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Jan 30, 2021

Like a Church on Fire - Chapter Four (The Outer Worlds - Millsoto )

AN: So here’s the last chapter. This one is relatively safe for work. I hope you have enjoyed this story. As usual, the full chapter is under the cut. :)

CHAPTER FOUR

Felix was starting to fall in love with the feeling of waking up in Max’s arms. He realised that he was already becoming used to his limbs entangling with Max’s own while the two of them slept, and found himself hoping that he wouldn’t have to become used to sleeping alone again any time soon.

It wasn’t long before the expedition to clear out and resettle Cascadia was ready to go. Zora had spent a lot of time over the past couple of days planning the best way to go about it, with the help of Max, Felix and some input from Sanjar as well.

“All right,” Zora said to the mixed group that had assembled outside the gates of Amber Heights. “You all know your roles. You are to clear out Cascadia’s eastern side and set up a perimeter before venturing down into the labs. Vicar Maximillian De Soto will get the settlement’s automated defences up and running while the rest of you push on to the western side. Once the area is clear you will set up a guard rotation while repairs are completed and supplies are dropped into the settlement via ship.”

“I won’t lie,” Zora continued. “This is a dangerous mission. Cascadia has been home to a variety of large creatures and marauder groups since Rizzo’s abandoned it. Some of you might die, but I’m hoping that if we play things safe, stick to the plan, and watch each other’s backs, then we should be able to keep casualties to a minimum. Is that clear?”

“Crystal clear ma’am!” one of the Iconoclasts replied with a sharp salute and a smile.

The slight quirking up of one of the corners of Zora’s mouth was probably the closest she would ever get to outright returning her soldier’s smile.

“Good luck,” she told the group. “I’ll see you all in Cascadia.”

The journey south was more unbearable that Felix had anticipated. Max was right there beside Felix the entire time, but there were so many Iconoclasts of members of MSI along with them, and all of them had bravely volunteered to accompany Felix and Max.

Felix knew that they were just delaying the inevitable. Hopefully Max would stay to help with the reconstruction of Cascadia, and who knew how long that would take? Hell, Max might not leave for years. If Felix played his cards right and made a compelling enough argument then he might even be able to ensure it.

That was assuming that Max didn’t see what Felix was doing straight away, and that something more interesting or more important didn’t come along and steal Max away. They were both pretty likely in Felix’s opinion. After all, Max was pretty switched on. Felix probably wouldn’t have admitted it when they first met, but even back then he had been able to tell that the older man was ridiculously smart.

There was also the fact that Max would undoubtedly have all sorts of people coming to him, asking him to help out with all sorts of problems that would all be way more important and way more interesting than anything Felix could come up with. Just because Max hadn’t had any better options when Felix had proposed his Cascadia plan, didn’t mean they weren’t there. He had a hard time imagining Max being as content with mere reconstruction or defence work as Felix had been over the last couple of years. There was hardly anything intellectual about it after all.

If Felix was being completely honest with himself then he had to admit that Max would kind of be wasted with the Iconoclasts.

No. It wouldn’t do. Felix was just going to have to step up and actually tell Max how he felt, and admit that he didn’t want Max to leave.

It was a terrifying thought; one that scared him more than he wanted to admit. He’d stared down mantiqueens and not felt this uneasy.

What the hell was he even going to say? ‘Max; I know that you probably have very important things to do and people that you need to help, but would you mind if I tagged along? Not because I’m unhappy here; just because I’d miss you if you were gone, because well… You wouldn’t believe it Max, but I’ve realised that I…’

Felix found himself glancing over at the other man. Max must have felt Felix’s eyes on him, because he turned towards him, sending Felix a smile that had his heart feeling like it had skipped a couple of beats.

He was in love with Max. It was stupid and terrifying and he kind of wished that he wasn’t because this was awful, but if he couldn’t admit it to himself then how the hell was he ever going to admit it to Max? He, Felix Millstone, was in love with a stupid, brilliant, irritating, wonderful vicar, or maybe it was ex-vicar now. Whatever. The point was, Felix was in love with him, and he needed to find some way for the two of them to stay together because he didn’t want to spend another two years missing him.

Cascadia was just dangerous as they had anticipated. Luckily there were no marauders to be seen, but at least two mantiqueens and their broods had taken up residence in the eastern half of the settlement.

