2010s Eurovision: 330 - 326
330. Aisha - “What for?” Latvia 2010
How did this song even come to be? I’d ask my uncle Joe, but he can’t speak 😭 If this were some clever spoof on existentialism I would gladly bump it up, but I think that’s giving Latvia too much credit. They’re just weird as fuck lol. Some things are better left for Mr. God to explain, but his phone today is out of range (and so is Aisha’s voice...x)
Also, a common theme with Latvia: They deliver a decent-ish NF performance, then sanitize it for Eurovision and flop terribly. RIP.
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329. PeR - “Here we go” Latvia 2013
Having said that, Latvia probably should’ve curbed PeR a little, lol. This barely counts as ‘a song’ to be honest. Just a lot of random jumping hijinks and it’s surprisingly... not fun? lol. Ralfs you can do much better than this. Also is this REALLY the first recorded instance of a Eurovision stagedive? That doesn’t feel right, even if the dive itself lasts fewer than three seconds total. Somebody should check on that while I wrap up the rest of today’s update~
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328. Sabina Babayeva - “When the music dies” Azerbaijan 2012
Lol I must’ve tuned out Sabina a bit too well because this is kind of horrible? I mean, yes, I think the song is kind of dreary, but that’s a lower tier concern for me. Sabina herself is an uglyvoiced android delivering her song with zero emotional investment, the act is like watching real-life satanic exorcism, the entire ensemble feels like the most blatant jury bait alive and of course it finished fucking fourth, presumably after Azerbaijan bought a fuckton of sim cards in neighbouring countries. 🙃
Having said that, I mostly just find this song sooooooooo fucking forgettable, which is probably why I’ve ranked her this high and probably why I’ll stop thinking about it, full stop, once this sentence has reached its end.
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327. Levina - “Perfect life” Germany 2017
[2017 review here]
This happens when you youtube search for this song:
EVEN FUCKING YOUTUBE KNOWS WHAT A RIP-OFF THIS IS!!! Anyway, remember how I mentioned before that Germany cannot resist a mediocre white woman when they see one? Well, nobody proves that pet theory more than good old Levina. She received a fucking standing ovation by the German audience after delivering an unremarkable Adele cover and then *again* after first performing this version of “Perfect Life”, while (because) of course, she was the most median human available.
Which marries greatly into that other thing Germany like to do: “focus on the songs” which usually results in stripping them down to their bare bones, which turns most of them into complete non-enti-You know what? Let us instead discuss how Germany don’t even get nearly enough flak for their incompetence:
They throw away chance after chance after fucking CHANCE for whatever reason, selecting insipid songs and people alike because they appear ‘Real’, showing ZERO understanding of what makes Eurovision tick (the ability to connect and empathize with others). They refuse to learn from the few instances they do stumble ass-backwards into a good entry (Did they not HATE ‘Taken by a stranger’ at first?), only to fall straight into their old habits again. They are deluded and utterly beyond help. Screw them. ________________________________________________________________
326. Klapa s Mora - “Mižerja” Croatia 2013
I am to this day still not sure what Croatia were thinking when they came up with “Let’s send six homely men with a song called “misery” to Malmö”, but it was not a great decision. Idk. This song is awkward and lowkey depressing.
The worst bit has to be the middle-eight though. They’re literally just standing, in a fucking line, on the stage and it just feels.. what’s the word? Lazy? Inert? Date-rapey? It doesn’t fit the rest of the song. Okay that’s enough words spent on Klapa s Mora, I am out of here.
