Goals, Happiness, and Health
“Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” —Dalai Lama
“I stopped explaining myself when I realized other people only understand from their level of perception.”― Anonymous
What unusual and unsettling times we seem to be experiencing. Elections with bitter/angry politics; worldwide pandemic; continued racial and socio-economic inequalities and unrest; global changes with increased fires, hurricanes, tornadoes; isolation (even with social media; sometimes from social media). All of this while trying to raise healthy, smart, competent, and active children. With all this happening, how are you taking care of your mental, physical and emotional well being? How are you helping your child to take care of themselves?
Anxiety and depression have been talked about so much it is common to feel it is a disability versus a normal part of life (note if experiencing symptoms consistently more than a few weeks reach out to your doctor or a mental health professional). I hear repeatedly from parents and kids about how “anxious” they are about school, work, friends, etc. I hear how work is too hard and it takes too long to get to a goal or they believe they have to put in time and effort into understanding things that ‘should’ be automatic. Somehow kids/young adults believe life is supposed to be easy and access to everything instantaneous. The reality is that life is hard and working hard is part of life. Along with that hard work and delayed gratification comes an ability to cope, which in turn lessens anxiety and depression. In fact, having to work hard for something helps create a higher level of satisfaction in achieving that work, which boosts self-esteem and self-confidence.
It seems the ultimate goal I hear from many is the desire to be happy - but happiness is not bought or found in others, it must come from comfort and acceptance from within. Happiness is individually defined as it means something different for each person. Many people rely on others for happiness by creating and maintaining certain relationships or actions, but this puts others in charge of your mental well being not you. I am not saying that others do not contribute to our happiness or feeling good, but if we can instill in ourselves and children that we control what makes us feel good and find inner peace in sitting in silence, being alone, being around others, trusting people even when past experiences include violated trust - this allows us to grow and be content. This habit allows our children to see that the “right” college, person, job, grades do not bring happiness - it is our acceptance of where we are in life and acceptance of change.
If we want more in life we need to set personal goals to get there. Stacey Abrams, GA gubernatorial candidate in 2018, shared that everyone should have goals and ways for those goals to be achievable. “Ambitions and dreams without a plan though is just a wish.” She also said to get to your goal you need to identify three things: 1) what do you want?, 2) Why do you want it; and 3) how will you get it [your plan]. Just wanting something isn’t enough and wanting something because others have it will not bring you inner peace. Your goal is about you and for you. Goals, hard work, and sharing with others are good ways to take care of yourself. I am great at sharing my opinions, but the truth is you have to do the work to stay physically, emotionally, and mentally healthy. It is easy to blame others or let the past weigh you down. It is hard to stay positive in such a negative world, but it is possible.
What is your plan to take care of yourself? How will your children benefit from you being mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy? How will your relationships with your family, friends, co-workers, and others be impacted by your mental wellbeing or mental weariness? Take time to answers these questions for yourself including if you feel positive about the answers and if not what could YOU change about YOU? May you find your happiness (your inner peace) and may it be a living example for others to set a goal for a healthy mind, body, and spirit (which will take work, but YOU are worth it).
Mistie Eltrich Mistie was born and raised in Jacksonville, Florida. After earning her BA in psychology in SC she moved to NY where she earned her Master of Science then Doctorate of Psychology in School Psychology. Mistie has worked in schools pre-school through high school since 1998 in Long Island, New York City, Westchester, and now St. John’s County, Florida. She has worked in Public Schools, private schools, and a non-public special needs school. Mistie is blessed with a loving husband. They have raised four children (two Mistie’s step children who couldn’t be more biological in her heart and two biological). Mistie loves working with kids and parents, running groups, and sharing info. She especially loves highlighting how we are all different thinkers. After 21 years of living in NY Mistie moved with the Eltrich family back to Florida where Mistie started volunteering at her kid’s school and on the crisis text line (text 741741 if in crisis) before going back recently to full-time School Psychology. Outside of work Mistie loves being with family, friends, her Great Dane (Samson), Silver Lab (Delilah), working out, playing and laughing. Love, community, togetherness - we are never alone. The greatest gift is LOVE.