The combined team of MSI employees, Iconoclasts, Felix and Max walked into the ruins of Cascadia in a flurry of gunfire and explosions. Before long the majority of the creatures were cleared out and a couple of the soldiers from the MSI camp were celebrating their first mantiqueen kill. Some of the soldiers had begun to poke around the abandoned buildings and corners of the settlement in case there were other dangerous creatures hiding away somewhere.

It was nothing that Felix and Max hadn’t faced before, although Felix at least thought it was nice to have so many people fighting at their side for once, but still he found himself checking on Max once the fight was over, knowing that he wouldn’t be content until he knew that Max hadn’t sustained any serious injuries.

Max seemed more amused by Felix’s fussing over him than anything else, although Felix felt a warm glow spreading throughout his body when he realised that Max was checking him over as well, even if his checking of Felix was substantially more subtle than Felix’s own checking had been.

For just a moment Felix considered telling Max that he loved him, but when he opened his mouth to speak he chickened out, and all that emerged was a soft but teasing, “I’m okay Max.”

The two of them made their way down into the depths of the old Cascadia lab, assuring those left on the surface that they would be able to handle anything that they found, and that if they couldn’t then they would be sure to let those left above know, or, at the very least, make a hasty retreat.

A couple of the others volunteered to go down with them, but Max and Felix declined the offer. Max’s job was to get the settlement’s automated defences back up and running, and Felix’s job was to protect Max and watch his back while he was working.

Felix didn’t want to admit it, but he didn’t really want to share that responsibility with anyone else; partially because he didn’t trust anyone else with Max’s life as much as he trusted himself, and partially because the two of them hadn’t had any time to themselves since they had left Amber Heights.

It wasn’t as though he thought they were going to sneak off into a private little corner and fuck each other senseless, although that was a very tempting idea, but the others treated Max, and, to a lesser extent, himself, a little strangely; less like they were human beings and more as though they were heroes from some Byzantium aetherwave serial, larger than life and different from the rest of them. It seemed strange to Felix. After all, they had never treated him like that before Max showed up, or at least the Iconoclasts never had. Perhaps they were just used to him at this stage, but seeing him by Max’s side made them remember that he too had been a crewmember of the Unreliable.

It was bizarre, and Felix hated it.

Plus he missed just being able to have a normal conversation with Max. Once this was all over the two of them would have to find a nice little bar somewhere, or an out of the way hotel room, or hell, even a library if that’s where Max wanted to go; just somewhere they could talk and just be themselves for a bit.

And then maybe, while they were alone together, Felix could finally tell Max how he felt, or at least admit that he didn’t want to be separated from Max again.

He let Max lead the way, following closely behind him as they navigated the old ruins. He vaguely remembered this place from when they had ventured into it behind their Captain, but not nearly as clearly as Max appeared to. He lead the way through the various hallways and past traps; some of which Felix would have missed completely. Eventually they found their way down to a deeper part of the facility than Felix had ever seen before.

Max glanced around for a moment, before nodding in the direction of a room marked ‘Security.’

“Come on,” Max said. “This should be it.”

“You know, I’m probably jinxing us by saying this,” Felix commented, “but I’m amazed that nothing’s attacked us down here so far.”

“Good job. You probably did just jinx us,” Max said, although considering that he said it with a smile Felix didn’t think that he was really that upset.

“The others should have made their way over the bridge and should be clearing out the western side right now,” Felix said. “I hope there’s nothing too bad for them up there.”

“Yes,” Max agreed. “Hopefully we haven’t taken all of the luck.”

Felix wished that they weren’t so deep underground. If they were a little closer to the surface then he might have been able to hear speaking, or gunfire, or hell, any sign at all as to how the fight on the topside of Cascadia was going. As it was he and Max might as well have been the only two people on this mission.

“All right,” Max said. “We’re here. It shouldn’t take me too long to get Cascadia’s turrets up and running again, but I’ll need to concentrate.”

“That’s why I’m here, right?” Felix said, readying his assault rifle and silently promising that he was going to do everything within his power to keep Max safe.

Max smiled softly at Felix before stepping up to the console and getting to work. Felix watched him for a couple of seconds, not understanding half of what he was doing. He was competent with computers, but Max was a law-forsaken genius. Felix had even seen him give their old Captain a tip or two, and that was saying something.

For a few minutes at least they were left alone as Max continued to work.

“Several of the external turrets are going to need repair,” Max commented, “but I’m sure that the Iconoclasts will be able to fill the holes in Cascadia’s defence in the meantime.”

Felix made sure that he kept his guard up. So far they had been left alone by the beasts infesting Cascadia, but he couldn’t know for sure how long that would last. The last time their crew had visited Cascadia it had seemed as though there were raptidons and mantisaurs around every corner.

