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My Only Direction: Chapter 8

Rose stared at her blinking screen, fighting between the conflicting urges of throwing her phone out of the window or grabbing it and pressing it so tightly to her ear, it became forever stuck.

How had this all happened so quickly? One moment she was living her usual, mundane life in Sydney, the greatness of her week being determined by whether she’d seen Ryan coming out of the shower in nothing but a towel and now... Now, she was about to go on tour with a headlining act as a part of their team, with one of her closest friends – and members of the aforementioned headlining act – not only as just that, but also as somebody who was possibly trying to win her over.

And get her to dump Ryan in the process.

And now Ryan was calling her and Rose didn’t know what to say.

Was she meant to act as if everything was normal? Like everything was okay? That she wasn’t totally conflicted, that she didn’t feel dirty about how she was toying with Ryan and at the forced realization that she had chose Ryan as second-best?

But maybe that wasn’t fair. How was Rose supposed to have known how quickly things with Liam would blossom, for lack of a better word? It was all so... Sudden. They were friends. Long-distance friends. And before they’d even have time to get used to having a palpable, friendly relationship, Liam was already asking for something more!

Rose tried to dig up some indignation, some sort of irritant feeling towards Liam and what Rose could easily call his audacity.

But it just wasn’t that simple and maybe that was what the problem had been in the first place.

It was one thing for Rose to like Liam based on being a Directioner, and another because he was lovely - but the one safe-guard Rose had kept to stop herself from going overboard with her imagination was that Liam was too... Nice? The guy-next-door type? To ever really have feelings for her.

Which, of course, retrospectively, had been unfair. After all, Liam was still a guy and he definitely had feelings. And who had Rose been kidding when she’d told herself Liam was in the friend zone? He wasn’t in the friend zone! Rose was just squeezing her eyes shut to what was blatantly in front of her, muttering under her breath it wasn’t there and praying what she was saying would come true.

Ryan was still calling. She couldn’t avoid him forever.

Telling Ryan he was the one she’d chosen hadn’t at all been difficult. All it had taken was for Rose to take his hand and look at him meaningfully and he’d understood. A proud, beaming smile had flitted across his rugged, handsome features and in that next moment, he was kissing Rose softly on the lips.

Rose let her head fall into her hands. Why was it that, less than a week afterwards, that memory didn’t hold the same conviction and happiness it had before? In fact, why did it feel like Rose wanted to shake the memory away? Like she felt dirty? Unfaithful?

How could she feel unfaithful to her boyfriend, when she was standing by and doing nothing to try and rid herself of feelings she had for somebody else?

When she couldn’t and didn’t want to, anyway?

Rose heard a large burst of laughter from one of the many living rooms downstairs, Liam’s voice resonating in such a way that she fought back a cool shiver that ran up her spine.

What was wrong with her?!

Three more rings and it’d go to voicemail.

“Where’s Rose?” Rose heard Liam shout, through the open door of the lounge, still laughing at something.

Two more rings.

“I think she’s upstairs.” Niall volunteered.

One more ring.

“I’ll go grab her.” Liam replied, followed with the sound of footsteps.

“Hello, Ryan?” Rose said suddenly, picking up the phone desperately, just in time, wishing herself away.

Downstairs, Liam, Soph, Harry, Niall and Zayn were all watching TV in varying degrees of trampy-ness.

Louis and Niall looked at least semi-presentable; Louis in a Killers T-shirt, dark pyjama bottoms and a beanie which he and Harry kept wrestling over; Niall was wearing a jumper and tracksuit bottoms, Liam was in a pair of dark jogging bottoms and a long-sleeved T-shirt and Zayn was in his favourite grey tracksuit that he hadn’t changed out of since he’d seen Dianna kissing somebody else. Harry was sitting in his boxers and nothing else; in fact, the only reason he had underwear on, was because Soph refused to see his bits.

And Soph was slouched on the sofa, arms folded across her chest, in a pair of super-skinny lime green Hollister sweatpants and her favourite grey, furry Hollister hoodie, her double-tongue grey Converses messily propped up in Niall’s lap, her knees crossed on his shoulder, her hood up, covering her face and the dark expression it held.

