From the beginning
1. Before my husband Pete and I decided to get pregnant I was worried that pregnancy and parenthood would pull us apart and eventually break. I thought that if we had different views on how to raise a kid we would argue a lot - just so you know: I am not good (probably the worst) at arguing, it has never been the strongest side of mine. Where all the thoughts and scares came from I was not sure. Could have something to do with all the other stories of the other people and their relationships which didn’t end up good. Or my parents’ divorce could impact me that way. Don’t know. I was super little and didn’t know they got divorce until I was an adult. I only remembered my dad’s funeral when I was 5.
Eventually I had to fight all the bad thoughts away and, in the name of love for Pete, we started trying to get pregnant. The first month we tried I was all happy and excited thinking I was already pregnant and couldn’t wait to tell Pete I was late on my period. Well… let’s just say there’s been the second month then the third. That’s where I was starting to lose it. I grew sadder with each month of trying. You know how stuff like that works, right? Every day I’d count the reasons why we couldn’t have babies and everyday there would be more of them. But one day I looked at myself and realized that it wasn’t me anymore, it was a different person - sad person. I’ve never been that way. Even in very bad life situations I would try to look for something bright and hold on to it as hard as I could. I reminded myself who I used to be and promised to change the way I let my brain work. I promised myself instead of counting the reasons of why we couldn’t be happy parents start counting the reasons why we would be those happy parents. And it worked. Thank Goodness. After 6 months of trying (I know, we’ve got very lucky, some try for much longer periods than 6 months) we got pregnant! Yay, right? It was “yay” for us too, at first…