excerpt from my miya5 fanfic bc i need somewhere to put it 🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️
Atsumu should’ve known they couldn’t stay away from each other for too long. Why else would Kiyoomi Sakusa be knocking on his door like a madman at 9 in the evening with a bruised cheek, a cut above his brow, and tears in his eyes?
“I’m sorry,” Kiyoomi chokes out in surprise, almost as though he didn’t think Atsumu would actually open the door. “I don’t know why I came here… I just, I didn’t know where else to go.”
But, Atsumu’s not worried about that right now, because the most important person to him just showed up to his apartment in the middle of the night with a bruised cheek, a cut above his brow, and tears in his eyes.
He rushes up to Kiyoomi, cups his face, and asks, “Who did this ta ya?”
Kiyoomi’s eyes widen at that, before he gently grabs Atsumu’s hands to peel them off his face. “It’s not a big deal. Really, it’s not, I just got into a fight with Toya and I took things a bit too far,” he hastily explains.
Atsumu tsks at that, knowing Kiyoomi enough to know that he’s downplaying it, then he grabs his hand and drags him into the suite, and into his room, and into the bathroom. Moving on autopilot, Atsumu lifts Kiyoomi up to set him on the bathroom counter before digging through the rest of his apartment to find a first aid kit and an ice pack.
Once he finds it, he practically stumbles back into the bathroom, not wanting to leave Kiyoomi alone for too long. Atsumu comes back to see Kiyoomi in the same spot he left him, with a far-away look in his eyes. But, once Atsumu walks in, Kiyoomi’s eyes immediately latch on to him.
He places the first aid kit on the counter and washes his hands because he knows Kiyoomi would murder him if he didn’t, then he grabs a clean cloth and wets it with water. Kiyoomi, by some miracle, lets him get closer, so he walks in between his legs and uses the cloth to dab at the wound. Kiyoomi winces slightly at that, but he’s still staring at Atsumu in a daze and doesn’t make any large move away.
“So… ya wanna talk about what happened?” Atsumu asks, meeting Kiyoomi’s eyes for the first time since he showed up at his doorstep. But, Kiyoomi’s lack of response is enough of an answer.
Atsumu nods and turns to grab antiseptic wipes and bandaids from the first aid kit, Kiyoomi’s eyes still following his every move, when he speaks up again. “Can you just… can you just talk to me? About anything?”
And, because Atsumu would steal the moon itself if Kiyoomi asked him to, he talks about everything. About the progress with Osamu’s restaurant and about how Hinata and Bokuto showed up to his place unprompted the other day and about Kita and Aran’s wedding and about how head over heels Osamu and Rin are for Motoya (that gets a giggle out of Kiyoomi, which Atsumu considers a win). He talks about the shows he’s been catching up on and the new books he’s started and the new games he’s played. He talks about how much he’s missed Kiyoomi.
After a while of talking and laughing, Kiyoomi quiets down and just… stares at him again. And, as Atsumu brings the ice pack up to Kiyoomi’s cheekbone, his eyes widen, and he jolts away before it can even touch him.
“Woah, is everythin’ okay? Did I hurt ya?” Atsumu asks, worried he fucked things up again somehow.
“No,” Kiyoomi says breathlessly, “sorry, no. I just… I’m sorry.”
At this point, Atsumu thinks he’s started to go crazy, because pigs would have to fly before he’d hear Kiyoomi “I don’t say things I don’t mean” Sakusa apologizing two times in one night. “Tha fuck ‘re ya sorry for?”
But, Kiyoomi doesn’t answer. He just keeps staring at Atsumu in this way that makes him feel like something is about to happen that’ll never happen in a million years. So, he places the ice pack in Kiyoomi’s hand and takes a safe three steps back. He turns around and walks back into his bedroom, leaving Kiyoomi behind.
“Well, anyway, yer not walking home like this, so if yer cool with it, we could try and find a movie to watch or somethin’? I saw this goofy lookin’ one the other day that reminded me of ya, and I think ya’d like it, so maybe–”
Before Atsumu can even register the footsteps running up to him or the slightly cold hands on his face, those familiar lips are on his again. Lips that he’d longed to taste again without even realizing what that longing meant.
He breaks the kiss, Kiyoomi chasing his lips, and breathlessly reminds him, “We shouldn’t be doin’ this. We’re breakin’ the rules. Omi, tell me to stop.”
