now call milan opportunistic, but the theme for supernova's next set of episodes truly feel life saving to the girl. as active as the rookie idol is in her life, actual training is the bane of her existence. to her, gym rats are a very strange human species that she cannot understand. who in their right mind truly enjoys hoping on a machine and running mindlessly? who the heck makes dozens of arm curls with a dumbell in hand and feels satisfied? and what kind of masochist truly enjoys 'the burn'? "feel the burn, enjoy it"? no thanl you for her, you sick fucks. (no hard feelings to her gym rat friends though!).
with all this in mind, it's no surprise that she had been delaying signing up for personalized pilates training. while all the hot and desirable girls seem do pilates and she's dying to be at least a little attractive, the prospect of repetitions, binding herself to torture devices and having to push through unbearable pain have no appeal to her. so it comes with no surprise that as soon as a way out of it comes her way, she grasps at it right away.
choosing a skill to display had been rather easy; rock climbing. the other choice had been swimming, but showing herself on camera in a swimsuit truly doesn't appeal to milan.
and in an unexpected twist, milan's new hobby turned out to also be an easy pick; sword dancing. with her love of hanbok, the idea came to her mind quickly. and so, she finds herself in a training studio, two fake knife swords in hand.
there are more graceful type of traditional dances, but something about wielding swords rings with her. the juxtaposition of feminity and traditional masculinity. perhaps in the past, that would've been her. while today she likes rock climbing and fishing, had she been born in the joseon era, that would've been her way to express this more tomboy side of hers.
it's not easy, and her movements are clumsy at first. even if it feels like being back to her first days in legacy, her smile never falters. yes, this truly resonnates with her, and her enjoyment of the activity is clear for everyone to see.
four hours later, she has learned enough to be able to perform a short simple 30 second dance for the camera. panting but glowing and beaming, she tells the camera: "sword dance; success!"
It has been a pleasure to meet your patient YU MILAN today at our clinic following your mental assessement referal.
MILAN is a pleasant 21 year old female, currently single and working in the entertainment industry. She was on time for her appointment and presented a neat apparance. Though she seemed opened, I noticed that she sometimes struggled with expressing her feelings and thoughts and teared up many times during our conversation.
She was referred to me following prolonged symptoms of fatigue, apathy and heaviness, as she describes it. Urine and blood test done last week have shown no issues, removing possible diagnosis of anemia or thyroid issues.
ASSESSEMENT
( see file attached )
IMPRESSION
Following today's consultation, taking in consideration her symptoms and the various events of the past several months in the life of the patient, it would seem that MILAN suffers from adjustment disorder with depressive features.
I've also noted possible signs of anorexia, or developping anorexia in the patient
PLAN
Milan has accepted that the following assessement be shared with her company's mental health specialist and will begin follow-up with her in the next following weeks.
EVENT: NOVA MISSION 012
REQUIREMENT: THE SHOW MUST GO ON
POST TYPE: SOLO
it happened late one evening after a gruelling vocal rerecording of 'long chat'. it was so late that even the main auditorium was empty. milan sat there, arms pressing her legs close to her chest. had things gone well in the recording booth, perhaps she would've been done earlier. but it hadn't. it hadn't because she had to sing lines that were never made for her in the first place. lines that she was so reluctant to do because they should've been kyoka's. nevermind her abysmal rap skills to begin with, her main issue was the absence of her friend in the group. she had been so excited upon hearing that one of her best friends would be joining the group. she had envisioned so many things; late night chitchats under the covers, tiktok challenges galores, fansign events costumes and poses. all for naught.
perhaps the pill would've been easier to swallow if minhee had been there. but she too was gone now. the memories they made during recordings and performances over the summer didn't feel so happy anymore. but the highest of highs were often followed by the lowest of lows. she had dared to be too happy, too hopeful. she had forgotten that life never went according to her wishes.
tears welled up in her eyes, and she sniffed once. then twice. milan had never known unbearable pain before debuting. shaltered, naive... lucky in so many ways. yet, since debuting, she had spent more time miserable than not. is that what being an adult was supposed to be? she closed her eyes and covered them with her hands, as if they could stop tears from flowing down.
in this lonely and dimly lit auditorium, so late in the night that it was already in another day, milan remained. legs close to her chest, hands over her eyes. the silence broken only by sniffling sounds. seconds passed, then minutes. she probably would've continued for hours if she had the time. but time was something she lacked. the young woman considered writing in their groupchat how much she missed them, but thought better of it. her friends didn't need more worries, more burdens. they were dealing with their own situations and she was in the most envious situation.
she sighed and unfolded her legs. energy drained, but tears spent. her mood was dimmer but her mind was clearer. the idol glanced at the time. yes it was late, but too early to head to the dorms, considering all the work they had to do.
her phone began vibrating by her side, signalling an incoming call. she rose an eyebrow at the name and picked up. "you aren't home yet?" the caller asked softly, perhaps with a hint of worry. "no, i finished recording late" she explained, voice neutral, casual. or so she thought. a short silent greeted her, then he spoke again. "wanna grab a bite?" a little smile appeared on her lips, knowing that he would probably order samgyupsal one again. "no..." she replied truthfully, "but i want a hug". this time, there was no pause: "i can give you that" he replied with conviction and enthusiasm. she let out a small chuckle.
at least she still had him. she daredn't hope for too much, in fear that life would take her last precious treasure away. but for now, yes, she had him.
