#miserable post

[whereifindsanity]

Apologies for the miserable post.

[669182026]

this file got wiped off the face off earth on accident so these are the only remains of my ikea alien plush doodles. enjoy

[lola-andheruniverse]

Last night I had a dream about Caryl reuniting when he comes back with Rick, Michonne, Morgan and everyone's mother.

They met at the Commonwealth square and it was as beautiful as ever but I just cried my eyes out because that was not supposed to happen. There would be no need to a reunion if they were never forced apart by a delirious network.

Amazing how AMC can fuck up even my dreams. I woke up feeling pretty miserable so yeah.

On other hand: why Tumblr keeps notifying me that someone used a gif of mine? I am not a gifmaker! The gif in question belongs to Dixonscarol and I have no idea why this is happening. Aaaaarrrrggghhhh.

[jungbean]

Life. Why can’t you tell me my purpose?

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My fucking ankle and leg are always throbbing. My knees grind, flare up, and lock. My hip is so full of shit. I’m like 40 years older, physically.

I’m being so fucking miserable right now. I wish this would all go away. I’m trying so hard to lose weight, too, because I’m 98% sure all this extra weight made things worse. But this shit is stupid and limiting, and my fucking mental health is fucked so i’m stuck in a stupid fucking cycle I’m trying to break.

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. People. Don’t. Know. How. Good. They have it because they can walk without pain. I’d trade an arm for at least my cartlidge to be fine. 

wtf am I worrying about. My therapist tells me it’s not healthy to worry about “what ifs” and “should ofs” and what happened. aaaand I can’t stop it.

I’m all over the damn place. 

I just hope I can look at this one day and just go “wow, that was me?” 

[kingofthevastwasteland]

So I'm trying to organise my total mess of a life - because the Autism and the past two years and especially the last six months have totally fucked up my ability to plan, to do things, to be creative and productive and a contributing member of society and especially to be happy.

And it is killing me.

Like, I collect stuff. I love a Transformer and a good superhero on my shelf. But I sit down and try to engineer a self-organised 'delivery' system - do X for this long, get Y, apply for this many Z's and have A - and I suddenly wanna down every gorram pill in the cupboard.

What the fuck am I doing? Why am I doing it? Why do I hate it so much when it makes me so objectively happy?

I want to have the space where the things I like inhabit it in the shapes I like and something awful just rises up and says 'No. You don't deserve that. It's dumb. You're dumb. You're a gross, stinking bubo. Be ashamed.'

and I can't stick it I don't want t and didn't ask for it I just want to have my life together and some part of me doesn't think I deserve even that

[doginhumanclothing]

There's so much i see and your the first person i want to share with... wish things hadn't changed. I wish i could still talk to you

[4lmostaverage]

I have this problem that I "fall in love" with ever dude who's being nice to me ... and after a month sometimes 2 I find (always the same) reason why I do, and that I don't like them but just want their attention ... but even though I know I keep doing it. The only different thing now is that I know I don't love them but just want their attention ... but what does that matter when the feeling of wanting to be wanted stays? I feel miserable x.x

[hellokizzy]

I've managed to really upset myself thinking about Her. I can't believe it's been nearly two years since... Since. I had a look through the posts on her Facebook. It destroys me every time and yet I still do it. I fucking miss her so much, and that's the closest I can get now. It's horrible. Just fucking horrible. I want so much to talk to her.