sometimes when someone tells you the truth it falls the fuck out of the sky and you think that honesty is pretty but your heart is in an enjambment because he left you hanging when the last thing he said to you was ‘maybe some day’ and you’re wondering when the fuck that’s going to be you take that maybe as an ‘I promise’ and it fucks you up I waited seventeen months for the honesty that I thought would finally set me free and it did but when it did I felt more abandonment than relief because the thing about closure is you don’t get to decide how it goes. When I was crying about how I deserved an explanation I was expecting the vindication to be “I still love you, I was just so scared” but it wasn’t, Instead I got ‘I was lonely and I wanted something familiar’ and while that’s not fucking fair, I asked for it and that’s why the truth falls out of the sky because it hits you in the face and while you asked for honesty, you know it’s not what you wanted and that’s why it’s ironic because pretending like he was afraid to love you was always easier than knowing you were just a fucking convenience.
A
