#micefleece thinks

[micefleece]

aware of how much fun it can be to have a crush, but also just need to say that it's essentially a form of torture for me. it's been over a year since i've really "crushed" on anyone, and lemme say, i could not be happier! there is no desire to date, or chase after a person. there is no longing, there is no wondering if they notice me. i've fallen in love with life without the need to desire! this is especially relieving as i only realized my identity around january last year. i am so distant from the idea of dating, it's genuinely so relieving. as happy as i am for all my friends, relationships seem somewhat exhausting. i guess i'm just grateful that i'm okay with being alone now, i used to fear the concept.

[micefleece]

i need to get HIGH!

[micefleece]

oof.. my back hurts like hell, and my knees. i think i need a sweet treat honestly but i am too lazy to get one now. soon... this is a form of discipline. which is important, not in an eating disorder way, but in a "desire is the root of suffering" way. do not give in until it is made sure... perhaps. then again, is desire the root of suffering, or is it uncertainty and greed?

[micefleece]

is ego isolating you?

been thinking about why people might feel so isolated or disconnected from their peers. i think a big part is a separation caused by ego, not necessarily considering oneself to be better but feeling that you are "different" than other people. for example, you like something more than anyone else does. it gives a sense of superiority without ringing the "am i a narcissist" alarm. it's not entirely a bad thing, and it's not all false either. sometime you do like things more than others, or know more about it than others, it's okay if you're unable to like things casually- however, you cannot possibly like everything more than everyone. and there needs to be a recognition of "i do like this more than others, but not this" in order to prevent that feeling of superiority from sticking. i've done no research on this, i'm only saying what i think. i will research (maybe) but this is just a little baby thought that has yet to grow and be nurtured.

[micefleece]

also, i think i do need a break from social media such as tiktok and instagram. it's all a bit irrelevant when you think about it, and especially since i don't text people a lot unless its to plan a hangout. i think social media has affected me and i think a part of me wants to fix the damages its done on my psyche. since when have i worried about likes or comments?

it seems like a constant cycle of numbers never being enough. everything is viral which also means nothing is viral. i dunno!