Been thinking again, this time about Spirit: Riding Free.
I think it would have been better if Lucky never rode Spirit, at least not 24/7. Like she only rides him if absolutely necessary. Cause despite the nonsense she spits about Spirit Jr being a wild horse, he's certainly not wild. Just cause he's not wearing a saddle doesn't mean he's not domesticated.
So how about, instead, he stays free and Lucky gets a different horse (I'd call her Clover cuz, you know, lucky) and they just hang out a lot. You can have the show be like the Black Stallion, where the girls work together to protect Spirit Jr and his herd from people like Harlon Grayson or Butch LePrey, or even her cousin Julian, all three characters who would gladly profit from a Native American legend like the son of the Stallion of the Cimarron.
And if you wanted to add even more tension, have her go against her dad (not just about his proposal to Kate) about his job as the RAILROAD GUY! You know, railroads, the very method of transport that the OG Spirit absolutely demolished because it posed a threat to his home? Then you have his dad face a dilemma: continue doing the job he moved away from the city for, for his father's family buisness. Or forsake the buisness for the sake of preserving the land where the natives and wildlife have lived on for generations, for the family he has left, his daughter and his sister.
That could have made the show a bit better in my opinion and wouldn’t throw everything the original movie stood for in it’s face.
TLDR: ThroughOut the Chase Hades should have been making Active Attempts at Stopping Persephone. WithOut doing so he is Framed as Complicit in Persephone’s Actions. I do not get the Impression that Hades Truly Wishes to Stop Persephone. The Ending should have been Silent having Ended on a Joke Ruins the Flow and Horror of the Scene. We should have Ending Off with Both Persephone and Hades Stunned in Silence at What Persephone has Done.
ReWrite Under the Read More:
Issues with the Episode:
1. Hades’ is Complicit
Hades is so Fuckin UseLess it’s Honestly Hilarious. This Man is king and can’t Stop a 20 Year are you Kidding me? He makes No Attempt to Stop her, and he does is Tell her to “Wait” like a Dog. To get More Tension and Action Hades should have at least done something to Actively Try and Stop Persephone. By Not doing anything but Running Hades just gives this Air of not truly Caring ot Stop Persephone.
2. The Ending Joke of “Oh Sugar Snaps”
The Joke is Really UnNecessary there isn’t much else to Say. Lore Olympus has this Problem EveryWhere really. We can’t have Moments of Reminiscing or Heaviness as it will be Disrupted by a Joke of Some Sort. This is Bad as it Disruptive the Flow and Mood of the Scene. This Situation is Not One for Comedy. This is a Horror Scene Where a Woman is Chased Down only to have her Physical Form Altered to an InHuman Degree. Why are we Ending with a Joke? We should be Stunned at WHat has Occurred.
ReWrite,
Hades and Minthe + Persephone:
All this can Stay I don’t see anything needed to be Cut Out. Moving on
Beginning Chase:
Here is Where the Changes Start. Take those 4 Panels of Persephone Chasing Minthe with those to Workers Out and RePlace them with a Panel of Hades Attempting to Stop Persephone. This could Easily be Accomplished by having Hades Use his Crystal Powers to make Barriers or Obstacles. This Way Hades is Attempting to Stop Persephone while not Activity Hurting her.
Ending Chase:
Everything can stay the Same, but Change the Panel of Hades Holding Persephone and Saying “Oh Sugar Snaps.” to a Panel of them in Stunned Horror. Absolute Silent in the Curse that Persephone has Given Minthe.
This is just a little thing I wrote after like an hour as a short rewrite for Little Hope’s ending. It doesn’t change the main twist as I don’t have too much of a problem with the twist itself, though there are certain things I wish I had happened to make me feel more invested in the Clark family as I actively disliked half the family and there wasn’t much in the game to change that (And also the whole locked traits = death thing confused me). But like, this is just a thing I did for a bit of fun.
But, at the very least, here is my mini rewrite of the very end of the game:
This ending assumes the following:
1) All the characters are still currently alive.
2) Mary has been saved, with Carver being outed as the true evil.
3) Vince hasn’t called the police.
Scene: The abandoned house.
Andrew blasts back into the present and standing with him is the Little Girl they have been following all night. She does not say anything but offers her hand to him and the two go down the stairs to where the others are waiting.
Andrew: It’s over now, we can all be a family again.
The girl remains silent but the four others react twice, once with confusion as their modern selves, and once as their 1972 selves where they react with happiness to see Anthony and Megan again. Andrew doesn’t seem to react to the oddness, instead looking around the house uneasy.
Dialogue choice:
Optimistic - “I did it, I saved you all.”
Troubled - “Something’s wrong.”
Say nothing.
There’s a noise outside that distracts Andrew, and he goes outside to check it. As soon as he is off the porch, the demons appear, grabbing the others. The Little Girl disappears. The demon begins dragging their victims towards where they died in 1972.
(John -- The living room; Angela -- Upstairs bathroom; Daniel -- The attic; Taylor -- The Balcony. Taylor is dragged outside and up if the hanging demon is present but through the inside if the burnt demon is).
Andrew is about to run back inside when Vince stops him.
Vince gives his speech about how it isn’t Andrew’s fault, while he speaks the others cry out. First are the cries for help from the prologue, the a line from when each faced their own demon, then a line of them telling Andrew/Anthony that it’s okay for him to leave, that he doesn’t need to save them any more.
