#mimiwhines

[halvedmimi]

Here’s the thing - Dream Daddy looks awesome and I would like to play it.  But I don’t have a steam account and I’m super broke so $15 for a frivolous game is a bit too much.  Which means I’m stuck watching YouTubers play it and living vicariously through them.  Which is totally fine.  Except that I want to binge it and they’re, you know, living their lives or some crap so I have to wait for the next installment. 

And that is why I am frustrated today.

[halvedmimi]

So for about a year now I’ve been considering buying a graphics tablet and seeing what I can make with it.  Finally purchased on (On a whim with money I shouldn’t have spent but isn’t that always the way).  So far I’m using it as a glorified mouse.

why did I do this??

[halvedmimi]

I threw away everything I had amassed as an adult and decided to travel to another country for a couple of years.  The first year was bad and nothing went right.  I failed at everything and barely got enough work to get by.  Finally set up in a city I like, got a job and need to look into getting a more permanent place to stay.  But the job is minimum 12 hr shifts in hot sun, high stress, no back up and no training.  Not even relaxing breaks really.  And now I’m looking at renting a room in a share house and it looks like I’m going to have to devote over half my pay to rent.  The working conditions in this country and the pay rate is just shit.  So I’m sunburnt, I have a stress cold, I’m broke and soon to be homeless or so far away from work that I’ll have a 1.5hr commute either side of my 12+hr shifts day in and day out.  All I want to do is go home because if I’m going to be a mess, I want to at least be a mess with a decent pay rate and my family around to cuddle me.

[halvedmimi]

I’m not happy.  I gave myself two years to work my way across Canada.  I’m 8 months in and I don’t like it.  Snow is nifty and all but at the end of the day Canada is just not my place. 

If I leave I’ll regret it.  If I stay, I’ll spend the entire time thinking that I’m wasting my life until I can go home and settle down properly.  I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.

[halvedmimi]

So guess who is overworked and had a doctor put them on bedrest for four days???   That would be me.  Gunna try to finally finish a new chapter for one of my WIPs.

[halvedmimi]

So my job comes with staff housing.  This means I have a roommate that I not only live with but work with too.  I have spent way too much time with her and it’s now at the point where everything she does annoys the shit out of me and makes me super tense.

This morning I had a nightmare that she went crazy and attacked me.  She started growling then crawled over me and bit down on my elbow to thrash it about like a dog with a chew toy.   And since I knew I was asleep, I couldn’t move to defend myself.  Took a huge amount of effort to move and required that I screamed to pull up enough adrenaline to do so.  So I screamed and it woke me up from the nightmare. 

Turns out that when I scream in a nightmare it comes out like a weak ass chicken “bork” sound.  Embarrassing.  I’m glad it wasn’t loud enough for anyone to hear but at the same time I wish I was more fierce.

My nightmare has left me feeling disappointed and fucking pathetic.