#michael converses

[ba-in-bs]

In which my friend and I come to the most obvious conclusion:

Me: Wait, weird, Ro I'm late too - two days

Avery: Obvious conclusion youre both pregnant on the astral plane

Me: We're both pregnant with each other's awesome

Me: I'm so sorry Ro, you're the gender-nonconforming biological donor

Me: To this canticle of brewing incredibleness, a bastion to your fucking glory that's currently in my ladyparts

Me: And Ro is carrying my glamchild

Me: Ze will come out all technicolor undercut and fierce lipstick, singing the QUEEREST chorus of a Ziggy Stardust song

Avery: will they be any good at singing

Me: I mean it doesn't fucking matter, much like Lin Manuel Miranda they will be so magnetic no one will question their pitch

[ba-in-bs]

That was an adventure

Miles: business idea - a half-virtual reality mask. The Monoculus Rift (TM).

Me: A puke with every ride?

Miles: but itd be your most black-tie puke ever

Me: As your cerebellum tries to figure out what the fuck drug you're on?

Miles: also im starting a band

Miles: Black Tie Puke

Me: Excellent

Me: Can I play the virtual pan pipes?

Me: I blow in the air and it autotunes it to something nifty by sensing my intention to be ultracool

Me: Which means I am the MOST hipster and the LEAST useful person on the stage

Miles: as for the genre, im thinking we go "anti-establishment electrodeath post-ballroom"

Me: Oh really? I was thinking deconstructed post-apocalyptic glamrock gypsypunk

Me: Like if david bowie had helmed the titanic in space at the end of time and it'd be his last few sounds as he fell through the atmosphere of a desolate desert planet

Me: Clad entirely in rhinestones

Miles: i could work with that

[ba-in-bs]

Dweeeeebs

Me: There is a troubling amount of tea silt at the bottom of this pot

S: READ THE LEAVES

S: COULD IT BE

S: THE GRIM?

Me: The leaves, much like my future, are an unhelpful, underwhelming film of mystifying dust

Me: Signifying nothing

Me: The tea is telling me to become an existentialist

Kel: What kind of tea are you drinking

Kel: A cup of Nietzschai?

Me: HEhehehe

Me: It's a David'sTEA blend called Queen of Sartres

[ba-in-bs]

Me describing my sexuality:

"Dis human. Dat one. I think they're a human. Whatever's going on over there is interesting. I kind of just want to sit in the U-bend of their brain matter for a while"

"I want your mind to do dirty things to my mind. Like unbridled conversations about string theory. Shhh, honey, we don't need to hedge. We're past that."

"I found myself attracted to someone in a very "I kind of want to cozy up to your laugh, let me get your aura's number" way the other night."

[ba-in-bs]

How to tell your friends you're moving closer to them.

Me: Hey hon

V: Hey!

Me: I have news

Me: So. You like lunch, right?

Me: I mean, I like lunch.

V: I do like lunch :3

Me: Look at that, we both like lunch - we should totally grab some of that like maybe next week or so? When I'm LIVING IN FUCKING PITTSBURGH?

V: YeeEEEESSSS!!!!!!!!!

Me: Guess who got the joooooob

V: WOOOO!!!!!

V: I LITERALLY DON'T THINK ANYTHING CAN BRING ME DOWN TODAY

Me: All I need is to figure out where I want to live and have an uncomfortable conversation with my dad and I am gone, gone, gone.

Me: HEHEHE

Me: Are you walking on star emanated plasma?

Me: Could you be ambulating on sunshine?

V:

V: I am on the event horizon of bliss.

[ba-in-bs]

Circular logic is the best logic

Me: I also just said to my friend who is on Mumble "I joke about hardware mutes and regex being my nemesis - really it's future me and past me. Honestly, any iteration of me that isn't current me is just a bitch."

Me: As we were talking about sleep schedules and paper deadlines

Me: To be fair, future me is a sucker, and past me is the incarnation of all evil.

Me: Until it happens that past me cleaned the kitchen, ate less cheese and made it to the gym

Me: Which is really just a manifestation of current me being awesome in the past tense

[ba-in-bs]

Me: The sun is coming up here

Jane: ...have you slept?

Me: ...

Jane: :|

Me: Do job applications count?

Me: Like is data entry sufficiently boring to qualify as REM?

Jane: no Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument