February 1st is tomorrow 🙈🙈🙈 how , when , what ??? Are all I keep asking myself. I'm not sure if I'm the only one? but I feel like everything from January 2nd till till today was a blur. I had a blank month ahead of me & I feel like I didn't use it to the fullest extent. I don't want to beat myself up because that won't help me in anyway. But I have to confess something it's hard out there and I sort of slacked off. It's very difficult to see former friends of mine moving on in life & feeling stuck in the same place it makes me think why bother trying? It's hard to struggle to rebuild a #socialmedia brand / persona/ carrer what ever you want to name it. When you see former classmates becoming #influencers on Instagram overnight & talking about fashion when you know they are former bullies who made fun of you for loving fashion years ago . It can be difficult to be happy for others & that's okay to admit.With gratitude & positivity being the insta buzz words in the orthodox community it can feel very alienating when you don't feel that stuff every day. Sure I am grateful to be alive & everyone loves postivity but can we be honest & admit that what we really connect to is someone who isn't afraid to share that they don't have it together. Am I a lesser human because I don't look insta worthy everyday or because I don't have dinner at all the hot spots . Or I don't respond to my dms or comments asap No !!! It means I'm human . I used to be that girl who spent thousands ( 15 to be exact) of dollars trying to fit in & be popular by shopping at #bendels & hanging out in Soho because that was the hot spot in those days. Looking back I am grateful that I experienced that pre social media time . I got to discover who I am with out the added pressure of having to document my every move. My goal for February is to let it all go and just be me. I realized if the time flies & I didn't Instagram enough or gain thousands of followers it's okay because it means I am living for me & not the screen. I'm not sure where February will take me but I'm leaving the page empty & I'll see where it takes me. #milkasmusing #realtalk #copyright #life #competition 📷 @picsart https://www.instagram.com/p/BtUs68inQHu/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=128oeoahkxy3r