her. “ And I sure as hell didn’t trust you, “ he admitted, to which she closed her eyes and nodded slowly, accepting his answer.

‘ I’m well aware,’ She mused, actually pleased with his words no matter how much they expressed his disdain of her in the past.

‘It is the past,’ She reminded herself, knowing he was most likely not feeling the same.

“We didn’t know where you came from, or who you were. Not a soul had a clue as to what you were, or if you were even human,” he told her.

“I was so sure you were an enemy strategically planned to tear us from within,” he admitted, sighing heavily.

He was well aware of how stupid and paranoically ridiculous he sounded, continuing on in spite of it,

“But then, I don’t know what happened, but I began to have a sense of regret. I began to have doubts on your supposed ill intentions.” He went on.

‘And that’s where you began to be kinder...’ She inwardly voiced. ‘That’s why the sudden change happened...’ She concluded.

“ And then to top it all off, you did the unthinkable… You acted on your own accord, putting yourself on the line for people who weren’t your own, valuing their own lives above yours. “ he confessed.

“I watched it happen myself, and even now your only concern is of another,” he told her.

“ You thank me with such sincerity, “ he murmured.

“ I know I’ve hurt you so much already,” he told her.

“But you don’t deserve it…You never did...And if I could, I’d do anything to make sure none of this ever happens again,” he admitted.

“I’d give anything to make sure you stay safe from now on,” he told her.

“ And since we’re letting it all out…I have to ask you something as well,” he started, swallowing up a large, exasperated breath,

“ I’d like to ask if you would be willing to forgive me.

(f/n), would you forgive me for hurting you?” he asked her, “Would you forgive me for putting you here, and for just about every mistake I’ve made with you? I know it’s too much to ask of you, “ he went on, but stopped as he saw her nodding furiously as she accepted him.

Her face brightened as she tightly squeezed her eyes, smiling until the muscles on her face became sore, unable to conceal her jubilation before him.

“I’m sorry,” She said shivering, giving him an apology for breaking off his sentence as he had just begun.

“ I’m just so happy that well… I’m just happy I matter to you.” She said in a small voice, her hands laying over her lap fisting onto the sheets, crumpling them beneath small hands. She struggled to say the words, stammering to admit to him that all in all, his acceptance meant a lot to her. It always had, because, for some strange reason, she had always been drawn to him like a brainless little moth to a flame.

It came as though a second nature, just like those silly little creatures in search for the moon, and anything that resembled that reflecting light. she drew toward him, towards the wild flame he was, all in search of her path.

And even if she was a hindrance to his existence, even if the flame would burn her to nothing but ash, she wanted to come closer to it.

A force beyond her pulled her in.

She couldn’t explain just what struck her as she first laid eyes on him, but it was powerful enough to make her heart jump. In a moment where she should have been distraught, she felt happy, the man before her making her feel that strange joy.

“Even if it’s just a little …” she said with a tiny chuckle, belittling herself for being so pathetic, "Even if it’s just a little bit of concern, I’m happy you don’t want me dead,“ she confessed, wholeheartedly laughing as she continued to speak, her hands clutching her chest as she felt pain.

It was such a sweet feeling that made her feel cared for and dare she even say loved, that she pushed past the ache.

“ And I forgive you for anything that has happened before now,” she told him.

'-And I really thought it was all a mask… How could I have been such an idiot?’ he thought with a soft sigh.

“ You’re a part of us now, “ he started, "You said you have no family? No home to trace back to, right?” He asked, taking a breath through his nostrils and lifting his chin up with pride, wearing the insignia of his own people for everyone to see on his beret.

“Diamond dogs will be your family,” He said, assuring her because there wasn’t a doubt in his mind, not a single part of him that had to second guess her any longer.

Not any more…

“ I … I’ll be there, ” He vowed, “…with you,” he said softly, tenderly gazing at her. “ And If you do get your memories back, and well… decide to leave us behind…” He trailed off, not knowing how to really finish without sounding like a fool, giving a small sigh of both frustration and hesitancy.

