ok so when i was in middle school, i really loved art. like really really really loved art and wanted to grow up and be an artist but like???? i wasn't very good at it then
so i'm taking an art class again this year and i finished my first project today and i'm really proud of it like i feel like it looks pretty good and it's weird because i haven't done art in so long, excluding doodles on papers and stuff but like it chills me out and it's v relaxing
also???? now that i'm making a read more might as well talk about tj because in the end it all leads to tj haha that's what happens when you're like me and you base your affections on someone
at lunch yesterday he walked behind me and like grabbed my hips but like??????? it wasn't like aggressive it was like he was trying to tickle me and then he said someothing but i dind't hear him because iw as too busy "???????????????????"ing so anyways i guess there's that????????
oh dear god he's so cute but it's very frustrating because i have a very very big fear of intimacy and so many people are like "oh it's just because you haven't kissed a boy just wait" but like no you don't understand i don't like intimacy i don't want to get close enough to someone that they expect intimacy i don't want the pressure of that and intimacy leads to love which leads to marriage which will probably lead to divorce because i'd be an awful wife and i'm stressing about a very unlikely future why am i so high strung???????? it's midnight maybe i should SleEP