#miswrblle

[miswrbllegrl]

;; icarus

— old dog, new tricks, released january 27th, glaive

> me blabbering about music n how it affects my mental n stuff, i love glaive

> shoutout to all the situationships ive been in <3

"im like icarus

not trying to increase the dissonance between you and your father"

icarus, son of daedalus who flew too close to the son.

when it comes to relationship im always having to put my six sense into dramas that i dont need to be in.

either it be opinions, venting, ect. i feel like i unconsciously try and meddle without realising it.

"i know it's not my business but i just keep on calling"

i get attached very easily.

thats a sentence i say out willingly but it gets genuinely horrible when i am attached because i constantly i have to be in contact unless im doing something that physically needs me to be away from my phone.

either that be calling or texting, i need to have constant attention to know if they still want me or not.

"i know that you're indifferent but i cant help but falling"

i know that the people i meet are genuinely horrible to me.

they use me, abuse me, until they get bored.

but i think apart of me feels like i deserve it, like its something ive just earned. its genuinely so normal to me now.

yet apart of me can't help but acknowledge what they're doing with rose tinted glasses and fall in love. maybe its the attention but something always causes this.

"were flying too close to the sun

and its been fun, she points at me like im the one"

i tend to catch feelings extremely quickly, leading me to go to a will we, will we not situation.

i know they're using me but its nice to see them say they love me back or even promise they want to be with me before blocking me.

it kinda proves im somewhat worth something.

"looking for houses like we're spouses,

were flying too close to the sun"

despite them leading me on under the false pretence that we would be something its nice to talk about the life we would've had.

like i still think about those two holland bunnies, black munchkin cat and my dog.

i still think of that pink house with white details or that heart shaped bathtub.

it hurts knowing id never get the life we wanted.

"you call me love, you probably say that to everyone"

ive been through the same rodeo all over again and again, its been the same thing.

"baby" "babe" everything except my actual fucking name, everything but me.

apart of me will love it, apart of me know that this will end.

"she's checkin' me, not textin' me,

we're flying too close to the sun."

the expectation to be loyal on either end but when it comes to reaching out, its always me.

i dont mean to spam text or send more than one text, but how can you expect me to text back when you wont?

"i feel like sisyphus

'cause my antithesis is pushin' things to work

and have it fall back on me again"

the curse of sisyphus, having to push a boulder up a hill which one wrong mistake will have him repeat all over again.

im forced to work time and time again for attention just for it to end horribly.

calling, texting, checking up, its always the same end result.

nothing ever ends up differently. its always the same.

"and i can't take it

she must think i'm famous

she must think i'm brainless

every day ignoramus"

the perception i force onto myself for them to view me as somebody worthy to talk too.

i feel like an idiot, constantly fighting for something to happen knowing damn well its the same thing.

it gets to a point where i constantly question my own sanity or where i stand in their life.

"it's a never ending story

call me then ignore me

i hate it, hate it, hate it

but i'd do it all again"

its a constant cycle of being the one to compete for their love, almost emptying.

call after call, being on the phone ends up being worth nothing after all the things shared.

i hate that i put myself in a position to be so idiotic but id do it all over again to gain their attention.

"i'm setting fire to my room

'cause i don't know what else to do

it's getting hot in here because"

them burning everything we did have

all the memories, all the moments, all the long talks, all the time playing games together. everything goes to waste.

im watching them slip slowly until it's over.

"we're flying too close to the sun

and it's been fun, she point at me like i'm the one

looking for houses like we're spouses

we're flying too close to the sun

you call me love, you probably say that to everyone

she's checkin' me, not textin' me

we're flying too close to the sun"

its the same thing at the end of the day, despite how many times it'll happen to me i will always fall victim to all of it.

i still wait on their call, their text, everything because im foolish for their "love" once again.

miswrbllegirl © 2026. all rights reserved

[miswrbllegrl]

;; hope alaska nation anthem

— a bit of a mad one, released february 23rd, glaive

> me explaining through music when im sad on why certain songs hit the hardest for me.

