#mha-ally

[mental-health-advice]

So,I want to make a "feel good" box to open when I'm feeling angry or upset. So far I thought of putting in two letters to myself,one reminding me why not to get angry(there are certain things that anger me) and one reminding me of what goes well in my life. I also want to put glitter nail polish and some mints. Do you guys have any idea of what else I could put in the box? ~Melinda

HI there, dear!

A feel good box is a super super awesome thing. It can really help when you're feeling upset or sad and need something to remind you that it'll be okay. I've got a feel good box and it is really helpful. I'd recommend a feel good box to anyone who suffers from depression and needs a pick me up sometimes.

Some things I've got in mine are nail polish, a small sock monkey, some lotion, a DVD of my favorite show, just things like that. You can put anything in there that you like. You could put in pictures of your pets, pictures of you and your family. Anything that makes you happy. You could put small candles in there, some people find lighting candles to be calming. Something I find calming is lighting them, blowing them out, lighting them, blowing them out. Just over and over again until I feel calm. It really helps. I don't know if it'll help you, but it's a suggestion.

If any of our followers have any suggestions it'd be awesome! I'm sure you guys have some super awesome ideas and I'd love to hear them!

Lots of love,

-Ally

[mental-health-advice]

I think I may be becoming addicted to cocaine. I haven't even done it that much (maybe 6-10 times the past two months) but it is becoming all I think about. I don't want to do it any more but at the same time I do. I mostly do it at parties and this one friend I have, it's pretty much all we do together (party, I mean, she doesn't do coke). She is narcissistic and a bit manipulative so I have considered stopping our friendship, but then I think of all the times we've had together. (Part 1)

(Part 2) she is also one of the only friends I have, and I'm one of her only close friends. She wants me to move in with her and considers me a sister. I just don't think I can do that and she doesn't understand depression (i've been diagnosed with severe depression for years) and I know the drug use and partying has been a way for me to self-destruct and also trying to be happy but now it's making everything worse and I've spent a ton of money I need for school on this. What should I do?

Hi there, dear! I'm not going to give you some long message about how drugs can ruin your life, just know that they can. I've dealt with drugs, I've been around people that are on nearly every drug you can think of and honestly the only way I know how to answer this question in the parts related to drugs, is to be really really honest about it all. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that doing drugs isn't fun, it is fun that's why people do it. It makes them feel amazing. Coke is a hell of a drug, you can take it, stop it, have nearly no withdrawal symptoms. But coke will ruin your life. It's fun, you feel awesome, but if there's ever a time you can't get it or decide to stop your life is done. It'll be miserable. Drugs are fun while you're high, but as soon as that high wears off you're at an all time low. Do not do drugs and if you are doing drugs, please get help. Go to rehab, go to therapy, do something. Drugs are one of the worst things in the world and they can destroy your entire life before you know it. You haven't done coke that long, you don't really have anything to worry about withdrawal wise. You honestly probably won't feel too much from stopping. It won't be a big physical tole on you. But if you don't think you can handle stopping and then being around all the parties, make a clean break. Stop going to all the parties until you're clean and know you can go back without relapsing.

I know when you've got this one friend, who is basically your only friend it is one of the hardest things in the world to get away from them. But if she is narcissistic and manipulative and all she's doing is partying, that doesn't seem like a good situation for you to be in while you're trying to stop doing coke. It really doesn't. I'm not saying to completely destroy your friendship and to never speak to her again, I'm saying maybe you should take a little break. Stop talking to her for a while, get clean, focus on school, and try to make new friends. I said I wasn't going to lie to you, it's going to suck. Everything about this situation doesn't sound pleasant. A manipulative friend, partying, and coke. It sounds like a situation you need to get out of before things escalate to something more than coke. I know you probably think that you'd never do anything more than coke, but you don't know that. Drugs lead to other drugs. I know you remember all those times you've had together and I know that is so hard to break away from that, but try thinking of all the times you will have in the future that don't involve her. Think about graduating from school, being clean, being happy, getting the pet that you've always wanted. Anything to make yourself excited for a future that she is not in. Make yourself see that there is more to life than just this one friend. Making friends is hard, but I know that you can do it. I know that you can go and make new friends.

Drug use and partying is what I did when I was trying to be happy. My thought process was, "If I'm high all the time I won't have time to be sad." Wrong. Drugs and partying are one of the worst things you can do for depression. It's just going to send you into this horrible downward spiral that is a very unpleasant thing to go through. What I think you should do is, try stopping coke on your own. Break ties with her, even if it's only for a little while. Get clean, no more parties. If you can't do it on your own, go and get help. It could be a therapist, a rehab center, or group therapy. Anything that you think would help you get clean and never have to worry about this problem becoming a problem again. Something you could do about the money, if you have a trusted friend or a parent/family member that you really trust with your money set up direct deposit with your job and have that family member take the money from your account and put it where you cannot touch it. You don't have to tell them the real reason for doing this, just say you're having a hard time saving money for school and you think this would help.

I really hope this helped you out. I've been through this, so if you ever need to talk I'm here for you. You can come to me anytime. You can message me on my blog, mha-ally which is probably the fastest way to reach me. Or you can message back off anon and I can give you my Kik, Skype, or whatever else.