Zayn sat on one end of the sofa, Soph surprisingly managing to sit beside him without maiming him or abusing him in some way. They’d spoken in the three days that had passed since that awful dinner with Dianna, though not much. Most memorably, Soph had bumped into him on the way to scouting out the kitchen with Rose, while the boys were still asleep, early yesterday morning (Soph had been allowed a key).

They had stood awkwardly, stealing furtive glances at each other, before Soph had asked him if he was going to be alright.

Zayn had looked up at her in shock, before glancing away and nodding mutely, pushing past her the next minute and staying in his room for the rest of the day, blaring loud R&B music from his bedroom. The whole point of One Direction living together again after their break was so they’d bond and fill in any gaps the break had created.

Clearly, that plan was failing. Nobody knew what to say to Zayn and Zayn certainly didn’t have anything to say.

Zayn was resting his head lazily on the side of the couch, fuzz starting to grow on his face and his hair a thick, wavy mess. Soph sat beside him, being sure to not touch him. Niall was sitting with his back pressed against the bottom of the sofa, Soph hanging her knees from his shoulder, her feet in his lap, Niall occasionally resting his head on her leg, or massaging it. It was then Louis, Liam and Harry all squished on the sofa, Louis cuddling Soph close as they all watched One Tree Hill re-runs.

“She’s not going to be pregnant.” Soph predicted, recalling the same episode from when she’d first been acquainted with the joy of One Tree Hill, as per Rose’s suggestion, when she was sixteen. “Watch.”

“But she was on the phone to the clinic in front of him.” Harry frowned.

“Yeah, but we didn’t hear what they said, now, did we?” Niall glanced at Harry knowingly over his shoulder, before gently tapping Soph’s leg. There were only ever two reasons for Soph to have her hood up; she was either not feeling too well (which the boys all assumed meant she was having her girly time, a subject they refused to approach) or she was having a sucky day, thanks to her parents. Or both. “I’m getting a snack, d’you want anything, love?”

Soph hesitated, before frowning slowly and carrying on staring at the screen.

“We have Haagen Dazs.” Louis sang quietly, Soph’s eyes instantly perking up. “Limited edition white chocolate and raspberry. Would you like some, Soph?”

Soph nodded slowly.

“Sssh!” Liam hissed at them, watching the screen.

“I’m not pregnant... You’d just called me a slut!”

“Bow down to the all-knowing Soph, bitches!” Soph yelled loudly, throwing her arms up in the air. “Applaud me!”

Harry, Liam, Louis and Niall all obliged, pretending to bow. Even Zayn glanced up at them and managed a small, albeit weak, half-smile, as he ran his hand through his hair.

“Soph, would you ever have sex with somebody by licking Haagen Dazs off their genitalia?” Harry asked suddenly, glancing seriously at his best friend.

“Is it limited edition?” Soph asked, hearing only the words “you” and “Haagen Dazs”... Before realizing what she’d just said.

And despite the fact Soph was in the worst of moods, all five boys glanced at each other, glanced at Soph’s stricken face and burst into laughter.

Even Zayn.

“Be careful, Soph, you’ll start giving Harry ideas.” Zayn grinned cheekily over his shoulder.

There was a split second between them both when Zayn and Soph both felt the flicker of Soph’s automatic defence mechanisms whirr to life. But, within that split second, Soph relaxed her shoulders and smiled, shaking her head at Zayn. She’d stopped herself just in time. They were all laughing, she didn’t need to be defensive. And if she was being honest, she didn’t have the energy to be. Not that Zayn needed any prompting to currently be all emo, anyway.

“Where’s Rose?” Liam asked suddenly, still laughing slightly.

“I think she’s upstairs.” Niall volunteered, gently placing Soph’s feet on the ground and standing up, heading to the kitchen.

“I’ll just go grab her.” Liam told them, ignoring the smoochy faces the rest of them made at him, exempt Soph and Zayn, who’d turned back to the TV. Liam only rolled his eyes and left the room, already bounding up the stairs.

Liam had the feeling Rose was avoiding him. After Soph and Rose had admitted that their bonding had been slightly hijacked by the sudden proximity of One Direction in their lives, it had been mutually, albeit silently, decided that Rose and Soph would have some time to themselves for a little while. It was more realistic for Soph to take Rose sightseeing anyway, what with the One Direction comeback being so publicized, as being mobbed in line for the London Dungeons didn’t exactly seem fun.

