Lately I’ve been going through a lot, mentally. We all go through a lot mentally. Even if we were not currently going through a pandemic,there would be mental barriers. On a daily basis it seems a lot of us are at war with our mind. I used to journal, but these days my hands cramp. I don’t have the patience for writing physically when the convenience of typing exists, lets hope arthritis doesn’t set in early.
When venting, it’s often hard to know where to start without my thoughts sounding jumbled. My mind races, and I get off track. In my life, I’ve always had a lot of difficulty in my mind. It always thinks about a future that may not exist, the possibilities, the “what-ifs”, I think of every possible bad thing that could go wrong and how to avoid it. It’s tiring, and I don’t know why I think of bad things that might never happen, it’s futile. Then dwelling on the past, every single thing I’ve did wrong replays. I think of how I would change things, but that’s also futile. Then I try to look at each day as a fresh start, a new day, a restart, but in the back of my mind I know the past carries a lot of weight on all of us. I’m going to try to get better and not think of the things that hurt. They carry no use in my life anymore it only hurts me.