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Thinking I wanna gather as many emus as possible one day and just do a pub crawl. Good people, good drinks, I can finally meet people worthy of fighting over a jukebox with. That's what I want for my birthday next year. What do you all think?
MY MAD FAT DIARY (MMFD) INTERNET FRIENDS APPPLICATION
Inspired by x and sevendeadlyfun
MY MAD FAT DIARY (MMFD) FRIENDS APPLICATION FORM
URL: TIMEZONE/COUNTRY: WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO BE CALLED? (NAME/NICKNAME): AGE:
BEFORE WE GET TO THE MMFD STUFF, WE’D LIKE YOU TO FILL IN SOME GENERAL FANDOM DETAILS:
1. CURRENT FANDOMS: 2. PREVIOUS FANDOMS: 3. ANY CASUAL FANDOMS: 3. DO YOU FIC? 4. DO YOU ART? 5. DO YOU VID? 6. FAVE OF ABOVE WITH LINK: 7. ONE REC FOR EACH FANDOM: 8. ONE BLOG YOU’D RECOMMEND FOLLOWING:
MMFD STUFF: 1. OTP: 2. NOTP: 3. BROTP: 4. FAVOURITE FIC REC FOR MMFD: 5. FAVOURITE ART REC FOR MMFD: 6. FAVOURITE VID REC FOR MMFD: 7. UNPOPULAR OPINION ABOUT ANYTHING MMFD RELATED: 8. ANY FIC/ART/VID THINGS YOU WANT TO SEE/DO, BUT YET HAVENT DONE/SEEN YET? 9. FAVOURITE SCENE OF MMFD:
NOW TAG TEN MORE MMFD EMUS TO COMPLETE THIS SURVEY:
Hey guys - do please keep sending us in your problems/queries.
We really love to help you! We're always here to help.
QUESTION (Name withheld):
Hello! Ok so, I have this friend, and I had just recently met him. Like in October. So anyways, I didn’t really like him from the beginning. He just rubbed me the wrong way, you know? So anyways, he has asked me out in the past, to which I said no. He also asked my other friend out, and she really liked him, so they went out for a couple months. Until he dumped her. On her birthday. HER BIRTHDAY. Anyways, it really, really upset her, so now none of my friends liked said boy. But he kept hanging out with us. But then we learned that he was severely depressed, and cut himself. So we were nice to him for a while, but then he called my best friend for 8 years fat and ugly in front of all of us. So now all of my friends hate him, except for my 1 friend, the one he dated and dumped. She always sticks up for him, and we’re scared she would leave us, to be friends with him rather than be with us, even though we’ve known her for like 10 years. I don’t know what to do, and I’m really sorry this is probably really confusing. Thank you sooo much.
Dear anonymous
This sounds like a very difficult situation for everyone.
Sometimes bad behaviour is a metaphorical cry for help, and this boy sounds like he might need to see a therapist or to try one of the helplines here (http://rae-and-friends.tumblr.com/help).
You could try telling him that, but you don’t have to. It’s very important for us all to understand that we do not have to take on other people’s problems. If we choose to try and help and support, that’s fine. But it does not make us less of a person if we cannot help, or if we choose not to because the behaviours of the boy in question are too hurtful to us or our loved ones. It is ok for you to not want to help him and to not want to spend time with him, especially when he is calling your friend names. Bullying people is never acceptable, even if you do have mental health problems.
Being excluded can be extraordinarily difficult though, so I urge you to be gentle, and as kind as possible, in your efforts to free yourself from this boy; perhaps help him make new friends, rather than simply cast him out of your group of friends. You can also try to set boundaries with him in terms of his behaviour, for example: try telling him that he can spend time with your group if he does not bully any of you, but if he does, you will politely ask him to leave.
On to your friend that defends this boy. That is her choice. You cannot make her choices for her, nor can you control her actions. No matter how much you think she is making a mistake, it is her mistake to make. Because you obviously would like to maintain a friendship with this girl, all you can do is just let her know that you’ll be there for her and that you care about her. It’s better that you offer her continued friendship than make her choose between you and a boy she very clearly cares for.
