"please tell me that at least a part of it was real."
betrayal starters + @mobiues
THE SIMPLE, EARNEST WAY HE MAKES THE PLEA wounds her more than if he were shouting at her, and any feigned indignation she might have mustered up to try to explain her actions immediately disappears. Instead, she softens her posture, shoulders dropping, and turns to face him for the first time since he entered her office moments before.
When she does so that she notices how worn he looks; his clothing is rumpled, his chin is sporting a decent growth of stubble. She can tell by his demeanor and his eyes that the man in front of her is, for lack of a better word, exhausted. She's only seen him look this way once or twice, after particularly difficult cases where he had no sleep for long stretches, and she wonders what exactly he has encountered since he was dispatched. Nothing good. She sent him to die, after all.
She sees a time stick slung over his shoulder and is genuinely surprised he hasn't used it on her already. If the situation were reversed, she is sure she would have immediately plunged the tip into his back and sent him right back to the Void. It's not something she's proud of, nor would she want to, but it's something she knows with complete certainty she would do to protect the TVA. It's much too late and too much has happened between them to pretend otherwise.
But he keeps his distance, the weapon pointed away from her. No rushing to overtake her. No angry lunges. He has always been the softer one between them, hasn't he? Even chasing dangerous variants, he's been the optimist of the two, the believer in good. It's why she has always felt she had to protect him, look out for him...until protecting him could no longer be an option.
"Would it help?" Her voice is low, but despite the distance between them, she knows he hears it. She knows he will give her all the time she needs to speak, even now, because he always has. And she will take everything he allows her, and a little bit more, because she always has.
"Is there anything I could say right now that would change anything or make it easier now that we've seen each other for what we are? You want to know if it was real?" She drags in a long breath, shaky and uneven, and gives a tiny shrug.
"Everything was real. Everything. There's almost nothing I wouldn't have done....to keep you safe. Our friendship was real. Everything we have felt, all this time, was real." A pause, and a tiny bit of anger flares up, though whether it's at him or at herself, she can't tell. Maybe both. Likely both.
"But so was the betrayal. I know who you are now. And you know who I am. And we..." Her mouth screws up into a sad smile. "We're broken. And we can't be fixed."