✄ TW; implied suicide, unhealthy obsession at one point(?), seeming unrequited love
✄ A/N; Post-War! And no beta :’) There are different parts to the fic that are separated by numbers 😔 Instead of anger... Shu feels the sad™ I based it on my own experience (with some changes of course) but keep in mind that everyone's experience is different.
✄ I got bored halfway (honestly, way to go me 🙄) cause I wrote this at an ungodly hour, so sorry if this is that good-
✄ And with that, please stay safe and know people care about you!
———
I
His world of perfection shattered.
His castle of sand in ruin.
It took so much of his body just to go home after the devastating defeat Valkyrie had against fine.
And now Shu was here, locked in his room.
Rather unfortunate that his body had certain needs. If he could, he would stay on the ground, hiding, and only speak to Mademoiselle for hours on end.
But of course, that wasn’t the case.
Slowly, he tried to get up, looking lazily over to the bathroom door. He barely had the strength to get up. His legs shaking as he let out a breath he didn’t notice he was holding in. Thankfully, there was a bathroom inside his room. Which made it a lot easier to take care of himself in the safe confines of his room.
The only thing that he still had with him.
The only safety he felt anymore was here. In his room.
Slowly, he walked inside the bathroom, quickly going to the mirror to splash his face with cool water. The mirror showed his reflection, the tired look on his face said numbers, he would tell himself. But at this point, he didn’t have a care in the world.
Medicine surrounded his sink. The permanent headache that he had couldn’t be stopped with the painkillers he had noticed, which is why he uses a lot of sleeping medicine to aid sleeping his days away.
He looked sick.
He felt sick.
Which, he supposed it was another reason for the medicine to be here.
If only there was medicine to forget.
———
II
It had been a long time since this all started.
Shu didn’t let anyone in his room. Only sometimes were there people who would speak through his locked door.
At first, it was his family. Slight concern would show, talking about how this wasn’t him and he needed to let go of something so trivial, while others would simply complain about him doing nothing.
But how could they understand how it felt for him?
Ah… what a failure he was.
Anyone else who did appear sometimes was Mika, his teammate, who would be the one to bring in food and leave it at his door. While sometimes it would be Y/N, who was one of his classmates.
At first, he was surprised to hear Y/N, but it slowly turned into a recurring event, where they would appear to tell stories about school and the outside, which Shu learnt to slowly appreciate.
Finally, he decided to make an exception.
Letting in Mika and Y/N sometimes in his room.
Mika continued to be the one who would bring in food and such, while Y/N would be making Shu pick up on his self care.
“How are you feeling today Shu?” Their voice barely above a whisper as they gently brushed Shu’s hair. Something that Shu learnt to find that would calm his nerves.
Shu hummed slightly, not being able to come with a response. It had been a long time since he spoke so his words were limited.
“That’s good.” The conversation was one sided, but Y/N didn’t mind that, which calmed Shu even more. “I was thinking, maybe we could go to the kitchen and cook something? If you would like that is.”
Shu quickly shook his head to the side. His face showed his discontent with the suggestion. He didn’t want to leave his room yet, and he made sure that Y/N knew that.
“That’s okay! Don’t worry about it.” Y/N laughed slightly, their whole talk being light hearted as they continued to brush and play with Shu’s hair.
Oh… How much he would love to hear Y/N’s voice till the end of time.
———
III
It was almost suffocating.
Shu felt powerless. Because of something stupid that had happened months ago, here he was with being treated like a child by two of the people that he cared about.
He would have rather they let him rot instead.
A shaky breath escaped his lips.
They had done so much for him and he had done nothing back. He only treated him cruelly before.
So why were they doing this?
Sudden anger went through Shu’s body.
He had done nothing this whole time, he was being useless. Even with all the fabrics around his room, all the machines to see he did nothing.
All he did was sulk and speak to Mademoiselle.
How pathetic.
How pathetic he was.
———
IV
Just like clockwork.
His heart would beat strongly in his chest as he tried to get off his bed, he propped himself on his elbows.
As annoying as it felt having his heart make so much noise, he supposed it made him feel human.
His movements were still sluggish but with the help of others he could move a bit more.
His joints could move a lot more than before.
But he didn’t feel better per say.
He still felt sick.
Powerless.
He hated the feeling.
If he wasn’t so keen on his permanent physical appearance he would have stabbed his heart out.
He doesn’t want scars to look back into and sulk even more. He had done enough of that already.
———
V
He could feel it.
He was starting to become incredibly dependent on Y/N.
He could feel how obsessed he was getting.
He shouldn’t, he cannot.
He screamed internally. What was he doing?
Yes, Mika was there and he needed him as much as he needed Y/N health wise. But Mika wasn’t… Y/N.
Ah. He wouldn’t mind only having a life that only had Y/N…
Did he love them?
Perhaps.
But even he knew that he was going too far. He was driving himself insane.
———
VI
The only sound that he could hear was his heart and the ticking of a clock.
Shu quietly sat on the bathroom floor. He had done this many times before, contemplating if he should do something he shouldn’t.
Only this time he decided to do it.
A sort of dread clouded on his mind.
He couldn’t handle it anymore, that is why he was here after all.
Regret?
Maybe.
It was only a matter of time before his body would give up, he thought.
But there was something that was weighing on his mind.
It was almost as if his hand moved on its own.
It wasn’t for much time that he realised he longed for someone so caring such as Y/N. But he knew better than to try to go after them, they deserved so much better than someone who turned twisted such as himself.
He wanted to hear their voice one last time.
Dialing Y/N’s phone number he waited to see if the other would pick up. Nervously tapping at his leg slightly as he waited.
Not before long, Shu could hear their voice.
“Hello?”
“Y/N… can you hear me?” Shu hadn’t spoken in so long, his voice slightly raspy, it hurt his throat to speak.
“I… I don’t think we will be able to see e-each other tomorrow…” Shu’s voice was stuck in his throat, a hiccup escaping it. “I- I wanted to tell you a final goodbye”
Ah… suddenly he was crying again.
And before long, Shu hung up. Dropping the phone next to him, laughing dryly.
He didn’t want to hear what Y/N would tell him. It wouldn’t be long before sleep would consume him.
※ Any pronouns
※ English, French, Spanish - OK! | Japanese and Italian limited (re-learning one and learning the other~)
※ 3D modeler in disguise
※ Mostly into Enstars + Twst!
※ Master Procrastinator-