Lots of love,

-Ally

[mental-health-advice]

Hey Ally, thanks so much for those kind words. It was 7years ago that I was harassed and in another province, we haven't heard head or tail of them since then. I don't have kik, is there another way to contact you? Ifeel so violent lately I'm scared.

Hi there, dear!

You are super super welcome, dear. It's always so wonderful to get thank you messages, they really brighten up your day and make what we're doing worth it. They are the most amazing things in the universe, so thank you for sending me one! You're super duper awesome and I love you!

Of course. We aren't allowed to give out our contact information publically on the blog anymore, but if you message my blog mha-ally I can give you my Skype or something else there. Or we could just talk there if you prefer. Whatever works best for you, dear.

Lots of love,

-Ally

[mental-health-advice]

Hi, MHA. I've been struggling with paranoia/anxiety over earthquakes, and since I live in CA there's not much I can do to avoid them. Even loud noises/the house settling makes my heart start racing and makes it hard to breathe for a little. The last earthquake I felt (like a 3.2) reduced me to tears. My family makes fun of my fear, and I'm not really sure what to do about it, or if there's anything I can do? Idk. But they terrify me and I want it to stop.

Hi there, dear!

I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling, dear. It must be hard dealing with something like that when you live in a place where there really isn't too much you can do to avoid them. When you hear the loud noises, just try to remain as calm as you possibly can. Just keep telling yourself, "This is not an earthquake." Repeat it as many times as you need, just breathe.

Something you could do that might make you feel a little safer is make a plan. Make a plan about what you can do if there ever is an earthquake. You could keep a little emergency kit in your closet. It might not eliminate you fear completely but it might make you feel safer when they happen. I'm sorry that your family makes fun of you, dear. Have you ever thought about sitting down with them and telling them that it isn't something you find funny. That it hurts your feelings and that you'd appreiate it if they would stop making fun of you for this. It might help.

I hope this helped you, dear. If you ever need to talk about anything you can always talk to me about anything that you need. You can vent to me about your day or you can come to me for advice. Anything you need, I'll try to help you to the best of my ability. You can message back off anon and I can give you my Kik or Skype or some other way for you to talk to me. Or you can message my blog mha-ally and we can talk there.

Lots of love,

-Ally

[mental-health-advice]

I honestly feel like if I like someone just as a friend I shouldn't have to apologize for not liking them more. And I understand they might be upset about it but there's a certain level between being upset but understanding and trying to guilt trip someone.

Hi there, dear!

I think that you're right, dear. If you like someone as just a friend you shouldn't have to apolagize. Liking someone as just a friend isn't your fault, you can't really help who you like and who you don't like. If you like someone as more than a friend, that's okay. And if you only like someone as a friend, that's okay too. Sometimes it's kind of hard for the other person to accept it or be okay with it, but that doesn't mean you should feel bad or need to apolagize for it.

There is a certain level between being upset but understanding and guilt tripping. I don't think you should ever guilt trip anyone. Especially for something that really isn't their fault. If someone tells you that they don't like you the way that you like them, it's okay to be upset and it's okay to be sad. But that's really it. Don't be mad at them, don't try to convince them to like you, understand it and continue being friends or don't. Guilt tripping is never okay. When you guilt trip someone that person is doing something out of guilt, not because they want to. Even if you did get into a relationship with someone because they guilt tripped you, it wouldn't be the same in my opinion. I would want someone to be in a relationship with me because they want to, not because they feel guilty and feel that they have to. It would just be miserable for everyone.

If you ever need to talk, I'll be here. You can talk to me whenever you need to. You can just rant about your day or you can ask for advice, anything that you like. You can message back off anon and I can give you my Kik or my Skype or whatever else you'd like to use to talk. Or you can message back the blog and just send a message directed to me and we can talk that way. The fastest way to reach me would probably be to message my blog mha-ally.

Lots of love,

-Ally

[mental-health-advice]

Could you explain BPD to me? And also, if I'm a girl and my maternal mother has it, would I be at risk for BPD? I worry about little things so if you could answer this thank you muches!!

Hi there, dear.

Borderline personality disorder is a serious emotional condition, typically with a tendency towards unstable and turbulent emotions, heightened anger, feelings of empitness, and fears of being left alone. An individual with BPD finds it hard to cope with limiting demands of the world around them. They will often take impulsive actions, and as a result have relationships which become chaotic and unstable. The person's sense of identity may be affected, and relationships with work colleagues, friends, and household members might be turbulent. A person with BPD might seem calm and serene one moment and then they suddenly explode in out bursts of anger or rage at what they might percieve as disapproval or rejection. Although, people really aren't sure what causes BPD, some people believe it to be a combination of genetic and enviormental factors.

People who have BPD are terrified of being alone. Howeve, they push others away with their mood swings and their erratic behavior. Their identity is blurryand as a result their interests, goals, and opinions may shift quickly. Some other things are: Chronic feelings of emptiness and boredom. Frequent displays of innapropriate anger. Unpredictable mood swings Impulsive and reckless actions. Intense negative emotions. Fear of being alone. Uncontrolled emotions or impulses.Acts of self harm.