Sometimes we feel as though we have to try and save people from themselves, or we feel as though we have to save a situation in order to preserve things as they are now forever. But you can’t stop a person from making their own decisions, you just have to make the best decisions for yourself that you can. And you can’t make things never change; that’s impossible and it would be detrimental for everyone anyway. Just make sure you take care of yourself and those you love to the best of your abilities, and let others do the same.
Please don’t hesitate to contact me if you need any more help with this issue.
Kester
hey Rae, A boy started to talking to be recently and he told me i was pretty and then he mentioned i was fat it really got to me.I told him you shouldn't say that to a girl and he said but your pretty i was only joking don't be offended.But i told him not to say that to a girl and it wasn't funny. i feel like like thats what boys think when they see me, its never bothered me before but now i feel like i need to change myself if i'm to ever get a boyfriend:( i feel so down now
Hello nony-I can relate to your predicament. I have been made fun of and harassed because of my weight as long as I can remember. A year ago I would have probably stayed in bed all day with some tunes, a litre of coke and a case of walnut whips if Big G and his twat friends found time to stop wanking each other off in order to take the piss out on me. So what's changed my dear nony? ME! Rae Earl changed.No I didn't lose 2 or 3 stones. I have changed the way I see myself and gained so much more. I have amazing friends who love me and support me just as I am. Yes. Chloe drives me crazy sometimes and Izzy is so happy most of the time that I feel like Winnie the Pooh's donkey friend in her presence but I love them both to pieces. Archie and Choppy Chop are like the brothers I never wanted and I love them for having my back and not getting mad when I beat them in snakebite drinking contests. Also there is Finn my amazing, fit, sex wizard boyfriend who prefers me with all my curves, sense of humour and superior musical knowledge. I thought Finn might be a little mad when he wrote what he wrote on my back outside the chippy but when I finally trusted him and accepted that he loved me, fat, mad and loud I really began to change.There is nothing wrong with being fat nony. I know we are conditioned to think fat is bad and fat is wrong but it's not. Some days I look in the mirror and want to hide but most days I admire my reflection and say to myself, "It's fucking embarrassing how good I look some days". My body is amazing. My breasts are great I used to think they were cripplingly large but Finn can't take his eyes or keep his hands off them. My legs are long and curvy and I love wrapping them around Finn and I feel powerful when I walk. Lastly nony I love my mind. Yes, my mind. It is so powerful. The power to be able to change the way you think about yourself is so empowering and a gift. Change isn't easy but accepting your body as it is with all it's faults and beauty is possible. I am not saying you won't have days where you wish you were thinner but it's ok to feel this way for the moment and acknowledge your displeasure but try not to stay in that moment. From experience I can tell you it will pass.
You don't need to change yourself, nony, to find a boyfriend. I didn't. I often ask myself what if my body was similar to Chloe or Izzy's would I have found a boyfriend sooner or would Finn still love me. I don't know nony. Finn loves me as I am in this mad, fat, body and what I think is more important is that I am learning to accept myself in the body I currently have. I am not waiting to live life until I reach that perfect weight or fit the mould society wants me to fit in to. Honestly nony fitting into moulds is boring and frankly I think the world needs a lot more confident, amazing, beautiful and strong fat girls. Embrace it nony!
xox
Rae
Don't forget guys, that if you're struggling then we CAN help! any issue, any problem - we have Rae and her friends (via the power of fanfic writers) waiting to give you advice!
PLEASE don't hesitate.
Also, if you need help sooner, please find our help pages here.
Finn, I wanna know how you came to love Rae. I'm a bigger girl and all I've ever dreamt of is feeling love. I'm 18. Almost 19. I've never had a real boyfriend. And the love you and Rae have is just, so beautiful. I just want someone to love me the way you love her. Because of this subject, I've become a tad depressed over this summer. It just doesn't feel the same. Plus I feel like I'm going to lose friends since I'm leaving to college and they are staying here. I know I'm a grenade. Help. ~Sam
Sam,
I’m not very good with words, so Kester’s gonna give me a hand to answer this. I hope that’s alright.
I’ll tell you how I came to love Rae. Her strength is what drew me to her. I were going through a really hard time with me Nan, and there were just an aura around her. She were so real, and even though she went a bit weird around her party, she told me that it was because Danny told her that she needed to create ‘tension’. Which is a load of bollocks if you ask me. I dunno, Kester – what do you think?
