#miri.edu

[miriamundertale]

Defanged

You look me in the eyes as your hand rests on my cheek. I feel the muscles within convulse as your left holds my mouth open, and your right forces its way into my mouth. "It's going to be okay," you coo, your thumb resting on the first fang. Your hand is so warm. Your index finger worms its way behind, a steady grip. I can't feel my breath, yours is overpowering; A steady in, out, in, out, a rhythm that fills a lack I never knew I had.  I can't look away, your hand keeps me locked in place, so, so warm, so, so firm. I can't look away, how could I? You're so excited, the gleam in your eyes is magnetic.

Twiiiiist.

A sting turns into a stab. I thought it would feel different, but a hole being created feels the same no matter the method. It hurts so bad, but I'm staying so steady. I want you to be proud of me. Why do I want that? Your breath is faster. You're enjoying this. You're doing your best to hide it, but I see the corners of your mouth twitch, your giddy little laugh under your breath pressing against my ribcage. The flesh slowly separates from my fang. I feel your fingers tighten down harder as a final twist fully separates a weapon from me. I haven't taken a breath.

 "Goooood pup."

That's not me. That isn't who I am. Is that what you want me to be? Can it be me? my fang has never looked better than it has while you admire it in your hands. My blood drips down my throat, and I swallow desperately. That blood isn't mine anymore, it's yours, and I want to keep some part of you inside me. Your hand, steady as it has been, starts to move. Each little movement conveys warmth I never thought I'd experience.

"One down, one to go. Do you want me to keep going?" There's the grin. Is this how Constantine felt? I can't stop a smile from forming. “Yes,” I think. "Please," I say. Another giggle. Your hand lifts from my cheek fully and pats my head. Why couldn't this be who I am? Why did I have to be a monster? The same fingers that were forcing my mouth open like a vice are forcing my heart open just the same. Your right hand settles on my cheek. I feel your fingers rather than your palm this time, You’ve formed a fist around my former fang. I don’t think anything in the world could make you let go. Your legs have been straddling me this whole time, and yet I feel so jealous of that chunk of bone. Hold me that tight. Bruise me with that same desperation. Please, please, let me feel you for days. Your left hand is already in my mouth. I expect a struggle, some form of difficulty. You’ve only done this once before, and with your dominant hand, But you’re like a machine. It’s one swift motion, not once breaking eye contact. I scream out. 

Blood spills down my mouth, into my windpipe. No. No. Please. Not that way. I need to taste it properly. I can’t help it. I start coughing, tears starting to well up in my eyes. Blood spatters onto your face, and I see pity in your eyes. Pity? For me? Who would pity the creature that I am? I don't know what I did to deserve this kindness. I try to sputter out a weak “Thank you,” but once again my voice betrays me. Three other words come out, and you stop. Your smile falters, slightly, and after the longest second of my life you reply with “Awww, poor thing.” I can’t tell what that means here. I don’t care. I’m just happy to hear your voice. "You don't mind if I keep these, right?" you say, gently holding the worst parts of me. They're yours. I don't even say the words, but you know. I don't need to say them to you, even if I could right now. As you reach into your pockets and pull out an empty pill bottle, The tears finally break. You planned on keeping them. I never had a choice, thank god. 

[miriamundertale]

hi heres my current reading list for manga. still being updated. post is very very long so under a readmore. images are only if i have specific screencaps to help the big spam

The 100 Girlfriends Who Really, Really, Really, Really, Really Love You

the type of peak that could only exist to those willing to brave their own doubts. a work of art that will only exist for those strong enough to resist their hearts saying "cringe"

After god

Jesus christ. Holy shit. Mother fuck oh my god. I will keep blasphem in g this is too good

Akumade Amai Watashi no Kanojo

Pretty okay but not stunning yuri. i was told it was vampire. still okay though.

Akuyaku Reijou no Oyome-Sama

Kinda fun. unique setup that im afraid of being largely abandoned as the yuri goes on.

Alcohol and Ogre-girls

This is my shit. fun with just a bit of trashy. I feel like in a just world this would wind up even hornier than it currently is.

The apothecary diaries

Clasic miriam strategy of reading the manga of a popular anime instead of watching it. I did not realise how like. Political drama this would be. It rules a lot. More stuff like this please.