“And then we just confirm the targeting parameters,” Max said. “Unfortunately I’m not going to be able to program this system to distinguish between different humans without considerably more work, or potentially installing ID chips in everyone who intends to visit Cascadia, so we’re not going to be able to keep marauders out using this, but as soon as I activate these defences they should target any non-human larger than a sprat within a twenty foot radius of Cascadia’s wall.”

That sounded like good news, but Felix wasn’t quite ready to celebrate just yet.

“And…” Max commented. “The defences are… on!”

Felix heard Max press one last button, and then the most ungodly, high-pitched wail that Felix had ever heard went blasting through the entire facility.

Felix clamped his hands over his ears while Max cursed and continued to type frantically at the console in front of him.

“What is that!?” Felix yelled, straining to be heard over the high-pitched sound, which was still ringing throughout the compound.

“The signal!” Max yelled out. “The network is broadcasting my instructions and the reboot signal to the turrets, but something’s damaged! We can only hope…”

The noise cut off as quickly as it started, and Max cleared his throat before starting again at a more normal volume.

“We can only hope that the signal still managed to reach the defences.”

There was a sudden loud howl that sounded far too close for Felix’s liking. He brought his assault rifle back up as a second howl answered the first.

“Raptidons,” Max observed.

“I don’t think they liked that sound,” Felix said.

“I don’t blame them,” Max said. “Can you hold them off for a few minutes? I need to check the system and make sure that the turrets are actually up and running, otherwise we came down here for nothing.”

“And what if you can’t get them working?” Felix asked. The raptidons sounded like they were getting closer.

“Then we work out a new plan,” Max said.

The first of the raptidons charged into the security room with a loud roar. It was reasonably large; easily taller than either Felix or Max, and took one look at Felix before charging towards him. Felix unloaded a hail of gunfire, which saw the beast falling to the ground.

The second put the first to shame. It was taller and wider than the door, but that didn’t stop it, or even slow it down. It crashed into the room, crushing its fallen brethren underfoot beneath it and turning the parts of the wall that stood between it and its prey into little more than rubble.

Felix cursed and unloaded another round. A couple of smaller raptidons entered the room behind the largest of them, and they seemed just as angry and ready to fight as the largest one did.

Felix had unloaded several full rounds of ammunition into the largest of the raptidons, but it showed no signs of slowing down. If he didn’t stop it then it might even get to… but no! He couldn’t let that happen.

He charged towards the largest of the creatures and unleashed his trademarked tossball kick at the creature, which at least stunned it, before turning his attention to the smaller creatures, hoping that he could at least get them out of the way before having to deal with the largest raptidon once more.

“What is with these things?” Felix shouted back over his shoulder. “Why do they want us dead so bad?”

“I suspect its not us but the console,” Max said. “They must be able to tell that the signal and the noise came from here.”

He seemed to be finished with the console, because in that moment he turned his back to it and brought out the shotgun that had been resting deceptively harmlessly on his back since they had first entered Cascadia.

“I’m afraid you’re standing between us and the safety of this community,” Max said, before firing a volley of shots towards the largest of the raptidons.

“I missed your one-liners!” Felix called back as he reloaded. “But I’ve got to admit; that one could probably use some work.”

“My one-liners!?” Max said before firing another couple of shots. “That’s what you missed?”

Another couple of raptidons charged through the opening that the largest one had made and Felix turned around to face them and launch another round of assault rifle fire directly at their faces.

“Hey!” he called back at Max as he tried to reload as quickly as he possible could. “I didn’t say that was all that I missed!”

He’d missed everything about this. He’d missed fighting by Max’s side. He’d missed their banter. He’d missed the excitement of fighting for a real cause and the danger that came with it, and he knew that he was going to miss all of it again if he let Max leave without him.

Felix made up his mind right in that moment, that no matter what happened, once the fight was over and Cascadia was safe once more, he was going to tell Max how he felt, and, if necessary, beg to be allowed to stay by Max’s side, whether that meant that they stayed on Monarch together or whether it meant leaving Monarch at Max’s side.

He didn’t even care anymore. His own dignity could be vented out the nearest airlock for all that he cared. He loved this, and he loved Max, and he was screwed if he was going to let his fear continue to get the better of him.

“Max,” Felix called out as the two of them continued to fight off the raptidons together. “I…”

He didn’t get any further than that however before Max let out a pained sounding cry.

“Max!?” Felix said, whirling around and almost getting mauled by a raptidon in the process.