But, instead, Kiyoomi kisses him again, and this time, Atsumu can’t gather the strength to break away. They kiss, and kiss, and kiss, and Atsumu feels himself being pushed onto his bed and Kiyoomi climbing on top of him. Kiyoomi removes Atsumu’s shirt and his own in two swift motions. And, Atsumu realizes that, in all the fucking, he’s never been given so much time to sit and admire the beauty that is Kiyoomi Sakusa. So, he kisses every mole he can find from his face to his torso, like a prayer that this will last.
Kiyoomi’s lips meet his in another perfectly sloppy kiss–it’s hard for Kiyoomi to stop kissing Atsumu too, it seems–before he breaks apart and says just about the most surprising thing Atsumu thinks he’ll hear tonight: “Are you clean? Because I won’t do this if I can’t have all of you.”
“Yeah,” Atsumu chokes out, “yeah, of course I am. I… haven’t been with anyone else in a long time.” And, admitting that out loud shifts something in him because, when did his other hookups become “anyone else?”
Kiyoomi moans at that before diving in for another kiss, and–call him crazy–Atsumu is now convinced he could come from Kiyoomi’s kisses alone. They’re just so warm and all-encompassing and tasty and–
Kiyoomi breaks away again, drawing a whine out of him, before he reaches down to fumble with Atsumu’s belt and pull his cock out of his briefs. Atsumu looks down to see Kiyoomi staring at his dick with a look of raw hunger he’d never seen on him before. He licks his lips and looks back up at Atsumu. Before he can say a word, Kiyoomi starts to pump his cock with a tortuously slow rhythm, each tug bringing the blonde more and more undone.
And, here’s the thing; Atsumu doesn’t think he’s ever really come while having sex with someone. Or at least, if he has, it’s a severely underwhelming experience. But, as Kiyoomi quickens his pace and brings Atsumu closer to his climax, he starts to get the appeal more and more.
Just when he was about to reach his peak, Kiyoomi returns to the painfully slow strokes again, rocking tremors through his body as he wonders how something so slow could feel so good. He’s harder than ever at the moment and desperate to be inside of Kiyoomi, so he wills himself not to come.
“You got good stamina, right?”
“I mean, I assume so? Wait, why do yo– ohhhh fuck,” Atsumu moans as the ravenette begins to take his length into his mouth.
Atsumu’s sure he’s in heaven in the moment. He wonders how he’s gone so long without this. Kiyoomi’s mouth is so warm and wet, and Atsumu knows for a fact he’s coming more than once tonight.
And then, Kiyoomi, in his cockdrunk stupor, lifts his head to take a breather, moaning about how “You taste so much better than I could’ve ever imagined, thank you, thank you for letting me taste you,” and Atsumu knows he’s a goner. He’s sure this is the fastest he’s ever come. But, something weird happens. Even as he’s coming, he doesn’t want the feeling to stop. It’s like he wants to come while he’s already coming.
But, before he can dwell on it too long, Kiyoomi lifts his head once more, swallowing his come and staring at his penis like a man in—
“I, uh… the lube?” Kiyoomi asks, blinking himself out of his daze before looking back up at him.
“Don’t act like ya haven’t seen it a million times before, Omi-Omi.”
“The lube, Atsumu,” he repeats, manufactured annoyance filling his voice and a poorly hidden smirk on his face.
“Yeah, yeah, I got it,” Atsumu chuckles before reaching over to his side dresser and pulling out a small bottle. He opens the bottle and pours some on his hand, and without having to ask, Kiyoomi climbs onto his lap and spreads his cheeks for Atsumu to insert a finger in. Then two. Then three. Kiyoomi gradually comes undone, trying to hide his face in the blonde’s neck. But, Atsumu isn’t having it. The face he makes when he comes is just so addicting.
Atsumu grabs his face and turns him towards him, the flush of his face and chest in full view. Kiyoomi’s moans grow louder and louder until he reaches behind himself to pull his fingers out, choking out a “Need you now…”
Kiyoomi grabs Atsumu’s penis again, jerking it more and more until Atsumu starts to remember that feeling from a few minutes earlier. Then, Kiyoomi lines up Atsumu’s penis with his entrance and wastes no time sitting down, letting out a sigh of relief once he’s bottomed out.
He rocks back and forth, causing an overwhelming amount of pleasure to wash over Atsumu as he quickly starts to approach his release again.
“Kiyoomi, you… I… oh fuckkkk.”
And then, something even weirder happens. Atsumu starts to lose control. He flips over the two of them, now on top of Kiyoomi, and frantically fucks into Kiyoomi like a bitch in heat desperately chasing his release.