EVENT: SIDE EVENT 025
REQUIREMENT: GREEN CARPET
POST TYPE: SOLO
this year milan's halloween costume is akin to the hen and the egg. a song that fit the outfit or an outfit to go with the song? neither can go without the other.
just like during the previous years, milan had a general idea of what she wanted this year; folkore. she had discussed with the stylist the idea of wearing a hanbok, but it was too broad and didn't scream halloween right away. this is how she ended up looking through folklore tales, and finding the answer she was looking for: the nine tailed-fox.
the mythical figure itself has been depicted in a variety of way: all white, all red, even as a game character. rather than make a choice, milan decided to mix a bit of everything; with league's of legends immortalized legend ahri's skin as template, and several xanxia drama as inspiration, she turns into a mix of pink, white and red, with long silky black hair. a mix between real and ethereal
meanwhile the song choose her rather than the opposite. a song with lyrics that sound like they've been written specifically for a nine-tailed fox; fabula's 'illusion'. an entrancing melody, modern sounding with notes weaving a mystical atmosphere. a story of a creature that charms its prey only to devour them, told through its lyrics. and the best part? getting to walk on the halloween's carpet to a fabula's song. isn't this what some would call destiny?
milan opens her eyes slowly, rays of sunshine peeking through the blinders, marking the start of a new day. she doesn't remember falling asleep, but she hopes the morning has just arrived so she can basks longer in the warmth of this embrace. at some point in the night, [ redacted ] must have rolled and wrapped his arms around her, and rest his head against her chest, or something like that. she slowly shifts an arm to rest a hand on his head and brush his hair gently as to not wake him up. she smiles unconsciously, wondering how a grown man who embodies the definition of cool, can look this adorable while sleeping. the picture of innocence with his long lashes and pouty lips.
time passes as she lazily continues stroking his hair and admires his sleepy face. when a frown creases his forehead, she freezes, worried to have disturbed his sleep. but it's too late. his eyelids flutter open, his gaze raising to her face right away. the color of his eyes takes her breath away once more. "how long have you been staring?" there's no scorn in his voice, if anything he seems amused, like he already knows that the answer will embarrass her. how can he read her so easily? instead of replying she only whines softly and he laughs. sometimes, words have become unnecessary for them to communicate. a simple whine to complain about him teasing her first thing in the morning. a laugh because he's managed once more to get the reaction he wants from her.
he pushes her carefully against the mat, shifting to trap her under him as he kisses his way up to be eye level with her. for a moment, they don't move, they don't say anything. her arms around his neck, one of his hands on her waist.
milan can't help but wonder what he's seeing from his point of view, what he's thinking about. is he full of her like she's full of him? is he lost in her gaze like she's lost in his? does he want this moment to last a lifetime, like she does? does he want to stay like she wants to beg him to not leave?
and when he leans over the kiss her lips softly, she's ready to meet him halfway. his kisses have become even softer over time. each of them purposeful, like he wants to convey something through them. this kiss makes her heart flutter, and ends in a smile from both of them. he buries his face in the crook of her neck, his hand gliding from her waist to her thigh, fingers digging gently in her skin as he pulls her closer to him, as if he wants to be rid of any space existing between them.
truly, how can a grown man be this adorable. or is it just love.
a livestream to decorate pastry? what a fun idea. and people passing by? no issue at all! no, milan's actual issue and why she's silently staring at her mini-cream puffs as the whole thing begins, is because she has not a single idea about what to do with said cream puffs. unfortunately, even staring intently at the pastries isn't giving her any idea. she raises her head after a moment, noticing that she has gathered a small audience of attendees. all she can do is chuckle and admit her quanundrum: "i choose cream puff because they are cute and easy to eat in a single bite and plated 6 because nova has 6 members, but i haven't thought things out any further than this". there's always a way to word things to make people chuckle, and that's the reaction milan manages to receive. the thought is a noble. someone who seems to be a fan more than just an attendee suggests using peach mousse and milan shakes her head. "i always use peach, so i feel like doing something else this time around!" she explains. "i also believe that adding just peach sauce would be a bit boring, no? a mousse would overpower the stuffing of the cream puff too. instead, something that would complement it would be better." and that's when the perfect idea comes. "ah! i know! a dip!" and that's how a few minutes later, milan returns to booth with her cream puffs with 2 coated in hazelnut dip, 2 others in salted caramel dip and the last 2 coated in dulce de leche. after explaining the dips she picked she continues: "i made the coat rather light, so it will not overpower the taste of the cream puffs, but rather complement it." still, this doesn't feel complete to her.
