NSFW lyric rewrite of Nicki Minaj’s Anaconda for @mimsiical‘s fic, the road goes away from here. Lyrics below the cut :)
[Dirk]
My friendly dick hair don’t, my friendly dick hair don’t My friendly dick hair don’t want none unless you’re human, hun
[Jake]
We’re here; this deer gave me some sense of fear Big--big ears with his antlers, as he came friggin near Held--held his head there in my hand, and my heart started pounding Then the Fae came onto the scene, and alarms started sounding
Now it’s real, real, real Prince thinks I’m fair? I don’t know how to feel And what’ll I wear? Suppose I’d best show my appeal And then there’s Jane who thinks they want my heart to steal I know that deer, though!
By the way, what he say? Gave his Name when he whisked me away Seemed pretty sudden when I woke the next day Then before we hit the hay, Dirklin showered me in praise Think I’d like for him to stay, and I think that soon he may Got me decked out in jewelry ‘till I jingle by the tub So I went down on his chub (Is this what it’s like to sub?), slipped Down d-d-down d-d-down d-d-down
[Dirk]
My friendly dick hair don’t, my friendly dick hair don’t My friendly dick hair don’t want none unless you’re human, hun
[Villagers]
Oh my gosh, look at that cloak Oh my gosh, look at that cloak Oh my gosh, look at that cloak Look at that cloak Look at, look at, look at Look, at that cloak
[Jake]
This prince named Strider got my heart feeling lighter My-my head just keeps on spinning, feels like spiced apple cider Boy really loves mounting; all he needs is a rider First unraveled all my wants; now he’s twisting me tighter
And we bang, bang, bang I pull him closer and ignore poor Jane He made me holler, gents, I sang, sang, sang Came when he called; he hit my bell and I rang So where’s my dear at?
By the way, what he say? Had my Name when he led me away Seemed pretty settled when I woke the next day 'Cause before we hit the hay, Dirklin put me in a daze Think he’d like for me to stay, and I think that soon I may Decked in gold 'till I jingle when our bodies start to rub So I go down on his chub (guess I really like to sub), slip Down d-d-down d-d-down d-d-down
[Dirk]
My friendly dick hair don’t, my friendly dick hair don’t My friendly dick hair don’t want none unless you’re human, hun
[Villagers]
Oh my gosh, look at that cloak Oh my gosh, look at that cloak Oh my gosh, look at that cloak Look at that cloak Look at, look at, look at Look, at that cloak
[Dirk]
Got him into Autumn and he's got my heart Got him into Autumn and he's got my heart Got him into Autumn and he's got my heart
[Villagers] (Oh my God, look at that cloak)
[Dirk]
My friendly dick hair don’t, my friendly dick hair don’t My friendly dick hair don’t want none unless you’re human, hun D-don’t, My friendly dick hair don’t D-d-d-don’t want none unless you’re human, hun
[Villagers]
Oh my gosh, look at that cloak Oh my gosh, look at that cloak Oh my gosh, look at that cloak Look at that cloak Look at, look at, look at Look, at that cloak
[Jake]
Yeah I love that long tail, hahaha! Yeah, that tail is fluffy and it loves to wrap around my waist Yes, I love his tail and its softness on my skin Fluffy and it’s friendly, fluffy and it’s friendly on my skin I wanna bury my face and hands in the fur and shout for Dirklin ‘cause He’s got fur that’s really goshdamned soft, what?!
I got my furry prince (prince, prince, prince)