#misa rants

[misakichiii]

I'm such in a bad place rn. I just want it to end. I want everything to end. The pain, the guilt, the tears. Please God just take it all away, even if you have to take me with it.

[joopsa]

When you feel upset about something and you tell someone why you’re upset, and that person listens to you, they give you advice or tell you to deal with it. And when you don’t listen to that advice (because you don’t have the energy to or it isn’t actually useful), that person would start calling you an idiot and turn a deaf ear at you. Just because you don’t listen to that advice they give. It’s like…. you’re not even allowed to be upset about something. You just have to suck it up and ignore it. This is really hurtful. Please don’t do that. All you have to do is listen to them. That’s enough. If they don’t listen to the advice, don’t be a jerk and ignore them. Because it’s really hurtful.

[joopsa]

And now, a girl across me joked "I'm going to tell ma'am that you’re always on your phone!!! Why don’t you talk to people!!! Haha!!!!” /exaggeration Sure. If I didn’t have social anxiety, maybe I would’ve laughed with you.

That gave me a panic attack and immediately I stated crying. Of course. I made sure no one saw me and I pretended to start drawing (the thing I always do in class), but my hands got cold and started shaking.

[joopsa]

That feel when you feel lonely even when there are fifty people in your class. That feel when you feel like a third wheel in the class. There's no particular seating in class, so people can sit wherever they want. So I always get the back corner seat, because people always say to me "this person is coming here, so can you please sit somewhere else?". Of course, this has happened right from kindergarten, so I'm pretty much used to it. The feel when your 'friends' don't seem to care about you anymore. And I'm not sure if it's just me or my #depression is deluding me into thinking that. I'm not even sure if they genuinely care for me anymore. I just fake myself everyday. And that feel when shit happens and makes you feel bitter and cynical towards everything, and makes you have a lot of trust issues. And when you think "Why do I even bother living like this?", I start crying when I find out #suicide is a sin in your religion, you have no other choice but to live your shitty life anyway. And that feel when your REAL friends who care for you live so many miles away from you, and you get sad whenever you remember that.