He fired off another couple of shots and then turned back to discover that one of the smaller raptidons had injured Max. Its acidic spit had landed right on Max’s shoulder and had already burned through his clothing and down to the skin beneath.

“MAX!” Felix screamed, running over to the older man and shooting every raptidon that stood between them.

Oh law no. There was a lot of blood. There was a lot of blood and it was Max’s blood and Max was hurt and Felix hadn’t been able to protect him and Max could barely raise his shotgun now.

There were only a couple of raptidons left though. He just needed to take care of them and get Max to safety and then everything would be all right. He placed himself between Max and the remaining raptidons before firing off another couple of rounds.

“Come on you lizard-brains!” Felix cried out as the last one fell. “Is that all you’ve got!?”

He knew that he was running on adrenaline now; adrenaline and fear.

He turned his attention back to Max, who was grimacing and clutching at his injured shoulder. There were dead raptidons all around them now, and the walls of the security room looked as though they were in serious danger of crumbling to pieces.

“Come on,” Felix said, wrapping an arm around Max’s waist and throwing his good arm over Felix’s shoulder. “We have to get you somewhere safe.”

“I can still walk Felix,” Max protested, but considering how exhausted and in pain he sounded, Felix had absolutely no intention of letting the older man go any time soon. Instead he just tightened his grip on Max as he helped the older man over the corpses of the fallen raptidons.

“It’s all right Max,” Felix said, knowing, even as he did, that he was saying it to comfort himself as much, or perhaps even more than he said it to comfort Max. “Everything’s going to be all right.”

He glanced around for a few moments, trying to get his bearings. He really had just followed Max down into the facility, and now he was really wishing that he’d paid better attention. He soon spotted a sign indicating that one of the rooms nearby had once served as a cafeteria. There would hopefully be a vending machine in there, with some basic supplies, and it looked as though it would be relatively easy to close the doors and block out any more raptidons or other creatures that might be lurking about.

He helped Max into the cafeteria and quickly shut the door behind them, before helping Max down to the ground with his back against one of the walls.

He pulled the tattered, broken shreds of fabric away from Max’s injured shoulder with hands that were shaking. There was so much blood, and he didn’t know what he was going to do if it turned out that Max was seriously injured.

He forced himself to think. He knew that he needed water to clear the wound, cloth to clean it with and something for the pain. He would be lucky if the Rizzo’s vending machine even contained clean water, but surely he would be able to find what he needed in the rest of the room.

“I’ll be right back,” he told Max, pressing a quick kiss to Max’s forehead before getting to his feet.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Max replied. Felix didn’t know whether he was impressed or pissed off that Max was able to joke and be so flippant when there was so much blood staining his clothes.

Felix soon returned to Max with a cup full of water from the tap and an old, although relatively clean wash cloth. His hands were still shaking while he cleaned Max’s wound, at least until he removed most of the blood and realised that the wound wasn’t nearly as deep or as bad as he had originally feared.

He breathed in and out, trying to quell the panic and the fear that had arisen in him.

“It’s all right,” he told Max as he continued to dab at the wound and clear away. “There’s a lot of blood but it’s not nearly as bad as it looks.”

Max let out a small, pained sound that was probably intended to be a laugh.

“I could have told you that,” Max said.

“Bet it stings though, huh?” Felix asked, remembering his own raptidon spit related injury, and trying very hard not to think about what came after.

“I won’t disagree with that assessment either,” Max said through gritted teeth.

Felix cleaned up the wound as best as he could, before pressing the damp and now blood-covered cloth that he had been using gently on top of the wound.

“Do you think you can hold that there for me?” Felix asked. “I still need to get you bandages and medicine and stuff, or as close to those as I can find in this place.”

“I’m sure I can manage for a few minutes,” Max said, forcing himself to smile at Felix.

He was very much looking forward to those painkillers. The raptidon’s spit had burned away a section of his skin, but it didn’t seem too deep, and the bleeding already seemed to be slowing down. The pain was absolutely the worst part of it, and he found himself wondering how Felix had been in any state at all to have sex with Max while he had been the one sporting such an injury. Although, come to think of it, Felix’s wound had been quite a lot smaller than Max’s own.

Still, Max’s wound probably wasn’t quite bad enough to warrant the level of worry and fear that it had brought out in Felix. It was strange, and probably at least a little selfish and terrible of him, but watching Felix worry and fuss over him had made Max happy in its own way. Knowing that Felix was that worried about him; that the younger man cared about him that much…?

