So how has summer been up until Tuesday, May 24th for Joe Toscano? God, if only I had a penny for every time someone has asked me that question this summer I would be dead broke. Wait, I am. That's what a full-time job and summer is for though, right? Makin that paperrr.
But really, summer has been great so far. Besides the whole court thing that is. I choose to block that out though. Court is merely a mid-sized, neon pink sticky note on my fridge to the fact that I just illegally downloaded bought John Mayer, Notorious B.I.G., Wiz Khalifa, Lupe, and Kid Cudi discographies this summer. Too bad Mac Miller doesn't have his own discography yet, but basically those six are all my iTunes has in it. I'm fine with that for now though.
Th best part of this summer so far is that I am coaching 7th and 8th grade lax every Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday, and get to coach at their games on Wednesday nights. Not only do I get to mold the future of Nebraska lax for years to come, but I get to run around on the field with the little boogers, and it feels great. It's weird/awesome having kids look up to you like a role model. I mean I have my little brother, but other random little kids lookin at me like some kind of star athlete is really cool. I'm gonna whip them into lax bros in no time. Watch out high school ladies.
In other news, my bro graduates from high school this weekend. Bout fuckin time, bro. Congrats. I know you're all excited to walk the walk and get your diploma, but make sure your shoes are tied first. College is a big step, and you don't need to be trippin over your own feet. Trust me. If you need advice, you know you got your big bro right here.
While you're up on stage make sure you remind sir Harry Grimminger I'm in the crowd just so I can see his eagle eyes scopin for me while his panties slide into a tight wad. Get it? Into a tight wad? That, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call a play on words, or a pun for all my fellow english enthusiasts.
If I wasn't in legal trouble right now I'd figure some way to make my stamp on your graduation just to see that son of a bitch blast steam out his ears at me one more time before I have no association with Millard West for the rest of my life. I can't believe you made it through that school without getting into ANY trouble after all the things I did. I mean I figured after all the shit I did you would be permanently placed in detention just for having the Toscano last name.
For real though, let's make it as fast as possible. We both know that you and I are only there for the steak dinner afterwards. K thanks.
Along with this lovely event, it also happens to be Memorial Day weekend this weekend. No work on Monday - 'Merica! Ya, I never really liked that saying. It's Ah-Merica. Thanks.
Anyway, you can be DAMN sure I'm breaking my sober streak this weekend. I have probably the most epic party in Omaha to go to on Sunday. We're talkin slip 'n slides, kegs, vuvuzelas, jello shots, jungle juice, slip 'n slides, live performances, American flags everywhere, and oh did I mention slip 'n slides?
I loved slip 'n slides when I was little - and sober. I can't even begin to explain how excited I am to run at that plastic lane as an intoxicated 21 year old and slide until I skid on the grass at the end of it so many times I have grass burn alllll over my chest. Needless to say, I'm bringing a change of shorts. I mean I can't be walkin around in wet shorts tryina talk to ladies. Gotta have some khakis to change into, digg? What'd you think I meant? Get your mind out the gutter, trick.
That's it for now, I suppose. In opposition to the celebration I just mentioned above, I leave you with this quote:
"[P]atriotism... is not short, frenzied outbursts of emotion, but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime." ~Adlai Stevenson