It was an actual shutter that left him, leaving his spine to feel a ticklishly cold sensation.

'What am I saying…?’ He wondered, 'Just where am I even going with this? ’

Inside his chest, his heart thudded with a wild frenzy. ’Am I actually making such a proclamation? Would she even accept me?’ he wondered with uncertainty.

‘Now of all times to spew this nonsense…’

In his chest, there was also something there meant for her, a spot his heart had labeled as hers before he could have protested.

Just like she was, he was aware of it, but unable to truly understand it.

His words made her wounded heart feel warmth, even the ones that were left unsaid. He had revealed enough to let her finish off where he was headed. Unwillingly small tears fell down the sides of her face, falling with barely audible, small pats, decorating the soft colored sheets with dark, little spots.

“You promise?” she said looking towards him with the same joy.

Small, clear droplets caught his attention and he bowed his head slightly, a smile twitching at his lips, and just like that the feelings of darkness began to wash away from him, replaced with calm warmth instead, all accompanied with a fluttering joy.

It had never been that easy to get rid of them, but as he continued to look at her, it was like she blew them off, all with a small breath.

“I mean every word of it,” he told her, and though his heart palpitated with the same wildness it had before, it felt strangely welcoming.

It felt beautiful, unknown, yet beautiful.

There was a silent pause, one filled with comforting quiet, and every second it was unregrettable.

He wouldn’t change the small moment for anything else in the world, because not even the night sky on its most star-riddled night held as much shining beauty and glory that her twinkling eyes did as he captured her image.

He couldn’t find a single sight more preprocessing than her.

Not a single sound more calming than her small breaths.

Not one song more melodic than her lovely voice’s beautiful tune.

- Everything about her left him awestruck.

“Thank you for visiting me Kaz,” she said gratefully.

She was overjoyed to have his handsome face be the first she recognized once she woke, and much more, the moments that followed.

It was all worth it.

It felt like a new beginning for her.

“Oh! Is this time good for you?”He asked her suddenly, confusing her with the sudden question. “Umm… well, I honestly don’t know what time it is,” she admitted. “I just woke up remember?” she reminded him, “ I’m not even sure if the sun is still out,” she added.

“Oh, of course…” he murmured, feeling stupid.

Was he rushing things too much?

“It’s 0900… 9 in the morning,” he clarified. “ I was wondering, because…” he said with a partial struggle, “ well…” he said softly, his face feeling warm, visibly glowing pink. “I have time… And I want to make sure you get better. “ He said drifting off.

“I thought that perhaps you’d get lonely here,” he continued to explain, knowing he was babbling, but not having it in him to stop.

Catching on to what he insinuated, she smiled brightly, “If you have time, I’d love to have you as company,” she said happily, A soft color of petal pink touching her face, the man not being the only one to show soft bashfulness.

“I’ll stay as long as you want me to, “ he told her, using his crutch to push over a vacant chair’s leg to glide it over to where she sat.

Slowly sitting down on it, soon after offering her a faint smile.

And the words come out naturally from him, enjoying every twitch of her lips as he tried to make her smile.

It was his mission, because each time she did so, he felt joy rush through him.

And it wasn’t that he simply cared about her.. he felt so much more than such a meager feeling towards her.

He wanted to admit that to her, but for the moment, despite knowing he had her forgiveness, he knew he had to make up for all her heartache.

He had to make up for all his wrongdoings first.

He’d make certain that pain never found settlement onto her lovely face.

-For now, he’d excuse himself by admitting it was that he cared for her.

Part 2 ( Optional of course) - [ Sweet melody]

Was that alright? I haven’t found too many fics with the MGS characters…I can’t be the only one to want some.

And of course, the Mr. from earlier did give his own apology. And of course, Mr. Miller proposed his Security team to V.

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