Max held the cloth to his shoulder as he watched Felix search the rest of the cafeteria. When the cupboards proved to be mostly void of anything, with the exception of a couple more old cloths, Felix made his way over to the vending machines in the corner. One of them was an old Rizzo’s machine, and Max was just able to hear it spitting out a sad, mostly garbled jingle as Felix accessed it.

Max found himself watching Felix closely as the younger man looked over the machine’s wares. It was one of the only ways he could think of to distract himself from the pain of his wound, not that he particularly minded watching Felix; quite the opposite in fact.

It was nice to just be able to unashamedly watch him for a change, without the chance of anyone commenting on his staring, or of Felix getting all flustered, which Max was absolutely sure that Felix would had he caught Max openly staring at him in any situation outside of the bedroom.

Felix had always had a certain sort of messy, untamed charm, but in that moment he found himself appreciating the simple, familiar things, like the set of Felix’s shoulders, and the way that one hand came to rest on his hip as he inspected the vending machine’s contents.

Felix went still all of a sudden, and Max heard him let out a soft, contemplative ‘huh’, before moving onto the next machine. He wondered what had caught Felix’s eye; whether it was something that was potentially helpful or just something interesting. He wished that he knew for sure where they stood with one another, so that he might feel free to ask these things without feeling like he was prying.

Surely though, Felix’s worry meant that he cared deeply for Max, right? Surely such fear for Max’s safety meant that he cared for Max as more than just a friend, and more than just someone that he occasionally had sex with, right?

The second vending machine was either switched off, or not working, but with a couple of persuasive hits from Felix it flickered into life, letting out a recorded jingle that was even more garbled and broken that the Rizzo’s machine.

If they had been lucky then it would have turned out to be an Auntie Cleo’s vending machine. They were not that lucky however. It was Spacer’s Choice. They would have Adreno and a few basic medications though, so Max would definitely take it over nothing.

Soon enough Felix returned with some basic painkillers and antibiotics in hand, as well as the extra couple of cloths he had found in the cupboards and some scissors that looked as though they hadn’t been designed to cut anything thicker than a single piece of craft paper.

Between Felix’s determination and a little bit of help from Max, they eventually had Max’s arm bandaged up. Max could only imagine that Ellie would despair at the quality of their makeshift bandage and sling. Felix had sacrificed his jacket along with the two wash cloths he had found, which was touching, and the bandage and sling looked, despite all odds, as though they were going to hold up and do the job well enough, at least until they could make it back to the surface and find a qualified physician.

Add to that the fact that the painkillers were starting to kick in, and Max really wasn’t in a mood to complain about anything, except perhaps the fact that Felix wasn’t kissing him right at that exact moment.

When Felix was done bandaging Max up and making sure that all of the correct medications had been taken, he cupped Max’s face between his hands and leaned in close, which really wasn’t helping Max with his whole ‘Felix not kissing him’ problem. Felix looked deep into his eyes for a moment, and Max wanted so badly to run his hands and lips over Felix’s forehead and get rid of all the worry that he saw.

Felix smiled softly, before he took the initiative and kissed Max on the forehead instead.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, before returning to the Rizzo’s machine that he had paused at earlier.

Max watched him make a purchase, although he had absolutely no idea what Felix might have bought. At first he thought it might just be food or drink of some sort (it had been a while since either of them had been able to eat or drink anything), but whatever it was that emerged from the vending machine, it was small enough for Felix to tuck it into one pocket, where Max was unable to see it.

Whatever it was, Felix didn’t think it worth mentioning when he returned to Max, so Max didn’t question it. If it was important then he was sure that Felix would tell Max whenever he was ready.

They rested up in the cafeteria for a few hours. Part of Felix wanted to check up on the team above ground really badly, but the other part of him knew that Max needed to rest for a bit before they moved on.

Felix curled up next to Max and let the older man fall asleep with his head on Felix’s shoulder. He watched Max as he slept, resisting the very strong urge to reach over and run his hand through Max’s hair, or at least he did until Max started to stir and Felix judged that they should probably be on their way.

When they emerged aboveground in the western side of Cascadia, they discovered an organised mess. It turned out that the western side of Cascadia had been overrun far worse than the eastern side, and that the signal to turn on the automated defences had been at just the right frequency to send most of the creatures into a total frenzy. The automated defences had kicked in at just the right time, and what the machines hadn’t been able to deal with, the MSI and Iconoclast team had made short work of. Human casualties had luckily been kept to a minimum, although there were a few volunteers from both Stellar Bay and Amber Heights that were sporting impressive new scars, one woman was likely to lose a leg, and one of the younger Iconoclasts was being transported back to Amber Heights for urgent medical attention.