The flashback to the Clark’s family funeral happens and when it is over, it becomes clear, you are Anthony Clark, the bus driver. Anthony is given a final choice.
Leave Little Hope OR Save your family.
Leave Little Hope:
If you chose to leave Little Hope behind, Vince will give you directions to the diners. The sounds from the house will fade and Anthony will walk away. The rest of the flashbacks showing him alone throughout the night are shown. Anthony is then shown at the diner, a small smile on his face as Anthony Clark is finally free of his guilt.
Save your family:
If you chose to save your family, Anthony runs back towards the house. He is transported back to 1972, back to the flames just beginning to consume the house. Desperate to not fail this time, Anthony rushes inside. He does not make it back out.
The scene shows a foggy night in Little Hope Cemetery, Vince going to leave flowers on Tanya’s grave. As opposed to the earlier scene here, there are now six graves for the Clark family. A slow pan over to the new grave, that of Anthony Clark, having been reunited with his family after all.
So, I want to do this New Series called “Mini ReWrite” which unlike my Big Posts will only Encompass 1 Episode and not Multiple. Hopefully they will be able to be Posted after. I am gonna Start with this one as I am gonna just RePost What I put in the Discord. Plus, it’s still on my mind. Anyway without further ado,
TLDR: This Episode Under Utilizes The Artemision in it’s WorldBuilding by making it Empty and it makes it seem that Artemis has No Following. It also Under Utilizes Artemis herself. This is her Temple but we don’t get to know her more. Why is she here? does she go here often? We could have gotten Characterization on her. This Episode should have been Split into 2 Parts, Hades/Persephone + Hecate and Eros/Psyche + Artemis. With this we have extra Panels that could be Devoted to Developing Artemis’ Character not only with herself but with her Worshippers.
ReWrite Under the Read More:
Issues with the Episode:
1. WorldBuilding Surrounding Artemis’ Temple and by Extension Artemis herself
This Temple, (The Artemision), is completely Empty. Which doesn’t make sense as this is suppose to be Artemis’ “Main Temple.” Where are the Temple CareTakers? Where are her Worshippers? Now, you could say “Well, there is a Bear in the Temple!” To which I respond with “How did it get in there? Where are the CareTakers?” I love Artemis and her Conversation with Eros is Great but,,, it does Lack Characterization that is Unique to her. Of course, Artemis is gonna get Angry because Eros is Hiding something from her! I wish we got something more Unique to her.
2. Eros/Psyche’s Part is Too Long and could be Removed
I am gonna be Honest I don’t particularly care for Eros/Psyche, so there part is really UnNecessary. You could have started with them already going to Artemis’ Temple and nothing changes.
3. Hades/Persephone and Hecate goes on Slightly Longer than Necessary
The Title of the Episode “Cursed” comes from this Part and it is Good. But, I do think it has some UnNecessary Fluff that could be cut out for Artemis Characterization.
ReWrite, (will be laid out in the would be Order of the Episode):
Hades/Persephone + Hecate:
You can keep it mostly the same I would recommend taking out the Last bit of Hecate telling Persephone about she saw her Mother. It’s just an unneeded CliffHanger that could be taken out. The Focus is Minthe and her Curse. Keep it there. And the Part of Persephone Explaining how Minthe can both hear them. I think that bit could be added in another Panel before hand. So, with those bit out we now have 5 Extra Blank Panels (They will come in Later)
Eros/Psyche:
We are taking their entire Section out as stated. Just give us 3 Panels of them going to Artemis’ Temple. First, Of them Traveling. Second, Of Psyche Asking where they are going. Third, Of Eros Responding with Artemis’ Main Temple and How he wants to check up on her. So, with this we have 9 Extra Blank Panels
Artemis:
Instead of, the Bear and the Temple being Empty. When Eros/Psyche arrive in the Temple, Mortals are getting ready to Worship and Artemis is Watching while Invisible. Artemis Shushes them when they try and Talk to her as she just wants Enjoy her WorShip.
This way, we finally see some Mortal and God Interaction. Which the Series is Sorely Lacking. This Story is about the Gods but we never see anything with the Mortals and How the 2 Interact with the Other. (Besides Mortals Dying that is) We never see Mortals Worshipping or Praying or anything.
Another thing that could be Improved by this is giving Artemis a Special Relationship with her Worshippers. She Watches over them, quite literally. It’s an Intimate Moment which she take part in to be close to them. Here is some Potential Dialogue of Artemis for this Section:
"I like to Watch them whenever I have Time,,, it's Relaxing in a way,,,It,,,It Helps me Clear my Head."
"It's Interesting Watching the Mortals and How they do things.,,, I could never do what they do, but it's still nice to Watch. I can UnderStand them better."
“I want to Join them but,,, I get the Feeling it wouldn’t be the same, you know? They are Mortals and we are Gods”
With Dialogue like this we could see a New Dimension to Artemis, A Goddess who Enjoyness the Closeness and Bond she has of her Worshippers, but will never join them as there is a Power Difference.
With this we will have at least 2 Extra Blank Panels as we are getting Rid of the Bear.
So, How would you fit this? Well, Remember those Extra Panels we got Rid of? They are being reused here. We have 16 Extra Panels. With all those Extra, you have a lot of ways to Format it. Here is one off the Top of my Head
5-7 Panels for Set Up: Showing us the Artemision and all the Mortals.
4-5 Panels for the WorShip: Just Showing the Mortals Worshipping
4-5 Panels for Artemis: Giving her Characterization with the Dialogue up above