> i love glaive, also the lyrics are colour coded to every post so thats cool

"things i love about her are the things i wish i could change"

insecurities. they kill.

i learnt to love myself in sone scenarios like when im in a somewhat good and social mood, but i wish i could change.

especially with my weight, i have a friend.. kinda who i hold somewhat close to my heart which constantly reminds me im fat.

im trying my hardest but i feel so stupid because i feel no change.

"(oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh)

(oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh)"

that one feeling sinking in, the one where you dont know what causes it but makes your heart sink somehow.

the realisation kicks in on what ive done in this life and i sit in absolute solidarity with my head down.

feeling useless and absolute stupidity.

"with everybody screaming, i wish that you would stop and talk to me

(oh-oh-oh-oh)"

i want someone to notice me without having to be the one to reach out.

life moves on yet i wish someone paid attention to me, check up on me, be there.

constantly, its been me who always reaches out when someone is down, its always their feelings - never mine.

"oh, oh, i just did some things i said i never would"

im genuinely such a fucking dissappointment.

i drink, i smoke, i trip, i vape, i send.

i treat myself so horribly and little me would've been so genuinely disappointed in myself. same with my parents.

im struggling with my life and i cannot cry for help anymore than i do.

i shake when i dont have nicotine or feel worthless without alcohol.

i know i should get help, my pride gets in the way.

"oh, oh, it'll kill me to have you leave

but you probably should, but you probably should"

apart of me really hates having people around because i know im a constant reminder on what they dont want to be.

i fuck up, i ruin everything, i overreact, im such a shit person to be around, yet i still cling onto people.

i everyone constantly, that they should leave and move on without me but it will genuinely fuck me up more than it hurts them.

i build trust, bonds, then watch them leave me behind and thrive.

i hold them back.

"and i can't undo what i did

and that's just no way to live"

regret.

its constantly on my mind.

i hate the way i came up, i hate my body, i hate the way i act, i hate the way i think.

im genuinely miserable and i don't deserve to live.

"you can take it all, at least what's left

i've burnt this candle at both ends"

you can use me as much as you can and id fall for the attention like an idiot.

im so done with my life that everything is just numb to me.

ive used myself up as much as i could.

"it's just one for the sheep and two for the shepherd

it's just one for the meek, two more for the weathered"

im the one.

i give and give constantly to the two and they get everything, they think its kindness.

i dont deserve nice things.

"there's a knight and a king and a queen and a castle and a crest and a sword and a peasant

and i see myself in everyone, and i've just gotta, i've just gotta do better (oh-oh-oh-oh)"

ego gets to my head a lot.

i like to think i can solve everyones problems except my own.

i know one day i need to do better and work on myself mentally instead of just gymming and ruining my lungs.

but for now, im wasting away until i rot.

"oh-oh, i just did some things i said i never would

oh-oh, it'll kill me to have you leave

but you probably should, but you probably should

and i can't undo what i did

and that's just no way to live

you can take it all, at least what's left

I've burnt this candle at both ends"

i still feel this way about myself, i dont think that will change but i like to hope it does.

one day. maybe.

"take it all, at least's what left (oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh)

i've burnt this candle at both ends (oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh)"

despite me complaining, well, venting, maybe coping, id rather them use me then leave.

im just a tool.

miswrbllegirl © 2026. all rights reserved

[miswrbllegrl]

;; 2005 barbie doll

— i care so much that i dont care, released july 14th, glaive

> explaining why certain songs relate to me despite no one reading, if you are.. then idk, doing this weeklyish, depends of consistent i am.

> pretend im a he in this.