“They’re carrying word of our success back to Amber Heights as well,” one of the Iconoclast officers informed the two of them. “Now that the landing pad is clear we’ll be able to get supplies and reinforcements brought in.”

“I can’t believe we actually did it,” one of the MSI volunteers piped up. “People will be able to live in Cascadia again.”

Felix knew that there was still a lot of work to be done to make Cascadia a proper settlement again, but he couldn’t deny the MSI and Iconoclasts their excitement. This was definitely a victory, although he didn’t exactly feel like celebrating; not with Max still injured and not with the weight of what he was carrying around in his pocket weighing him down.

He knew that he was probably being foolish, but he didn’t have much time to reflect on that. Things were moving quickly now that the beasts had been ejected from Cascadia. He and Max were told that they should just pick whichever building they wanted to stay in as their own, but they hadn’t even been able to start looking before a ship touched down on Cascadia’s landing pad.

The ship looked vaguely familiar, although Felix couldn’t quite place it; at least not until the ship’s airlock opened up and its crew strolled out.

“Nyoka!?” he called out. No wonder he had recognised the ship. Nyoka had shown it to him at Parvati’s wedding, along with introducing him to her new crew.

No-one had told him that Nyoka and CHARON were the ones that would be bringing them their supplies. For a moment he was tempted to run up to Nyoka and throw himself at her in a big, welcoming hug, but he still had Max to take care of, and so the two of them walked up to Nyoka and her crew at a much more sensible pace than Felix might have chosen had he been by himself.

“Holy shit!” Nyoka called out, before wrapping Felix up in a big hug. “I did not expect to see the two of you all the way out here!”

She smelled less like alcohol than Felix had been expecting, and she looked genuinely happy with her new crew. Felix was glad that she was doing well.

“Likewise, Miss Ramnarim-Wentworth,” Max said, as he and Nyoka shook hands, which Felix thought was way too formal considering everything they had been through.

“Yeah,” Felix said. “No-one told us you would be the one bringing supplies to Cascadia.”

“Yeah well,” Nyoka said with a shrug. “We got offered the contract, and there was no way that I was going to turn down a chance to help Monarch get back on her feet.”

“You look well,” Max said, echoing Felix’s earlier thoughts.

“Aw thanks,” Nyoka said, looking a little embarrassed. “I have an awesome crew to thank for that. And look at the two of you! You’re still together huh?”

Still together? Nyoka thought that they were a couple? More than that. She thought that they had been a couple for a while? Had she known? Had she been the one to spot them curled up together in Max’s bed and to close the door?

“No, I mean…” Felix began, intending to explain that they weren’t really a couple, or at least they weren’t officially a couple, or at least that they hadn’t been a couple when they had all been together on the Unreliable. “We’re not…”

“It isn’t like that,” Max said, and of course he managed to explain himself a thousand times more calmly and eloquently than Felix could ever hope to.

“Our paths just happened to cross on Monarch is all,” Max continued, while Nyoka looked between the two of them with far more amusement on her face than Felix was happy seeing there.

Felix knew that it was true. Spending a few nights with Max did not make the two of them a couple, however much Felix might have wished otherwise. Still, it had hurt to hear Max admit it out loud so casually. He had wanted so badly to believe that they could be more; that he might be able to call Max his own, but whether Max had done it knowingly or not, he might as well have just reached into Felix’s chest and torn his heart out. It probably would have hurt less if Max had done precisely that.

“All right,” Nyoka said, although she didn’t look as though she completely believed what Max was saying. “I get it. Hey, CHARON and I are gonna be popping in and out of Cascadia a fair bit over the next few days, but after that, if either of you want a ride off this hellhole then you’re welcome to come with us. We’ll probably pop into the Groundbreaker or something next, but if there’s a specific place you want me to drop you off then we can do that too.”

“Thank you,” Max said.

Felix wanted to thank Nyoka for the offer, but he didn’t trust himself to open up his mouth at that moment. He was just so fucking pissed off by what Max had said, even though it was technically true, and the thought that Max might end up leaving with Nyoka definitely wasn’t helping.

He folded his arms tightly in front of his chest and forced himself to at least try to summon a smile for Nyoka. Whatever he came up with wasn’t convincing at all if the concerned half-smile that she gave him in return was any indication.

