the thing about these anxieties is that they just pop out of nowhere, like seriously. what used to be a small mistake of forgetting to lock the door (nothing burglary happened btw) once became an anxious habit of tugging the padlocks and turning, some said it was murder, the doorknobs 3 or 6 or 9 times, before assurance comes and pats you in the back “its lock”, worse times happen where I was about 50 ft away but that small demon whispers “are you sure?”, teasingly, and gets me in the head so I have to go back again and do it all over again. I murdered 3 padlocks and 2 doorknobs for this habit. Anxieties of me not doing enough used to be just within the family thing until I unconsciously spread it on my other aspects in life and occasionally asks my friends if they’re still okay with me or whatever and goes to panic mode again bc I realized I sound so clingy and self-pitying, almost like an attentionseeker. But so far they didn’t seem to mind it. Even making my own answers in a laboratory sheet becomes this heavy weight and loud whispers of “Are you even sure of what you’re doing?”, passing homework earlier than expected feels wrong too. They’re small build-ups but there are times of these moments that it feels like an incredible pressure on your chest, something feels like blocking your lungs, you could barely breath and that ache in our soul that makes you realize you weren’t dying, just your stupid old anxiety making fun of you. Honestly speaking, they’re small things to worry about, I mean who makes a huge deal out of locks? but I can’t deny how these constantly puts me on edge and is something I’m trying to find a way to get over it. Little things that I need to conquer to gain self-confidence. Easier said than done when it comes to gaining self-confidence.