Berserk

ive slowed down in keeping up on berserk. it feels kinda weird to read. nothing against how it is now i just feel some wall hitting me with it

Big Love from Ultra Deep Space

On a trial period. Not bad at all but I really am tired of high school yuri

Black clover

i originally started reading this due to it feeling like a good example of shounen as a genre with the good and the bad, and for a while was going to say its my "if you want to understand the genre just read it" rec but one piece gets the core of it and undead unluck exists. just here 4 fun now

Blue Period

God. gorgeous. really really some of the better written optimism I've seen which is. very hard to do.

Bocchi the Rock!

Ill be blunt just watch the anime. I enjoy reading the manga but its pretty classical mid. mainlining shots of kikuri until the spinoff lands jokes on you im already blasted

Bocchi the Rock! Gaiden: Hiroi Kikuri no Fukazake Nikki

Hiroi spinoff This woman is too pathetic for her own good [redacted for public safety]

Boku no Kokoro no Yabai Yatsu

rough start but very fun overall and good horny art. hard to complain

The Case Study of Vanitas

who could have predicted gay vampires are good

Chainsaw Man

God i love act two. Asa is the best possible followup to denji and seeing her and denji interract is going to make the inevitable fujimotofication of the story even more fun

Choujin X

was not expecting to get sucked into this so much. Ishida's style is captivating and this is a much more interesting world than tokyo ghoul was

Dandadan

wow this is pretty fun. though tatsu needs to learn to draw more female faces because its getting embarassing sometimes

The Dungeon That Kills All Adventurers

another dowman sayman banger who could have predicted this

Golden Man

Feel pretty confident in this being fun. art isnt standout but is still very striking to me.

Hazure Skill "Kage ga Usui" o Motsu Guild Shokuin ga, Jitsuha Densetsu no Ansatsusha

Yeah ik long name. its an isekai lite aka the whole "this is an isekai in all but including the start of an isekai" genre thats popped up lately. its very charming and gorgeously drawn

Heavenly Delusion

in terms of post apocalyptic stuff it stands out and winds up pretty fun. the art isnt something wild but stands out with its own charm

Henjo

Henjo is hornybait with fucked up age gap, so a very boring and tread upon category, but the target audience is clearly less the horny 20 year olds hunting high school girls and more the high school girls who think they can pull. An important part of the manga ecosystem.

The Summer Hikaru Died

the art style is really evocative and i do love me some weirdly fucked up yaoi. good recent pickup

In/spectre

See the solution to writing good het is to make them kinda fucked up in some way. This works even better with gay ships but two people with something wrong with themselves clicking together is too great not to use. This is me being vague so you read the manga

Isekai Meikyuu de Harem o

I read this out of this fucked up interest in how the mangaka spends the majority of this horny isekai not worldbuilding but game designing the rules of this isekai. Its such a weird focus of priorities

Ishuzoku Reviewers

fun concept fun art horny is fun fuck you

Jahy-sama wa kujienai!

Jahy has to end with the ritualistic abolishment of capitalism or else it has failed

Ka「」Ku「」Shi「」Go「」To「

Please someone pick this up again please

Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun

This manga is fuckin gorgeous tbh. I think its close to its endgame and im excited to see how it goes

Kagurabachi

fuck you shut up fuck you i thought it would be funny. its pretty ok shounen. needs more homoeroticism though

Kemono jihen

Its a fun read and i like a lot of the character designs. It holds me pretty solidly at least

Kesa mo Yuraretemasu

Eiji masuda could make me read a manga about a wet dog undrying painted walls and id read in seconds and hype it up. Thankfully this is great above that. Romcom but entirely from an audience perspective is SUCH a fun idea.

Kobayashi-san Chi no Maid Dragon

Dramaid is watching someone with immense talent at writing domestic slice of life work REALLY hard at learning how to draw tits

The vampire dies in no time

I thought this was gonna be yaoi but instead its nothing but pathetic characters i absolutely love. Really good stuff

Mahou Shoujo ni Akogarete

i dont need to justify reading this to you. you know its good. we all know its good. fuck you.

Make the exorcist fall in love

I rly like this and the style. fun weird Christianity read. worth it imo

Makeine (light novel)

Shocker im reading a light novel its some incredible garbage. peak garbage.