That was another thing. Soph and Rose had already decided between themselves that they had to be more careful about being spotted with the boys; the press coverage the boys were getting was insane and it was a miracle there hadn’t been some sort of media frenzy about the boys being spotted with the girls already. In fact, it wasn’t too much of a miracle; Soph had contacts in the media industry and so could easily throw them off trail, but Soph had admitted she couldn’t keep it up much longer.

Soph’s parents were back from their respective business trips and Adam was back from his school trip to Germany, which also meant Soph’s freedom to visit the boys and just generally hang out was slightly more limited. By having Rose visit, she could go out more, but so far, Liam had pretty much heard Rose say anything and everything to spend as little time in the 1D house as possible. Even when she was there, she often spent her time with Louis, with him on his computer, or having a laugh with Niall. Liam wasn’t jealous of his bandmates, but he wished Rose wouldn’t freeze him out, either.

“Soph, do you want anything else from the kitchen?” Niall asked, hesitating in the doorway. “Aside from the ice cream?”

Soph thought for a moment.

“Yeah, those salt and vinegar Pringles.” Soph told him. Niall nodded, ready to head out, but Soph continued. “And that salmon sandwich Harry made me earlier. And some of that strawberry cheesecake I bought. And some of those lemon bonbons.”

“Got it.” Niall nodded, heading towards the kitchen, as Harry and Louis looked at Soph in incredulity.

“Oh and Niall?” Soph shouted.

Niall popped his head around the door.

“Yes, honey?”

“And some of my special juice, please.” Soph smiled at him. Niall smiled broadly back and nodded, disappearing again. He didn’t bother asking the boys if they wanted anything.

Harry wanted to tease Soph on the copious amounts of food she was eating, but held back. To be honest, he felt slightly perturbed. He hadn’t managed to speak to Soph yet and by the amount of comfort food she was eating, something was seriously wrong. Or was it? Harry knew Soph usually got a bit depressed whenever her parents came back from long business trips; it meant she lost the freedom she so easily got used to and what with the tour coming up, Harry and Soph wanted to spend as much time together as they could before they set off.

They left at the end of the week.

“Soph, can we have a chat outside for a minute?”

“No.” Soph replied, not even glancing at her best friend. “I’m busy admiring Chad Michael Murray’s face.” Soph stopped and glanced at Harry. “Go and put some trousers on first.”

Harry nodded, turning to Louis.

“Louis, can I borrow your trousers for a minute?”

“It’s so good to hear your voice.” Ryan told her happily, sighing. “I’ve missed you, Rose.”

“I’ve missed you, too.” Rose lied, through numb lips. “How is everyone?”

“Yeah, they’re good, missing you.” Rose closed her eyes for a moment, wishing he’d stop. As soon as she’d picked up the phone, Ryan hadn’t stopped. Couldn’t he just leave it for minute? Couldn’t they have a proper conversation? One that didn’t involve feelings and Ryan going on and on about how much he missed his girlfriend? They had been friends before they’d decided to have a relationship, you know. Rose didn’t know why he had to act like that had never happened and it was if this was all a terrible punishment for star-crossed lovers, instead of Rose’s big break and dream. “You haven’t left yet, right?”

“No, towards the end of the week the tour starts.” Rose told him quietly, wishing the floor of Liam’s room would open up and swallow her whole. That was another thing. Why as she antagonizing herself by being in Liam’s room, on his bed? It smelt of him. Rose glanced at her fingers, which were absently stroking the duvet. What was she doing? Urgh. “But we don’t fly out until the end of next week, I think. It kicks off here in London.”

“How’s your friend, Soph?” Rose felt irritation build in her chest. Ryan knew exactly what Soph’s name was, why was he pretending? “Have you guys been hanging out a lot, or have you been hanging out with the boys too much?”

Rose took a sharp breath. So that was what this was about.

She was going to keep it cool. She wasn’t going to panic. After all, she hadn’t done anything... Yet.

There was something so wrong with her, damn it! Rose knew she wasn’t a whore or a homewrecker, so then why was she acting like one? Even if it was her own home she was wrecking?

Then again, Rose wasn’t sure how big her intentions of keeping Sydney her home were exactly.

Bleurgh, there she was again!

“Soph is Harry’s best friend.” Rose said coolly. “They’re all so close. You know how it is.”