The more Kiyoomi’s moans fill the room, the more he wants to come inside Kiyoomi. He wants to see his seed spilling out of his hole that he loves so much. But, he still has enough common sense to not want to make Kiyoomi uncomfortable.
The second he starts to pull out, though, he feels Kiyoomi lock his legs around him and pull him into a kiss. And, at that point, he’s off the deep end. He’s coming over and over again, even though logically, he shouldn’t have any semen left. He fucks up into him over and over again, his face falling into Kiyoomi’s neck, muttering chants of “feel so fuckin’ good… love the way ya wrap around my cock… this cock made just for ya.”
And, Omi, the little minx, doesn’t let up with his intoxicating moans, so Atsumu comes. And he comes. And he comes. And he comes again until he’s been completely milked dry. Atsumu starts to slow down, looking down at the mess between them to see Kiyoomi’s precum leaking onto his stomach. And, he realizes how much he’s been neglecting him all night.
He growls and sinks down between Kiyoomi’s legs, licking up the cum dripping from his slit and torso. Then, he devours him. He can taste all of him, and he feels like he’s about to come again from the taste alone. Atsumu glances back up at him, desperate to see the orgasmic look on his face.
“Fuck, Atsu, please,” Kiyoomi moans out with tears in his eyes. “If you keep doing that, I’m gonna… fuck, I’m gonna...”
And so, Atsumu Miya doubles down. He inserts a finger into Kiyoomi’s hole, opening up Pandora’s Box of “Kiyoomi’s Moans” that Atsumu doesn’t think he’s ever heard before. Before he knows it, Kiyoomi is coming down his throat. And, Atsumu, for the first time, likes the way cum tastes.
As Kiyoomi starts to come down, Atsumu crawls up the bed to lie down next to him. They’re both panting, and Atsumu has to keep from pinching himself.
After a few minutes, Kiyoomi breaks the ice. “I, uh— shower—”
Kiyoomi jumps up and disappears into the bathroom. And, Atsumu? Well, he tries to figure out what the fuck just happened.
Atsumu doesn’t think he’s ever felt like this before. The world is brighter than it’s ever been at 12 in the morning, and his heart is beating so fast he thinks he can run a marathon and win. He wants to run to the top of a mountain and scream Kiyoomi’s name. He wants to find every song about love in existence and put it into a playlist for Kiyoomi and Kiyoomi alone. He wants to etch into his brain the way Kiyoomi looked at him when he answered the door, and when he treated his wounds, and when they all but made love.
Atsumu is also extremely scared. He’s scared because these feelings have never been felt by him before. He’s scared because he knows the resentment Kiyoomi has for feelings like these. He’s scared because, for as long as he’s known Kiyoomi, he’s never been his “one.” It’s always an Ushiwaka, or an Izana, or even an Osamu. Never an Atsumu Miya, until now. And, Atsumu had always been content with that fact because of his other fear; Atsumu can’t love, at least not in the way he’s supposed to. It stopped bothering him, because he knew it wasn’t what he wanted. But now, being able to love Kiyoomi sounds like the loveliest thing in the world, whether he’s capable of it or not. For the first time, he doesn’t want to leave. He wants to join him in that shower.
But, what scares him the most is the realization that, if it means he’d be able to keep lying next to Kiyoomi and seeing him smile for the rest of his days on this godforsaken planet, he’d ignore his own hunger and leave in a heartbeat.
He’s in uncharted territory now, and he’s past the point of no return. The Atsumu he once was would lace his shoes and march to a solution. But, now, he knows he’s not alone here. He can’t roll the dice on his own feelings. He cares so deeply for Kiyoomi, and what he says and does can hurt him beyond repair. So, he turns around, and he grabs his clothes strewn about the ground, and he hastily throws them on, and he laces his shoes, and he slips out the door before the shower cuts off.
The cicadas offer background noise as he tries to find his way to the place he considers his second home. He feels water on his face and contemplates the possibility of rain. He looks up at a clear sky and has to accept his own vulnerability, the tears continuing to fall. He’s running at this point, not knowing if Kiyoomi is going to come after him.
He knows this is the lowest he’s felt in a long time. Lower than accepting arms wrapped around his waist over loneliness. Lower than not talking to Sunarin for months. Lower than growing up not understanding why he would ever want to love.
He understands now. Not why loving is necessary, but why one would want to love. He wants to love. He wants to love more than he’s wanted anything in his entire life. But, he can’t. So, he runs until his legs almost give out. He runs faster than he’s ever run before. Because he’s no longer just leaving for Kiyoomi. He's leaving to spare himself.