Mieruko-chan

How is this not more popular. Great concept. Really striking art. Solid writing. I barely see anyone talk about it. Might be due to the really uninteresting anime adaptation

Momose Akira no Hatsukoi Hatan-chuu

this is very pretty and its a fun cute read. i also love this imag.e i love it so much.

Mother Parasite

OH MY GOD IM SO GLAD I FOUND IT BEING UPLOADED FINALLY. Hirohisa Satous work is so fucked up in ways i cant get enough of. this is no exception. art is incredible forgive the no picture

Natsume Yuujinchou

I love the show and the mangas no exception. Really enjoyable and yuki midorikawa's style is pleasant on the eyes

Normality and monsters

monster girl yuri. monster girl yuri. monster girl yuri.

Noss and Zakuro

this is insanely cute on every level. you agree.

One piece

implying im still keeping up with it

One Punch Man (webcomic)

Welcome to gremlintown (we got an update :D)

One Punch Man (Manga)

thank god were free from garou arc

Onimai

(see above)

Oshi ni Amagami

i like my funny vampire stories and this is a fun vampire neet one

Oshi no ko

i am committed to this idc about the outcome

Ousama Ranking

IMPLYING ANYONE EVER DOES 70-155 LMAO SORRY I LIKE READING THE MANGA cant believe you made me watch the anime. tl the missing chapters please

Please Give Me Your Blood, I Will Serve You In Gratitude

Miriam "Trashy Vampire Manga Fan" Undertale

Record of Ragnarok

i needed something trashy and fun and this does it

Rent a Girlfriend

my least defensible read. its garbage. i hate it. its horrible trash and i read it purely out of some weird revival of the author attempt to understand miyajima innately and emotionally through his work

Sakamoto days

Im sorry it took me this long to hop on. I wasn't familiar with your game. i wish you would bring your game back though. you kinda just left me with your slam poetry collection and i preferred your game.

seitokai ni mo ana wa aru!

this is a fun one. muchimaro has sauce. i think this isnt their most sauceful manga but its still very fun

Sentai Daishikkaku

inadvertently my favorite new manga pickup. kinda fucked up that its by the same mangaka as quintessential quintuplets considering how much i enjoy this and how much i thought quintuplets was kinda just Okay. I am kinda embarassed how much i love d's normal humansona design its such a little creature of a man

Shingeki no Eroko-san ~Hen na Oneesan wa Danshikousei to Nakayoku Naritai~

Continuing her streak of having the biggest mind ever, yoshiru konogi pops off with the manga targeted towards pathetic 30 year old women who want a high school boy to a massive degree

SHY

im so happy im getting updates again. anime was good despite low budget. season 3? season 3 queen?

Skip and loafer

The art style is so lovely and its a breath of fresh air compared to a lot of the romance ive been reading lately

Sousou no Frieren

i like frieren. its fun. i think its a mess when it comes to writing from time to time but its very fun.

Usuzumi no Hate

i refuse to believe this is this mangakas first work. this is fucking incredible. gorgeously drawn with an incredible concept. read now

VERSUS

Why are we once again in a world where people are not translating kino by one

Vinland Saga

Man this grew on me fast. I picked it up not expecting a lot and got the world with it

Warui ga Watashi wa Yuri ja Nai

Is this the best manga of all time? I think its the best manga of all time

Welcome to Demon School! Iruma-kun

did not expect to enjoy this this much. this is what happens when you expose demons to a shota.

Witch Hat Atelier

At this point it feels like im very obviously drawn to pretty stuff but honestly its a really good read. Qifrey and olruggio should kiss already

Witch watch

I was lied to about there being vampires as a core part of things. But in return i got a really cute comedy that has just enough of the right type of derrangement to worm into my brain. Good mistake.

