sept 27. backstage. after cartel.
marina marched into the backstage area, her heels click-clacking against the floor with every step. she managed to say a few polite hellos here and there, even stopping briefly to take photos with fans and people who called her name.
the backstage area was almost empty when she got in. a few staff members, and probably some people from other queens’ entourages greeted her when she passed by. she responded with just a smile and a soft “hi”, too tired to even say anything more than that.
everyone is busy celebrating and partying outside. this is the comeback of nectar’s drag cartel. everyone missed this fun and chaotic energy.
marina spotted minty, who’s now wearing denim jorts and an oversized black shirt, standing at the far end of the room. she caught a glimpse of a cigarette stick between her lips and an opened box of marlboro ice blast placed on the table. she mentally laughed when she noticed how minty frantically kept patting all of her pockets, obviously searching for a lighter.
“bawal ‘yan dito,” marina called out, her voice loud enough to reach the other side of the room from where she was standing. she wasn’t even sure if this is how she wanted to announce her presence, but it was already too late.
minty froze for a second. of course, she knew that voice. she turned her head towards the door, pulling the cigarette from her lips so she can talk. “naka-ilan na ‘ko kanina,” she said lazily, eyes scanning marina from head to toe before asking, “hindi ka magpapalit?”
“no,” marina replied with a flat tone. she started walking inside, going straight in front of a random mirror. she leaned closer, fixing her false eyelashes that had been stabbing her eyelids for the past hour.
“nasaan na? give me the papers,” marina extended her other hand towards minty, not even bothering to look at her. “pakibilis, madaming naghahanap sa’kin sa labas.”
minty chuckled as she placed the cigarette stick back in its box. she opted to just reach for her vape. “ayoko,” she replied in a teasing tone while she replaces the pod on the relx device. “actually, naiwan ko sa bahay.”
that statement made marina’s eyes roll, “i messaged you earlier, ‘di ba? nakalimutan mo pa rin?”
minty just shrugged carelessly before giving a half-assed apology, “edi sorry.”
“pinapunta mo pa ‘ko dito, hindi mo naman pala dala,” marina snapped, spinning around to face her fully.
“naiwan ko nga ‘yun siya. next time na lang,” minty casually replied, totally unbothered.
“god minty, you’ve always been like this. akala mo ba nakaka-cool ‘yang pagiging bitch mo? and that chill, nonchalant persona? you’re not cool, you’re insensitive, apathetic, and careless,” marina is visibly frustrated with the amount of harsh words she just spit out.
“me?” minty pointed at herself, shocked with marina’s immediate outburst.
“sino pa bang kausap ko dito? yes, you! minty, it’s obvious that you do not care about anything or anyone but yourself!” marina is obviously starting to lose her cool.
but minty didn’t flinch, “i care. i care about you. i care about xitrina. if i don’t, i would’ve filed the fuckass divorce papers myself. heck, i would’ve signed them immediately when you told me yesterday.”
“eh bakit hindi mo ginawa?” marina shot back, stepping even closer, trying to lower her voice. she doesn’t want to cause a commotion because people might hear them from the outside. because she knows that minty doesn’t like being yelled at. “nag-intay ka na ako ‘yung mauna? so kapag nalaman ng mga tao, ikaw ‘yung kawawa? ikaw yung iniwan? you want to play victim?”
minty took a long drag from her vape, and blew the smoke straight to marina’s face, “tangina, relax.”
marina coughed, repeatedly flailing her right hand in front of her face, trying to wave the smoke away. “tangina mo rin!” she shouted, eyes filled with frustration and exhaustion. “kinakausap kita nang maayos, ginagago mo lang ako. fuck, i don’t have time for this. i’m going back to the party,” she turned around and started to walk away, her heels clicking loudly on the floor.
but before marina could even reach the door, minty called out softly, “marina, wait,” followed by an almost pleading, “i’m sorry.”
this time, it wasn’t sarcastic or lazy.
it sounded sincere.
and it was enough to make marina stop, making hear breath hitch. she stood there quietly for a few seconds, deciding whether to turn back or to finally walk away for good.
minty’s eyes darted to her own reflection in the mirror. her makeup still intact, but her eyes are tired. her lips are pressed into a thin, trembling line.
marina did not turn around. “you’ve already said that before. multiple times,” her tone is sharp enough to cut through minty, yet it also carries pain that almost break her.
