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you really gotta do SOMETHING other than biting your nails, pulling out hair or cutting your arms or taking sleeping pills like, literally do anything else, crying and breathing exercises when the panic catches up with you isnt enough; you gotta do something otherwise you wont feel hunger, like a stalled car in the mud that needs a tow.
why r most my friends so close to death, most them should be on suicide watch but we cant have that coz the control would make life even less worth living yaknow? theyre out here thugging it out with bipolar schizophrenia and severe trauma disorders. who else is here for us other than us and the tourists who stop by in our lives only to jet when its not novel anymore and then go off and tell everyone that the crazy people they dipped their toes in are evil. fuck this ableist saneist world is rat shit af
bro, we are traumatised, problem?
how am i supposed to do anything if sitting upright makes me lightheaded and nauseous. like. theres a certain point where disordered anxiety as its acted inwards to the body were you just literally cant do shit, and so the cycle of stressing coz reproducing the cells in your body is out of reach carries on and intensifies where you cant eat because youre too nauseous, as if the body is screaming "this condition is impossible" it knows on a biological level that this cant be that its over. its just. ugh im too tired to even properly complain
i havent had pregabalin im ages and i popped 600mg of it and smoked some weeed im so fucked in so many ways fuck life 666
when i get really distressed abt specific traumas i decay into a barebone skeleton leaning on an emotional support political tendency
how fundamentally broken it feels to fail the most interesting paper of my degree... like. it speaks volumes to the neurological damage and physical fatigue i have due to severe poverty and repeated covid19 infections. that things i love the most - slip from my mind with such ease - it changes everything ! theres no way to complete my degree, so my escape from poverty is over. im stuck and ill keep getting sick and juggling suicidality for years until i pull the fuck up on myself and commit. bleak ass existence