> this is most definitely a way of me coping

"if the money wasn't coming

then all the people here would leave"

our society is so genuinely money hungry and driven, we've made money such a huge thing that its confusing to see who stays to stay and who stays for money.

i genuinely fear that everyone around me is staying for something, either it be money or my body or to kill time

if i lost everything that made their perception of me then everyone here would've left already because everyone is greedy and thats how it is.

"do you know how hard it is to stomach

that they'll toss you out whenever they please?"

relationships.

no matter how hard it is to stay, they always end up leaving. its not their fault at all but its so surreal seeing how much history can be thrown away like that.

even now, its a constant question of am i even worth anything to anyone besides from the persona i put on myself.

my most vulnerable self is not enough for anyone. im always exploited or abused one way or another.

"i'm a commodity, an oddity

my high school friends won't talk to me"

im not a normal person.

ive always grown up with something that would be considered odd, either it be my interests, hobbys, ect.. it will never be enough.

i know that the friends i made in highschool now are ought to leave as soon its over. even now, im slowly drifting away from everyone.

i appreciate their company when they want to be there, just sometimes feels like its me reaching out and i hate it.

"in all honesty, it's probably

'cause i'm in a place they want to be

but it costed me almost everything"

the concept of jealousy is so strange to me.

i constantly get people leeching off me or using me, almost like they want to be me, not in the narcissist way but in the way they don't know themselves so they find themselves in me.

strange analogy, i know.

but even with all the money, studies, friendships, love in my world, i've struggled through it all.

i don't know why exactly im a role model, i've risked almost everything to get to this point and im genuinely scared of falling behind.

"i'm so blasé about everything

'cause I'm scared to show I'm not confident

i'm incompetent about all of this"

im so scared to show how i genuinely am.

its not with a group of friends, its with everyone. i put a facade that everything is fine or that everything in my life is exactly where i want it to be.

its not.

i act like nothing bothers me because im scared to speak up for myself truely and tell everyone what i think about myself.

i genuinely think i am the worst person i know on this planet.

"i gave you all that I had to give

now I'm throwing money in a spiral"

everyone around me stays for some reason.

my only solution is to throw money around, spending money on them so they stay. making sure they're fed and they get what they want despite me being in debt.

i don't know if this is love or a curse.

"'cause we both know 'bout how it goes

we've heard this story many times before

"he was too young, he's up too much""

i feel like my life story is always going to be something so typical and tragic.

i let people dictate my life either it be close by or distant and yet it means so much to me.

im so scared to fuck up even more because perceptions change.

i don't wanna live up to what people already call me, a whore, a gold digger, a "cheater", a manipulator

i try so hard to block it out.

"now he's sleeping on a tour bus

full of people that he don't know"

im not sure if this makes sense but

i feel like im drowning into society sometimes, having to keep up with the norm whilst pretending i know everything.

its tiring trying to act perfect.

"after everything, he finally gets to go home"

i don't have a place that truly feels like home except my bedroom.

i can find the concept in people but very rarely will it feel like they want to be relied on.

i don't want to drive them away so i've learned to bottle and throw away everything.

maybe this whole thing is an outlet.

"alright go ahead, continue the story

so he was so obnoxious

and he's like, "inside, leave those dogs there"

and i was like, "Okay

but will you just make sure that they don't like, jump out?"

"just stop talking lady, i will do my job"

he's like, "they're just little dogs, just leave it alone, go inside"

so i go inside and he comes in behind me

and he's like

"make sure she doesn't go anywhere

i'm gonna go and search her car"

and i had already said to the woman, i'm like

"i'm a bit nervous 'cause my dogs are in there

what if he likes opens the door and they jump out?"

and she goes, "she's a little bit concerned about her dogs"

and he's like, "oh, for god's sake

they're just little dogs, i'll deal with them"

and i'm not exaggerating, he goes off

and he turns back so he can make sure that i can hear it

and he goes, "i'm going to be some time"

and i'm like thinking to myself

"oh my God, he's going to find all the drugs"

that's truly a riveting story i, um, ha-ha (i thought it was funny)

no, it's good, it's good, it's good (yeah, whatever)

sorry, love ya, bye

okay this whole part is just dialogue but its still something to relate too.

