#modern db

[skyrim-said-that]

pls enlighten me by telling me about the prank wars that I KNOW exist in the modern db universe. also gabriella and babette have a mini war of their own MAKE ME THINK OTHERWISE

ykw fuck yeah lets do this

I wouldn't say it's officially a war. More like a chaotic underlying vendetta against various people for various actions that may or may not have happened.

Astrid and Arnbjorn have their own passive-aggressive little thing happening that are less pranks and more just little things they know gets on the other's nerves. Arnbjorn does in fact know how to put the toilet seat back down. Astrid is perfectly capable of re-capping the toothpaste. Arnbjorn knows exactly how far back in the cupboards Astrid can't reach, and it's not a coincidence that her favourite mug is there. Astrid knows perfectly well how annoying it is to get lipstick out of a beard. Its all very cryptic and yet never seems to get worse or end up in a fight over it. 

Festus and Veezara are actively fighting over the pool. Festus argues he should have full rights to its usage since he lives in the pool house. Veezara argues that since he is argonian, he should be allowed to use it whenever he feels because swimming is good for him or something. Arnbjorn argues that neither of them actually own the pool Arnbjorn is ignored. This could be closer to an actual prank war. Festus chlorinated the pool (it was previously a saltwater pool) so Veezara couldn't breathe under the water without all kinds of shit going wrong. Once that was fixed, Veezara popped every single one of Festus’ ugly floaty pool chairs. Festus put a padlock on the pool cover. Veezara ripped the pool cover and then dyed the pool green. It couldn't stain his scales, but Festus was Shrek coloured for 2 weeks.  

Babette and Gabriella's prank war is the most passive-aggressive of them all. It could be considered microaggressions at this point, the only real indication of it happening being Babettes shitty mood and Gabriella's afternoon naps. Babette borrowed Gabriella's makeup and didn't screw the cap of the mascara back on all the way so it would dry faster. Gabriella pushed Babette's slippers under her bed instead of right where her feet land when she gets up. Babette cut one thread of one of Gabriella's sweaters, so it would begin unravelling. It's all very convoluted and stressful. Gabriella hoped her visions would help her, but the pranks are so small that her visions didn't deem them worthy of being shown, or so she guessed. 

Nobody pranks Nazir. He doesn't deserve it. One time when he was cooking, he poured some salt into whatever he was making. And then tasted the dish and realized someone had replaced it with sugar. Instead of reacting he just. Left the kitchen. With all the food still cooking, and nobody knowing what to do with any of it. It all burnt, Nazir didn't make food for a week and called them all ungrateful, and none of them really tried again. Because nobody knows how to cook in this house except Nazir

[skyrim-said-that]

I adore the Modern Brotherhood xD

And I have this picture in my mind that I thought you'd enjoy... all the members have their own vehicles that they use to get around, Nazir has and old classic car he and Babette lovingly care for, Cicero has a hot pink vespa.... Shadowmere hangs around in the backyard

They do have a community car they use when they travel together though.... its basically a Goth Mystery Van

ok this is so not what you were looking for but lets do some official modern AU cars.

Nazir: You're absolutely right. Some sort of beautiful classic car that he loves, at least half the brotherhood is not allowed near it. He doesn't even keep it at the house, he has it in storage elsewhere.

Arnbjorn: This is a pickup truck type of man. I know it, you know it, let's accept it together. 

Astrid: It's a luxury car, fully decked out but looks like any other car. She wants to travel in style without suspicion.

Veezara: Definitely owns a motorcycle, we all know he's 1000% cool, he has a bike and it's beautiful. 

Babette: cant drive and let me tell you she is very mad about it. She's actually an amazing driver but she can't drive without people freaking out. 

Cicero: you think this man is capable of driving? you think that his stupid ass can drive? he transports the night mother in a hearse and gets 7 tickets. He literally does not watch the road, his licence is fake. 

Gabriella: I feel like she drives but doesn't bother with having her own car. She usually just borrows someone else's, since she can be trusted

Festus: is under no circumstances allowed behind the wheel. He WILL get in an accident, it will kill several people, the car will explode. Nobody let him drive.

Bonus: I always figured Shadowmere can kinda just travel between realms, so she just chills wherever she wants right? So every once in a while she will hang out in their backyard and one of their neighbours will come to the door like “um...do u have a horse in ur backyard??” and they'll be like “what horse” and she will be gone.

[skyrim-said-that]

In the modern Tamriel au, are there magic guns?

my brain is screaming “youre against guns and if they had magic that would make everything worse” but my heart says “MAGIC GUNS DUDE THAT ABSOLUTELY FUCKS.”

so yes they do they have magic guns but better gun laws welcome to my perfect world. 

[skyrim-said-that]

Sooo how do each of the modern dark brotherhood guys and gals do their killing? What’s their favorite ways or tactics?

