Okay i’m not an artist but i’m thinking about that Sayi going to Kinzo with the dress on. And instead of Genji and Kumasawa is Virgillia and Ronove. Sayo bending her mental reality with the people she’s been able to rely on and trust and put it into this situation that’s so ultimately fucked. they were her only caretakers and both of them dressed her up for her biological fathers wellness. like what.
Writing a Trans Character
As Experienced by a Trans Man
With more resources coming out for trans faceclaims, I wanted to make sure that there were also more guides on how to write a trans character. So I’m going to be sharing my personal experience with gender as a toolset for those that haven’t/aren’t questioning their identity. Please keep in mind that this is entirely based off of my personal experience and growth, and that every trans person has their own journey with their own experiences. None are invalid and all are equally as important. This also wound up turning into more of a gender study as well, so feel free to share and message about your thoughts. I’d love to have gender discussions!
Part one | Part Two | Part Three
Part Four
Coming Out
This is something that so many youth struggle with, even me at 24 had no idea how to come out and it wasn’t the best experience, however it wasn’t the worst. No matter what kind of experience it is, no one should take away the bravery or the strength it takes to tackle this obstacle. And everyone deserves to feel proud of themselves for it.
To start, I want to say that some people don’t come out to family for safety reasons. And because I am an advocate of keeping the community safe (especially mentally as many people use rp as a way to cope and escape from the world) I beg anyone reading this not to use coming out as a reason for some abuse thread. For a characters backstory sure, because the plot can then revolve around the recovery. However as a thread where it is being currently written is something that many people have already faced, and do not need to see, even if it is to a fictional character. Many times it is the description that causes trauma to resurface and I would hate for anyone to be forced to face that again. So please, keep any abuse stories left as backstories.
As far as the actual act, this is another thing entirely up to you as the writer. I won’t go into my experience as much because it was rather dull and unimportant. I will say though, that not all parents that claim to be accepting will actually show acceptance. There are not the only two extremes in someone accepting or not accepting. A parent could say they are fine with their child being trans, but then never use their proper pronouns (note they are not preferred, they are proper). Or they dead name them (the act of using someone’s birthname rather than the name they have chosen for themselves). There are various things a family member or friend can do that will cause mental harm to their child/pal. Just like there are various things they can do to help. I’ll be splitting this up into two to keep the two things separate. I am going to write this a bit differently, for the sake of those writing a trans character but also writing with a trans character because I feel it’s very important.
First the bad.
As I said before, deadnaming is a possibility. It can be a very invalidating thing to hear. For me, when I hear someone use my dead name I visibly cringe. It has never felt like my name, and so many people I have met have said I never looked like it fit me. Deadnaming is harmful in that it can make someone question themselves, but also make that voice in their head saying no one will accept them and they should give up all the louder, which can worsen depression and lead to possible suicide.
Improper pronoun use can be linked with the above for all the same reasons. It’s a constant reminder and a constant invalidation. It can make someone feel like you aren’t seeing them. Not the true them. And so they start to feel invisible. Proper pronoun use is important to show someone that you see the them that they see in themselves.
Claiming it is a phase. The person being told this knows better than anyone what they feel. But as mentioned in part two, there is the constant questioning of themselves. So when told this, it’s hard to quiet the voice that is saying we aren’t sure, or that we can’t be because our experience doesn’t match someone else’s.
Calling someone a special snowflake. We already think we’re just trying to get attention, and most times when people question this, it isn’t fake. When you question whether or not you’re doing something for the sake of attention, that shows an awareness and admittance. How many people do you know admit they are doing something for attention? So questioning it is a sure sign that you in fact are not looking for attention. However, when people claim this, it’s hard to prove them wrong. Especially if you’ve been struggling with your gender for only a short period of time.
Denying them as a friend/partner/family member. Making them feel like they aren’t good enough or worthy. The amount of courage this takes is something cis straight people will not get in their life, so to say that you can’t be friends with someone or date them right after they come out is very harmful. I’m not saying people that are dating are forced to stay together, it’s the immediate reaction that would be harmful. A calm talk afterwards is fine and all can be discussed. As far as friendships, if you write your character no longer being friends because of this, congrats, your character is transphobic. As far as family goes, rejecting a child or sibling breaks a level of trust that person could have for any if not all deep rooted relationships. It sets an example that even people that you’ve known since birth can betray you and hate you for being yourself. And that fear and resentment can bleed into other areas of their lives as well.
Using their past identity as punishment. I’ve already gone over the deadnaming, however I have experienced a parent using my dead name as a punishment. If they felt I was speaking out against them, or if I did something they didn’t like, they would use my dead name as a punishment. As a way to cause me pain because they could see how much it bothered me. This is in a way an emotionally violent attack as, for me, it triggered a great deal of dysphoria and trust issues.
I feel those are good key points though certainly not all of them. But for the sake of length I want to move on.
The good:
Unconditional support. When a character comes out, to see unconditional support is the biggest relief. In reality you can see people’s eyes light up. It is always a relief to say that you accomplished facing something truly terrifying and it turned out well.
Proper name and pronoun use. For the exact opposite reasons above. Incredible validation in hearing these used. It also helps to fight away questioning thoughts and anxiety/depression when someone else is using your name and pronouns.Even slip ups where someone corrects themselves is better than ignoring the mistake at all.
Correcting people for them. It’s another way of support, and also proving to us that you have our backs no matter what. Sometimes having to correct someone is embarrassing, and sometimes it can be a hassle, so to see someone else sort of take over for us without speaking over us or outing us on accident is incredible.
Going to the bathroom with them. An odd thing to think about but when you’re faced with the choice and not sure whether you pass enough or not, this can be very validating and helpful. It truly is a terrifying experience. For example, I had one time when using the restroom, I wpas followed in and a man stood outside the one stall waiting, then used the urinal, washed his hands, and got very close to the stall door. All fine and normal, until he washed his hands a second time, and then came close to the door. And then washed his hands a third and stood again. I can’t know for sure what his intent was, but he eventually left the restroom. Meanwhile I had my phone out ready to call my manager (because this was at my place of work) to escort me out of the bathroom.
Again for lengths sake I want to stop this here, but you can get a good idea of what support is and what it isn’t. I will add, for those writing with a trans character, that making their transition about your character is not how you should write out the plot. Their transition affects some people outside of themselves, yes. But it affects them the most.
The last list I want to make is how your character can come out, because there are many ways.
Writing a letter/email
Sitting people down
Recording a video
Hinting with talk of other trans people
Facebook statuses
Phone Calls
Text Messages
Cards
Get creative. If your character is afraid to face the people they are coming out to, think of how they would best want to go about it. Informatively? Creatively? Nervously? Boldly? This is entirely up to who they are as people and their personal values. Where you take their experience past that is entirely your own, but again I beg that you do so as a backstory and not write this out through a thread if it involves any sort of abuse.
Prompt Version
What fears did your character have before coming out?
Who where they most afraid to come out to? Why?
What did they question about themselves before coming out?
How did they come out?
What were their expectations of coming out?
What was the reaction from family of them coming out?
What was the reaction of friends?
by the way the first time louis sees lestat after their meeting should be louis being offered great tickets on the house and he ends up showing up late so lestat is already performing when he ends up experiencing him live. louis needs to see the smeared make up and the sweat and the hair dye. and louis looks up at him feelings him sing and he remembers being a boy praying on his knees. and the concert hall suddenly feels like the cathedral he was turned in. and god lestat still feels like a religion