“I’ll see you two around,” she said, placing a hand on Felix’s shoulder before heading off to join her crew.

“Yeah,” Felix managed to mutter. “See ya.”

Max stared up at Nyoka’s ship, hating the sight of it despite himself. There was nothing actually wrong with it, or with Nyoka or her crew, but he hated everything that it represented in that moment. She had offered him a free ride off Monarch. The sensible decision would be to take Nyoka up on her offer and leave as soon as the majority of the reconstruction work in Cascadia was finished. Who knew how long it would be before another opportunity like this presented itself?

It all came down to one simple fact however; Max didn’t want to leave, not if it meant leaving Felix behind. The thought of being separated from Felix again brought a physical ache to his chest that he knew he couldn’t blame on the raptidon acid. He wondered how long he could conceivably stay if he used the reconstruction of Cascadia as an excuse, and whether anyone would actually believe his claims that Cascadia’s wellbeing was truly the reason he had chosen not to leave.

His real reason for not leaving was standing right beside him with his arms crossed angrily in front of his chest. Max wondered if Felix was upset at the prospect that Max might be leaving. No, that would be far too wonderful and too perfect. More likely he was just upset that Nyoka had assumed that the two of them were a couple.

There was nothing for it. He couldn’t keep making excuses like this. He needed to tell Felix the truth, and if things did go horribly wrong then at least he would have an easy escape route in the form of Nyoka and her ship.

“Why did you tell her that?” Felix said, sounding even more upset than his demeanour would have indicated.

“What?” Max asked, more than a little confused, and yet also feeling the tiniest spark of hope begin to blossom inside of his chest. “Felix, we’re not a couple, or at least, not to the extent that Nyoka believes. Unless, I mean… If you…”

Max did not get flustered, ever, and he certainly didn’t blush, not even when his lover (and surely he could use that term. Even if they weren’t really a proper couple then surely ‘lover’ was all right) was glaring at him with his arms folded in front of his chest.

Max wished that Felix would say something rather than just glaring at him, because Max really did feel as though he was floundering.

“Do you want us to be a couple?” Max asked.

This wasn’t how he had imagined this going at all. When he imagined confessing to Felix and asking Felix to be his, he had imagined that he would have a lot more time to prepare, and that when he did manage to say the words, that it would be in a slightly more romantic location, or at least while they were in private; not standing on a landing pad in Cascadia, surrounded by the smell of gunfire and dead raptidons, and with Felix glaring at him with his arms folded in front of his chest.

“Maybe I do,” Felix said, his glare finally settling into something a little less fierce, but no less unhappy. “And maybe… maybe I don’t want you to leave.”

Max found himself gasping and his heart clenching tightly in his chest.

“You know what?” Felix said. “Screw this.”

Felix rummaged around in his pocket for the item that he had purchased from the Rizzo’s vending machine. He had bought it on a whim, not entirely sure if he would ever have the courage to actually put it to use, but figuring that it was better to have the option. It had been cheap, probably only made out of tin, or, if Felix was really lucky, stainless steel or something like that, but still Felix had tucked it away safely inside one of his pants pockets that actually zipped up. After all, it was the thought that counted with this sort of thing right; what the ring represented rather than the actual value of it?

He hadn’t thought that he would be using it so soon, but he wasn’t about to let Max leave without telling the older man how he felt; not again.

Felix gathered his courage and dropped to one knee, the ring held out towards Max in one hand. Felix knew that it was a bit old-fashioned. He also knew from all of the aetherwave serials that he had watched that Max was supposed to act all surprised and cover his mouth with one hand. People always did that when someone proposed to them, didn’t they? Perhaps it was just because Max’s arm was still injured that one of his hands didn’t come up to cover his mouth in shock, but Felix didn’t think so.

“Felix,” Max said. “What on earth do you think you’re doing?”

“Will you marry me?” he asked Max. “And I don’t mean just a marriage contract. I mean a proper wedding, with rings and vows and everything, like what Parvati and Junlei had last year.”

For a while Max said nothing at all. He just stood there, staring down at Felix as though he had absolutely no idea what to say. Felix just hoped that he wasn’t trying to think of the kindest way to let Felix down.

“Come on Max,” Felix said, when the silence was beginning to stretch on for too long. “Say something?”

It was still a few more seconds before Max managed to speak; a few seconds which felt like the longest, tensest seconds in the history of the universe.

“Are you absolutely certain?” Max finally managed to say. “I mean, this is coming completely out of nowhere! We haven’t even… And you…”

“Of course I’m certain!” Felix snapped. “You think I’d be down here on one knee if I didn’t like this idea? You know, you could just tell me that you’re not interested instead of trying to talk me out of it!”

