#mis aubade

[honeybinnies]

felix, pinning your wrists over your head, voice lowered into a feral growl: who do you love? is it him or me? 

you: 

you: ‘cause i can’t take the pressure anymore--

felix: [tightens his grip on you] i said who do you love? 

you: who do you love, who do you love, who do you love, ooh

felix, singing along with you suddenly: who do you love, who do you love, who do you love, ooh

[honeybinnies]

[9:25pm] “it looks horrible, doesn’t it?” you chuckled dryly, feeling the gaze of felix’s on your back the moment you let your button-up loose. the two of you had met in a friend’s party, and you had this excuse to let loose from school, let loose from stress, let loose from everything horrible happening in your life. of course, in your state of vulnerability, you had this tendency to make mistakes, things you’d never wish that happened in the first place. it was an honest habit, and you knew you were trying to fix it. it was just too hard when you had suddenly paired gazes with a man across the kitchen that evening. 

that is how ended up with a man called lee felix in your bedroom at 9PM. the man with the sun-kissed hair was already stripped off his shirt, and was now staring at your exposed back through the black-laced bralette you wore. despite the acne marks that covered almost your entire back, some shameful ones spread down towards the small of your back, sore and red. it wasn’t like your shoulders hid anything either, and the more felix stared at you, the more you were beginning to regret the honest habit you were trying to fix till tonight. 

the more the silence dragged on, the more you began to feel your heart sink. perhaps it was wrong to even unbutton your shirt in the first place, you thought sorrowfully. he was probably regretting everything he was seeing, so it was probably best for him to just grab his clothes and leave. it was probably best that you stopped making regrettable decisions such as this either. you knew things were going to lead to this, but why did you bother falling for the lust in the first place? 

just as you’re about to make a crude remark, you felt a pair of arms slide down from your shoulders to your arms. warm skin pressed to your back, and the ghost of his breath fanned your nape, hot, but comforting. “what’s horrible there? they’re just acne spots.” felix mumbled, his soft lips pressing against your dotted shoulders, leaving your breath to hitch. “in fact,” with each word came soft pepper of kisses across your shoulders, and all the while his fingers traced the lace of your bra, smoothing the fabric down slowly. “i think they look beautiful. you may think i’m crazy, but they look like constellations, don’t they? it’s like you can connect the dots, trace them with your finger.”

the touch of his fingers on your shoulder sent shivers down your spine, and it left you speechless by the way you let him lead his way around your horrible spots. you wanted to cry at his praises, cry by the warm and appreciative touches he’s sending across your skin. nobody has ever said that to you, even your friends haven’t given you a full-on compliment about your insecurity. it was only felix who has given you that, and you wanted to cry because he was the only one who understood why you felt that way. 

“look at me, [first name].” 

hesitant, you turned to face the blonde-haired man. your eyes widened and your heart beat even faster when you saw felix rubbing the concealer off his cheeks, revealing a display of freckles spreading across his cheeks to the base of his eyelids. he opened his eyes to meet your gaze, and smiled faintly, if not almost sympathetic. “i think you’re brave for showing me your acne spots. heck, i think you’re braver than i am for keeping your acne raw and out in the open. i can’t even do that, i...” he looked down, straightening the wrinkled sheets out of habit. “i can’t go out to parties--even out of the house--without covering these freckles. they’re my case of insecurity, just like how your acne is the cause of yours.” 

“but...” without thinking, you immediately reached out to splay your fingers across his freckles, your eyes tracing each dot as if it were trailing themselves into a field of stars. “they’re beautiful, lix. why must you hide them?” 

“the same question goes to you, [first name].” felix responded gently, leaning in to your touch. “you don’t have to be afraid of me, remember that.” he pried your fingers off his cheeks slowly, and settled once again behind you, running his fingers through the back of your bralette. his words were like honey, sweet and loving, and with each gentle tug of your bralette down to your waist, the kisses of his lips on your neck and shoulders, the hands that roamed their way across your dotted back, you could feel like you can be yourself around him more, put your trust in him better. suddenly, it never mattered if lee felix was just some guy you wanted to fool around with and leave the morning after. lee felix was the guy you wanted to seek a future with, even if your first meeting was rather foul. if tonight put your full trust in him, then who’s to say that you wouldn’t do it again anytime soon? 

“i’m not afraid of you.” your voice came out in a whisper, eyes fluttering shut at the feel of felix’s fingers trailing down to your waist. it only took a smile from felix’s lips on your skin to know that he was a man worth trusting, even if you only knew him for a day. 

[honeybinnies]

[11:10pm] if your eyes were a camera, then surely, so surely, you’d like to capture a scene so beautiful, you’d want to keep it for yourself and have it locked forever in the depths of your mind. if you were to describe the picture, it was of a man with hair like sunshine, bare skin like porcelain, and eyes that held the entire universe, a swirl of stars and clouds painting his pupils whole. it was of a man whose lips were red and glossy, almost throbbing from the deep kisses you two shared, and even the base of sweat that trickled down his temple was enough to deem him beautiful from your view above.

you loved him, and surely, you still do.

“why so uncertain, love?” the deep rasps of his voice sent shivers down your spine, and your skin trailed with goosebumps as he rubbed his thumb across your sides, warm and stimulating. however, you kept your gaze firmly locked with his, and allowed yourself to get lost in those star-struck eyes. “me? uncertain?” you giggled breathlessly, drawing a hand to entangle your fingers in his sun-kissed hair. “what you only see in these eyes is love, felix. i could never be uncertain towards you. never.”

a warm smile spread across felix’s lips, seemingly touched by your words. ever-so gently, he pried your fingers off his hair, and pinned them across the bedsheets, what was once his hair was now his fingers interlacing with yours. he leaned closer to you, and at that moment when he slid your interlaced hands over your head, he was within a breadths space of your lips, his hot breath fanning the edges of your lower lip. it made him look ten times more ethereal that way, half-lidded loving eyes gazing down at yours. even the touch from your hands was warm and caring, as if felix wasn’t ready to let go of you. not just yet.

“then,” he whispered, heart hammering against his chest, “please allow me to express that love to you tonight.” he pecked your lips after, one that was short, yet soft and precious, enough to melt you on the spot. “i love you, [first name]. i love you so much, and—and i want this to be special. i want to show you how much i love you.”

that sent a warm spasm coursing through your veins, and caused your heart to beat faster than before. the sincerity in his words, the consent he’s asking you, it was simply too much for you. if you never knew how much you had loved felix until now, then this made your love for him increase by a tenfold. god, you idly thought to yourself, i never want to let him go.

you tightened the hold on your hand with felix’s, and what was supposed to come out as a silent voice came out as a silent whisper instead, one that felix could hear clearly. “then show me. show me how much you love me.”

it was all in the grin that faded across felix’s face that made you so sure that you definitely wanted him in your life, perhaps forever. he was sure to show you the love he was willing to give, and you knew his love for you was more than you had expected when he dived down to kiss your jaw, down to your neck, and anywhere else he had access to, his hand on yours never unlocking.

you loved felix, and surely, you still do.

FOR: @violethhj [finger guns] hope this did you justice aye lmao