remembering the mention of sauce of earlier, another life saving idea pops into her mind. picking the raspberry sauce for the hazelnut and saled caramel pastries and the passionfruit sauce for the dulce de leches ones, she drizzles the six cream puffs carefully. "i picked those for their sourness. since dulce de leche is already quite sweet, i felt like the raspberry sauce would add too much sweetness, that's why i picked the passionfruit as it has less sweetness and more sourness."
done with the sauces, she stares at her masterpiece with a smile. "anybody want a taste?" she asks the current attendees with enthusiasm.
EVENT: NOVA MISSION 010
REQUIREMENT: VLOG
POST TYPE: SOLO
Milan had planned to truly begin vlogging after NOVA'S return from Jeju on the 17, but her plan were deviated by a man casting pity on her (it was very effective) to have her come over and watch kpop demon hunter with him. There was no way in hell she'd record any of this or even mention having watched the movie that day. Even if he's just a friend, misunderstandings and troubles happen too easily.
So it's only in the 18 that she began her little task in earnest, as soon as she woke up. Well woke up for the first time. A good 45 minutes pass with her just sleeping, cuddled with her cogimyun plush. Oops.
When she wakes up again, she stretches while yawning, then suddenly turns her head towards the camera, suddenly remembering that it's recording. She smiles to herself as she pictures the staff faces of she only provided them with a sleep footage. That would be different.
Either way, she picks up the stick on which the camera is mounted and, after one more stretch, finally greets the camera. "My surroundings might appear unfamiliar" she continues on. "It's because I'm back home and sleeping in my bedroom" she explains. "Usually, whenever there's free time, i come back here." She turns the camera around to show what's in front of her instead of her face, gets out of bed and proceeds to do a little tour of the room. Really there isn't much to see and nothing too scandalizing. She would ask the staff to hide most of the pictures displayed around her bedroom mirror, as most do not contain celebrities and those with known faces (besides nova, mio and minnie) could begin unfounded rumors. It might have been worse 2 years ago, when 70% of what was displayed had noeul in them. Things really did change with time.
White, light pink and light peach dominate the room, giving it a clean yet sweet feeling. There are plushies a bit everywhere, though the most impressive thing in it is her collection of hair accessories, all color and style coded, each unique and with their own use. The video suddenly turns into an impromptu getting ready as she suddenly feels like showing off one of her favorite current hairstyles. But how can she do so still in pajamas and not washed up.
The vlog is a little chaotic, but it's very milan like: always getting distracted by a sudden idea, then getting side tracked while completing a side-quest for said idea. She usually never sits still, even during the 2 hours she films herself studying, every so often, her attention deviates to something else.
She ends the vlog after parents come home to a table full of dishes she's prepared (and a mountain of diswashing to do, but that will be a problem for later)
Just like that, while staying home, she's managed to show how most of her random single days off go.
since milan only auditioned at legacy 'for fun' with her high school friends and never expected to pass the audition, she wouldn't have had any regrets or even wonder what her life would've been like if she had passed the audition. becoming a trainee and debuting were really appreciated happenstance to her.
just like milan did at first, she would've gone one semester to university in theology, before dropping out because oh my god what is this boring thing?
however, unlike milan, who could focus on becoming a trainee and then debuted as an idol, she would've struggled for several years to find a real path to pursue, since she's passionate about a lot of things as a hobby, but none as a possible 9 to 5 career
while figuring herself out, she likely would've worked part-time as an indoor climbing instructor.
she definitely would've lived her fully her young adult life as an 'insider' (only because she easily makes friends in any situation), but never miss mass on sunday, promise lol
unfortunately, i believe her friendship with her childhood best friend would've still gone through a rocky patch due to their very different lifestyles
after one or two years off, milan would've returned to university to major in arts in this scenario too, however but in visual arts rather than media arts
even if the major would've interested her, internships and experience would make her realize that she feels unfulfilled since doing art without purpose/for monetary gains doesn't do much for her and she finds fulfillment in making others happy.
while looking into broader applications of her major, she would stumble on child art therapy and finally find her calling (note that for lgc milan isn't interested in this career! this is where different experiences would make her different)
finally, i think unlike lgc milan, she would've found a partner in her early 20s, gotten married by her mid-20s, and have kids right after, just like her parents and church expected of her.
even if this version of milan would've met people and society's expectations in terms of personal and professional life, in the long run, lgc milan will end up being happier than her, because rather than live up to expectations put on her, she will get to live her life to the fullest, fulfill dreams and wishes that she never knew she had.