He lowered the ring, debating internally whether he should keep it or just hurl the stupid thing as far away as he possibly could.

“I didn’t say ‘no’,” Max said, before reaching out and snatching the ring from Felix’s hand with his own. “I was just asking; are you sure that you’ve thought this through? This is a big step, and well… we’re both stubborn, so I don’t expect it will be a decision that will be easy for either of us to take back.”

“You know I don’t think things through,” Felix replied.

“Right. Act first; think later. Correct?”

“Right.” Felix nodded.

“You know, I do believe you’ve outdone yourself in that regard. A decision of this magnitude really ought to be thought through properly beforehand.”

“I mean, if you want to think it over for a while you can. Just don’t go flying off with Nyoka before you give me an answer, all right?”

“I wasn’t planning on leaving with Nyoka,” Max replied. “At least, not if you weren’t.”

That stunned Felix more than Max’s snatching of the ring. He got back to his feet, suddenly feeling very nervous and small in front of Max.

“I don’t know,” Felix said, smiling at Max. “It might be nice to get off this rock for a bit. Once we know Cascadia’s going to be all right at least.”

Max returned Felix’s smile, before turning his attention to the ring, still sitting in his hand.

“You know, I really do feel that there are certain things that should have happened before we got to this stage,” Max commented.

“Like what?”

“Well, I haven’t even told you that I love you.”

Max was trying to kill him. That could be the only explanation. It was working too. Felix’s heart had already forgotten how to work properly and was beating all over the place. He felt as though he had simultaneously just won the lottery and had experienced explosive cell death at the same time.

“But I suppose that can be remedied easily enough. Felix Millstone,” Max said, so sincerely that Felix suddenly felt as though he was the one being proposed to. He knew that he was blushing, and hoped that no-one else was standing close enough to them on the landing pad that they would be able to see it. “I love you. In fact I’m rather hopelessly, madly in love with you, and its past time that I told you as much.”

“I love you too,” Felix managed to splutter out.

“All right then. I suppose that’s it. Yes.”

“What?”

“To my own surprise, and despite the absolute ridiculousness of it all, I am accepting your marriage proposal. Now, considering my arm is still in a sling, I might need your help to actually get the law-forsaken ring on.”

Felix was intimately aware of the fact that Max’s hands were quite large, and so he wasn’t entirely surprised when it turned out that the only one of Max’s fingers that the ring would fit on was his pinkie.

“I’ll… I’m…” Felix spluttered as he helped Max slip the ring on. “When we get to the Groundbreaker I’ll buy you a better one.”

“If you insist,” Max said. “But I should warn you that I have every intention of holding on to this one.”

Felix nodded and smiled. Now that the nervousness and fear and surprise had all passed the joy was starting to settle in. He was starting to feel happy; happier than he had ever felt before.

“Now, should we go find Miss Ramnarim-Wentworth and tell her that we intend to accept her offer?” Max asked.

Felix shyly reached out and grabbed Max’s hand in his own.

“Nah,” Felix said. “We’d probably have to tell her that she was right about us and you know she’s going to be so smug about it.”

That brought an amused smile to Max’s face.

“I suppose you are right,” he said. “Perhaps the two of us should choose a place to rest up in the meantime.”

“We should probably get your shoulder looked at by a proper doctor first,” Felix said.

Max shrugged and then immediately grimaced.

“Really, it’s not that bad,” he commented, and Felix knew that he was lying. “Your makeshift first aid is holding up remarkably well.”

Felix crossed his arms in front of his chest again and glared at his new fiancée. Oh law, Max was his fiancée now, wasn’t he? It felt so good to even think that. Regardless of how giddy Felix felt, Max saw the glare in Felix’s face for the doubt and concern that it was and let out a sigh.

“Perhaps I should seek out medical help,” Max said. “You could pick out temporary accommodation for us in the meantime.”

“No,” Felix immediately said. “I’ll go with you, then we can pick out something together.”

That earned him another smile from Max.

“I suppose I had better get used to making decisions as a duo,” he said.

“Yeah, you better,” Felix said as the two of them walked off together in search of the nearest medic. “Because I don’t intend to let you leave on your own again any time soon.”

“No more goodbyes?” Max asked, his hand reaching out and finding Felix’s own as they walked.

“No more goodbyes,” Felix agreed.

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#the outer worlds #millsoto #felix millstone #maximillian desoto

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