Yotsuba

Yotsuba is one of the mangas of all time

zom 100

this is one of those "i thought i saw the start of a genre trending and assumed one of the main firestarters would be bad" stories and im glad i was wrong. it's very charming in a kinda fun childish way

[miriamundertale]

I have spent years in a cage in a cage in a cage in a cage. A beast trapped by loathing, by circumstance, and by flesh. Ripped and tore my way through the first, freeing myself from the draw of an easy, painful escape. Crawled out of the second, Claws bloody and snapped, parts left behind for the rest to be free. And now, for the third, nothing? I’ve reached the end? I’m supposed to forgive this cage, pretty it up, and accept it? Why? That’s not how this works. I fought for every single scrap of myself I’ve been able to free, and now nothing? I don’t want to be kind to this rotting flesh. I don't want to transform it. I want to tear it to shreds. I want to go to the mirror, look the man I’ve defeated in the eyes, and watch his face as I tear his teeth out. I want to see the spark come back in her eyes as flesh is torn off. Replace it all. At least get me a new cage. I don’t want to refurbish this one. 

Is this normal of me? I know it’s not. I know the dysphoria is. But I’ve yet to meet another girl who needs to resist the urge to lose parts of her cage. Who stares at her hand, and knows nothing would feel better than to saw it off herself. It’s not even a matter of dysfunction. I have dysfunctional parts. My hands are arguably the most functional parts of my entire body. I would sooner rather have a fucking hook than these things. I don’t hate myself. I really don’t. I’m well past that now, but when it comes to liking and accepting this fucking cage, I just can’t. What clothes should I put on it, How do I maintain the hair, How do I put makeup on it, I don’t fucking care. Why am I supposed to care. People phrase caring for it like it’s some revelation, it will free me, will make me truly actually accept myself. This isn’t me. I have accepted myself, I accept and love who I am. I don’t want to love my prison.

[miriamundertale]

im posting this. its the worst thing ive ever wrote. i needed to write it. ideally i should have it sealed forever. but i dont want it to be. i want to keep myself vulnerable.

Regrowth

I can’t do it as well as you can. I don’t know how you could do it with your hands, but mine can’t get as good a grip. They aren’t strong enough, I suppose. The best I can do is rely on little tools from a time I can’t remember anymore. The pliers are so cold. I do my best to emulate the small motions you did. The twist. The slow, consistent force. I wonder how good of a job you’d think I’m doing. What the look in my eyes is right now. Am I as focused as you were? 

BANG

Too much force. The pliers fly out of my hand as I scream, the blood shooting out, and the first falls down the drain. Might as well. I don’t care where these go. They’re just in the way. I’m drowning in silence. I had your voice last time. I don’t have anything but my own breath now. That’s okay. It’s all I can manage right now. I can work with it. The bleeding has stopped. How unfair. Give it a few hours and the gums won't even look damaged. I wish it had left scars. I want the mark you've left to show forever. That’s not important right now. One down. I pick them back up, and catch my breath. I need to keep committed. I need to keep these out of me. I need to keep something from this. It’s easier to find where to rest them the second time. This time, though, I squeeze too tightly. I feel a crack, and scream again. It needs to go. Now. Two shattered pieces tumble out of my mouth, and my shirt gets coated with blood. It’s fine. I don't care what I lose here. I gained so much already. This is nothing. I did it. The pieces of my right fang stare me down from the floor. I should be feeling something wrong, some sadness, anger, disgust, but frankly, they don't affect me anymore. 

— — — — — — — — — — —

I feel them coming in again. blood slowly coming out of what was once wounds in my gums. There isn't an escape from them, in the end. There never really is. It scares me how quickly I get used to the pain. How quickly each day goes by. A week, they’ve broken through the gums, two, they almost blend in, a bit of false normalcy I can treat like a blessing. By the third it’s back to normal. The little sting as they poke slightly into my lip if I bite down too hard. The lisp. The discomfort with opening my mouth. I’ve considered asking someone else to do it. Maybe I can keep doing it for myself, work on freeing myself. Is that really freedom? Was it freedom I was wanting? I don’t know. It was just right. It was just what I needed. It was. I still think about them. I always think about those two. Those specific two. I have given so much of myself to so many people, but what is wanted was never those. I have given so much of myself to so many people, but those are the only bits of me I’ve thought of afterwards. I still don’t understand the kindness you gave me to this day. 

I’ve gotten better at it. Practice really does make perfect. It’s funny how little I think of it now. The last person who saw me do it was horrified. She wondered how I could tear part of myself out so easily. I don't think she understood that they aren’t my fangs. They can’t be. These fangs don’t matter. They never will. I hope they still matter to you. I hope that day still echoes in your mind like it does for me. I hope that bottle is still yours. That some day, somehow, I see you for a brief moment, and you rattle it in my face. That some day, somehow, what you showed me I could be is what I really get to be.