“i mean it this time,” minty said, her voice getting low and almost breaking. she placed her vape on her pocket, “i’m sorry. hindi ko sinasadya. hindi ko alam kung paano ba ayusin ‘to.”
marina managed to face minty again, “and that’s the problem, minty! lahat na lang hindi mo alam. hindi mo alam kung anong gusto mo, hindi mo alam kung anong gagawin, hindi mo alam kung ano ‘yung tama —"
“eh ikaw? alam mo ba?” minty cut her off as she suddenly snapped. “you think you’re always right just because you act like it? lahat ng galaw ko, mali. lahat ng desisyon ko, mali para sa’yo. god, marina, do you even hear yourself?”
marina’s lips twitched, but she kept her stance firm, “at least ako, may desisyon.”
minty scoffed, “yeah, to leave.”
that one landed, and it made marina flinch. she took a long deep breathe to calm herself before she speaks again, “you think gusto ko ‘to? you think madali sa’kin ‘to?”
minty leaned back into one of the tables, “then why are you doing this?”
“because i have to!” marina’s voice starts cracking. “nakakainis kasi parang wala kang pake sa lahat. you know how our world — how this industry, works. maingay, mabilis, magulo, ang daming nangyayari. and i don’t like not knowing what to do. just a simple help from you would suffice. pero hindi eh. lahat ng gulo, parang ikaw ‘yung nagdadala sa’kin. and you don’t even bother helping me. even if you do, it’s just the bare minimum at napipilitan ka lang.”
minty eyes softened for a moment. marina is visibly exhausted, hurt, and frustrated. but she feels the same way too, “you make it sound like i’m poison, and i’m bringing misfortune in your life.”
marina walked towards minty, closing their distance as she points a finger on minty’s chest, “yes. that’s exactly what it feels like.”
the silence that soon followed was deafening. the air is thick with tension. only the faint sound of the party music from outside filled the space between them.
minty’s throat bobbed and she tried to laugh it off. but her voice betrayed her, as it came out shaky, “tangina, marina. ang dali mo namang sabihing ‘yan sa’kin.”
“because it’s true,” marina whispered, blinking a few times. “everything is falling apart. i am falling apart. at hindi mo man lang napapansin. or maybe you do, pero not enough for you to care.”
minty looked down at her shoes for a while, her jaw tightening. she’s swallowing the words that are too bitter to speak. then, she raised her head again, eyes directly looking at marina’s, “maybe you shouldn’t have loved me this much in the first place.”
marina’s took a heavy breath, but she refused to back down, “maybe i really shouldn’t have. pero tangina, i did.”
their eyes locked. too long. too hard.
a few seconds of silence passed before minty tilted her head slightly to her right side, forcing her lips to form into a smile. the exact kind that used to drive marina crazy. “you still do,” she said, abruptly slipping back into her teasing self. because that’s just who minty is — clever and playful.
marina laughed bitterly, “you wish.”
“yeah, i wish,” minty murmured, standing up from her leaning position, which made the space between them shrank to nothing. minty stood significantly taller in her flat sneakers, than marina who’s still wearing a pair of heels.
minty’s fingers brushed against marina’s arm and shoulder before quickly pulling her in for a hug, “i missed being this close to you.”
minty leaned back against the edge of the table behind her, almost sitting but not quite. she carefully guided marina to rest against her chest.
the hug was tight. almost too tight. it felt as though minty didn’t want to let go, too afraid that marina might slip away again from her.
the sudden shift caught marina off guard. she did not expect this to happen. minutes ago, they were arguing, totally high with emotions. now, minty is holding her as if nothing had happened.
but marina said nothing. she did not complain. she did not even do anything to get away from minty’s arms. she just stood there, putting almost all of her body’s weight on minty, head placed at the crook of minty’s neck, acting like it’s the safest space in the world.
minty took a heavy breath before speaking in a soft voice, “i’m really sorry,” she started. the air is still thick, both are afraid that this conversation will turn into another heated argument.
but minty continued, “i’ve always admired you for your strength and independence. i assumed you can do everything on your own. because that’s how you wanted things to be — always under your control. it has never occurred to me that my marina, my strong and fearless marina, can get a little too weak and fragile sometimes.”
marina’s eyes started watering. she sniffed a little, trying to contain her tears and burying herself even more in that position as minty’s scent enveloped her. “i’m sorry. i’ll be better. i’ll handle you with so much care and love from now on. show me what your heart needs. tell me how i can love you better. i’ll give it to you.”
