#mmpersonal

[motomango]

this photo cuts me because 1.) i miss riding 2.) i miss taking photos 

[motomango]

all work and no play makes her a fucked up girl

For the whole extent of my life, I’ve been pretty content with who I am as a person. 

But up until about 2 years ago, everything in my life came crashing down at once and I’ve been rebuilding ever since. Throughout the rebuilding, I would say the environment has been less than ideal. I’ve been fucked off and over by many people close to me, and I’ve had nearly nothing to my name but my box of tools. Maybe someone is wondering, “two years and you have shit to show for it? sounds like someone needs to get off their ass”.

Well. I’ve started two business in the last year. TWO. Got fucked out of the first one, and will be closing up on a year of business on the current shop! The first year of business isn’t necessarily the most profitable, if profitable at all. I can’t wait until life stops reality checking me. Even the ups that I’ve made recently I feel like I really forced it into happening. Like, fuck. The shop door broke this week and we had to drop money from our Super Secret Stash (is what I call it aka motorcycle funds) to fix the fuckin’ thing. 

I think my recent life ventures have really hardened me in a not so good way. I am angry so much inside. Angry at other people for being so fucking shitty, and angry at myself for even letting shit fucking get to me. 

Okay, so no more self-loathing. What do I want to see in myself?

I want to stop being so fucking shy. I am embarrassed to even make a facebook status about shit in my day. Low-self esteem sucks and it only gets lower when you let it get to you. I’m so afraid to say shit. Granted, I think owning a business and risking the image of the business has discouraged me entirely. People are so fucking judgmental and senseless nowadays.

I want to teach. I love to teach and educate. I love to be educated. I want to start sharing what I learn with others. Guess I’ll have to overcome my cynicism. Many friends have suggested vlogging to me. I have been considering the outlet, but that would mean I would have to overcome my shyness has well.

I want to be better to my lover... there is so much strain on our relationship right now because we are around eachother 24/7 and work/deal with business matters for more than half the day. It’s stressful as fuck and we’re honestly kinda mean to eachother... i need to be better.

I want to be a morning person. I love bed way more than I love mornings and that’s not okay when you’re trying to start the day. 

I want to start being better to my body. I have a bicycle. I have a gym membership. And I talk about eating better all the time. I even have a buddy (my baby) that is willing to work out with me. 

I want to read more. I stopped reading tech articles and shit as much as I used to. I feel like it has negatively affected my learning curve. Also, there’s no one to discuss with. I need techy friends!

I want to write more. I’d say I’m not doing too bad on this blog. lol. Now to talk about something with substance, eh!?

Be more politically involved. Locally. Nationally. Internationally. I use the term “political” loosely. I just want to be aware of the truths of what’s happening in my world.

I want to call my family more. My family never calls me. Never have been the kind to like being on the phone, honestly. They also told me they know I’m doing okay because they follow me on social media. I probably express 5% of my life on social media lol. 

Be more involved. I’m naturally an observer. I like to hide in the shadows, absorb my surroundings, and learn from people’s mistakes. When I create an opinion, I usually keep it to myself. Dominantly, because I could give a fuck less about what anything thinks of it. But what happens when you hide in the shadows? You miss the limelight. My business, and my dreams, and my babe’s dreams will not grow unless we get things more into the light. 

I want to shoot photos again. I have already done something about this. I’ve picked up my camera again and have two new posts on my website! I am thinking of offering to shoot photos for a full year non-profit in order to build a sickass portfolio then charging accordingly after establishment. Well. Here goes nothing.

[bodaciousblonde]

tried acupuncture and cupping for the first time. i am in LOVE. can’t wait to continue this spiritual journey i am starting✨

[motomango]

So I've started recording...

And I feel awkward as fuck lol. I feel so full of myself talking about myself. I think I'll be happier gearing the attention more to my crafts instead. Oh shit I just remembered I forgot to take off my makeup.. A return customer is supposed to be bringing their bike by for some fork seals. I think I want to do a basic walk through of fork seals and get the ball rolling. I'm so tired. Kinda nervous about this upcoming month. In a few weeks I will be in the Dr's office for a consultation on my ankle. I hope for some progress for once... also my hair appointment is coming up. Looking up pictures of pink hair is so fun but I hope it looks good on me... It's been raining the past couple days. Idle minds allow for trouble to creep on. Good thing this vlogging thing has kinda occupied me.. I really need to begin book keeping for this year though..

[motomango]

good evening. <3

it seems that today was a pretty productive one. stretched and worked out this morning. spent the better first half of the day calculating and writing out my federal tax return and forms. got it down to only owing a couple hundred bucks! shout out to the first time doing taxes as a self-employed moto shop owner!  eric stopped by today to take a look at the klr. he couldn’t find think of anything else either. which i knew we pretty much covered all bases but it’s nice to get a third party eyeball on things sometimes. we are going to try a new harness. took eric out to chevy’s for lunch for taking his time to check out the klr. love me some fajita mixed grill, booiiii. got leah’s bike out today. got a bike in today. ray did us a great favor and ordered some tires, a stand, and a hat to meet our minimum and open our wps account. thanks, ray. <3  decided to try a little reverse approach with ikillez. instead of telling him “no” or correcting him when he growls at newcomers, i turned touching people peacefully into a trick. i used the command “gosayhi” and put his treat right next to ray’s hand and when he touches ray, i click him and give him a treat. i got him to the point where i would say “gosayhi” and he would go up to ray and touch his nose to him. ...progress. he’s such a smart fuckin’ boy.

i introduced corey into the realm of impractical jokers. we laughed for a good hour and a half watching impractical jokers and whose line is it anyways skits.