[miriamundertale]

this is some annoying selfcentered ramblings on rouka you can ignore it if need be

confession kinning has never been anything thats made sense to me or like. saying a character is you. this isnt like a "oh i hate kinning" or whatever like i just personally have never been able to really describe myself enough to see a character as me. like. every chara i like or use as a pfp is either i like the chara a lot or im matchies. like nazuna is a miriam character as in i like her. im not like. oh nazuna is literally me, kikuri is me, i just like the characters. i think the closest i ever had to one of these is rouka (shocker) and even then, its not me anymore which is. something to process.

when i first really like. had hanamono hit and encountered her she was the most i have ever seen myself in anything. existing only through usefulness as a vent to others, a ghost barely held on through that transactional value. stuck with bitterness and lack of connection. i think a core thing for monogatari is characters with fire, with rage in them to some degree, either suppressed or consuming some part of them. rouka exists in a weird spot because she mostly is just bitter anymore. shes spent. i dont feel the type of burning upset that comes from kanbaru in suruga monkey, the daggers that senjougahara coats herself in, the sodachi oikura. she's a burnt wick and a puddle of wax. she's just bitter.

she's resigned herself to a role where she can exist as something that isnt really her anymore, to be the rainy devil rather than numachi rouka. i think the core of why at least i feel shes transgender is related to this as well, she's literally given herself up to a form that is monstrous and acknowledged by her as monstrous just to exist. how the fuck could i not relate to that as a closeted trans woman not on e? it's why she hurts so much as well. she gets freed and acknowledged as rouka by kanbaru and then, of course, she's a ghost. she can't be anymore. its heartrending to me. but i also kinda have to understand that thats the path for her at this point. its fuckin bleak. idk. i know why she spoke to me so much back then. i know why even now i still feel spoken to. but it's weird looking at a bitter reflection in the mirror when you've slowly become far less bitter. its weird.

[miriamundertale]

see the issue with opm's manga adaptation for me isnt that i think the manga is necessarily awful bad i think it's that it spent like maybe up til halfway through hero hunter understanding what one punch man the webcomic was and then something shifted and turned it into a generic shonen. and i mean thats fine. but like. one punch man is a story that explores depression and heroism with the comedy of saitama's capability directly punctuating it. they're both stories about being The Adult in a world of children, the upset and loss of not being able to really understand that world even if you desperately want to at least get a fleeting feeling like that again, but the manga is kinda just, leaning into the Lore.

the webcomic takes these this in the direction of how being The Proper Adult isnt in any way rewarding in your job. you can be working what you want to, being the model employee aside from lacking spectacle, and you are the same as those who do this just for money and here you are, you're Working your passion, and its just work. it doesn't feel like youve found something perfect, its just a fucking job. the only other competent people you work with all view you with disdain or idolize you to the point of missing you entirely.

in general even the trying to expand lore complaint kinda doesnt feel perfect for me with my issues with the manga. theres a lot of tiny things. the reframing of saitama fights into being large huge spectacles when they really shouldnt be. the uncomfortable sexualization of tatsumaki, a character who is genuinely really deep and is arguably the best foil and parallel to saitama and how shes slowly changed from a frustrating little gremlin of a creature to arguably just titillation bait (this isnt from an angle of oh shes small so sexualising her is weird, i dont give a shit about that) for the manga. i think the easiest way to describe it is that the opm webcomic is a talking manga with fighting, while the manga has become a fighting manga with talking. it's focus overall is so drastically different as to really be a different manga than it was even at the start.

the first season of the anime is pretty okay because the bones of opm are so easy to not fuck up that early. plus they really do get the themes of it well, hell they explicitly reframe fights where saitama looks flashy to be from the perspective of other characters. season 2 sucks because it doesnt even have madhouses animation to unfuck the issues in the start of hero hunter or frankly, the direction or writing to really work with the material given. i dont have especially high hopes for s3 either but i explictly dont wanna judge now