I think that this is important. Sam – you’re talking about wanting someone to love you the same way that Finn loves Rae. I am interested, are you wanting someone to love you like Finn loves Rae because you think it will cure things around you? If so, then remember what happened with Finn and Rae, even after they got together Rae’s problems didn’t stop. She needed to work on herself before she was able to accept Finn’s love towards her.
It sounds like the love of a boy isn’t all that’s affecting you either. Perhaps the immensity of leaving for college is having more of an effect than you were thinking. Is it scary? I know the idea of moving away and losing friends might seem more than its worth. You won’t be seeing your friends as often, that is true, but it doesn’t have to mean that you’re going to lose them. You’ll meet up when you come home, and it’ll be great. You can go to the pub, catch up – and think about all the things you can catch up on! And remember, there are millions of people in the world so you’re never going to be friendless… not if you just let them in!
Yeah! Thanks Kester, I totally agree with you – if your mates are anything like the gang, then you’ve got nothing to worry about. They’ll always be there for you, and I’m sure that you would always be there for them. Also, I heard that college – or uni as we call it in England, is such a cool experience. I dunno if its for me, I’m no good with all that stuff, but apparently you make so many new friends and have such a different experience of life! Embrace it and enjoy it!
Don’t let the fact that you’re a bigger girl put you off, and you say you’ve dreamt of love – I bet you have love in your life at the moment. I know your friends love you, and your family…
Finn – this is brilliant! Sam – Remember what I said to Rae, when she was worried about what other people thought of her mental illness!
“People can either accept you for who you are – or they can fuck off! ‘Cause you’re an amazing person.” Maybe use that as your own personal mantra, if that would help.
I am, however, worried about the fact that you feel depressed and see yourself as a ‘grenade’. Please, if you’re feeling like this, don’t hesitate to speak to someone.
There are some great helplines, including: USA Depression Helpline: 1-630-482-9696 UK Depression Helpline: 0845 123 23 20Another great website is also 7 Cups of Tea, if you want to talk to someone via a chat experience.
Again, please do try these out if you’re struggling – Kester.
They sound great Kester! Sam – please do talk to someone if you’re struggling, I know how much Kester helps Rae when she’s feeling down. She might be a bit reluctant to say anything at first, but normally feels 100 times better when she has spoken to him. Hope this helped!
Laters, Finn xxx
I'm so envious of other ppl all the time. Be it their looks, husbands, house, car, job, clothes. It's making me so miserable I can't enjoy my own life and all the good iv got. This prob sounds so silly but it's getting me down
Izzy here and I'm so glad you wrote in! It can be hard to talk about things that make us feel sad, especially if we think what makes us sad also makes us bad. You don't sound silly to me at all - it can't be very fun to feel like this and I hope I can help you (even just a little).
Now, there's nothing wrong with comparing yourself to other people - after all, that's what we do with people we admire. I look up to Rae so much and when I've got trouble dealing with something, I always ask what Rae would do if she had to deal with it. Having a good role model for what we want to do can help us do that stuff better, yeah?
But if it's making you feel down, then it's not helping you improve because you're focused on feeling sad.
It sounds like you know you have lots of good things in your life but it's hard for you to focus on that through all these other feelings. Maybe you can trying figuring out why you're feeling this envy - like, what is it about the other person's house, car, job, whatever, that you admire so much? Rae told me that she keeps a diary and that writing all her stuff down is real helpful for her - me, I prefer lists. So if it were me, I'd say I'd make a list of all the things that I want and why I want them. Just putting it down on paper can make it more real and maybe give you a goal to strive for - you can keep the list where you can see it and check off as make you steps towards the kind of life you're wanting to have.
You can also talk to these people you admire and ask for their help. Rae's good for stuff like that - even though I think she's dead cool, I know she's had problems and it kinda reminds me that no matter what we think someone's life is like on the outside, everyone has struggles on the inside. Maybe if you talk to someone you're feeling envious of, you might be surprised at the struggles they've had and how they've gotten to where they are - you can see how they have their strengths and their weaknesses, just like you.
I hope this helps! Try to keep your chin up and remember that your best is always good enough (even if it doesn't feel like that right now)!
Izzy