telling stories, not for attention but just as an outlet to say im not boring.

either it be stupid ones or something that is morally interesting, im not saying them to get attention.

its so they think im interesting and not leave.

i dont think its working.

miswrbllegirl © 2026. all rights reserved

[miswrbllegrl]

;; everything ive ever wanted

— HALO, released april 3rd, tiffany day

> explaining line for line why this song relates to me, kinda first time doing this.. just wanted to write something even if no one is reading. (￢_￢;)

> maybe im just coping

“if this is everything i’ve ever wanted, why does it feel like somethings missing”

growing up, ive never been able to fully comprehend emotions, maybe it was because i was young or stupid but it genuinely felt like i would cry or react but truely never mean it.

even now, i like to say i got better but honestly, i feel the same way, i smile, laugh, cry, speak not because i want too because i feel like i have to as a way to fit in. ive seen others cry and react yet i dont know what to do to help them.

its always been missing for me, ive felt genuinely numb like a robot. i like to think i got better but, who knows?

“god, i question, is this actually real?”

i spiral, a lot, more than i should. im not religious but genuinely it feels like im in a simulation. if there is a god id like to know if i actually have a purpose in this world.

sometimes i feel like a puppet or just a being whose put on this world to be apart of someone else story until they leave, i cant keep people around and constantly i push people away so what is truely my purpose here?

“i’ve never been able to see myself as somebody more”

i think from a young age ive always had a negative reaction to myself either it be a mirror or a memory, i genuinely learnt to hate myself.

im not sure if its because of influence or just a general perception but ive always been struggling with family or close peers pointing out my flaws, ive never truely had a moment where i felt ‘beautiful’ or ‘perfect’ like other people had.

i like hearing compliments, pity or not, maybe its for my ego, they dont do much to me mentally but its nice to here my perception as a person is ‘pretty’.

“somebody like the other bodies on the screen i adore”

i grew up with an unrestricted internet access, wow. shocker. right? it wasn’t anyones fault for this, i was a difficult child. mom and dad weren’t around, grandma was too old, sister and brother were at school. where was i meant to be in this equation?

i saw everything, either it be gore or porn or just normal youtube, it wouldn’t really affect me.. well the gore, yes but majority of the time i focused on the people on the screen.

how they acted, how they were genuinely able to put theirselves out there without being afraid. i wanted it all. i still do, truely its admirable.

“and if i got a little love from you was it just my luck?”

im a very paranoid person, ive had the distant to closest people leave me, its crazy how in a blink of an eye what you had can disappear so quickly.

its not their fault though, i get it, some drift, some hate, who am i to dictate.

i think it just hurts more when i start something with hope and it ends, even now - im a very closed off person, an ‘closed book’ if you could say.

even if they stay, i know they will never truly know me or love me for me.

“or do you actually believe im someone you could look up too?”

i genuinely hate myself.

i think ive made that clear enough, so its ironic when someone says they can look up to me because how can you look up or even idolise someone who is genuinely nothing.

“cause i’ve never really saw it in me,

i don’t believe that you could see it in me either, i think i’m a copy”

my personality is mainly copied from other people, i don’t think thats necessarily bad but its weird when someone embodies my traits because i dont think im memorable at all.

i dont see myself as a person to idolise, let alone try and be, i sometimes ponder what is genuinely good about me? and normally i can’t find anything.

“and see, i'm terrified that i don't really know myself well”

back to the paranoia, i genuinely dont know myself, i dont have any traits that i can tick off personally or anything i would remember myself by.

i remember someone asked me a question ‘if you loss your memory, who would you go to recover the real you?’

and genuinely, no one.

i put up a fake barrier because if something bad were to happen or someone were to leave then atleast im molded in their head as the ‘perfect’ person.

its not only friends i do this with, family, cousins, strangers, i dont know myself.