...rain is on the forecast for the end of the week and next week.  not a good sign for business. maybe i could use the downtown for the shop’s bookkeeping.

[motomango]

x. rode 10 miles today on the bicycle. fuckin’ sucked lol. but it was so beautiful. x. walked the pup through home depot today. he only uttered a small, shallow growl. the best he has ever done. 

fingers crossed that the klr will be figured out tomorrow. so tired of that thing in the shop. we have eric coming over to put an eye on it and if he can figure out why the hell this thing won’t shoot spark, we’re taking him to a nice lunch. 

chin up.

[motomango]

so much has been happening...

i need to write more. i say that a lot lol. but i think i’m doing pretty good. 

anways i’m fucking tired so let’s get this over with.

tonight was chill. got to hang with a and t. we went to the shack and had shack burgers for the first time. didn’t realize that they were doggy friendly until we got there, should have brought the puppers. went back to their place for chills and did whip-its for the first time ever. LMAO. it was the “legal” whip-its that is  nitrous oxide (laughing gas). pretty fucking crazy. you feel very tingly, and warm, and fuzzy. your voice is low at first from the gas so it kinda trips you out and your lips feel puffy. you just want to lay back and let the sensation wash over you. and then it’s done just like that haha. little buzz remains. interesting experience.  okay so maybe tmi time but this shit is real life and something chicks have to go through in order to avoid pregnancy and practice responsible sexy time. so my baby has been trying to convince me to get an iud for the whole little over year and a half we’ve been together. i finally said i will give it a try and HOLY FUCK THAT SHIT WTF She was all “Okay, let’s get the depth of your cervix” and she takes this plastic...stick essentially and up it goes and it’s like “okay, here we go---HOLLYYY WHAT IN THE.. NOOO OKAAYY AHHH EEEE OOOOOO” and that happens about three times and bing bang boom this lady could have installed an alien lifeform in me for all i fucking know. i hot flashed so bad and just lied there in...terror? lmao and dr. said “take your time.. you’ll feel crampy for the next couple days” and i lied there for 10 minutes recovering from the small procedure. i felt sick as hell... i didn’t like it oonnnee biiitt. And that shit was honestly a little traumatic. I think about it still and shudder haha. Guess I’m just being a baby... ...at least I won’t be having oneeee aayyeeee lmao anyways. last time i used my camera it was throwing a fit. i had it on continuous shooting mode and it would freeze in the middle of shooting and not capture the shots. turned it on yesterday to verify it still had an issue before bringing it with me to go to the camera store and it works perfectly. so i’m running with it. i know i say this all the time, and i say a lot of things all the time but i really want to get back into my photos. i have a friend ry that has the lens i have my eye on. i think it only about $150. Along with my 24-135mm i think it will be perfect. 

got some tools stuff today so that is always exciting. decided to try out the husky 3/8 with the button on the back. haven’t really had an excuse to use it yet though so i’ll update on that later. previously i have been using a harbor friend rubber handle ratchet. it’s been great and it has a pretty high teeth count but the head is starting to feel a little sloppy and i’ve only been using it for a little over half a year. 

my friend said i should get into vlogging. i don’t know if i have the esteem capacity for that right now honestly. maybe once i get a 250 and start doing track days. but i feel i would be more geared towards how-tos and techy shit. that’s my shiet.  okay night

[motomango]

been feeling pretty weighed down

maybe it’s all the weed i’m smoking. maybe it’s because i was pmsing. perhaps a combination of both. 

i think, mentally, i’m content. For the moment. Things are moving in a positive direction, and that is all I ask. 100% completed the business’ book keeping for last year. Just gotta file taxes now. Mreh. You are charged more for EVERYTHING when you are a business. Bullshit.

But money is in the bank and bills are paid. We survived March. Good job guys! lol

So remember the R6 I showed you guys that I mentioned I was trading for hair? Got an appointment set up for the beginning of May. I am soo fricken nervous. I hope I can pull off pale pink hair and don’t look like a fuckin’ idiot. Haha, here’s to new things. 

Mailed a small care package to my family today. Box of see’s candies chocolate to my bro for his tech support throughout the life of the business thus far. He hosts our server for the website, I love hiim. Misc. makeup for my mom and sis. and OMG I found a big cuban chocolate “seegar” which is SO fitting for my dad if you know him because that is what he calls cigars that he’s always smoking. 

confession. i’m high right now which is why i’m probably kinda chatty. 

i dig it. i need to open up more...