My life is full of sadness. My father passed away when I was only a baby. I feel like Im a ugly person, I know I have a low self-esteem. Almost every day, I feel depressed & alot of anxiety. I was with someone for almost two years and he used to forced me to do oral sex with him, I was in a place were I would do everything that he ask me just so he could stay with me, because without him I always felt alone. The relashion ended and almost every day I feel so ashamed for what I did with my ex.
Dear Nonny,
It’s Chloe here, but I’m also going to ask Kester to join in.
I just want to begin by saying that what your ex-partner did to you is not your fault. When someone else makes you do something sexual, it’s never your fault. It’s entirely his fault and his fault alone.
Kester here, can I just add that it’s perfectly normal to feel ashamed, even though you have no reason to. Victims of sexual assault often blame themselves and feel ashamed for letting it happen. But as Chloe said it is not your fault, it will never be your fault.
I know that when I was with Ian, I felt so low about myself and I was sure that no lad would ever want me. And Ian did things to me that made me feel like nothing, like I was nothing. This world is not a very nice place for girls. From our earliest days, we are taught to value a male’s opinion of ourselves more than our own, and this is so damaging to our self-esteem. Sometimes it’s easier to let yourself feel like nothing than to swim against this tide. And some lads certainly do a very good job of making us feel like nothing, don’t they? But you are not nothing, you are someone, someone very important. And I believe that by reaching out to us here, you know this on some level.
You certainly are going through an awful lot, and after all the pain and suffering you’ve been through, it can be very hard to know how to move past this moment. I believe the best place to start, would be to seek help for coming to terms with your sexual assault. I have included some links below to get you started.
https://rainn.org/get-help
https://rainn.org/get-help/sexual-assault-and-rape-international-resources
The first link is for America, and has an online chat option. The second link has international hotlines for sexual assault victims. But please don’t feel that by me giving you these links, you can’t send us another anon at any time you want; we’re here for you as much as we can be.
If you can afford a therapist babe, I really think it would help you because you could talk about how losing your father has impacted your life, and learn techniques for dealing and coping with depression and anxiety as well as how to build your self-esteem. Here are some free counselling services for you:
http://www.befrienders.org/directory
http://emotionalsupportalliance.org/emergency-location-map.html
https://www.lifeline.org.au/About-Lifeline/Lifeline-International/Looking-for-Help/Looking-for-Help
But like Kester said, please feel free to send messages anytime you need to; I'd really like to know how you’re going.
With everything that’s happened in your life, it must feel like it’s never going to end or that you’ll never feel better, but I promise that if you take the time to be kind to yourself every day, it will slowly improve.
Ultimately, we can’t change what happens in our lives, but we can change how we respond to it and how it makes us feel about ourselves and the world. You can conquer this.
We believe in you.