#mheartd

[definitelytryingnow]

wanna be friends?

[unexpectedbalance]

Hellloooo my beautiful friends, I am so sorry that I haven't been around for a bit, my little slice of the east coast got DESTROYED, thus power outages and loss of the interwebs.  My household kept our power but lost our internet a bit, we lucked out big time.  There have been a few people killed in the Maryland/Virginia area, please keep them in your hearts, it really was a pretty serious storm.  Luckily at this point a lot of the damage is just tree infested roofs, and reparations are being made slowly but surely.

BUT I DIGRESS

Please be patient with me, I shall take the time to reply to everyone very soon.  I love you all very very much, and I am blown away by so many of your writings!

In the mean time, you guys should help me share my EP, Lacey, Cosmo, and I just finished it last night. We set up some fancy pants engineering {oh yehh, we made a mic stand out of a broom and a tripod and duct tape and it was beautiful} and we had a grand time together.

It's all on soundcloud, so all the tracks are downloadable if it so tickles your fancy.

As always, keep writing and keep believing. You're all amazing.  Don't ever doubt yourselves, and if you find yourself doing so, come talk to me so I can explain how wonderful you are. <3

Love Mandee

[unexpectedbalance]

This is my cover of Poison and Wine by The Civil Wars.  They're an incredible duo that a very good friend of mine from back in Maryland turned me onto about a year ago, you should really check them out if you don't know them already.  Love you MD kids, you're all a part of me. <3

[unexpectedbalance]

War

I think the reason I have trouble Writing nowadays is that it feels almost Forced like there's a civil war raging Behind my overcast eyes You've got the rebels on the front lines Disreputable zealots doing their best To destroy the fragile balance put into Place by the self-proclaimed realists Who started this war

And then I get to this point where The zealots are dwindling and their Allies are far less than dependable and It seems in their best interest to Retreat for the night running with all the speed They can muster back to the hole they So painstakingly clawed their way out of To develop more deadly ammunition more Lethal weapons more fatal strategies And I am left here with a gun in my hand And words in my head and no one to put One to the other and pull the trigger Because I don't have the guts to do it myself

[unexpectedbalance]

5

I wish you would Tell me it was time To write about Something else for A while tell me You need your space That the tension In my hands is far Too much for you At this fragile point Of your life

Call me and say You need some space For a while and I need to crawl back Into the ocean And let myself wallow In the waves of Something other Than the ebb And flow of your Forever changing affections

Write me a letter and Inform me of your Leave of absence for The time being or The time that's going To be for nobody Knows how long but That one day You'll want me again

You swore to me you wouldn't do this I wept in your arms and you held me With a passion I could feel permeating Every layer of scar tissue I have

You went on and on about how broken We are and how we have to take care Of each other and that I didn't have to Believe you that you would show me I could trust you that you would show Me you still loved me like you always had

And something in me Wanted to believe you But I'm fearing now That something in you Lied

[agirlcalledrey-blog]

This is my Mandee.

She is my Instant Mashed Potatoes. And I love her. And she is loved. And she is my family. And she should be told every day how much I care for her and that she is the greatest and most beautiful, talented, kind, perfect sister a person could ask for. 

[unexpectedbalance]

Journal Entry 3: June 25, 2012

I don't know what's wrong with me.  Why am I so surprised that you continue to live up to my pathetically low expectations?  I know you, I know the things I love in you, and I know the things I dread.  Those are the killer I think.  For a long time now I've surmised that the bad things, the leaving and the lying and the secrets and the grudges and the complete and utter apathy, those were the things clouding my way to you.  Those things were just fallacious debris floating down the river we're both drowning in, of course they would find their way to you, we burned enough bridges to rival Rome didn't we?

But now I'm beginning to wonder if reality is the inverse.  Suppose the lovely things I found in you were in fact the fog between myself and the way out of our paradox?

I cannot even...

I derail those thoughts before they are even trains.  It reminds me, almost, of the first few candles you light on a birthday cake, reduced to limp stubs of fancifully warm wax by the time you've finally circumvented the bountiful wicks with flame.

I feel like I've already lost you, like the rest of our lives together will be the death of us, running around chasing one another like we don't have a damn worth giving.

Why do you leave me so alone this way?  Why don't you have any answers for me?

Why do I keep asking you my questions?

[unexpectedbalance]

3

I almost forgot the Smell of rain and How forever feels I'm never going Home again it's time I make my own You can come with Me I can tell You're lost inside I want to find Uncertainty and Then I'm going To sail away bring all your dynamite Blow the anchor No need to carry Our goodbyes I'll be an astronaut On Tuesdays and You can be the sky