“Yeah, you don’t want to miss out one moment with Liam.” Ryan murmured.

“Ryan...” Rose sighed, rubbing a hand over her face, wondering where Liam had disappeared to. Hadn’t he been coming to look for her? She glanced over her shoulder at the half-closed door, exactly the way she’d left it. He’d probably gotten distracted and could she blame him? “He’s a good friend of mine.”

“Look, Rose, I trust you, I do.” Ryan sighed, making Rose slump her shoulders slightly. If Ryan trusted her as much as he was claiming to, he wouldn’t have had to say that. Then again, did she deserve his trust? At all? “I just... I don’t like the way he acts around you. As your boyfriend, I-”

“How he acts around me?” Rose repeated with incredulity. “Ryan, you haven’t seen us together once!”

“So, you’re already an us in less than a week?” Ryan asked calmly. “I saw that picture you sent out to Twitter, Rose, I saw the way his body language was with you.” A hint of irritation began to creep its way into Ryan’s voice. “What, did you think by deleting the picture a few minutes later, I wouldn’t see?”

Rose felt her heart jump to her throat.

“What picture?” She whispered, praying it wasn’t what she thought it was.

“You and Liam out at dinner.” Rose closed her eyes in defeat. She’d checked her Twitter a few moments after Louis and Niall had posted it and deleted it immediately, reading them both the riot act. She’d known Ryan would react like this. “You looked like a fucking couple, Rose! Do you even care that we’ve barely had any time together at all? Or the fact that Liam’s clearly trying to steal you away?”

“Liam isn’t trying to steal me away!” Rose spluttered. “Ryan, Jesus, what is wrong with you? Liam and I being friends never bothered you before!”

“Before, I didn’t think I could say anything, because we were just friends, that’s different now!”

“What makes you think it makes a difference?” Rose snapped, before gasping and slapping a hand over her mouth. “Ryan, I’m sorry, I-”

“Whatever, we’ll talk later, Rose.” Ryan muttered, before hanging up.

Rose stared at her phone in shock for a moment, before setting it down in her lap and covering her face in her hands.

What was she doing?

“I’m sorry, Rose.”

Rose looked up and found Liam leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest, watching her.

“Shut up and give me a hug, Liam.” Rose sighed tiredly, fighting back tears as Liam wrapped her arms silently around her, finally making her feel safe. And, knowing as soon as she began to pull away, the weirdness that had put her in this stupid mess would all start up again, Rose decided she was going to stay there for as long as she could.

Harry was watching Soph carefully, as she stabbed her spoon into the tub of Haagen Dazs the boys kept in reserve especially for her. She was more than just upset. She was angry.

“I thought you and your Dad were doing okay?” Harry asked carefully, watching as Soph tore her eyes away from a particularly nice looking swirl of raspberry sauce to glare up at him. “Well, for you.”

“There’s only so much I can take.” Soph muttered. “But to start on Adam like that...”

“He’s still your Dad, Soph.” Harry told her. “He’s a total moron, but you’ve got to at least pretend, otherwise he’ll just get worse.”

Soph muttered something unintelligible under her breath.

“I just don’t want to go into it right now, Harry.” Soph sighed after a moment. “I can’t, I just... I’m still cooling off.”

Harry nodded. He understood that feeling and he knew Soph, more than anyone, liked to think things through when confronted with a problem like her Dad. Soph and her father didn’t have the best relationship in the world; maybe it had something to do with Soph’s family set-up, or just because of the clash of their personalities, but either way, Soph was always fighting him when she knew she shouldn’t.

“Have your parents mentioned anything to you about your friend’s wedding anniversary?” Harry questioned, sitting beside her, their legs touching.

“They’re going to the big bash next week, I’ve told them about the dinner I’m invited to.” Soph told Harry, feeding him some ice cream. Harry took the mouthful without question. If Soph was feeding you her loved Haagen Dazs, you didn’t say no. Especially when it tasted so good. “It’s tomorrow night. They haven’t openly said I should take Shazia’s example and get married, but the insinuation is there.”

Soph’s voice had darkened slightly. She hated the idea of getting married, especially so young. Shazia was two years younger than Soph and had entirely willingly decided to get married at the age of eighteen, pushing her parents, who hadn’t been too comfortable with the idea. Why couldn’t Soph’s parents be like that? They couldn’t wait to be rid of her.

