#misanposting

[misanthropicpain]

Do any of you ever make art of a perp you just KNOW the perp would hate/are part of a target demographic they would hate? Just me? Okay.

On a totally unrelated note, here's Caleb as an anthropomorphic black panther

[misanthropicpain]

Incongruence.

Tw maybe vent? Idk

That's how I'd describe what I feel with my agab. It's not really dysphoria, you can't really call it that, for the discomfort isn't big nor debilitating, but it's... still there, like something is slightly (or maybe a tad more than slightly) wrong.

It's that uncanny valley feeling of looking at something that's not quite you to feel right, but not so "shocking" to be horrible. I feel like a guy that was put into a girl version of his body like some freaky friday stuff. You feel weird, like it's wrong or like the other side is right but it's not like you couldn't live with it.

You look at your body. It's different from what you expect. You observe it, maybe even ogle a bit at first because boobs lol but you just accustom to it, ignore it. But it still feels wrong. Still feels like an itch that can't be scratched. You can "ignore" it, sure, but it's still uncomfortable, it's still there and it still bothers you, especially since you KNOW what it'd feel if you could itch it. But you just can't.

You want to go back to your original body, whatever that'd be. And you feel stupid for even feeling this way. I mean, you already feel stupid for everything so that's just an added bonus.

It's just a wish to be a man, a desire and a feeling something is wrong, even if not that big. Incongruence. Incongruence. Incongruence.

[misanthropicpain]

god what's wrong with me, i wanna be a guy so bad. i wanna be hairy, i wanna be big, i want to look like my dad, i want to have a dick. it just feels right. im indifferent to being my current sex but being a man just... seems more right, yk?

im afraid i might just be misguided, im afraid it might be me just thinking this is a "solve all ur problems!" when i know it is not, im even afraid of ROGD being a thing even though i know it is not. i feel uncomfortable with my body rn. not too much but just enough to feel it a bit. to hope. to wonder. i got my period and felt like it was strange. everything feels different. i always go back and forth with this gender thing. im afraid of what my therapist thinks about me. i dont even know.

still cis tho! deeeefinetly still cis though! noooooo genderqueerness around here folks! 😬😬😬

[misanthropicpain]

soooo... how we feeling about the top surgery fishes shirt? :) feeling rlly hot, smelling of cologne and great to go to... church? yeah i still don't know about my relationship with God hehehe.

[misanthropicpain]

"oh but the perps of today don't have any actual motives or the motives are the same dumb shit, they're just larpers" THEY FUCKING KILLED PPL? IDK i think the moment you go out to fucking murder others and have a motive you're not a larper "but he was mexican and a nazi" THAT'S HOW FAR RIGHT IDEOLOGIES WORK EMILY, THEY GET ANYONE. SMH.

[misanthropicpain]

I FUCKING PISSED MYSELF CAUSE I STOOD TO PEE AND DIDN'T PAY ATTENTION AND IT FUCKED My FAKE BOXERS (shorts below pajamas) NOooooo fuccccjkjkkfjjfj

[misanthropicpain]

I feel tired. Like bone deep, full down tired of life and existing. But I also don't feel like I wanna die. I don't really know what I want? I feel like I need something, but I don't know what. Maybe it's attention, I guess. But tbh I don't really care. I'll just do whatever I guess.

[misanthropicpain]

catholicism makes me feel confused like what do you mean I still feel God sometimes in my heart i am literally queer and trans he does not want me and i do not want to be a hypocrite. i don't understand how some can reconcile their christianity and their identities.

in some life i was meant to be a saint. i had the deep interest in God after all, to the point it was a hyperfixation. i prayed and went to mass every sunday. i really cared about Him. but i do not want to wash my hand of what i do not see as sin and i do not want to be a hypocrite at the hands of God or others. better to be in the darkness than a false prophet, right?

i do not know what to feel or what i'd do if i did. for now, i stay here. still a heathen, still a sinner.