“i get too influenced and in over my head, i can't tell,

what's really me or really you, the lines are always a blur”

the lines are a blur, i constantly mix and match to become this person who is constantly perfect that its genuinely tiring.

im stuck in a state of who am i?

i dont know if the people around me do the same thing but its hard to know. i know they’re not perfect but are they real with me or just a persona?

“i feel this pity deep inside me, I'm self conscious, it hurts”

i constantly contradict myself in my head, i can never be wrong as a person but as a mentality im always wrong.

theres never pity in my heart for me, but for the people who have to deal with what they think is me.

i know im annoying, they know it too, i dont know why they stay.

“so i keep living out my dreams of meeting people i love,

but i can't tell if they think i'm somebody worthy of trust”

being here but never truly BEING there. ill meet and find new people but i dont know if theyre forced to be with me or want to be with me.

its always the same rundown anyways, its the distance that changes - some shorter, some longer.

“i always dreamed about these moments

now they're actually real

but somehow, i'm stuck in my head and i don't know how to feel”

having people come and go in my life is always so surreal, i wish theyre was an option for me to pick someone and stick with them but i know no matter what i try, they will always end up leaving.

i know somethings are meant to happen but its always been a dream to have someone by my side who wont leave despite how much i push them away.

but for now, i let that dream be in the back of my mind because i know truely with all relationships or friendships - its a means to an end.

“i thought that maybe if i signed a piece of paper, my life

would be the way that i imagined, everything would be right

and now, the paper's right in front of me, the pen in my hand”

at the end of the day, everything leads to a paper.

either it be money, a grade, a contract or a scholarship. it all leads to a paper with pressure. i used to be so good when it came to studies but now i genuinely fell off.

im not sure where i want to be but its so discouraging seeing my peers get higher grades or recognition for what they do.

i am trying but truly, it will never be enough.

“but, God, i’m terrified of it and i just don't understand”

i genuinely am terrified with the way im going in life, i know there isn’t any right or wrong ‘mentally’ but i constantly feel like im always going to be wrong.

even when i get good credit, it feels like words being said - empty, no meaning.

“how my passion for the thing that raised me up as a child

turned into my greatest fear and how i don't even smile”

ive had many aspirations when it comes to careers point, stimming from ‘ballerina’ to now, ‘police’

yet im so fucking scared that no matter how hard i want to commit to a career, the more terrified i get that i wont get in or never get anywhere.

i feel like a failure, constantly and its tiring.

“when something good comes crashing into me, it's like i can't breathe

'cause all i think about is when that good thing finally leaves”

im not a good person, i know it.

i dont deserve anything good in my life so when someone or something comes in, im constantly reminded that one day they will leave.

either it be death, or apart, or something else, nothing ever stays.

i know im not fine with it but who am i to convince them to come back?

“if this is everything i've ever wanted

everything i've ever wanted

everything i've ever wanted

why does it feel?

if this is everything i've ever wanted

everything i've ever wanted

everything i've ever wanted

why does it feel?

if this is everything i've ever wanted

everything i've ever wanted

everything i've ever wanted

why does it feel?

if this is everything i've ever wanted

everything i've ever wanted

everything i've ever wanted

why does it feel?”

spiralling. it is a state of a continuous, accelerating movement or progression in a winding, circular pattern.

mentally, for me its always the same thing. over and over again, slight changes coming then and there but the main message is still there.

hate and death.

“if this is everything i've ever wanted

why does it feel like something's missing?

god, i question, is this actually real?

i've never been able to see myself as somebody more

somebody like the other bodies on my screen i adore”

everything i’ve written is a true representation on how i view myself or others in the present time.

i still hate myself, i still am paranoid, i still am terrified.

i dont think anything will ever change.

miswrbllegirl © 2026. all rights reserved.