“You going to be out all of tomorrow, then?” Harry asked, opening his mouth as Soph fed him another spoonful.

Soph shook her head.

“Just the majority of the evening, probably until late. Take Rose duty?”

“You make it sound like she needs sitting.” Harry remarked, opening his mouth for ice cream, for Soph to only take the spoonful pointedly. “Meanie.”

“I just don’t want her wandering around London alone, that’s all. I’d take her with me, but it’s an exclusively moronic Asian thing, so I can’t, she’d stick out like a sore thumb.” Soph murmured. “The only other decent person who’s going to be there is Layla, and she was smart enough to make plans before Shazia told us, so she gets out of it halfway through, I’m stuck.” Soph paused. “And it’s my ice cream. What do you think of Rose, anyway?”

Harry shrugged.

“Yeah, she’s nice, haven’t really spoken to her since Sydney. I was taking your instructions about not speaking means not being able to flirt.” Harry nudged, taking some more white chocolatey goodness. “Anyway, I’m going out tomorrow, with Michelle.”

“What happened to Stacy?” Soph asked, her voice muffled through her spoonful of ice cream.

“What about her?” Harry wiggled his eyebrows, making Soph laugh.

“Seriously, you’re going to get an STD and I’m going to be the supportive friend who laughs at you.” Soph teased. “Seriously, Harry, if you’re lonely-”

“I’m fine!” Harry interrupted, even though they both knew it was a lie. Harry stretched theatrically, his arm casually going around Soph’s arm. She shook her head at him, not at all fazed by the fact he wasn’t wearing a shirt. “Just living up to my super-star status. Not jealous, are you, Soph?”

“So jealous it hurts.” Soph said dryly. “So, I don’t think to worry about that picture you took of me and Zayn the other night, we don’t hate each other that much anymore. Well.” Soph wrinkled her nose. “I think he’s pitying too much to care, but we’ll see.”

“Hate?” Harry asked, raising his eyebrows. “Who said anything about hate?”

“That’s why you were all staring at that picture, right?” Soph stared at him blankly. “Because we look like we want to kill each other?”

“No...” Harry said slowly. “Haven’t you figured it out yet? You haven’t seen it?”

Soph shook her head.

Harry fiddled inside Louis’ pocket, pulling it out and tapping in his password.

“Probably because they didn’t want you to kill them.” Harry muttered, concentrating as he flipped through the different menus. “But you can’t kill me because you love me, so it’s fine. Don’t freak out, okay? But just think why we acted like we did.”

Harry pressed something and a picture came up. He passed the phone to a confused Soph, who was slowly rolling around her ice cream on her tongue.

Her eyes widened as soon as she saw it.

It took her a moment to register what she was actually seeing and even then, it was hard to comprehend. It looked like something off of one of those photography pages from the Internet, very artistic and picturesque, despite the low-quality camera.

It was a boy and a girl, in a dimly-lit restaurant, extremely close to each other, the camera focusing on their faces. The boy was handsome; he had olive skin that glowed under the light of the camera, with shining, liquid chocolate eyes that sparkled and a large, cheeky smile, an astounded expression on his face as he laughed. The top of his varsity jacket could be seen, the side of somebody else’s golden-brown hair in the background, hair Soph instantly recognized as Liam’s.

It was when Soph looked at the girl beside the handsome boy that she had a start.

She was... Beautiful. She had large brown eyes, like the boy, only they were a darker, deeper brown, more intense. Her cheeks were flushed with a natural pink and her lips were full and dark. She was staring back at the handsome boy, a hand on his shoulder, laughing at something, with a similar, shocked expression.

“But that’s...” Soph managed to murmur, glancing at a patiently watchful Harry. “I mean, I’m...”

“My Soph’s all grown up.” Harry muttered with a sly grin, kissing Soph on the cheek, before standing up. Soph looked up at him, bewildered. “Now do you get it?”

“Get...” Soph shook her head slightly. That was her and Zayn. Why did she find that so shocking? She’d known who the picture was of. But there was something about it. “Get what?”

“Why we all thought you look made for each other?” Harry grinned, slinking out of the room before Soph could protest.

Soph stared down at the picture, her heart stuttering as she did. It was a picture. Just a picture.

So why did it look like something more?

Why we all thought you look made for each other?

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