The exact cause of BPD isn't really clear. A lot of people agree that it's something that's caused by a combination of the following factors: Genetics. The genes inherited from parents may make a person more likely to delop BPD. So, that answers your other question. Yes, your mother having this does make you more likely to develop this.Neurotransmitters. Changes in the levels of certain neurotransmitters can have a powerful effect on mood and behavior. Neurobiology. It appears that people with BPD have a number of regions in the brain with abnormal structure and function and this can affect the nervous system. Enviormental factors. Events that happened in childhood and adolescense such as abandonment, neglect, emotional, physical, sexual abuse, growing up with another family member with serious mental conditions (like bipolar disorder or a drug problem.) are pretty common among people with BPD.

I hope that this helped you, dear. If you think that you're suffering from BPD you should go and see a doctor about this. It's a pretty serious thing and if left alone it could escalate and lead to suicidal thoughts, which is not good. If you think you've got this, please go to a doctor. I'll be here if you ever need to talk, you can send a message to the blog directed to me or you can message back off anon and I can give you my Kik or Skype or anything else. The quickest way to reach me would probably be sending a message to my blog mha-ally.

Lot of love,

-Ally

[mental-health-advice]

(I know this isn't mental health but I have no where else to go) my boyfriend and I (we're both 16) we're having sex today and I think I may have gotten some of his stuff on me down there and I don't know what to do, I'm not on birth control and I'm too broke to afford the morning after pill (he is too) my parents cannot find out, what should I do? I'm freaking out here -Mac

Hi there, dear

It's okay that it isn't mental health related. I see questions that aren't mental health related in the box all the time! It's pretty normal!

If it just got on you, not inside you, you don't have anything worry about. Sperm doesn't really just find it's way from the outside to the inside. If it got on the outisde, it stayed on the outside. In my experience, unless he 'finishes' inside of you you don't really have anything to worry about. Also, depending on where you're at during the month it's unlikely you'll become pregnant anyway.

I think that you should calm down and not freak out. If you stress and freak out about this it could put your period on halt and that would just freak you out even more. Just calm down, don't stress, and try not to worry about it. I know that it's hard not to worry about it. If you do happen to miss your period, it would be important to go and get a pregnancy test. If you can't afford it yourself, ask your parents for money for school. Tell them it's lunch money or something along those lines. The generic ones are usually pretty cheap. $5ish. And when you take it, don't just pee on it. It won't work. Go in a cup or something and then put the stick in that. It works so much better.

I hope this helped you, dear. If you ever need to talk you can always come and talk to me about whatever you need to. You can message back off anon and I can give you my Kik or Skype or some other way to contact me. You can message me on my tumblr, mha-ally. I'll probably see that before I see a message you send me into this inbox.

Lots of love,

-Ally

[mental-health-advice]

I just miscarried this morning and didn't even know I was pregnant. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel. I'm kinda numb about it really. Just confused and shocked I guess. Should I be sad? Relieved? Idk.

Hi there, dear!

There is no certain way people are supposed to feel when they have a miscarriage. For some people it is sadness, for some it's anger, and for some there really isn't any emotion that comes with it. Everyone is different when it comes to how you feel about something like this. I can see how you would be shocked, not knowing your pregnant and then having a miscarriage, can be really shocking. But there is no set way that you're supposed to feel about this. If you're sad, that's okay. If you don't really feel any emotion toward it, that's okay.

You're supposed to feel however you're feeling. Don't think that you have to be sad about it. If you're not sad, it's okay. Not everyone becomes sad about something like this. Emotions are different from person to person. Some people get sad when something like this happens and some don't. It is however important that you're dealing with this. It's okay not to be sad, but not dealing with something isn't good. Just sit down and think about it for a while, think about how you feel about it. Ask yourself, "How do I feel about it?" if your answer is "I really don't care." There you go, you dealt with it. Dealing with something can be as simple as that. But just pushing something down and not thinking about it and not accepting how you feel about something isn't healthy. If you ask yourself that and your answer is, "I'm really sad and very upset." the process of dealing with it is probably going to be a lot longer than the first one. You might need to go to a therapist and talk to them about it, go to a support group, or just talking to one of us could be enough. I personally don't have experience with a miscarriage without knowing I was pregnant, but I do have experience with them.

If you know or think that you've had a miscarriage and haven't been to a doctor, you really need to go. There are different types of miscarriages and if you've had one where everything didn't find it's way out of your body, it can be very dangerous. If you haven't been, I really really really suggest you go. For your health. It's really not a bad process, they do an ultrasound and if everything looks okay, you can go home. If things aren't really okay they just kind of go in there and get it out. It isn't painful, you don't even need to be put to sleep for it. It's super simple and easy.

I hope this helped you, dear. If you ever need to talk you can always come talk to me. You can message back off anon and I can give you my Kik or my Skype or somewhere else fo you to talk to me. Or you can send me a message on Tumblr, mha-ally. I'll probably see that or get to that before I get to a message you send to me in this box. I'll try to help you in any way that I can.

Lots of love,

-Ally