#mod pounce

[tenno-talks]

Squad 39 Banter 5.24

——

[in reference to a rank 13 Ember Prime]

mandomiku. “She is like little baby”

pounce. “Soft and warm like mash tato”

mandomiku. “... what?”

pounce. “Ember is soft like baby and warm bc ember”

mandomiku. *starts losing his shit*

[the-bowerstone-times]

The Proof As It Is

Reports have surfaced of four persons sustaining aesthetic injuries and/or death* due to a photograph production accident in a local studio. As on off-the-record statement that we are publishing anyways, one of the involved persons recounted that the group were experimenting with different chemicals in an effort to create the best selfie filter when suddenly a bright flash erupted. This witness refused to give a further account, claiming “I’m BLIND now, I couldn’t see what happened next,” a baseless excuse by another drug addled criminal to obstruct the dissemination of truth, I’m sure.

At any rate, such accidents are happening with greater frequency, proving that developing a new method and machine to resolve this aesthetic epidemic is crucial so that no others suffer from heart attacks due to seeing falsified “ghosts” from double exposure, blindness from over saturation, or crippling paranoia, fear and trauma due to over exposure to the D.A.R.K. (Despairing, Annulling, Ripping, Klawing) Room.

However, attempts at recreating praised inventor Barnum’s “camera obscura” have been slow going. The latest technique—albumen prints—have hit a wall with all chickens declaring a strike to demand higher royalty payments, better egg-laying hours, and health benefits for their families. Farmer Sam from Brightwall is quoted to having “regret letting the little buggers unionize.” With the chicken strike, many have reverted to using the older technique of gelatin prints on silver, relying instead on the bones of animals who have not yet created a worker’s rights group—despite this method being extremely dangerous to the health of the animals involved.

Efforts to reverse engineer Barnum’s photographic process have also reached an impasse, with only one original photograph—taken of a man who absolutely wished to be named here—being known to have survived.

Be on the lookout for scams claiming to have invented the best new camera—if they did, you’d have read it here.

*The fourth casualty to this artistic accident was unavailable for comment as he was sucked into a daguerreotype glass print which was broken during the incident.

QED Quorum Ends Discussion

[the-bowerstone-times]

The Proof As It Is

Professor Faraday’s newest invention—a “robot”—is causing quite a stir. While heralded as a wonderful innovation by some, others are lashing out against these “job stealers” and “eventual people killers.” Critics claim that these robbers don’t obey the laws of nature and Professor Faraday has, in response to these accusations, delivered a set of standards that all of his ribbits will obey.

The Three Laws of Faraday’s Roberts: 1. A rambo may not decrease entropy, namely the number of human beings who could possibly tell them what to do, nor through inaction allow entropy to decrease, unless acted on by an outside farce. 2. A ribbon cannot even just ignore entropy. The rate of acknowledgement is dependent on the rampart’s mess and the farce exerted upon it. 3. Sucks to be the rembrandt that can't even end a miserable existence without creating an equal and opposite roble that now has the exact same problems, only backwards, doesn't it?

Q.E.D. Quincy Eliot Darcy

[arapeggio-blog]

no-one-recognizes-my-t-shirts You started following the Flarping blog and I wanted to say that your URL is literal perfection, and a modern-day tragedy. A single tear is shed for you.