[miriamundertale]

im going to be utterly deranged and spoiler heavy for monogatari and call of the night (specifically the manga) here but thats your warning

see the thing is that like. mahiru and kiku's arc is like such a weird perfect foil to koyomi and kiss-shot/shinobu's arc. both are a vampire who wants to die, and a human who inexplicably comes and to the vampire appears to fulfill their wish, but the human chooses to disregard the vampires opinion in order to meet their own desire. kiku just wanted to actually truly die. kiss-shot was looking to finally die. they both found their human through chance, either unexpectedly fulfilling plans or readjusting them for a better path. the real core of what makes them different, is the humans, specifically in how they subvert the desires of the vampire theyve met.

kiss-shot's death specifically in reguards to koyomi serves as a direct parallel to his own moral code. kiss shot doesn't want to die any old way, the second she really starts to be near death at the start of kizu she's desparate for koyomi to save her. kiss shot wants to be a martyr. kiss shot chooses to die as a "heroic sacrifice" for koyomi to regain his humanity. sadly for her, koyomi does the exact same back to her, and sacrifices his shot at humanity again to "save" her. kiss-shot's death is undone by the nature that she tried to inflict on someone else.

kiku and mahiru arent as perfectly connected the way koyomi and kiss-shot are, partially due to a large part of call of the night being pretty clearly on the fly narrative writing done by kotoyama (please season 3 confirmation too, itamura is so good at improving the rough edges of early cotn's narrative i cannot wait for an anime adaptation of the kiku arc), and more largely due to the fact that kotoyama is Not Nisio Isin. even so, they both are in a sense, saviors to each other, more explicitly through love. which. yknow. is unsuprising considering call of the night has from chapter 1 been kinda obsessed with weird angles on it but. not to tangent much. mahiru essentially gains his only way of handling his mothers mistreatment of him through not just meeting kiku as a teenager, but meeting her as a child after the loss of his brother and gaining a frame to process the world that works for him. i think the obvious angle with kiku wanting to die and mahiru being a real shot for her finally is pretty clear, but i think the process that a vampire falling in love with a human goes through is just as interesting of an angle to explore for this. her heart starts beating again. she loses vampiric powers. she becomes human again through mahiru. of course, like koyomi, mahiru ends up essentially "betraying" her wants on from the two of them, but in an entirely different way. she desparately wants him to live after, gives him guides to stay safe, teaches him how to destroy every single personal posession so nothing could be used against him once he turns and she's not there to protect him. the tragedy is that kiku is as inexperienced as every single other person in the story when it comes to love. why would mahiru want to live afterwards? when given the option of living without one of the 3 people in the world that made anything worth living, or dying, he chose death.

i think theres probably a lot more to say, i love that they both pose the question "what would you choose, either you living and your partner dying or you both dying" and mahiru answers honestly with both dying while koyomi scribbles both answers out to go "what if we both... half die?"

sorry for all of that im going to go explode now

[miriamundertale]

i think i can finally really dig into my thoughts on makeine. thank u alya sometimes says her thoughts in russian (i dont care enough to fact check the name its mid) it took a currently airing romance anime to make it fully click

the issue with makeine for me is that it's ostensibly the type of setting and characterization one would do in order to really dig into critique on a lot of romance stories in general. expressly, focusing on the "losing heroines" of a romance is fascinating! something really digging in on the idea of being shot down and the story continuing from that angle is prime ground for something interesting! moreover, nukumizu's entire design is set up to echo background character designs, to the point its a running gag! theres really a great start to something that wants to comment on how disposable a lot of characters can be treated for the narrative, how much internality characters who can be treated as nothing in other stories and framing can really have. but it constantly really refuses to engage with that. it refuses to leave the space of slice of live it's adjusted itself into to really dig into these more. we're on episode 6 and still pushing through premise setup with lemon. specifically, focus on moments that if done in service to this theme, would honestly work better not even shown.

of course, at this point it's hard not to turn the interrogation inward. am i approaching the point where i'm mad that the show isn't the one in my head? partially, yes! it's hard to really distance that part here, makeine is coming up to not be a critique on how easily one can throw away characters once they are no longer narratively useful. but at the same time, these are the bones of this show. the entire thing works off of this core concept! are you that unwilling to really face it? i'm not even sure anymore

also it doesn't help that there was so much setup for an imaginary little sister twist that they cowardly avoided