OOH I love this idea let me tell you

Astrid

Sticks to her tried and true seduction methods, but has also been known to employ the “vulnerable drunk girl” method

It's hard NOT to get seduced by her, she looks good in literally everything, can be whatever type of girl you're into, and can flirt harder than anyone

90% of her contracts are scummy men so it works out

Arnbjorn

Is one of the main assassins of those who know they're being hunted.

His contracts are generally in hiding, probably out in the woods, or an abandoned building, or anything like that

He uses his werewolf form to track, hunt, and kill 

Basically, he hunts you for sport and enjoys it

Festus

Not a lot of change here. His contracts are never super specific, but if the client wants the death to make a statement then he's your man.

Let's just say he’s still perfecting his “turning people inside out” spell

Gabriella

Sometimes uses the seducing methods, but she focuses more on subtle deaths

Queen of “He was in perfect health, his heart attack was so unexpected”

She's a big fan of wives who hire her to kill their skeevy husbands. An avid supporter of getting that dead husband cash

Nazir

While it's not his main method, he has been known to partake in the seduction of a contract

What he is really good at is convincing the contract he is a friend, and then leading them somewhere to kill them. 

Extremely adaptable, he can take on whatever personality makes the contract feel the safest

Veezara

Often is the one for skeevy location contracts

He’s the underground fight club, illegal dogfighting ring, high stakes illegal poker game type infiltrator. 

He's great at doing his research to get in, make these people believe he has what they want, and then killing them when they try to get it. 

Babette

Catfishing queen

Has killed so many pedophiles that she should be given a medal for that shit

Likes to brag about how easy her job is like she doesn't spend the most pregame time out of anyone DMing these losers and acting like a little girl.

She's like half right tho considering they always literally ask her to come to them. 

Who else remembers catfishing creeps on Kik when they were younger? it's like that but she kills them

Lavinia (my oc)

Very similar killing style to Astrid, but takes on the drunk vulnerable girl more often.

Playing vulnerable and innocent is her main tactic. Will pretend she is hitchhiking in the middle of the night when she knows her contract is driving through because she knows he will pick her up and try and do something disgusting

She basically does all the stuff that every woman knows never to do when she's getting her contracts.

Walks alone down the street when she knows he is gonna be leaving a bar there soon, sits alone in her car in a parking lot at night, innocently begs for rides home from “strangers” (her contract), etc.

basically, every creep's dream is how she gets them. and if the wrong creep grabs her that isn't her contract? What's one extra kill that night. 

[skyrim-said-that]

Modern Dark Brotherhood Masterlist

General Headcanons part 1

The Induction process

International Sanctuary connections / Non brotherhood guild relations / The role of magic in this world

The role of the Black Hand

How does the Modern Sanctuary Travel

Modern Sanctuary living together headcanons

The role of the Thieves Guild in this AU

Modern DB shitpost 1

Cicero and the Nightmother

Modern Arnbjorn 1

Man Candles post

Modern Babette 1

Modern Lis

[skyrim-said-that]

Modern DB, I assume Cicero isn’t a jester in modern times, so what is he instead?

I've actually talked about this. You know how it's already weird that he dresses as a jester in Skyrim bc nobody has jesters anymore? Its the exact same. he still dresses as a jester, but its modern times. It's just as weird

[skyrim-said-that]

how does Modern brotherhood handle babette having a pet frostbite spider? like, does she have an attack dog or a tarantula?

Ok so because this AU is a modern version of the Skyrim world; all the creatures are the same. Meaning Lis remains a giant fucking spider. She is allowed free roam of the house and has her own little bed and everything in the living room. Its the equivalent of having a big, scary, poisonous dog. But shes still a spider.

[skyrim-said-that]

For modern DB, how do they travel? do they even have vacations? if so where?

oh i love this questions. Its fun, i get to talk about my au AND I get to ignore the work I'm meant to be doing

They absolutely do travel. Despite having chapters all over the world, it's not like they have more than one in Skyrim so they still have to travel throughout Skyrim for contracts. And because it's modern, that usually means taking cars or private jets. They are lucky enough that they have the luxury of spacious, comfortable travel accommodations, all thanks to the brotherhood itself. And it's rare but should they need to take care of a contract out of Skyrim due to some mishap with another branch (got found out, not enough members, inner chapter issues, etc), they have the means to do that too.

They are also lucky in the way that their job is demanding but also not so demanding? Usually the time frame to finish a contract is very large, and at times it can be weeks before they get another. This leaves time for vacations. Sometimes they get their contracts so far in advance that everyone will be free for a while before it comes up and they can take the time to go on vacation.

The “vacations” themselves vary.

Astrid and Arnbjorn have been known to take vacations together for some alone time since they have so many people living in their house.

Nazir, Veezara, and some of the others have taken a vacation to their home country at least once, just to see their birthplace.

Often Astrid has to go meet with other brotherhood leaders or the black hand to discuss business, and for safety, she never goes alone. Usually, she takes Arnbjorn but sometimes she will take another member instead. 

It's very rare that the whole chapter can afford to take a long vacation at once but weekend trips have happened before. Because of the luxury, brotherhood owned jet, they can basically go wherever for a weekend trip or something.