#mith problems

[eldritch-bisexual]

*out of the bedroom after two days stuck in bed*

[eldritch-bisexual]

Boyfriend: How are you?

Me: I'm fine. *gets up* *faints*

Boyfriend: ...Okay, then.

[eldritch-bisexual]

I’m probably not dying (even if it helps to joke about it), but DAMN that’s the worst case of flu I’ve had in YEARS.

[eldritch-bisexual]

Thing I Just Realized Today:

My mother made me read the whoooole Pollyanna series and to this day tells me to “be Pollyanna”, “think like Pollyanna would”. I always wondered why I couldn’t, though. TURNS OUT IT WAS MENTAL ILLNESS. 

[eldritch-bisexual]

Update

I forgot to ask the doctor for the Big Boy Painkillers.

Guess I’ll die. 

[eldritch-bisexual]

Mith Problem #[REDACTED]

My father asked me if I can help him with his job. I said I can, he just needed to teach me his job. He asks if I have the enough skill to learn his job. I say I do. Then he proceeds to NOT teach me his job, but constantly say "you need to learn how to do this!" But it's a very specific job. That HE DOESN'T TEACH ME HOW TO DO. It's like asking if someone is capable to use a machine, then putting them in front of the machine, AND NOT TELLING THEM HOW TO TURN IT ON.

[eldritch-bisexual]

Today is one of those days where I wake up and my body just goes "Nope".

[eldritch-bisexual]

Mith Problems #666

My parents are the main source of shame in my life. Not in the sense that I’m ashamed of them, or of being their daughter. They are incredibly hard working people that made the best of their circunstances and build a life for themselves and raised me and my brother to the best of their habilities, always learning (so much so that my brother was raised quite diffently than me and doesn’t have as much issues as I do, he’s a great boy).

HOWEVER

They same me for EVERYTHING. Or at least try to make me ashamed of everything.

Every decision. EVERY SINGLE ONE.

There isn’t a single video call or visit where my mother doesn’t talk about my hair (”you have such pretty hair, why the dye?” “why did you cut yout hair?”, on my graduation cerimony she said “you do look really pretty, but I think I told you  you should never curl your hair"). There isn’t one purchase I make that my father doesn’t question.

I got a boyfriend, at age 20? “You’re too young!” “You’ll give up your dreams for him!!”...even if it was never my dream I was working towards, it was theirs.

We went to live together for financial reasons? “OMG You’re a child yet! How dare you move in with a man? You never even asked us about it!” (I was 22, boyfriend 24).

Today, they asked me what I wanted as a birthday gift. I asked if they were okay with giving me money, since I need new glasses. They accepted, but spent a whole hour questioning my choice of type and brand and shop, because I’m “so naive and easily influenced” and can’t make informed choices without their help.

And then made me feel ashamed for selling my sister-aunt my laptop, when she wanted to pay and I needed the money. “She helped you SO MUCH thoughout college! Why would you make her pay for it? You should just give it so her? How dare you.” (I wonder if I’ll ever repay the debt they think I should have with her for living in the same city and helping me here and there. I love her very much and would help her all she needed, but jesus christ neither of us have this big sense of debt my parents think we should have.)

And then, just to finish the call, mother questioned my hair. That I’m letting grown and not dyeing anymore. I’m doing literally nothing to my hair.

I wonder if someday they will notice I’m not a child anymore, and I’m not naive and innocent and ready to let people walk over me, and that they don’t NEED to make decisions for me. 

I’m informing you of my decisions. I’m not asking for opinions.

I’m tired of always feeling ashamed.

#rant over